Photo by M. Schultz Model: Summer Walker & Mr. Kumputer

“Hmm, how do I say this? I guess the best way to say it, is to just come out with it. I wanna f*ck you.” Not very subtle right? Well I’m sure we’ve all developed code words or phrases so we won’t have to say “hey I want you to come over so I can stick the manxilla so deep inside you, your eyeballs will start to bulge out of your skull.” So, with a little bit of help from my twitter friends I’ve come up with some clever ways to let your lover know, hey I want some, without saying hey I want some. 

“Let me check your scrotum?” The Fly Girl @TheOnlyTFG”

• I’ve actually had a woman say this to me before. She said “let me see it, make sure there are no extra bumps and bruises on it.” Then, while she was examining me like a piece of produce she put it in her mouth. So Fellas if you hear this prepared to be sucked. Hey! Her face is down there anyway right? 

“You Wanna Come Over?” Young Safe @YoungSafe

• This is one of the most infamous terms ever. I’ve noticed a lot of times women like to play dumb when they hear this phrase uttered. I’ve invited numerous women over to my apt for the soul purpose of doing to nasty this way, only to be left with blue balls and all of my Kool-Aid drank up. SMCH! Well listen here… If I ask you to come over, 9 times out of 10 it means I want you to come over and have sex with me. Yes, even if it’s my first time inviting you over. 

“Can You Massage My Back For Me Please? or You Wanna Massage” Tonda via Twitter

• When I hear a woman ask me for a massage I go from limp to rock in 2.3 seconds flat. We all know that a massage is the code word for sex. I’ve actually had women decline my massage offer because they knew it would lead to sex. Once a guy get down to the small of her back… He should just keep going lower and lower and next thing he know. He’ll be eating her from behind and swimming in her glory a few minutes later. FYI woman, learn how to massage and understand that if we request a massage its not really to help ease any tension, it mean rub on me until you ready to have sex with me. Just thought I should let you know.

]]> http://blogxilla.com/blog3/2009/07/21/6-incredibly-subtle-ways-to-get-laid-without-asking/feed/ 27 http://blogxilla.com/blog3/2009/06/19/6-easy-steps-to-bang-a-depressed-chick/ http://blogxilla.com/blog3/2009/06/19/6-easy-steps-to-bang-a-depressed-chick/#comments Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:22:44 +0000 Xillionaire http://blogxilla.com/blog3/?p=6952

Written by Marvelous Mo for BlogXilla.com

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH Na na na na!” When I wake up in the morning and I’m feeling extra happy and I feel that I have no limits to my life, I automatically sing that in my head. What are some things that make me feel good about life? Conducting interviews and pieces people really enjoy, hearing great words from my colleagues, good penis, delicious left overs…you get my point. One thing that is definitely not appreciated on a daily basis that we are all guilty of is love from a parent/relative. Specifically, my father. The man has been with me since I took my first breath on this planet & is still supporting my dreams and encouraging my ambitions. So, I guess to add to that list of “things that make Mo feel good” is being loved by my father. This Sunday is a day for all fathers and father figures in your life, hopefully they are alive and well to share it with. If not, well, this world is about to get nuked by North Korea anyway so it looks like he’s in a better place after all.

Sorry, ladies. I’m totally not on your side this go round on Blogxilla.com. I want to acknowledge all the fly papas/suave papis/sexy daddies/single fathers out there who is about to get some major pussy in the coming days. I tweeted on Twitter a few days ago: “next sunday will expose all the chicks who have daddy issues. Guys, gear up. she might let you smash because she’s an empty soul.” For father’s day, take some desperate, depressed, low self esteem pussy down after you drop your kids off at their mother’s house. Matter fact, if that chick is your baby’s mother, tell your mother to watch the kids. Let’s face it: some of you hoes have daddy issues. We spoke about this, so I won’t beat a dead horse this go-round. Needless to say, Father’s Day will make you chicks feel:

• -sad/angry
• -unwanted
• -in need of attention
• -empty
• -depressed
• -useless
• -like a failure
• -numb

…do i need to continue? Fellas, isn’t that the PERFECT time to dip your stick in a chick? She’s vurnable & angry needing a quick fix or a hug saying, “Can you make me feel good?” Don’t be a noble stand up guy and say, “Sorry, you’re drunk/not in the right mind state. It wouldn’t be right to have sex with you at your weakest time.” No! You don’t say a fucking word. You just take that snatch down like your fucking for your freedom.

Continue Reading by Clicking the next number