Should friends of the opposite sex have sex and start relationships? Well actress Malinda Williams writes a blog for essence documenting her wedding and in her latest post she describes the moment she knew her former best friend and current husband was the one.

“what could be better than going with someone I absolutely adored. I had met Derrick when I was eighteen and had always remembered him to be a complete gentleman and felt none of the usual angst a woman might feel about going on a trip with a man who is not her “man” per se. We would just be two friends hanging out, having a good time. No pressure and no expectations. Just pure fun.”

This happens a lot, you’ve been friends since childhood, and then at a totally unsuspecting moment a light goes off in your head, and you realize you’re in love with your best friend. People often wonder if best friends can become lovers without ruining the friendships. I mean this is the person that knows you best, when your ex boyfriend cheated with his co-worker he was there. When your girlfriend started acting funny and started spending so much time in the streets that you thought she had a part time job as a street lamp, she was there. Not once had it cross your mind to look at them “like that” until that one moment they said exactly the right thing to cheer you up and its then, that you kick yourself in the rear for not loving them sooner.

You probably think as Malinda thought:

An attraction that made me think to myself, “Is he feeling me? Cause I think I might be feeling him.” I was also thinking, “I don’t wanna ruin this great friendship by starting anything with him so let me just chill”.

But let us as Sexual Intellectuals discuss if men and woman can be friends, and if you don’t want to join the discussion just think is your best friend of the opposite sex the person of your dreams? Or just made to be the perfect friend who’ll always be in your corner

WRITTEN BY MARVELOUS MO FOR BLOGXILLA.COM

For my entire adult life, I’ve been upset at the men who have broken my heart. Those fine sexy men that jealous women hated me for dating. Those men that are handsome and popular, well liked and sexy. The ones who didn’t like me enough to stay with me. That flaw of mine, of ours [women], is one of the things that doesn’t help us move on and find someone new.

I always wanted someone to talk to in an honest way about life and love, family and careers with. I always wanted to be around someone I wouldn’t feel ashamed around if I didn’t wear make-up for once. Even if he would take the opportunity if it presented itself to indulge in some adult fun, it wasn’t his main agenda when spending time with me. Just someone to be my friend with hand holding and a few instances of affection [kisses on the cheek] along the way.

I recently discovered that, but I discovered it in someone I didn’t look twice at when we first met.

Solely relying on the physical to find a connection with someone is obviously the lamest thing to do, but when emotionally involved it’s hard to identify your dumb ass mistakes until someone, or yourself, holds a mirror to your face. Out of all the men who have solely been physically attracted to me and thought I’d be interesting to date because of it, this guy [Let's call him James] was probably the only one who identified with me.

Imagine someone you barely paid attention to letting you know in private WHY they dug you for who you are, even for the things YOU feel are major flaws? Imagine if all those times you discussed with people the most humanizing way you’d LOVE to be talked to if someone were to approach you to get to know you or have your number (like a scene in a movie) actually came to life? Would you pay attention then?

As women, I feel we fail to recognize a good thing when its under our noses. It may not be perfect, but it may be what you’re looking for when you’re considering what you need in a connection with someone. For instance: James may not be physically what I normally go for, but this guy stimulates my mind in a lot of ways and I appreciate every minute of it. Every minute we talk, I talk to a friend and not someone trying to smash. I have become very attracted to him as we strike more topics and forfeit confidential experiences with each other…experiences that automatically come with a threat if it were ever told to another person.

Please understand that I’m not talking about settling for someone less. There’s a huge difference between settling and getting realistic. After talking with James and really looking at my life, I can admit that I may have been unrealistic about my expectations in what I look for in a guy.

Every woman has a “James” out there but it’s simply up to you to recognize a good thing while it’s there. So tell me, are you the woman whose mind is in Lala Land that dates the shallow guys who physically are a dime piece or are a woman who is willing to open up to a good thing when it’s in your face?

Thanks James.

One night a group of my co-workers got together for the Negro past time, a night of drinks and spades. At the time I was sleeping with this light skinned girl, with a butt like Bria Myles who worked at my job. She was beautiful, but she has the brain of a 7th grader. [No offense to 7th graders] That night while playing spades, a hearts lead there was a duece, a nine, and six laying on the table we need one book to not to get shot, she throws out a 5 of hearts. Another suit plays and low and behold the ace of hearts comes flying out of her hand and we lose the game. That night, I banged her like I hated her.

Top 5 of the dumbest things said to my Twitter friends by their bf/gf

Number 5 – When telling this dumb ass that I was sick of him being so “vague” he said, “What? Is that even a word? Or are you making it up? – @Savvyfatty

Number 4 – the dumbest thing a boyfriend has done was constantly asking if there are any refills for drinks at every restaurant. Always – @mzvirgo

Number 3 – after sex w/ ex, I went 2 wash up & noticed nut. I asked him if he nutted n me, he said “u cant get pregnant from anal sex” we werent havin anal sex but his dumb ass thought we were, so I got knocked up. needless to say, my son will be celebrating his 10th bday in Oct =) @CathrynMarie

Number 2 - He called another girl while I drove on the freeway. Then actually got out the car when I pulled over and told him to. The latter was the dumbest. He was snickering and such as he exited. Guess he didn’t think I was going to really pull off… @Marleaux

Number 1 – while trying to loose weight my ex girl told me that she drank a slim fast with every meal. Lmao @ThisIsMiguel

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This video captures breaking up to a t! So ladies understand that ever dog you came across in your life has been created that way by a woman just like yourself. Vice Versa for the fellas, ever bad woman was once a good girl turn bad by a bad guy. Its a never ending cycle.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Have you ever hated someone so much that you wouldn’t spit on them if they were on fire? Ok maybe that was a little bit extreme, but wanted to set the tone of how much I dislike this person. Before I continue let me explain. There is this girl who is an ex of mine and she stole from me. It’s crazy because most of the ladies I have been with have only stole my heart, but this one stole my most prized possession.

Maybe I’m just like my mother because she can’t stand my dad. She hates his guts, but he Chris Brown her ass for years so I understand where the hatred comes from. One time we were in the car and she started to compare me to my father then she started to hurl insults at my dead dad. I asked her to have some respect being that he had just died, but I guess after years of keeping me sheltered from her hatred she decided to go in like rapper penis in the mouth of Karine “I’m a NY Times best selling author” Steffans, aka don’t ask me why I’m famous, but I digress. 

I often wonder why people can’t forgive, I consider myself a forgiving person, but when it comes to this spec of vomit on the wall of a fat man’s house after eating maget pie… I simply can’t bring myself to forgive her. Which is sad, I’m not holier than thou, I’ve cheated, lied, and manipulated women in my day but I never stole from one. Not a dime, a penny and definitely not an idea or furmula to ones livilihood. I once cut a friend off because she stole 3 bucks from my house to buy a beer. I mean I did owe her 20 bucks but I paid her as soon as she came back from the store with the beer. I guess life is crazy like that huh? We do things even though we know they are wrong and know we shouldn’t do it. I probably shouldn’t even have written this letter.

Why do people hold grudges? Do you hate or dislike one of your exes? If so why? Could you ever forgive them? If so what would they have to do to earn your forgiveness.

Yours truly
Xilla your number 1 fan who ate general tso’s chicken for lunch.

Written by Marvelous Mo for Blogxilla.com

F*ck forgiveness!  That bish f*cked my MAN!

Whoa!  That was an Angry Black Woman spazz out on my end, my bad!  Every now and then, ya girl wakes up in a cold sweat holding an imaginary butcher knife with fresh blood on it thinking I killed the whore who screwed the love of my life (at that point of my life).  I’ve since moved on emotionally from this guy and a few relationships later, I still have flash backs of the anger I felt when my closest friend from school did the ultimate taboo: f*cked my boyfriend.

You see, back when I was in school I had no clue what the hell I was getting into with certain things and certain people.  The magnitude of a person’s words and actions weren’t apparent and obvious at the time and I sure as hell wasn’t smart enough to suspect anything.  I took people for who they SAID they were, not by what they have proven themselves to be.  So, my situation was with a friend who SAID she would never betray me and a boyfriend who SAID he never lie to me, and in most cases try to make me look like I was the idiot for noticing his bull shit.  I was head over heels for this guy and was deeply in love with him.  It was a major thing for me.

To make a long story shot, I had to snoop in peoples email addresses to figure out why my man and my best friend were acting so different around me, walking away when I entered a room, stopped looking me in my eye,  and the whole bit.  Point blank, it was my fault why these two people ended up fucking each other.  Their sexcapade is the product of what happens when you’re 19-20 years old, naive and in a serious relationship with someone.  I allowed them to get too close thinking that they both loved me enough to not even think about going there.  And even though I exclude my family from my personal life, my own Mom picked up on that odd paring and warned me to keep my man and my friends separated.  I rolled my eyes thinking she was being nosey, but damn it if mothers aren’t the smartest people you could ever know sometimes!

“I’m coming, I’m coming. R.A.W” Big Daddy Kane’s Raw is one of the best hip hops songs ever created, but a recent study might hold the key to why people go crazy once they have sex with each other. So if you’re wondering why that girl won’t stop blowing up your phone, or why that guy keep showing up at your house at all hours of the night, this might shed some light on things.

HAVING sex without a condom is good for your mental health, according to controversial research conducted by a leading Scottish psychologist.
Professor Stuart Brody concludes that unprotected heterosexual sex can significantly boost men and women’s mental wellbeing.
Using a measure of psychological health developed in Canada, Mr Brody concluded that condom use was associated with members of the sample who exhibited problems dealing with stress.
Those that had unprotected sex appeared to be able to deal with stress in a more mature way by taking effective action. They also had better mental health.
“The more often people are using condoms independent of age, independent of the nature of their relationship, the greater use of immature defence mechanisms against stress.
“In contrast, the more often they have sex without condoms, the better their mental health and the more mature their mechanisms.” Source 

What do y’all think about this?

This thing called love is a crazy emotion, I was having a conversation w/ my homegirl Evanka for about an hour about the wonders of love.

We wondered if the idea of unconditional love was just a myth. These days men and women put so many conditions on love, its almost stupid. Everything from 13 reasons to avoid single mothers, to women who will get upset at that blog, but at the same time they will not date a man with children. As if child support payments will effect the amount of things he is willing to buy her. We question everything from height to the brand of foot apparel that are on a person’s feet, these can determine who we love and how we love them.

People close their minds and hearts based on non important material items. Instead of building one another up, we tend to look for what is best for us and only us. Women think what type of job does he have now, what can he do for me now? When a not paying your phone bill this month could be buying you a house in five years. Men tend to think, her butt isn’t big enough, or she’s just after my money, she doesn’t have her own, while she just may need a little help while she works a bs job and put herself through school so she can stunt on the basic b*tch. We should build one another and bring something to a relationship that is beneficial for the person we are involved with.

I’ll make this one short to allow you all to add your input. Do you think Unconditional Love still exist?

Photo by Banks

I just want to put your ankles on your earlobes. I want to put you in so many different positions that when you fill out the paper work at for next job, you’ll put doggy style, and reverse cow girl w/ a speciality in putting your own ankles near your ears. I want to do things to you that you’ve only imagined, like having sex in a hot air balloon. I just want to have sex, and I don’t see what the big deal is.

Everyone is not meant for everybody. That’s something that my home girl Mona told me a while back. I’m not meant to be with the beautiful video vixen in everyone’s video. I’m not meant to be with the girl who works at the big investment firm, or the beautiful broke college student who spends her day texting me and sending me comforting emails throughout my day. But, does that mean that the sexual attraction we all share should go to waste? I don’t think so. I firmly believe that a sexual relationship can exist and function with out a hitch if we all understand that “I just want to put your ankles on your earlobes.”

Now just because I want to bend her up like a pretzel doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy the finer things in life. I’m all for going to expensive restaurants, plays, concerts and even trips out of town, but we must understand my only duty is to put her ankles on her earlobes. I vote yes when it comes to making dinner for her. Honey roasted chicken, steak, broccoli and other scrumptious sides, but at the end of the night, her ankles will be on her earlobes. Hell if things are great I’ll help out with a bill, buy her a nice gift for her birthday, December 25th, and even on Valentine’s day. As long as we understand that I’m a jump off, the dude who is breaking her back on a regular basis and nothing more. As long as we protect ourself and understand what we have, I don’t see what the big deal is.

When it comes to putting her ankles next to place she hears from, I need to let y’all know there is always an option to buy. A full pledge relationship can appear out of things like this, but is it unlikely? Maybe because, everyone isn’t for everyone. This ankle to earlobe thing does not have a time limit, it can last a week, a month or even years, but that’s not important. What is important is that we got to spend time with each other and both had a memorable experience enjoying what we had.

I know there are some people out there who will say but you have to respect yourself, or how can I degrade myself to be only a jump off, and not the main course. To those people I say this, you can be steak, but everyone doesn’t like steak more than they like broccoli. Some people can enjoy the wonders of broccoli every day all day and be content with it. If you want to let your sexual attraction go to waste then so be it. I personally think a lot of the complaints or hate comes from people not wanting to order their ’steak’ like they want to order someone else’s broccoli. But hey that’s just me.

Have you ever had a sexual relationship with someone? A relationship where sex is the only reason the two of you even converse? Are you one of those people who have to be in a relationship in order to be intimate with someone?

Speak.Converse.B.Sexual Intellectuals.