[BlogXilla] Dot Com

I am single 29 yo woman w/ no children. Y, not because I laid on the chopping block, but only b/c I use condoms AND a NUVA RING. As woman, we are the gatekeepers of life. If a man tells u he doesn't wanna have kids, but proceeds to fuck u raw then maybe you need to step ur game up as a Woman and take charge of your reproductive organs. Too many women have children for men that they hardly know, thought they knew but ignored the signs, or are straight $$$ chasers. I grew up Adopted and learned that children are a blessing. So, why are we as Black Society, using them as pawns?? Women need to learn that children do not make a man stay with you or love you more. Men, you need to learn that you should rap it up or snip your strings if you don't want children. Men are goin' to run up in it raw as long as u let them and will turn around and peace u out. That's dead wrong and not step up once the child gets here. Men should have enough shame to know that Child support should be less then what they should actually give their child's mother.

I agree w/ Mo. We've got to do better as a whole. It's sad that I'm a rarity, Black Woman w/ No Kids, and I can't find a decent brotha w/ no kids b/c I don't feel like dealing w/ all this child support/babymamma/irresponsible brotha bullshit.
Jesus Take the Wheel Because We Crashing :(

hell yeah. couldn't have said it better myself.

keep in mind also that this child-support fuckshit isn't a new invention nor an accident...its a plot to keep US from rising to our full potential as a community.

we as a people need the WAKE THE F-CK UP!!!

A lot of these young women and men are descendants of child-support beneficiaries themselves, self included. I've experienced first-hand a life of watching my mother and step-father (who's been in my life since I was one year old) struggle HARD to come up with a family ever since they were younger than me (I'm 22). I've seen my actual father go off to various states I wished I could've visited, graduate from schools that I can't afford, become a Ph.D and only pay my mother $86 a month until I was 18. My parents are now finally comfortable and happy and my siblings have an excellent life. I never had to do without, but I damn sure had to do with less-than. I've seen my mother work at McDonald's while both of my parents attended college and us kids lived on bologna sandwiches and cereal...and that guy who's supposed to be my real dad never came to court. Didn't give a shit about my mom & her health department visits, food stamps, WIC vouchers and shit. He was having fun, doing him, just as irresponsible as he once was and putting many other sisters through the same grief, struggle and heartache. and not all women have a man who wants to marry them & their child(ren), not all women are as determined and brilliant as my mom.

where does that leave the kids? anywhere from breaking through stereotypes to breaking through your shit when you're at work.

I've also been around ghetto bitches that figured their pussy could generate checks, so they elect to be a part of this corrupt system and sucker certain dudes into blessing them with mouths that they really shouldn't have. I don't personally know too many 19 year olds today that I could logically see as being able to adequately rear a child...but they're excited as all hell to plan hood ass baby showers, pick out crazy ass names for their youngins, and stand up in the state office fresh outta the hospital talking shit about JuneBug and DooDoo paying them $250 a month...

"...that's my Sprint bill, then I can go get Jaquinessha some baby Jordan's and get my hair fixed and sell Rayvon some of these food stamps..."

...and these niggas just got jobs at UPS.

Ummm...if chick and dude can't support THEMSELVES, then where is this child support magically coming from? don't give birth or drip off into somebody when you know that isn't what you want or what you need!

seriously, dudes stop your shit and get on your girl's case...$500 for an abortion, $20 for a morning-after pill, $5 for some jimmies or monthly deductions and dealing with this silly ass trick for the rest of your life???

its like nutting equates to jail sentences these days...lol what the fuck is this?! remember, all these children are gonna grow up...what's the generation going to look like with all these half-raised citizens? how are they going to raise their children? we gotta wake up and think about this shit.

...my mom always says that we shouldn't ever be standing in a welfare line for two hours over ten minutes of pleasure.

there are some very spiteful women out there that will take their children father's to court even if they are taking care of them my mother being one of them. I personally feel that the reason why child support was created was for mothers or fathers to receive funds from their significant others that failed to take care otf their children.

I am on the fence with child support. i feel it should be the very last resort in finding means to take care of your child. If a father is taking care of his child I feel child support is unnecessary don't be greedy let him do what he can. On the other hand if the father isn't taking care of his child take him to court. I don't have any children so I guess for me my opinion my be skewed. My main question is damn! can't we all just get along?!

Child support was designed for a parent to have a set amount to support their child on their income. I think people also need to think about who they are having children with.
Women especially will have sex with a guy, who is just a friends with benefits or a one night stand and expect to make a family off of this dysfunctional relationship. I am not condoning abortion or adoption but to raise a child on already dysfunctional circumstances and then wonder why a father isnt doing right by your child.
Child support court now treats everybody like a number b/c they are used to dysfunctional messes being people hating each other b/c they never got a chance to get to know each before having a child. Child support court is a business, they claim to help but take out money for fees. Mothers never get the full amount the father pays. In a civilized world with civilized circumstances, people would be able to settle child support outside of court. Being a women,
Ladies get your stuff together and stop having babies with men you do not know. Men grow up and protect yourself if you do not want to pay and have shorterm benefits with longtime consequences. We have got to do better as a whole. Our kids generation is only going to get worse and the children are leading by example.

I think it needs to be more situational. Only because every situation is different, i know guys who take care of their kids religiously AND stick get stuck paying child support because homegirl wants to be spiteful. Thats the unfortunate side of it. On the other hand, I also know a ton of sperm donors, not child support should rightfully be kicking them in the ass. But its a scary reality, i know i see my friends and family who are victim to child support sucking their funds and it makes me look at females in a different light sometimes. I mean if a man and woman have their differences and split thats one thing. But if hes being a man about his and is taking care of his child, i think its real wack for a female to use child support as a means to cripple him.

Child Support is NOT cancer; you just don't get it and have to live with it.
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY comes first. Everybody nose what unprotected sex can bring and everyone knows that raising a child isn't free. If you can't pay, DON'T PLAY. Condoms are always cheaper than ChiSup.

I DON'T agree with the fact that ChiSup is tearing families apart. Families must have already BEEN torn apart if ChiSup had to come into play ANYWAY.

Child-rearing is a full-time job and really, NO price can be put on love, support, and daily caretaking. I think ChiSup is MORE than fair, especially if one doesn't have to deal with the child on a daily basis.

Disclaimer: I have ZERO kids so I'm just shit-talking, really. YOu.CAN.HATE.ME.NOOOWWWWW ;-)

People need to start taking care of their children. Men shouldn't be mad about having to pay child support. If you didn't want to support your child, you should have been more careful. And on the flip side, women should be complaining about how the baby's daddy aint shit & don't pay enough. If you weren't able to raise a child you should have been more careful. If you have children out of wedlock (like many of us do) it's just part of life & complaining won't change it.

But seriously. . .dudes killing themselves and/or their kids/baby's moms over child support. . .that's just lame. Grow the hell up!!!

No overhaul needed. Hell, the system just started working 10-15 years ago. When I was growing up no one got pinched for being a deadbeat. Damn a man or woman who begrudges taking care of their own children. I know it can be frustrating to see a trifling mother spend child support money on her hair/nails, but I tell dudes all the time "you knew she was trifling when you made a baby with her, so you get no sympathy". And if a woman knows her man is irresponsible in general, she should be prepared to go it alone financially when that baby comes. My mom took my father to court once and when he refused to pay, she kept it moving and took care of us on her own. It saved her a lot of grief and aurguments to just move on. People break up families, not child support. My 2 cents.

Well said!!!!

What I think can be done is the people who are creating these seeds need to be more responsable. Why should it take a stranger to tell you how much you have to pay to help the custodial parent with the child's living expenses? Like Really? Why can't the two adults who were "grown" enough to go suckin and fuckin without a birth control method use the same drive and will to sit down and discuss the child(ren).

That is who suffers from it all, usually.

The child(ren) may want to participate in an activity and the custodial parent has to decide between paying the utility bill or signing their lil one up for something productive that will help the child on so many levels.

As a single parent who doesn't receive any money from my daughter's father, yes, it is hard. No, I do not have him on paper. I make pretty good money and we don't need him. It would be wonderful if he did contribute, but I'm not one to make anyone do anything they are not willing to do. He has to deal with that on his conscience, not me.

We're good. Goin to the Bahamas in March. You gotta get right or get left!!! Cuz we keeps this thang pushin................believe it.

just an fyi i wrote this from my iphone

dont try to act like ur the 'man' b/c u wrote a post from your phone!...smch...lol...

1G or 3G?

To fix child support problems ppl should invest in CONDOMS or other BIRTH CONTROL methods.

Well I have been against child support for hte last ten years. Here lately I have been looking into it only because my children's father has developed a wayward penis and I feel like my children should have dibs on the payments. When ( i say when for a reason) he gets someone prego I am not going to be second in line!! He barely does for the children now. His mother and I raise our children I'll be dammed if he goes and makes another baby and decides to straighten up only for my efforts to be in vain! I could care less if he has another child I just don't want mine left out in the cold

Hey, the best way to make sure is to file the papers. A friend ended up second and gets less money for her 2 than the side-chick does for her 1. She didn't find out she was second in line until the divorce/child support was filed and the court told her he was already paying for a child he had while they were sep. All she could get was the difference.

well being a recipient of child support... well if u really think about its not mine but the kids soo... well you know what i mean. anyway i get child support for my first 2 children. it didn't necessarily tear us apart but it didn't help. i filed because he wasn't helping and i couldn't do it on my own actually... i could just didn't want to. i let it go and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him help but he never did so i filed. it is supposed to be based on both parents income and how many kids you have. but i no longer believe it is. cause i don't work and the baby mama does. i have 2 and she has 1 she gets almost as much as i do short a few dollars. so who knows.
from what i understand DFS takes 40% of the noncustodial parent's income. so if u got a billion kids... you just working to stay out of jail cause you not getting that money ever. the process to get locked up is very drawn out. they do give the noncustodial parent many chances to fly right. ask me how i know. i was once very angry and was trying to get his ass locked up but since have became good friends again with him. but neway i do think that 40% is a little high for those with mulitple chilrens and low income parents. but then you have to look at the one getting the money... is it really going towards the children?

The govt does not break up families? Why u say that Xilla?
It takes two to produce a child, and if the man is unwilling to support on his own...then the woman has every right to file for child support. That doesnt break up families the parents of the children broke themselves up...or else there wouldnt be a reason for the man to be on child support in the first place right?

I know what ur saying too...yes it is wrong for a woman to use the child support money and go shopping and nothing is for the baby...that is wrong! But I think its worse when men leave their baby momma and think they are free to go and live a brand new life while the child in the end suffers. It does take two to raise a child(ren)...and in this econmy especially...so men still running away from their responsibilies is a mess and need to be handled. It just sad because I wish there were more men and woman having children together and staying instead of the baby momma/daddy crap.Its SAD!!

Disclaimer: I do not have children but I know alot of my friend, family, and men who are in this "child support" fiasco.

I don't have any kids, so I can't speak from personal experience, but I think Child Support can serve it's purpose, but it can also cause lots of problems when people misuse it.

But I always thought Child support was for deadbeat dads who refuse to spend time with their kids? For me personally, if I was in that type of situation where I had a child out of wedlock with someone and we weren't in a relationship, I'd rather he be there and spend his time raising our child than go after some court ordered monthly payment. I'd rather have a broke baby daddy that called every day to say good night, picked up/dropped off their child at school, spent quality time with their child than a monthly check from a man that doesn't do that. Time and bonding is indispensable. Now, if he didn't want anything to do with his own flesh and blood, then I can see where Child support comes into play.

Child support has nothing to do with visitation. That is a whole different issue. Child support is about providing financial support to your child. Me personally, I took my son's father down to the child support office as soon out son was born, even though we were still together. Why?? Because I wasn't gonna be stuck like chuck if things didn't work out trying to fight to get it later. Not to mention the fact that I already knew we weren't gonna last too much longer as a couple. Trust me when I say what he pays does nothing for me & my son, but we are both his parents. . .so we both need to take a part in his financial support.

As for all the comments about women using the child support money to buy stuff for themselves. . . how would anyone know that?? Unless you are up in her bank account. . .you have no idea where her money is coming from or where it's going.

Any man who isn't willing to pay child support is not a man.

There are definitely aspects of the child support system that are broken and need to be fixed. The main one being garnishing someone that is willing to and has been paying

Anyone who is ordered to pay should have the option of doing it voluntarily until such time they prove they are not responsible enough to do it on their own. Allow them to make payment directly to the court with the full understanding that one payment missed will result in an income execution...quite simply there is no reason to snatch something from someone when they are willing to give it to you freely and voluntarily

Also, men are not the only ones paying, there are quite a few women out there who pay child support as well and quite a few fathers who are not spending the money as it is intended...granted this is absolutely the minority but the problem does exist both ways

That being said, there should be an option for the non-custodial parent that allows them to pay/purchase directly towards the childs needs and simply provide the court with proof that said responsibilities have been paid/bought...especially when there is reasonable suspicion/proof that the funds are not being spent as intended...

If a portion of the child support is supposed to go for living expenses/rent then you should be able to pay that portion directly to the landlord

Clothes, shoes, food, school supplies etc can be bought and delivered with proof of purchase provided to the court....

Medical costs - pay directly to the insurance/dr/prescription etc

Having these options would make the non-custodial parent feel like they have a little more control over the situation and it wouldn't be such a hard pill to swallow not to mention the custodial parent would be hard pressed to explain why they are against such an arrangement...

Being a father that pays child support I have to say, to me child support means spending time with your kids more so than just giving them money. I say this because I never had a father my moms k.i.m with me and my brother. I also agree those boys not men that don't wanna pay child support need to go get fixed or something. Also I saw on here taking 40% out of yeah check I get 55% of my check taken out. But I don't complain because it's something that has to be done for the well being of my 2 kids.

Another thing there are parents that spend the money they get for they kids. On they self I've seen this first hand some people in my family and some people I used to be cool with, but I like I say to everything they gotta answer to it down the road.

so much realness in here!! glad i aint got no rugrats lawd!!

I think that suspending driver's licenses is stupid. How do they expect fathers and mothers (because some women pay child support too) to pay the child support if they take away their driving priveledges and make it harder for them to get to work? I know that there are some true deadbeats out here, but geesh what about the honest, hard-working people that are sincerely trying?

Some would argue that it's not fair that the courts take both incomes into consideration when determining child support deductions. However, that is VERY fair. Both parents contribute equally. If you can't, then stop making babies with whoever.

Just my $.02.

I agree - I never got the whole suspending licenses thing and they will suspend ANY kind of license that you have which in most cases has to do something with a trade you've been trained in for the purpose of WORKING...

If the NC parent is not working and not paying and dodging the system, missing court appearances then yeah, I say suspend away but not off just being behind in their support payments - then you're making it so they can't pay anything

As for taking both incomes/financial obligations into consideration it has it's pros and cons as well

Both incomes should be taken into consideration but the NC parents basic needs should also be considered, if the amout they have to pay leaves them in a position where they can't care for their own basic needs then that's wrong as well and it can lead to desperation and contribute to people doing real stupid stuff, it's NEVER EVER justified to hurt your child, ex-spouse/bf/gf or yourself but unfortunately sometimes the weight of the "law" pushes the less stable among us to the breaking point

Suspending licenses is a last resort. This is not happening to parents who just fell on hard times & are a little behind. . .this is for those who have proven that they just will not pay.

So you take away their ability to make money by taken away their car? That makes sense? I'm saying child support should be more of a support system to help raise a child because 90% of the mothers don't put the money towards the kid. How would you feel if someone told you how to spend or use your money?

My thing is the whole issue of Child Support is lopsided.

explain lopsided- I'm curious as to what you mean... in NYS my and my ex's situation was based on both our incomes... they took into account what we both earned and his portion of the support was decided accordingly, given how many days out of the year he had custody of them.

If the custody changes or I begin to make more money than him, then his payments will change to reflect that.

I think that's pretty fair, no?

Thanx...good to know!

Women need to get smart and give the children to the father.
Let the mom write a check and let the father do the rest - and by the rest I mean everything else it takes to raise a human being.
That's fair then right.
She can pay the child support
and he can raise the child.
then men can't bitch about someone taking their money.

I can feel the guy who jumped in front of the train cause I took care of mines and when my babymom got mad she took me to court adn i was soing way beyond what i was suppost to be doing. And now tht the court are involed i dont want nothing to to do with the whole sitution and it real hard to walk away form something i took so much for. So I hope they do sumthin like investgate the mother to see if she is doing what she sopose to be doing or check to see if the father is doing what he is suppose to be doin somebodt need to do sum checking behind one of the parents!

yes you r right the system is bad

Hello everyone,
This is my first time posting but I had to give my opinion on this subject. I'm a single mother and I receive child support. Child support was my last resort. I believe there are people abusing the child support system but a lot of people really do need it. I understand that you shouldn't have to go to court to get support but it is what it is. I understand that you may not want that absent parents money because of pride but forget that. If you don't want it, think about your child. Put that money in account, so that when your child may need something or when they go off to college or etc... they have a little bit of money. I hear plenty of women who claim they don't need his money but aren't afraid to ask other family members for help. I see it this way, both parents laid up and had this baby and if anybody is going to help me, its going to be that other parent. I grew up with my sons father and never expected him to act the way that he did. And its not true that if you file for child support first that, you'll receive a larger amount. My son is the youngest and I filed last and receive the most. Why? I made more money. Also, I had more expenses to pay. I work, attend the University full-time and I'm still a soccer mom. My sons father is still tripping claiming he doesn't have any money but yet he just had another baby.
There are some greedy mothers out there though. I had a friend who lived with her grandmother (she paid no rent), had food stamps, grandmother watched her children and received medical assistance from the state and was trying to take this man for all he had. He was in the military, and had gotten married and I'm sorry but thank goodness the judge saw right through her. He wasn't the best father but the amount she wanted was crazy due to the fact that she didn't even pay hardly anything for the child. I looked at her differently after that. My mother died when I was a teenager and I had no support. But I did it and I'm still doing it. I could receive more child support but I believe receiving something is better than nothing and that 's what I receive most of the time, nothing. LOL, I received $16 last month.

Help fix it by Signing A Petition: Petition for Child Support Reform