As you know I sat down w/ Melanie Fiona and I asked her to answer one of my reader’s questions, asked her about the I love you, but I’m not in love you idea and we talked about emotional women and when to call me. It’s a great video. First here is what my reader wanted to know.

Dear Xilla,

Have you ever saw someone and knew instantly that there was connection. Like you knew that eventually something was going to happen. Peep this: I saw lil buddy freshman year. He was walking in the student union with his little black backpack, gray sweatpants, white tee and black cap cocked to the side. You know, that regular, college, ‘I just rolled out of bed but I’m going to class’ look. Dude had that aura about him.

Fast Forward to senior year: we connect and start hanging out. We soon find out that we are true sexual intellectuals, but there is a hitch in the giddy up. If the IOC gave out medals for oral interpretations, we would sweep every category. But get this: he cannot stay hard when we trying to fuck. He literally gets 6 pumps and goes soft. I’m like WTF? I take that shit as a insult. Real Talk. It bothers with him too. He gets mad cause he can’t stay up and wants to fuck so badly but the manxilla ain’t cooperating with him. Matter of fact, he suggested I write you for help. LOL.

Now, don’t get me wrong, every time we get it in the sparks are there. He speaks life to the kitty. She gives him a special welcome and vacation package. Its crazy the response he elicits. I just want him to give it to me right or don’t give it to me at all © Melanie Fiona. It isn’t like he can’t do better. I know so. He’s done it before.

Now it seems like we are strictly oral. I mean is that possible? Wheretheydothatat? I usually have to play with him and slob on the manxilla to get it back up, but this gets old real quick. Xilla, do you have any ideas for us? I refuse to get TMJ. Confession: he has a porn habit.

Signed,
Made hard to STAY hard

What Do You Think This Lady Should Do?

Photo By Adrian Richards

Last week I got an email from a new reader who has a problem. Read her letter and check out my response under the cut. I also asked R&B Singer Olivia about this situation, you can check out what she had to say and leave your opinion in the comment section.

Dear Xilla,

I am new to your blog and I think it is GREAT!!! You are talking about things that most adults are afraid to talk about. I have a question for you. The guy I am currently dating and I are both in our early 30’s. He performed oral sex on me and when I came I squirted (or as he puts it gushed) all over his face and now I am afraid to do anything else with him.

He freaked out so bad that I was embarrassed and refuse to do anything else with him. (we’ve been dating for a few months and he could have had me by now but his reaction has me on pause) He says that he hasnt ever experienced that before with anyone. I was shocked to say the least. He placed a small forum on his facebook page to see what others thought but I truly dont believe people are comfortable with it enough to talk about it or hasnt experienced it.

Thanks For Your Time,

Sally Squirthauser

Dear Sally,
It sounds like you’re in a messy situation. I’ll reveal something w/ you. I often thought about how great it would be for a female to squirt in my face. Kinky I know, after a lot of thought I’m still teetering back and forth w/ the idea. I mean I have girls squirt on the manxilla, thats sort of normal, but all over a guy’s face. My inner sexual intellectual is all for it, but my brain isn’t sure how much I would like it.

Here is my thing, if you’re with a sexual prude which it seems like you’re with, then you might just need to move on. You’ve reached a road block in your love life w/ this guy and it seems like it’s time for a detour. Sex is great, but if you don’t feel comfortable enough, and he’s not open to love you for all of your leaky love juice than maybe he’s not the one for you. I mean it just happened, and if it just happened he should take pride in the fact that he made you orgasm so hard, that you exploded into his face. This is something to brag about, something to cherish and laugh about. Its sort of like when a guy puts it on a woman so hard that she can’t function afterwards. Sure he’ll laugh and make jokes about it, but at the same time it’s just a reaffirmation of how good the sex is, right?

At the end of the day, you should think about all of your options with this guy and think of ways you can get pass this. If you can’t move past this embarrassing moment then take that detour on the road of love and find someone else. Don’t let a good orgasm ruin you from future sexual romps. Let your next guy know you are likely to explode if it’s too good and he’s more than likely to love it when you do. At least if you’re dealing with a sexual intellectual.

Signed,
Xilla The Sexual Intellectual.

Photo of The Bol B

I Received an email from a young lady who needed a males point of view on her current situation. A guy from her past as reappeared and she’s feeling him, but she just doesn’t know what to do. Check it out and maybe you can give her some advice of your own. 

Dear Xilla, 

 I met up with a guy I went to high school with, I don’t remember him but he remembers me. He played on the basketball team, I don’t understand why I don’t remember him. I was the administrative assistant for all the sports coach’s so I knew all those guys (so I thought) anyway he says he had a crush on me and use to watch me all the time; he remembers how I wore my hair & the jeans I use to wear. Without giving away my age…..that was a lot of years ago. So he started flirting with me on a website created just for my school. Then he followed me over to Facebook and created a page for himself. I finally gave in and we’ve been communication with each other through FB and text messages and some phone calls. We mostly SEXTEXT and it does get steamy at times….it has gotten me READY for him. BUT; we have not gone on a date once. We’ve only seen each other once we both like what we saw. He is just recently divorced 1 year. And I do live with my daughters father….but we’re JUST roommates NO SEX….I haven’t had that in 2 1/2 years. Didn’t tell my friend that bit of info.  But I want him….can’t tell if he’s ready; he say he is but…if he was why no date????? Oh and by the way I see ur a Libra…..so is he.

Signed, 

That’s Just My Baby Daddy

Dear, That’s Just My Baby Daddy,

I say go for it. What do you have to lose? It sounds like this guy had a big crush on you back in the day and you never noticed him. This can even be a way out of your Baby father’s house. I also don’t think you should hold back either. You have already been sex texting with him, so I’m going to assume he has already seen most parts of your body so go for it. As far as a date, why don’t you make the first move? There are no laws to say he has to be the first one to ask you out. He might be a little scared, he remembers details about you and you don’t remember details about him. So here is what you should do.

• Ask Him Out
• Plan a date where you can converse with him about various topics
• Find out more about him, does he live alone, with his mother, etc, 
• Get him to invite you over, even if you have to ask if you can come over. 
• After the first date, if you’re still feeling his vibe then make a decision on when you want to give him the goods. I know this sounds weird, but it’s clear to me you want to jump his bones. So do it. 

Like I said earlier he could be your way out of your baby father’s home. There is something keeping you there and if the two of you aren’t sleeping together anymore you might as well move out and get your own spot, but I do understand that it’s a recession out there. Best of luck and as always follow your heart.

I don’t want a threesome anymore. Mainly because I don’t trust these hoes. These days you have to be more cautious of your girl’s female friends than you do her male friends. There is a new breed of female who appreciates a woman’s beauty more than she appreciates a man’s excellence. While these niggas are busy trying to get a woman’s opinion on his salmon colored shirt and how it matches his kicks. Kanye approved of course.

I’ve seen woman slobber over Tahiry’s butt, Amber’s boobs, and Rihanna’s nipple ring. Followed by a no nympho or no homo or the now infamous [II] What’s going on these days? As a man I can’t compete with the beauty of a woman, nor can I compete with the dildo of a true lipstick femme, or as I like to call them nigga-b*tches. Not to be confused with b*tch niggas. I have no problem with them, they can befriend one of my chicks anyday, but I don’t trust to studdly hoes. Hell I don’t even trust those extra pretty chicks. They are the main ones who wanna experiment. Get your curious ass away from my chick! I saw you were looking at her butt, in the club. That’s my ass, and I’m 100% sure I can out f*ck you for a good 45 minutes, but that 46th… damn you got me.

I’ve always said I learned how to eat coochie from a lesbian. A nice fine femme I used to work with, who strung me along for a good 9 months before I found out we were on the “SAME TEAM”

You girls fall for those “oh you’re so beautiful” compliments from chicks and next thing you know you’re letting this extra cute girl feel on your boobs while I sit there smiling because I’m thinking about the threesome, while this extra cute nigga-b*tch is about to take my girl with a hurricane tongue that could have brought Dorothy, Ashanti and Diana Ross to Oz and back in 2 minutes flat. Damn nigga-b*tches. NO HOMO, but you have no idea what it’s like to look at a person dressed like a boy that’s so cute you find yourself staring trying to figure out if that’s a guy or a girl. You analyze them like, eye brows arched, eye liner and a fitted cap, and the only way you know its a girl because you notice the damn rainbow accessories she has on. But people from a far just think this nigga staring at another nigga! PAUSE!!! That’s a girl!! Damn it. A girl who will take my chick if I let her, but it’s not going to happen.

One of my exes told me she got a girlfriend now. How the hell did this happen, you might ask. It happened because I tried to talk her best friend into having a threesome with us, and they decided to partake of the festivities without me. You can’t do that it’s against the rules. It’s one of those unwritten rules like how y’all won’t talk to a dude who has looked at your friend like he wanted to smash, or said hi to your friend and she runs and tell you that nigga tried to holla at me. No I didn’t I just said hi, now I can’t holla at the chick I wanted to holla at because I was being nice. I swear y’all ladies got some weird ways.

And how does your coochie just end up in another chicks mouth? Riddle me this pretty young thing? All I’m saying is watch these chicks, they will smile in your face one day and have your coochie or your chicks cooch in their mouth the next. Remember what Marvelous Mo said about the saga of a straight chick, well there is another saga of trying to keep your chick straight.

Yesterday, I got an email from a faithful reader who was seeking advice. A lot of times I just simply answer their question, but this one deserves it’s own blog. Check out what she needs help with.

Hey Xilla!!!
I read your blog everyday without fail I wonder if you can help me out on a situation…..Ok first things first I have a brain tumor that constantly keeps me having a period, day after day, month after month etc. I stop for about a week out of maybe two months. I am going to the doctor and so far no kind of treatment is working,but my question is I am with a guy that I have been with, going on 2yrs, when I am bleeding all I can do is give him head. I know I have mad skills and I have stunna head, but I know that is not enough for him because everytime we are together he asks am I bleeding that day which 9 out of 10 times the answer is yes.

I really care about him, but I don’t have a title with him (which is the subject of one of your blogs today!!) so I usually don’t question the fact if he has sex with other females due to my situation. I know that he loves me because he has told me that but I ask him if he wants to be with me he just gets upset asking why do I want to put a title on what we have. I just am wondering if he does want to be with me but because of my condition is he hesitant? He does not want to have sex with me because of the bleeding and he does not like to do it when I am bleeding.

Since you are a guy and don’t really know me like that I figured that I could ask you and get your opinion on the issue. Do you stay with someone because you want to be with them or out of sympathy if they have a serious illness? Also side note when we first started messing around I was not bleeding the way I am now and we had AMAZING sex, and he said that was the best two things that he loved about me my head and sex. I just wanted to know what you think.

Yours Truly,

Miss OnDa Red

Dear Miss OnDa Red,

You’re in a sticky situation and I’m going to be as real as I possibly can. I can tell that you love this guy, but you have to put yourself in his shoes. While sex isn’t that important, it is extremely important in all relationships, as weird as that may sound. It seems to me like your guy needs sex more than just a week out of every 2 months. So here are some things you can do.

 
Click here to continue reading my response

I’m facing a bit of writer’s block this morning. So I’ll just take this time to talk to my readers. This pass week has been crazy. Each day moves faster and faster and before you know it, it’s time to start another week. Anyway I guess I can ask you all a question. What do you do when you want someone even though you know you shouldn’t even have that thought in your head?

It could be a co-worker who you should maintain a professional relationship with, but each day the tension becomes more and more, or it could be a friend of an ex lover, and the thought to act on the flirts become unbearable. It could be anyone. Have you ever thought about why this happens? Why are people placed in our life to test us, wouldn’t the world be great if we made eye contact with someone and music started playing and a big neon sign would pop out and say this is the one? 

Have you ever had sex so damn good, that it spoils all your sex for the next 3 years? Have you any idea what it is like to be having sex with a beautiful woman, with a body of a goddess, and all you can think about is the girl you f*ck while high off weed from  one of Brooklyn finest herbal farms?

I love twitter as much as the next person but why do people ask questions that can’t be answered in 140 characters? 

So I’m in the office late one Friday night and my boss comes out of his office and says, hey you’re sort of an internet celebrity I see or hear your voice everywhere. I simply laughed out loud. Sometimes I have to catch myself because I often find myself talking to someone who isn’t connected to the matrix like I am, and want so badly to say, you don’t know who I am? I must admit that is a turn on, for a woman to not know who you are. Maybe that’s the reason why so many women don’t know who is the father of their child.

 

More mail from one of my readers. I always like getting emails, asking for advice. This one is an interesting topic, that keeps popping up in my inbox. I thought I should address this one in public.

Hi, my name is “Tasha Tweet” and I have 1 question. Do u think twitter/fb/myspace is enough 2 break up? This morning a coworker of my boyfriend says im messing around with someone on twitter. He gathers this b/c in a reply 2 my status about it snowing, a guy said if it snows, come over here. Like 5 days later I replied what if it doesn’t snow?? Ok. That’s it. Now my bf won’t talk to me over offing twitter. Do you think lightweight flirting over networking sites is enough to break up a relationship?

Continue reading for my response.

Dear Tasha Tweet,
Your boyfriend is very insecure. This can be for one of a few reasons. More than likely he is cheating, and it’s something called projection. Where people put their dirt on you. IE Bill O’Rielly. Another reason can be simply because he’s insecure and honestly I don’t feel like anyone should be with an insecure person. It leads to too much drama.

I think twitter, myspace, facebook are bad for relationships. It makes it too easy to bring up drama. Take Twitter for instance, it makes it almost impossible to lie. lol Not that you should have to lie, but sometimes it’s called for, but if you slip up and send out a tweet, then all hell breaks loose. “I thought you were with Suzie? Well she was washing clothes at 2:15pm see her twitter update.” All of these social networks are essential tools for stalkers and insecure people.

At the same time you should have nipped dude in the bud as soon as he came at you like that. You have a boyfriend, and if he lets you get away with small flirting, you’ll flirt even more and maybe even cheat. He should have spoke with you and communicated his feelings in a more mature way. Not simply stopped talking to you and speak to someone else about it.

~ Xilla

I had the chance to ask the great Stephanie Stradley a few questions about love and relationships. Stephanie, is a writer for AOL Sports’ FanHouse as well as a Houston Texans specific blog for the Houston Chronicle. While she makes absolutely no claims of any relationship expertise other than being happily married, her answers are both thought provoken and helpful. However she would like to make it known that if you follow any of her advice, it is totally at your own risk.

Xilla: How do you determine if a guy would be good in a relationship or just worthy of a one night stand?

SS: Oooh, I don’t believe in one night stands at all because the entire concept of it to me is really disgusting. There is nobody on the planet that is so fine and fun that it would be worth getting that close with for one night. If someone is that great, well then, why not have a relationship with them? If if they aren’t that great, then why bother?

Unfortunately, guys do not come with tattoos on their forehead that say “Great Guy” or “Total Jerk.” And most guys are somewhere in the middle–to some people they are great, and to some people they are jerks and people tend to evolve over time. Ultimately,it is a matter of finding someone who is a good fit with you. I think it is best to become friends with a guy first before you decide to become more than friends.

Other than looks what should a woman look for in a guy?

Looks? I know this is going to sound strange, but generally, I don’t notice a guy’s looks much until I get talking to them and know them. That I find someone more attractive if I like their personality. (Though I will admit my husband is an objectively attractive person). I think all people, men and women, make a mistake if they have a checklist in their head of what they are looking for in their ideal person. Sometimes the best relationships are with people who have qualities you had no idea you would value. People shouldn’t just be considered a collection of attributes.

But generally speaking, early in a relationship, it’s worth seeing how the other person treats people other than you. If they are very loving to you, but are snide to their family, to waitstaff, to cashiers and the like, it may be that they are putting on an act for you because you are first going out with them, but that overall, they aren’t a kind person.

What advice would you give a woman who wants to follow sports with her man?

You shouldn’t follow a sport just to make the guy happy. You should let him have his guy time and use that time for other things you like doing. But if you honestly want to follow a sport because YOU want to follow it, then it should be like any other interest. Try to learn more about the sport by following it in the newspaper and online, and of course by watching it. The more you know about the players and the sport, the more interesting it is to follow.

Be sure to check Stephanie’s blog on AOL for all your sports information. If you would like to be featured in the next BlogXilla interview you, please send me an email @ Xilla At blogxilla dot com

Over the weekend I got an email from one of my regular readers and I decided to open this one up to the great readers of BlogXilla.com

As a sexual intellectual I seek your advice. My bf is a great lover he’s attentive, knows how to hit the right spots, and the length is just right, but there are a few flaws in our sex life.

• 1.) He’s not circumcised. (Which poses a huge problem for me) When he enters me it hurts and second because I find it difficult to give him oral (and I really pride myself on my oral skills) Its just with him, the extra skin and all, it makes it difficult. (any ideas ??).
• 2.) Second his oral skills are lacking (majorly). I try to tolerate it (since he’s trying and only because he knows I like a good tongue spanking) but he just doesn’t have it and no matter which way I move his head he just doesn’t get it.

We’ve been together for about six months now and I really like (maybe even love him. . lol) so HELP ME PLEASE

As far as his oral skills I can help you out with that I’ve written numerous blogs on how to eat her the right way. I would suggest guiding him and his lackluster tongue towards pleasing you by reading him the following blogs.

She Deserves A Tongue Spanking

• I also like to push her cl*t in and out my mouth, hitting it with my tongue and lips. By that time my face is pretty wet so I wipe my face off, lick her off my fingers and insert one inside of her with the palm of my hand facing the bottom of her insides. I rub along the bottom wall, work it to the side wall and then up to the top wall.

Moral Oral

• I had her legs Propped up in the air pushing them back and back licking the top of her pussy and going to the bottom of her pussy giving it a total tongue bath!!! but then it happens… While pushing her legs up I go too far down and her as* comes to far up and I plant one hell of a lick right smack on her…

I Eat P*ssy Till I Burp

• Now the key to giving good head is to keep her guessing, slow licks, up and down licks, circle licks, s shaped licks as long as you keep your ears open you’ll know what she likes but here is the key don’t be afraid to leave the cl*t, this is not hide and seek and the cl*t is not home base this is eating pussy 101. Do her a favor swallow…

There are probably a ton of blogs on here about oral but those 3 should be enough to have him eating you more than a fat person at a buffet. Now as far as uncircumsized wieners I’m sorry, but I can’t help you there so this is where I need to open up the floor to the ladies of BlogXilla.com

Have any of you ever experienced a man who wasn’t snipped? How can she handle him?

When I first met TI there was something about his presence that told me I was on the right path in my life. Ironically my birthday feel on the same day TI had his Birthday Party at the Biltmore. This was a prestigious event, attended by the biggest names in Urban entertainment Kevin Lyles, T-Boz, and Andrew Young to name a few. There were ice sculptures, Patron and Models clad in Victorian garb, this was also the night that my life officially changed.

At midnight I gave myself one year to get my life on track. If you’ve been reading my site for a while then you already know of the journey I’ve been through. Things are starting to make sense to me now, like the book I purchased written by Ayn Rand which taught me “that man has no right to exist for his own sake, that service to others is the only justification of his existence, and that self-sacrifice is his highest moral duty, virtue and value.” Truth be told I was a fish out of water that night at The Biltmore, but the wonderful Nicole Garner went out of her way to accomodate me. My story was just as important as any other story, and for that I am grateful.

Throughout my life I learned that I don’t need to have hamburger now when I can have steak later. I’m on a mission to be one of the best in the world. Tip was a thug all his life, quick to pick up the gun, but now his goal is to “Make Them Put The K’s Away” He experienced a life changing moment and he is blessed to be where he is today. I don’t feel like it’s anything other than the hand of God which placed me in his presence that hot summer day and then again on my birthday. This is destiny.

I discovered that it’s not a matter of me being good enough. I’ll never be the best father, the best writer, the best lover to everyone I cross paths with, but I am the best to two children who love me. One day I’ll be the best to one of the readers who come visit my website, and to a woman whose hand I’ll take in marriage. Eventhough right now I can’t get all the fabulous things for the person of my heart’s desire, only small tokens of affection. Material things do not matter right now. TI told me “Stop Looking At What You Aint Got And Start Being Thankful For What You Do Got” for that too I am grateful.

for more pictures of this hit up FreddyO