It’s good to feel like Mary J Blige is happy. While I don’t know her personally to be sure from the outside looking in I believe she’s happy. I remember when I first saw her video come on BET back in 1992. My sister loved her song she ran to the tv turned it up and started dancing, and I just loved the way she put on a personal show for me in her white suit jacket, lingerie top and white fitted hat to the back. You couldn’t tell me that she wasn’t dancing just for me. She would help develop my love for hip hop w/ classic after classic and years later she would come clean with the details of her troubled life in the industry. 10 years after she debuted on the scene she sat down w/ 60 Minutes for an interview with the late Ed Bradley and told the world her story.

“It hurts a lot when you cannot really comprehend what a person is saying in a meeting or you don’t even understand what you’re reading in your contract,” says Blige, who left school in the 11th grade and reads at only an eighth-grade level.

“I just drop my pride and say, ‘You know what? I don’t understand what you just said. Could you explain it to me?’” says the two-time Grammy Award winner. “I find myself learning more.”

Blige goes on to tell stories of her child growing up with a mother and her abusive boyfriends, and being molested.

“It kind of, like, put us in shock, because we used to just stand there and look at it, like, wow, but then you see your Mom get hit. And then it’s like, ‘waaaaah!’ Like you’d just go, used to start screaming and crying when you see your mother get hit,” says Blige.

“And, you know, men, it seemed like they didn’t have any mercy. They hit you like you were a man. Like, I’ve seen women get their heads punched through walls. As a kid.”

But it wasn’t just violence against her mother. She also sings about things that are very personal, like the time she was molested when she was 5 years old.

“For a long time that’s something that I was hiding. For a long time, that’s something that made me do drugs and drink. And as a artist I had to share it,” says Blige. “You start drawing to you what you are on the inside — insecure, jealous, mad — and you start drawing these men that are like that and they start whipping on you,”

During my past conversations with the women I’ve been involved with I like to really get to know them. So I ask them about their childhood, and how was it for them growing up. I find that a lot of the most sexual intellectual women have been molested and abused as a child. This type of thing really can mess a woman up. Few are strong enough to over come this, many never do, and most over come the horrors of their past when they are much older. In the interview Blige recalls how her personal horrors effected her.

Some of the men she went out with physically abused her, but Blige says she doesn’t blame them for what they did.

“I don’t blame them because I allowed it,” she says. “It’s not my fault, but the only way that I could get out is to stop being the victim. I had to stop saying, ‘You did it. You, you, you, you. It’s because of you, you, you, you.’ I had to sit down and say, ‘You know what? Something is wrong here because every man that I get is doing the exact same thing to me. So maybe it’s something wrong with me.’”

Taking responsibility for yourself is one of Blige’s strongest messages. Self-acceptance is another. And her newfound faith in herself, she says, is part of her renewed faith in God.

“If I don’t accept the scar on my face, the lips that God gave me, the big giant feet, the long legs, whatever it is that I’m deformed with, I got to love it so everybody else can love it. And I started loving it,” she says.

All this is why women love Mary J so much, because they can relate to her so much. In this instant media world we live in, we are force fed news and gossip by publicist of perfect celebrities, eating lunch, buying Chanel and photo shoots air brushed to perfection. The celeb of today has few flaws and any flaws they have will be spun to be used to their advantage. Yet, women in real life can’t spin their mistakes, they can’t hide from their friends if they end up nude on the internet, they can’t spin the black eye they have because their boyfriend hit them, they can’t spin life when they have to struggle to go to work, school and raise a child who can’t learn in a crowded class room. For them Mary J is that escape that hope that they too can be something great in this world. Mary J Blige is the one.

Source

So I’ll avoid the obvious joke here … “Loon has gone Looney” (hardy har) and just say that this didn’t shock me one bit. Loon didn’t have much of a rap career to begin with, he got features on Diddy songs and some others herer and there, but the sad part was he wasn’t a ‘bad’ rapper. Just poorly managed.

I first chuckled a Loon’s beard and Muslim garb…but when they split screened the video and put clips from Loon’s videos, I couldn’t help but laugh seeing Diddy harlem shaking in the camera as Loon is trying to profess his love for his new lifestyle… *lol*

Under the cut you will find Itsthereal’s latest video ( a diss to Vlad TV) and XXL’s I Know Rap People: DJ Drama vs. DJ Whoo Kid

-1AM

Best I Ever Vlad from jeff on Vimeo.

…..They PLAYED Vlad TV !

Wow what a difference a year makes. I remember last year, I was fresh out of county jail, sleeping on my cousin’s floor and getting an email from @freshalina asking me to live blog the BET awards and she would pay me for my time. It wasn’t enough to buy a pair of sneakers, but it was all the money I had. And now this year I’m actually at the BET awards.

You see, I had a dream, I wanted to blog fulltime. I was sick of sneaking on the computer at work to check my blog, comment and post. I was sick of following orders, making quotas and answering phones for a living. I just wanted to surf the net. So, charged off numerous phone calls with my best blog friend forever Necole B. I quit my job and decided to move back to Atlanta. I knew I wasn’t the best writer in the world, hell, when I started on myspace, I used to write poems and pass them off as blogs. Gradually I got better, and better. I know I’m no journalist, but today a blogger is just as important as Tom Brokov, Joan Rivers and the cast of 60 minutes.

A few days after quitting my job, I got a call from Global Grind asking me to be their sex blogger. I was stoked, I dropped to my knees and prayed to God, thanking Him as soon as I clicked ‘end’. At that time I had 2 dollars in the bank and a $900 check coming from my “Real” job. I was blogging for a living now, and on my way to move to GA next week. Things were going well I was at the top of the world and then the move. Long story short as soon as I crossed the border of GA I got locked up. I didn’t do anything terrible, but I caught a charge in 2005, which the courts dropped, but in the summer 2007 the state picked it up and sent a letter to my old address. I had no clue about the charge, and when the police ran my name I had a warrant.

45 days later in the year of 2008 I was set free for a failure to appear in court for a charge in 2005. My cousin came to pick me up from jail, and told me I had to sleep on the floor. Well it was softer than the bed in my cell, so I didn’t complain. Globalgrind told me I no longer had a job, but they would keep an eye on me. I took that as a good sign that the door wasn’t’ shut on me completely. Then I thought what am I going to do for money?

My cousin told me to get a “job”, but I refused, I knew I was good enough to blog for a living. I asked him for 3 months to get on my feet, “Just let me stay here for 3 months that’s all I need.” My girlfriend gave my pictures of Vince Young topless, I knew they would cause quite a stir on the Internet, but I needed the money. So I reached out to various Black blogs and no one wanted to post them or buy them. So I posted them on my site, and wow things really took off, AOL, TMZ, ESPN, Sports Illustrated, and many other major media outlets all linked me as the source. My traffic was great… for a week! It did help me make 100 bucks off ad revenue.

My cousin was convinced I was doing much better than I was doing, because I got numerous exclusive information, photos etc. We began to argue a lot, because all I did was sit on the computer ALL DAY long. I mean every hour I was awake. But, I wasn’t trying to get coochie or watch porn I would search the Internet for info. I would blog and try my best to be the best. Then the arguments became too much to bare and he attacked me, while my daughter stood in the room and watched. He never actually made it to me, but he did kick me out of his house.

So with about 40 bucks in cash, and a couple of hundred in my paypal, my daughter and I were on the streets, floor hopping from house to house. Then the police came a’ calling. Saying if you don’t go to probation you’ll be back in jail. But, they did not allow children in probation. So I was forced to cut my summer with my child short.

Once I took her back I was able to do more, money was still slow, I was still broke, but I was getting exclusive after exclusive. A lot of stuff I covered was simply just a way for me to eat. And every day I would sit in the Rita’s Ice near Piedmont park and just blog my heart out. Free Internet. I would talk about sex, gossip and leak new music. DAILY.

The grind started to pay off, Kim Osario was at Globalgrind at the time and she reached out and offered me a job. It only paid 800 bucks a month but it was enough to pay rent, cell phone bill and buy some Top Ramen noodles for a month. I was back on top of the world. I continued to grind. Meeting TI who had a tremendous affect on my life. Not that he said anything to me but I felt his energy. I saw the dedication in his eyes and it only made me grind harder than ever.

I keep up the hard work and Globalgrind made me an editor and gave me a raise. I dropped to my knees again and thanked the LORD! My blog, blogxilla.com took off as well, traffic growing every month, and now its 5 times bigger than what it was a year ago.

I never asked anyone for anything, and except for Vince Young I didn’t step on or diss anyone to get here. I carved out my own lane and did me. I thank each one of you who have been here for the ride. I promise bigger and better. I was at the BET awards which surely wasn’t anything like what I’m hearing the TV production was. I thought it was awesome from backstage.

As I am reminded each time I get an email from Russell Simmons, With great love all things are possible.

Xilla

Written by Marvelous Mo for Blogxilla.com
So it was my sophomore (or junior) year in high school when the notice got out that an all boys private high school in Harlem was throwing a dance and they extended their invitation to our school.  Being in an all girl Catholic high school was a BITCH, so any type of testosterone involved I tried to be around it.  At the dance, which happened to be during the height of the Coogi phenomenon, I spotted this guy [Let's call him JEFF] who was checking me out.  We danced, exchanged  numbers and I left smiling on cloud nine.  It wasn’t long when he asked me on a date and introduced me to his funny friends.  We talked and hung out more, but my mom grew concerned at how much time I was hanging with this guy on my weekends.  Mom proposed that she speak with his mom just so she can figure out what type of person I’m hanging out with.  While I’m on AOL chatting in a chatroom and doing homework (by the way, AIM-ing casually & doing homework isn’t even possible to do), my Mom calls me in the kitchen while she’s wiping a tear from her eyes from all the laughter she experienced in her phone call. With hardly any self composer, she attempts to tell me, “Hun, I don’t know how to tell you this but… ::blurted giggle:: JEFF is your cousin! ::roaring laugh on both ends of the phone::

Somehow, our parents found it funny, but I was left with a dilemma.  I kind of liked this guy but he’s my cousin.  We already kissed and he implied that he wanted to do some other things to me by trying to tell me through 112’s song “Peaches & Cream” (that I totally didn’t get until he just bluntly said it), but now I’m finding out he’s my cousin. Hmm …. although he wasn’t really blood related, just through marriage, it was still a creepy ass situation to the point of me breaking it off.  Til this day, I am SO thankful that I was young, a prude, a virgin & totally disconnected from the world of sex because you know I would have took that peen down.  He had a huge one…it was thick.  I nearly fainted when I felt it. smh…

Today, not much has changed with me besides having experienced a few men in my life (a story & question I’ll share with you perhaps next week) including my stance on this type of situation.  However, in the moment of need and desire, your brain and body tends to blend the code of ethics that normally would be fair and stern during any time of a normal circumstance.  It’s hard to fathom incest or to even try and understand the justification behind a person sexing their cousin or step relative, but it happens more often than you think.  The all mighty Morgan Freeman has had some trouble in paradise where it was recently discovered that he took down his step granddaughter’s putang .  If  I’m not mistaken, he’s been hitting that since she was 17 years old.  As a woman who loves her father, the thought of taking down a step relative makes me want to jump  into a cage of lions.  I even thought about circumstances where nobody would EVER find out about us and still, I prefer to circumcise my clit off my body…

But I do live for a freak tale.    The platform is all yours!

QUESTIONS:

• Have you ever thought about having intercourse with your relative?
• Have you had sex with a step cousin, distant cousin, step sibling, step parent…?  If so,  was it only a one time thing, or was this a continuous relationship?
• If you currently have a relative who is fuckable, under what circumstances would you be in inorder for you to have a fling with them?
• What are your personal views on taking down a socially forbidden person?

Disclaimer: In no shape or form will I judge you if you have or have not crossed the line to bite into the forbidden fruit.

We all know that there is a void in the hip hop game for a prominent female emcee, and it is my belief that Remy Ma held down that role for a little while. She may not have had crazy mainstream success but the streets loved her back when they loved Fat Joe and his click… Terror Squad, I believe. Regardless since her incarceration it appears she’s been going crazy in that box of hers. After the jump you’ll find her letter she wrote with her callouses hands to the people.

-1AM

I always find myself thinking about what I was doing a year ago, two years ago, five years ago today. I never remember exactly where till I find myself imagining where I would be today. I rarely listen to the radio because it’s sort of depressing. Not being able to record is stressful not because I’m a rapper but because that was my way of venting and expressing myself. So I write a lot! So much that now I have a callous on my finger from holding a pen. I guess I got used to texting my rhymes!

I get a lot of fan mail and everyone asks me how I’m doing? I say fine, the way I see it I never imagined making it this far with my sanity. Not being able to go somewhere when you want, see your family when you want (on many occasions when you need to), can’t use the phone, take a shower, wear clothes, or even eat when you want – super aggravating. Whenever, which is almost everyday I get visits, a lot of kids ask for autographs. It’s something that I used to do almost everyday but now it actually feels weird, I really feel like an inmate.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I really am an inmate. I mean, it kind of grows on you when certain people go out of there way to make you feel like that.

They have this program called YAP (Youth Assistance Program) they keep asking me to join. It’s a program that brings inner city kids to the prison to show them what it’s like to be incarcerated. I hear that every group asks about me but I’m a little hesitant to join. They think it will give the kids a reality check that this can happen to anyone. I however feel that it’ll be more of the kids wanting to see Remy Ma the rapper and because of that they won’t get that I’m actually in jail. So I’m still contemplating. If I figure out a way for them to actually get it, that this is really not a place you would ever want to be whether for 8 years, 8 months, or 8 minutes then I’ll do it.

Everyone in prison isn’t innocent but everyone in prison isn’t guilty. So whether you end up here on purpose or by accident, the pain you’re feeling is still the same. And I can quote a lot “gangsters” by saying that “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…”

Forever Innocent,
Rem

source globalgrind

DRAKE INTERVIEW – LIVE FROM HYDE PARK, LONDON [PART2] from DJ SEMTEX on Vimeo.

If you caught the first interview you were probably looking forward to part two. Semtex has some of the best interviews, he asks all the questions I’d like to know the answers to and Drake doesn’t give half assed answers either which makes for an interesting interview.

-1AM

 
Written By Marvelous Mo For BlogXilla.com

Last week I wanted to switch it up and talk about head boppin/crotch diving/ shaft licking… you know, giving head. Nothing repulsive or anything. Unfortunately, most birds in the comment section focused on two words out of the entire blog post: INDIAN HAIR. I tried and tried to steer back on the topic of head wondering why these commenters focused solely on my self description, but nothing worked. So once again I will describe myself to you…. I’m 5’ 8” 132-135 lbs, brown skinned with INDIAN HAIR.

Wonder why I chose “Indian”? It’s because my grandparents who aren’t from Puerto Rico are from India. The fucktards in the comment section demanded that I try to rock my hair in its natural state, like letting it air dry or something. Now why in the HELL would I do that? That’s what salons are there for: wash and roller set with the occasional hair coloring. I started to take this issue a little TOO personal, but then I realized that I don’t have the problem, YOU DO.

Most of my life I’ve been told I’m “too dark” by kneegrow women who realized my skin was beautiful, even and clear. I’ve been told I “wear weaves” or “that shit ain‘t her hair” by kneegrow women who WISHED they had hair like mine and who felt it was thoroughly impossible to be my complexion and have nice hair like that. I’ve been told that my overbite sticks out when I laugh. Now that may be true, but your man loves my laugh and also finds me quite funny. You mad? Ladies, put down the knives and guns. Is it THAT serious to put down a chick if she is prettier than you or have features you WISH you had? Do you know why most of my friends coming up weren’t black? Because of this stupid shit right here; I befriended first generation chicks from Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Spain, Virgin Islands…the heritages I felt I most related to. I never had to hear anything negative from them or their families.

You know what I do when I see a pretty female who’s rocking a fly pair of shoes, a fly outfit or perhaps nice hair? I tap her on the shoulder and let her know what I think. “Hey, I noticed your shoes and I think they are dope. Great taste!” and then I walk away. Women with confidence and security in themselves are able to do that without an underline motive. I bet most of you on the keyboard right now couldn’t do that at all.

Ladies, talk to me. What do YOU do when you notice another female rocking fly accessories or have a nice hair do? What’s up with you? What’s up with kneegrow chicks, too? Why the hate? Why is there a lack of camaraderie with young ethnic women? Why are most of you so confident on the keyboard? I bet some of you were sending “A/S/L” IMs in AOL chatrooms and sending twat pics to men because you’re wack in person.

And yeah, I called some of you “kneegrows” just now. Part two of this blog post next week will touch on complexion issues.

Model Summer Alexia Photog Russell Perkins

The worlds oldest profession has a lot of employees, and majority of them don’t even know they are on the payroll. While I call no female a whore, unless you’re a virgin I am willing to bet money that she’s been/being pimped by Corporate America. Allow me to explain.

While most women won’t sleep with a man for money or gifts, an even greater number won’t give away their goodies for free. Instead there is a process. Date, after date, gifts and money are spent all in the quest of getting to know one another. With that said, I think it’s also safe to say that the a lot of men are in it for sex. Then again aren’t we all? Do we go there with someone we are not sexually attracted to?

For men, we do all we can to get sex, some lie, some spend money and other actually take the time to get to know a female. All the while, we are trying to come up with creative ideas, new and innovating dates, and exciting things to talk about, and this cost money. It requires, buying magazines, reading blogs, paying phone bills, buying clothing, food, drinks and more. We spend money in the name of getting to know one another. (FOR SEX) When you think about it, we are all pawns to the biggest pimp in the world, Corporate America. Ladies, don’t be mad because you’re a whore, guys don’t be upset because you’re a trick. Corporate America has pimped your ass, and you have to deal with the fact that you are an unknowing whore of Corporate America.

I choose to highlight 3 types, The Waiter, The Independendent Woman, & The Beautiful College Student

Click The Next Number To Continue Reading>>>

Written by Marvelous Mo for BlogXilla.com

Editor’s Note: I would like to introduce you to the latest addition to BlogXilla.com her name is Marvelous Mo. I hired her to bring the realness that is often left out of conversations about love, life, sex and almost everything else. I hope you enjoy her piece on Baby Mama’s ~ Xilla

I love my father. If he weren’t in my life, I’d have Daddy issues and you would find me Tip Drillin’ in a video somewhere fondling some chick’s breast, pause.

My brother wasn’t so lucky. He’s not the man he’d thought he’d be since he wasn’t raised by a male figure. Due to the generation gap, it’s as if we were raised by two different women: he had the younger mom and I had the old head mom. Just recently, he found out that his father worked somewhere in Harlem when he was 18 years old. This means my 40 year old brother had ample opportunities to meet the man that created him and possibly ask him why he decided to chuck the duces. Most adults would love the opportunity to do such a thing and for whatever personal reasons, my brother was broken hearted over the ordeal.

You’d think with being raised by both parents, substantially older than yours, that I’m out the clear as well. Seems like there was a little secret surrounding me all of my life. When I was 15 or 16 I found out that the man who raised me, paid my school tuition, put cloths on my back, food on my table and showed me that men weren’t full of shit wasn’t my biological father. Apparently EVERYBODY knew but me. So, here are two adults of different ages raised by the same woman asking the same questions: Why didn’t my father want to be there? How the hell could this happen more than once! We’re both giving mom the side eye, naturally.

Continue Reading >>>>

  

@cassieventura is dope! Just in case you didn’t get the memo. Here is her new joint featuring @iamdiddy “Must Be Love” (sounds like a Total throwback)

Check out what twitter is saying about her new haircut:

1. tg45 cassie hair looks good..damn why didnt i think of that
2. kath3000 I give Cassie the ultimate gangster points for that new haircut. Wow.

MUST BE LOVE – CASSIE FEAT. PUFF DADDY

Props – Splash