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Why Can’t I Be w/ My Girl, & Be Cool w/ My Ex?
Posted in Relationships on 19. Dec, 2009
Photo by Jafar M Pierre
Being BlogXilla is great because I get to do amazing things, like hang out backstage at concerts, talk to women about sex and hang out with porn stars. So after I had dinner with adult star Jayla Starr, I posed for her @** shot of the day, and posted the pictures to my facebook, because I wanted to show off. It didn’t take more than 3 minutes and 14 seconds before I got a text message. It was from an ex girlfriend and it simply said… WORD!
I hadn’t talked to her in at least 6 months, and I couldn’t even tell you the last time she contacted me first. She has a boyfriend and I am totally comfortable being just friends. I know my role and my life is freaking amazing. So when my co-worker and I began talking relationships, my mind went into a frenzy when she asked “can people be friends with their exes.”
I wanted to say yes they could. I thought of all the exes I have remained cool with, but those relationships always seem to come to an end when one of the parties get into a relationship. I guess the question I should be asking is why are boyfriends and girlfriends so damn jealous if the two are not together anymore!
A relationship doesn’t give you claims to a person for the rest of eternity. My logic would be just because you’ve worked at Mcdonald when you were 14 doesn’t give you exclusive claims to the special sauce for life. I mean to get mad because someone else is not eating a Big Mac is stupid. So why do we get mad because our ex is bumping ugly with a big booty light skin chick with blonde weave who goes to school during the day and works at night?
We must get over our selves; we must stop appeasing this type of behavior by cutting our exes off when we get into a relationship. I believe we are insecure and believe there is always a chance that our boo might slip back into the bed with their ex. It could be a reflection on our selves as well. Since we know we are weak in the face of temptation we might get overly jealous if our ex put them self in a situation where she may end up in bed w/ an ex. We might be scared of competition. Regardless we really need to invest more in trust, and less in insecurity.
Xilla
trust yes, insecurity, thumbs down…but don’t forget RESPECT. Nothing wrong with being “cool” with an ex..cool meaning cordial, but I have never been an advocate of hanging out, being extra close and intimate..and definitely not spending lots of time alone together. If you still want to do all those things with your ex, why are you with me? Shouldn’t you be spending intimate chill time with me? I just think it’s disrespectful to be in a relationship and close with someone else you were intimate with ….but thats my opinion, and I’ll admit it’s based on me wanting to feel secure in my relationship
“A relationship doesn’t give you claims to a person for the rest of eternity.” I AGREE 100%! First, insecure of the EX? That’s stupid, they’re the ex. Moving along from that none”shit”. I’ve never been the “jealous type” I thinks it a waste of time and film! Never been able to wrap my mind around chicks who call the “boyfriend’s girl buddies” and check calls & texts unknowingly on her BOO’s pager and phone. Not happening. I realize if you have to do ALL THAT, you don’t have them like you think you do no ways.! Because if the person you’re dating, doesn’t have enough respect for you, to keep the friendship/ex at a appropriate distance …then they ain’t the one no way. I dont give “….whud HO?! and bitch back up” stares to girls that’s looking at who Im with. Gon Look BOO, he’s mind. Nor would I jump into that mode if his EX casually walks up. Im confident, beautiful and have my OWNNNNN, and feel if I GOT HIM then I GOT HIM. Thing is, if he doesn’t have enough respect for me to shun her that very minute BEING that he’s there with me….he just ain’t that into me. FACTS, just facts. Besides, I ain’t never had that problem. Stuff like chicks walking up “formly introducing herself” NO…………., I am Eboni, she is not…that is all.
I agree w/true2me. Being cordial is completely different from being friends. It seems like a double edged sword really. I think when you choose to be friends w/ an ex, it leaves the door open for that possibility of a hook-up later. I mean c’mon how many people hook up w/ their exes. Xilla, I think you even did a blog about it recently if I’m not mistaken. So, while we’d all like to act like hooking up w/ exes doesn’t happen, it actually happens more often than we’d like to admit. In a perfect world, it would be nice and kum by yah to be friends w/ exes but it’s just not practical.
Tru indeed. Girls need all the attention. They don’t want no other girl getting that. Being cool don’t mean hanging out on the regular.
I believe there are a few instances where you possibly could still be friends . But very rare. I am still friends with many of my ex’s but at first oppurtunity if I allowed they would still try to get the goods if offered. But I have learned the hard way years ago that ex’s are ex’s for reasons and that being said you should keep on moving. I had an ex who I thought we were friends , that ended up breaking up my engagement because he thought that we were going to get back together. This was totally not the case but in his head that is what he thought. so that was a hard lesson learned but if they are hoping for the possibility of getting back together or an open door to the goods then keep them at a distant.
Im friends with sum of my exes. If it was no drama there its easier cuz u didnt break up cuz u learned to hate 1 another. However if an ex is still trying to hit it I would not be friends with him. As for my man n his exes, I dont mind if he is friends with his exes as long as they both respect my relationship and the hairs on the back of my neck dont stand up when she calls or comes around. I beleave in my intuition damnit. And dont be callin my man if your car break down!! Call Pookie n them cuz you in Bitch status right now.
I really don’t believe in being friends with your ex at a distance or not, there will always be that day when shit goes down. My homegirl still friends with her ex, and one day he just texted her with all these emotions and making her feel guilty. Look some ex’s will get the point of friendship others get confused thinking that they’re still in one with you, sometimes mixed signals get acrosss. It’s not worth it in the end. But then how about baby mama’s and baby daddy’s, that’s another level too!
Thankfully i don’t deal with other peoples insecurities anymore. When my wife’s ex-boyfriend died i encouraged her to talk about it because i knew she was very serious about him and it would only be natural that his passing would affect her. Whenever we return to my old hometown (very small) it only makes since that i would run into an old flame. She doesnt seem threatened by it. We spend time catching each other up and then i go on about my business. If something were going to happen it would have occured a long time ago.
I am friends with my ex but imthinking about keeping it at a minumum, he’s expressed his on going love for me & has said numerous times that he will in fact “take me from my man” as he did with my previous relationship.
I try to be nice and laugh it off but I foresee a long lasting relationship w. my current man & dont want to let anything come between us. Guess it has to come to an end.
I’m a man, and from my experiences of dealing with my ex’s, it is never good for your current relationship. Going out to shoot some pool or a sports bar always leads to drinking to many henn shots and making the natural dections of hitting ya ex. It will always be that flame going and it will never go away. Most people make excuses saying they are “really” but realistically, they are just feeling each other and love the company. Chillin’ w/exes while you are in a relationship is a bad move.
He can be “cool” w/ them but not hanging out, or at each others places. I’m not insecure and there is no competition- its a reason why she is in the past and I am in the present. If he can chill w/ his ex, then the same applies for me and I’m quite sure he’d rethink that. 9/10 one of the two still feels that there is chance, and if you want to be in your ex’s face then why bring me into the picture?