Successful Black Woman Don’t Get Enough Sex…

Posted in Rated Grown Up, Relationships on Nov 10, 2009

Photo of Model: Dreyana

Photo of Model: Dreyana

and most of them don’t get married, which is more proof to my blog about men making “hoes” their wife.

Michelle Obama may have become an archetypal African-American female success story — law career, strong marriage, happy children — but the reality is often very different for other highly educated black women.

They face a series of challenges in navigating education, career, marriage and child-bearing, dilemmas that often leave them single and childless even when they’d prefer marriage and family, according to a research study recently presented at the American Sociological Society’s annual meeting in San Francisco.

I found this article which basically states, that more men are making wives of easier, freakier and more sexually free women, or at least I like to think that is the case. We all know a lot of men think with their ’small heads’ more than they do their big heads. Take Lamar Odom for instance, he kicked it w/ Taraji Henderson and asked her to marry him, she said no! He kicked it w/ Khloe and married her in 2 weeks.

I’m sure I could end the blog here but successful black woman aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They have some evil in them. Every black female boss I ever had a mean streak. They tend to be married to their career and can’t give the man the one thing he truly needs to stroke his ego. Time. Let’s not forget that men are the new women and things change.  Fact is “marriage chances for highly educated black women have declined over time relative to white women.” Mainly because these successful black women don’t wanna be baby mamas. So not only are they single, they are also childless, and die that way.

I found that they feel like I’ll do these “freaky” things to my man, and they don’t get enough practice at them or they feel like things like vehicular fellatio are beneath them. Of course it is, because she’s a lady. Meanwhile chicks all over the globe are doing more things quicker, faster and better. Most men will take a woman w/ the bedroom skills of a porn star over a novice with clout at her job. An OG broke it down to me like this: If you get offered 2 jobs, one w/ benefits and one without which one are you going to take? On the flip side, if you got to hire one person, and one of them already has the skills and the other one you’ll have to train… I mean guess who is going to get the job. Now I’ll give in to the argument that there is a such thing as being too qualified. I mean even I wouldn’t allow Karrine to suck me off, but I digress.

Maybe Black women are just too smart to get caught up in the game of giving it up and not getting called back. Maybe they are just focused. There are things more important that sex, like money and success. Yet, what I find most interesting is this:

“A greater negative reaction falls on them…” Clarke said.

African heritage is devalued compared with European or Asian heritage. African-American females, even with lots of education, do not fetch as much “value” in the marriage market.

That may be a cold way to look at love, romance, and sex, but studies dating back to the 1980s support it.

Of course if highly educated black women felt free to have children outside of marriage, they could still have a family. When some white women make that choice it is often seen as a kind of liberal empowerment.

But according to Clarke, black women are concerned about looking “ghetto.” Public interpretation of our actions matter for everyone, but especially for black women, Clarke explained. “When it comes to the issue of black women and should or should they not make a choice to have a child alone, these women are very much aware that the decision to do it makes people question their class status. We associate single unwed child bearing with poor African-American women.”

And Just in case you were wondering about successful Black men.

Highly educated black men tend to “outmarry” (marry outside race, religion or ethnicity) at a higher rate than black women, researchers say. Think of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates or Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Both married white women.

SOURCE: MSNBC


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  • Deeny
    I think it' less about sex and more about the male ego and comfort level. Let's not get ish twisted and act like most "educated" & successful black women are bores in the bedroom cause that's B.S. ANY woman living circa 1972 knows and understands the imporatance of "gotta ride nice d*ck" (c) Hov. I just think that black men have this false feeling of entitlement sometimes that causes them to feel as if they DESERVE waaaaay more than they put in work for. They have a tendency to justify selfish and immature behavior with the claim that they're "not getting what they need at home". The truth is if a woman is doing her thing in life, she's gonna expect the same from her partner. Not talkin $$$ or status, but drive, ambition, and integrity. And because she embodies those things herself, she is gonna CALL U OUT and remind you of her worth everytime. Fact is a lot of black men cannot handle that. It is waaaay easier to deal with a lesser, freakier, will do anything and take anything from my man cause he's fine and got a good job with benefits kind of girl! She will put up with mediocrity and make him feel as if HE's the catch and she should be happy he chose her.
  • roaringtwenties
    I completely agree with this. My friends and I have named it the Educated Black Men Syndrome (EBMS). They feel as if they should not have to put in any work and are entitled to the best treatment you have to offer because of who they are. When you remind them of your worth and that you won't accept their laziness in doing the most basic things (calling, spending time, only seeing you at their convenience) they look at you like you are crazy. Then proceed to find the next lesser woman who will.

    I will not accept that treatment. I want an equal. Someone who can appreciate my efforts and reciprocate. Many of the educated black who I have met simply don't feel like they should have to do anything because they are "so rare." I am over that. I will keep looking. I will date outside the race. But I WILL NOT settle.
  • HeadMistress
    The End!

    *Take Your Bow*
  • Deeny
    i'm just sayin!!!!! Lol
  • Thank You!
  • caramelcrememiss
    Yaaaasss!!! So very true and those who the description fits without a leg to stand on.
  • Blacksand
    You hit the nail on the head Ms. Deeny.
  • klearlykomplicated
    I definitely cosign to that!
  • The ego of a successful black woman has a lot to do w/ why they are single. As well as the ego of a black man. Successful or not. As adults we need to choose people who are secure in them self and a lot of times we don't pick the right person for us. We pick people we want to be w/ rather than the people we should be with.
  • Kasandra
    i can agree the ego of "successful people or black people"... not just black women!
  • Deeny
    I see ur logic, but that doesn't make for a solid relationship. Yes, often, the ones we "want" are not the best fit for us, but we NEED to WANT who we're with. That type of chemistry needs to be there, as oppossed to being with someone who "makes sense".

    Now if we're basing who we want off of who everyone else expects us to be with, that's different. This notion that your socio-economic status needs to be showcased by who is on your arm is naive and immature. So yes, I agree, insecruities play a MAJOR role. But that doesn't mean that you should downplay your worth for the sake of "finding someone".
  • PTANI
    Co-sign!
  • Mealfits
    Thank you, ladies for understanding my point of you. I know you ladies are fighting and uphill battle. But understand so is the black man. Its so easy for us to fall off or end up in jail. We are surrounded by successful white males, deadbeat homies, Ass n titties...Its a lot. I just graduated, and soon as ladies know you making a little money, these girls come out the woods. its a lot to contend with.

    But yall cant stay in the office or act all mean if your approached by a gentleman. So many times i seen a guy approach a black woman politely and get dissed HARD as if he had no right. Thats not cool. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage to approach a complete stranger and say "hello".
    Sooooo word of advice ladies: if he comes up to you and he is not an Ass, and doesn't immediately comment on how good your ass looks in them jeans, give the dude the time of day. If he is a dud, then form an exit strategy
  • whymelol
    Just graduated from Stanford, applying to medical school soon...and I'm celibate. So I can see what you're saying about successful black women and the lack of sex. But I choose to stay away from sex right now because I've learned that "going there" with dudes who take you for granted, or who are not dedicated to you, only leads to you getting hurt later on. So I decided that I'm not going to that level with a guy if he doesn't prove to me that he actually wants me for ME. So far, I'm still looking, and I haven't found that. So yes, I lack a sex life right now. But I'm happy! I'm not worrying if a dude is gonna call me the day after, if he's spreading my business to other people, if he has 5 other girls on his roster, etc. So I don't think it's the best thing to tell women, "Go, have sex!" because it might be easy to say for a man, but for many women, it has emotional consequences. Hell, I'm the least emotional woman in my friend group and I still have problems with the last guy I "talked to" (since more and more men don't want relationships) and had sex with. I've also experienced the "random sex," and that doesn't do it for me (it's just not as good physically if I'm not into it emotionally). Therefore I'm left with the option of celibacy and I'm fine with it. Until I find the right guy, I'm staying away from sex because of the emotional backlash that can come with it. That may leave me to be less skilled than the next chick, but if the guy is genuinely into me, he should be able to help me improve my skills after time.
  • Mealfits
    Im New here But i thought I should comment on this subject. I am a black man Living in South Florida. I am college educated, polite and I think Im a pretty decent guy. I dont have a problem getting women at all. Educated black men, with no kids and havent served jail time is rare and WE KNOW IT. There are way more successful black women out there but no Enough counterparts. But the issue I find with meeting successful smart black women (at least where Im at) is that they just have NO time. They work all day, all afternoon all night!

    Ladies, how can it work in your personal life if all you want to do is work? I know there is a glass ceiling but if you want marriage and kids that takes just as much work. it dont come easy for man or women. it takes sacrifices (which means time off for each other).

    For the ones who are saying that black men are running to other races. Listen, there are a multitude of different reason why people date outside there race. That person may very well be racist or prejudice against his/her own race, orrrrrrrr they could have finally found someone they connected with and treats them right. Why should a black guy or black woman who finds a white man who is good to them walk away because that person is a different color? it makes no SENSE.

    In that sense, going outside you race is fine. What is not fine is you guys who go for spanish and white women cuz you want kids with good hair and light eyes. Thats just pathetic.

    For you single, beautiful, educated black women out there, please just take the time out and go out and MEET men. WE ARE LEGION, were like roaches, we are EVERYWHERE that you are. Go out, experiments, you dont gotta give us some ass, but call a brother, go eat, feel us out. U will find the right fit and get what you want. He may not be a baller, and hey may not be able to match his shoes with his belt, but He will be a good man who loves you for you. Remember, it dont matter how hard you work at your career, it will never love you back, never caress you, never listen to you gossip, or fall asleep right after sex cuz it was that good, or kiss you on you eye lids when you sleep....
  • buttington09
    see its men like you i'm waiting to meet when I graduate!!
  • HeadMistress
    I love what you expressed in this post and I think a lot of us believe what you are saying it's just the rarity of finding a guy who believes as you do

    @ "Go out, experiments, you dont gotta give us some ass, but call a brother, go eat, feel us out"

    We need to hear that more often from more men 'cause to let Xilla and his band of merry whores tell it "if we like you we had better f*ck you & suck you and we had better do it fast, the sooner the better cause if we don't someone else will"

    Now while I don't put any stock in that BS it just gives you an idea of the mindset of some men and women - men who happen to think differently rarely speak up, online or in person.
  • TheDuchess
    'cause to let Xilla and his band of merry whores<-- Damn near FELL OUT!!! LMAO!!
  • HeadMistress
    I'm so serious - and I agree with so much of what Xilla says regarding relationships, I don't remember how I found his site but it's most of his views that have kept me reading and coming back but this idea that a man is somehow entitled to put his dick in my mouth the minute I decide I like him enough to want to know more otherwise he's on to the next is beyond ridiculous

    That's like getting a job and demanding your paycheck on the first day...Good F*ckin Luck!
  • Mealfits
    Thank you, ladies for understanding my point of you. I know you ladies are fighting and uphill battle. But understand so is the black man. Its so easy for us to fall off or end up in jail. We are surrounded by successful white males, deadbeat homies, Ass n titties...Its a lot. I just graduated, and soon as ladies know you making a little money, these girls come out the woods. its a lot to contend with.

    But yall cant stay in the office or act all mean if your approached by a gentleman. So many times i seen a guy approach a black woman politely and get dissed HARD as if he had no right. Thats not cool. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage to approach a complete stranger and say "hello".
    Sooooo word of advice ladies: if he comes up to you and he is not an Ass, and doesn't immediately comment on how good your ass looks in them jeans, give the dude the time of day. If he is a dud, then form an exit strategy.
  • PTANI
    You have to understand ... especially in South Florida. The norm is for men to be degrading... it's not common for a nice guy to come up to you and say hello. Men stare and don't say anything. And then you have the busters...who will be up in your face looking for a handout. It shouldn't be that we have to go to clubs looking for guys. There ARE intelligent women who would much rather go to a movie, to a restaurant, a library, etc. What happened to good, old-fashioned people with sense?
  • PTANI
    Mealfits ... where exactly are you in South Florida, because I live between Miami and Pembroke Pines and there are no black men who are worth anything. In actuality, they are worse than the freaking women...
  • Mealfits
    I live in Boca Raton, Fl. And im not going to lie. If you are in S Florida, then you defly fighting an uphill battle. lol.
  • PTANI
    Ok...so you admit it. As you move farther north, it gets a little better, but the cycle of living in "Florida", unless you are in the boonies, is let me get you before you get me cause I'm not the one to get got and I do the getting. Feel me? I moved away to another city for awhile because of this same reason. I have friends (guy) who have actually said to me, a guy looks at you and then looks at his pockets and decides he's not good enough. WTF? What happened to taking chances, not judging, or making assumptions that may not be true? Let me get off this soapbox.
  • mealfits
    I get your anger. @ the situation PTANI. But to be honest, everything about Black culture is totally under attack. Even out relationships. Its all hard. But like I said before. Try to give some guys a chance. I dont know who you are but there is a high chance if I were to bump into you outside a coffee shop in the middle of the rain and gave you my umbrella, you might give me your number...but if i see you across the dance floor in club, and came up and said hi, you be like "get hell outta my face". Not saying thats who you are, but thats what tends to happen to nice guys.

  • PTANI
    No. It's not anger...I'm actually sad. Sad that as a people, we cannot come together on one accord. Sad that black women have to degrade themselves in the name of "having a man". When do we embrace each other's intelligence and keep it moving? LOL - and why would you think I would tell you to get the hell out of my face? LOL. I'm not that type of person. But when a black man hears that a woman has her own business, or has a degree beyond undergrad, they start panicking. You know, just like men want women to accept them, blue collar, white collar and whatever, we women do too. Why do the standards change for black women? We weren't bred that way - we were bred to have some self-respect (well, most of us at least) and dignity. What's so wrong with that? And, mr. nice guy... can you HONESTLY say that you've given us successful, intelligent and sexy BLACK women a chance?
  • mealfits
    I didnt mean you would actually do that. just an example. And yes I have given them a chance, and have some really great ones, that made me pretty happy. We went our separate ways for different reasons but we are all still cool. I've never dated the "dumb girl", it just never got past the 1st step. Im well taught, I have opinions and interests about a variety of different things. A girl who know nothing about anything just couldnt deal with me... And im not claiming to be a nice guy and all. Im just a real dude: Meaning that yes the girls with the skirt-to-short do catch my eye. And if/when im single and I am not looking for a GF, yes i am on the hunt...

    BUT I keep it real ALL THE TIME. I'm grown, there is no need to pretend if you know all you wanna do is kick it (and i dont mean sex).

    Cuz I HATE when guys cake some girl up for months. have sex and then say she a HOE. How is she a hoe when YOU made her like you and she slept with you.

    Im just a real guy. The games really have to stop between black me and women. Its destroyin us
  • HeadMistress
    "In Jesus' name, Amen!"
  • mealfits
    lol
  • mealfits
    All you ladies with degrees...what is your degree in?
  • PTANI
    Undergrad:
    AA - Accounting
    BS - Mass Communications w/minor in Public Admin
    Masters - Global Strategic Communications
  • HeadMistress
    Don't have one yet, workin on it as we speak - I've been blessed in that I was able to successfully climb the corp ladder w/out one - but I have found a different calling and am on my way to Law School
  • PTANI
    Do your thing sis...
  • HeadMistress
    I'm doin it :-)
  • buttington09
    BA in psych as of May 2010..ow!
  • Lady Jei
    AS-Liberal Arts
    BA and MS-Industrial Labor Relations/Human Resources
    *All from Cornell University

    2nd BS Forensic Psychology
  • PTANI
    Well said...co-sign
  • mealfits
    Thanks ladies. All i want to say is this: Black ladies, just give the next seemingly decent guy a chance...U just never know. If you see him looking at you and you like what you see. LOOK BACK, and I mean REALLY look back. Its SO HARD to get up and walk over to a women who is wit her girls and say hi.
  • PTANI
    LMAO! You ARE kidding, right? What makes u think we don't? We do look back, over and over and most guys just stay over there trying to be all hard and whatnot and miss out on what may be the best thing that ever happened to them. But I'm sure we all feel what you are saying. LOL. And maybe you should "tweet" some of this knowledge onto your "boys". LOL - I'm following.
  • mealfits
    @PTANI

    Ok PTANI, Ill take you word that your putting the effort lol... You just havent had much luck...or at least you need to stop going to Cafe iquanas or stay away from East Miramar lol...Im just kidding. Im sure your a sweet Heart, just stay open...It'll come
  • PTANI
    LOL - what do YOU know about Cafe Iguana? That's hilarious. I live in Miramar, so I have to be there.
  • mealfits
    I had my 21st bday there. But I feel u
  • PTANI
    And no, not actively looking. What's for me is for me and God will bring him - in Florida or not. LOL - I'm not desperate and doing just fine.
  • mealfits
    Ok I believe you. and your right, He will
  • We don't do urls here. Please link your twitter profile to your name. I'll have the whole world coming here putting up links in the comment section. Imma remove it please link your profile if you want them to follow you. Thanks
  • mealfits
    Sorry bro, aint know...my bad Xilla
  • PTANI
    Had to get back on the soapbox one more time. It's a HUGE misconception that successful black women don't like sex or are too uptight. Truth be told, it's the successful black women that are the freaks, the ride-or-dies, etc. Men are so silly to think that we won't make time for you. The question is, what are you doing that has us not WANTING to make time for you. Men, step ya game up and give as much as you get and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
  • mealfits
    I get your anger. @ the situation PTANI. But to be honest, everything about Black culture is totally under attack. Even out relationships. Its all hard. But like I said before. Try to give some guys a chance. I dont know who you are but there is a high chance if I were to bump into you outside a coffee shop in the middle of the rain and gave you my umbrella, you might give me your number...but if i see you across the dance floor in club, and came up and said hi, you be like "get hell outta my face". Not saying thats who you are, but thats what tends to happen to nice guys.


  • Lady Jei
    Blogxilla, up until now we have primarily agreed on most topics. But here you couldn't be more WRONG!!

    I am a not 1, but two time Ivy League graduate of Cornell University, and a member of several networking groups of Ivy leaguers, and let me tell you, what you have just posted couldn't be the farthest thing from the truth.

    We get it in, if not more than your average college chick (no disrespect to the non-Ivy league/HBCU chicks). And that is NOT to say we are more or less of a woman than them. Its just, just because we are successful in our careers does NOT mean we are having less sex. We are women at the end of the day, and that cushy corner office I have will not break my back out and make me feel all soft n pink inside.

    I am also a member of a predomintely African-American sorority, whose chapter consists of ALL professional successful women. Lawyers, doctors, and the like. And we have had absolutely NO problem getting and keeping a man. We are married, have thriving careers, and who's men are happy.

    This is NOT about the women and the lack of sex. Because clearly we can't have sex with ourselves (well we could but you get where I am coming from).

    What you have described is a boy who is likely to be with a woman who doesn't pose a challenge to him. We call it the "Becky Effect". When men would much rather deal with the woman who 'seems' more likely to put up with his antics, and not accept less than what she is worth, she's a 'becky'. If you are a man, and are not afraid of a go-getter type of woman, who can equally be your head strong woman, and give you head strong, then oh well. That's your lost.

    In several list serves I am on with both men and women who have higher than average IQs, dealing with a man/woman of equal education and career minded background it the best of both worlds. She can meet you at the debate table and fuck your brains out on that same table.

    And the fact that you have named 2 prominent black men who have white wives is just rhetoric. Because I can name just as many if not more prominent highly educated black men who have married highly successful black women. Starting with the Obamas, lol.

    So whatever preconceived notion you have about successful Black women not giving head, or getting their freak on in the back of a Range, lol. Think again.

    Men need to realize that they are being held to a much higher standard, and you NEED to step up to the plate and be a MAN and not a boy and become their full potential and not settling for living in their momma's basement, thinking "I'm in the entertainment business without a business", thinking "I am a promoter and can get you into any hot club", and begin to think I get from the universe what I put out.

    Men often settle too, lol. You would love to have the woman on you arm who has the cushy corner office, expense account, travels around the world, and can give you head like nobody's business. But guess what, you look at her and because YO shit isn't together you know you don't have a chance in hell of coming at her with your bullshit. So you settle for the chick in the cubicle next to yours. Because she is more your level. Step ya game up.

    And how man men can say they have actually been with a successful Black woman? Or is it 'what you heard?'. Because alot of what you speak is what someone told you, not what you have actually experienced, lol.

    So if as a man you want to know how the world views YOU, take a look at your woman. She is a direct reflection of YOU and who you are.



    I'm Lady Jei...A Zeta..and I approve this message!
  • HeadMistress
    *recovers from Mental "O"* LOL

    I am HeadMistress and I approve this message!!!

    Lady Jei for President 2012!
  • NO NO NO NO the indented type or block quote is not me. thats Professor Clarke. lol or from the article. lol now secondly I agree w/ a lot of what you said and by no way did I mean to imply that ALL successful women don't fuck, hell I fully know some of them sex like rabbits. My thing is there comes a certain level of elite-ism and classism involved when they expect to get a man gift wrapped and delivered to them w/o trying to make them better.

    When I deal w/ a woman I will try my best to do whatever I can do to make them a better person. She should do the same. If a man would have tried to kick it to you 10 years ago and didn't because you weren't where you're at now... thats just as wrong. I just feel like more Women should build their men... and couples should build each other and thats something they are not doing... now tell me i'm lying.
  • HeadMistress
    You’re not lying and that all sounds good but as women the risk we refuse to take anymore is spending/wasting our time trying/helping to build a man when he is not even devoted solely to you.

    Who puts time and money into building anything that they’re not likely to be able to enjoy or reap the benefits from?

    Many men will get the woman that you say we should be, shyt on her and then try to justify it claiming, “It’s in his nature to seek and conquer new pussy and she shouldn’t take it personally”. GTFOH!

    It’s not right to generalize or lump all men into one category, but how many examples do we need to see of other women putting their best efforts into building up their men, at times even putting their own careers on the back burner, just to get left when he is off and running or cheated on during the building process before we learn that it’s more likely than not to happen or at least be able to identify the signs of the man who is not worthy of our time and dismiss him/them? We’re gonna need to see a whole lot more Michelle Obama’s before we’re comfortable taking that ride again

    All men are not worthy and if you’re not finding a woman whose willing to invest in you, maybe you need to take a closer look at yourself (general you, not you-you)

    The problem is many men want it all but only want to give half, if not nothing, back and can’t handle the fact that those days are over, a quality woman is not gonna put up with just any nonsense you throw at her.
  • SCARED MONEY DONT MAKE MONEY!
  • Lady Jei
    So if I got my money, why can't he have his money, then we can have our money. I have to have my money, then help him get some money, then we can have our money.

    Also men expect the traditional woman to play her role, but yet they can't live up to theirs. So now its MY fault because he can't meet me where I am.

    Men want wife expectations, with girlfriend roles.
  • HeadMistress
    @ "Men want wife expectations, with girlfriend roles."

    Need I even say it???

    HM: You for President

    LJ: No, You for President

    HM: No, You for President

    *rock - paper - scissors*

    LOL!!!
  • HeadMistress
    You are absolutely right BUT money don't have emotions - People Do!
  • PTANI
    True...
  • Mealfits
    Im New here But i thought I should comment on this subject. I am a black man Living in South Florida. I am college educated, polite and I think Im a pretty decent guy. I dont have a problem getting women at all. Educated black men, with no kids and havent served jail time is rare and WE KNOW IT. There are way more successful black women out there but no Enough counterparts. But the issue I find with meeting successful smart black women (at least where Im at) is that they just have NO time. They work all day, all afternoon all night!

    Ladies, how can it work in your personal life if all you want to do is work? I know there is a glass ceiling but if you want marriage and kids that takes just as much work. it dont come easy for man or women. it takes sacrifices (which means time off for each other).

    For the ones who are saying that black men are running to other races. Listen, there are a multitude of different reason why people date outside there race. That person may very well be racist or prejudice against his/her own race, orrrrrrrr they could have finally found someone they connected with and treats them right. Why should a black guy or black woman who finds a white man who is good to them walk away because that person is a different color? it makes no SENSE.

    In that sense, going outside you race is fine. What is not fine is you guys who go for spanish and white women cuz you want kids with good hair and light eyes. Thats just pathetic.

    For you single, beautiful, educated black women out there, please just take the time out and go out and MEET men. WE ARE LEGION, were like roaches, we are EVERYWHERE that you are. Go out, experiments, you dont gotta give us some ass, but call a brother, go eat, feel us out. U will find the right fit and get what you want. He may not be a baller, and hey may not be able to match his shoes with his belt, but He will be a good man who loves you for you. Remember, it dont matter how hard you work at your career, it will never love you back, never caress you, never listen to you gossip, or fall asleep right after sex cuz it was that good, or kiss you on you eye lids when you sleep....
  • Chante
    Xilla I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but have never really felt the need to comment. I guess this one struck a particular nerve. I haven’t read all the comments (there’s way too many).

    This study is nothing new. It’s been done before and I will agree that marriage eludes a substantial amount of successful Black women. But then again, take a look at the Black community, marriage is not only eluding the ones who are successful, but damn near everyone. People rather shack up, be baby mamas & daddy’s, just kickin it. It’s even hard to find a man/woman who wants to establish a committed relationship.

    Success has nothing to do with a woman’s sexual experiences and level of freakiness. If you think every successful black woman is a sexual prude and needs to be taught how to please her man then you’re wrong. Successful black women are people first…think about it she was a teenager at one point, she might’ve been the chick that lived down the block from you, she might’ve gotten around…what I’m saying she wasn’t always on top of the corporate ladder so when she wasn’t she may not have thought vehicular fellatio is beneath her…so she was doing whatever she do. Ever thought, vehicular fellatio is not necessarily beneath her, but unlike those who aren’t successful, this woman has a lot more to risk and lose.

    What I find wrong with your article is the way you typecast and place successful women in a box. You say “successful black woman aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They have some evil in them.” Don’t all women? Black or white? But I think what you’re trying to get at is that Black people in positions of power are usually on a power trip. That power trip has a lot to do with their personality, the corporation they are apart of, living up to and exceeding what is expected of them in their position.

    I do think successful women are too smart to get caught up in the hype of being someone’s baby mama etc, but so are women who have good morals and values. Success does not change your inner core and belief system as a person. Because I can name a few black successful people who are baby mamas, running to the clinic to get rid of baby, cheating, caught in awkward positions etc…

    Black men (successful or not) are more likely to date outside of their race than Black women. Typically if you do look around society you will see that when Black men reach a certain level of success they often trade in their ride or die gf for a Becky (look at pop culture) I’m not saying they all do but…Black women are less likely to date outside of their race because we get too caught up in our image and what society says. Truth be told, I love Black men, but I have considered and am willing to date outside of my race. At the end of the day it’s about which man loves and respects you, not what race they are. So if it’s a white man that offers you what you’re looking for then go for it.

    BTW I’ve heard Justice Thomas speak and I’ll reserve all my negative comments on the contempt I personally feels he has for Blacks and how he enforces the retarded “color blind” principle we see in the law.

    As women, successful or not (because at the end of the day when you strip all labels away, we are women) we need to stop settling for these men that don’t reach whatever expectation you have.
  • HeadMistress
    *Clapping slowly & deliberately*

    Very well stated!

    It's kinda crowded up there but go ahead and take your place at the head of the class with the others
  • thicklikecornbread
    I believe that Black Men have gotten lazy over the last decade or so. What happened to calling a woman for a date by Wed if you wanted to take her out on Sat? Remember those days?!! If a man would call after Wed the girl & her parents thought him to be disrespectful & the girl would turn him down for the date & the parents wouldn't let her go. He11, I get dudes that call me 30min-1hr before saying "You wana do smtg?" Or, "I got tickets to ...." Im a lady & can't get ready in 30min!!

    This guy I was seeing (a Krispy Kreme donut delivery man) told me, "Well, if you leave, it's ok. Its too much out there." It pissed me off. But, it certain terms its true. Yeah, its more women than men, but how many are quality women that you would take home to your mother or grandmtr?

    The chicks today will f*ck & s*ck a dude on the 1st date, blow up his cell ph, give him $. That is NOT the man I want. It makes for a lazy man & a lazy husband. Get it together ladies. We have to do better. Are sons & daughter will have to deal with this mess in the future.
  • After reading the comments I must say Yall continuously prove my point about love and relationships.

    No one ever says anything about what kinda personal qualities they want in a mate..only material things (jobs, degrees, etc are ALL MATERIAL)

    Why can't you be with the plumber if he doesnt' cheat on you, loves you for you, doesn't try to change you and does anything for you. Why do he gotta have this peice of paper and that.

    Thats because you care more about status and what ppl will think of you than anything.

    There is nothing wrong with a plumber when ur toilet is clogged, but he not GOOD ENOUGH to fall in love with

    I hate everything about that.. seriously

    On to the subject, I don't want to address white women or asian women or latina women because I am not one of them. What I do observe in my community is that buppie women (and men) tend to ask for all these material qualities in a person because they are still tryin to PROVE their worth. They want to SHOW their worth by getting a trophy man to flaunt, show their worth by having 7 degrees, show their worth by this and that. Well...you are already WORTH SOMETHING, dont let no one else tell you different.

    Yes a degree is material, because it can be bought, if you get a job or career (which is just a long term job FTW) using a degree..it was BOUGHT..And ANYONE CAN GET A DARN DEGREE..so I can't understand FOR THE LIFE OF ME..why having a DEGREE is a requirement for "love"...SERIOUSLY...its not LOGICAL

    Black professional women are still trying to run from what "they" thought of us as said in the article, and that means by being "perfect"...constantly seeking validation is really really troubling...

    Nothing wrong with going after yours...and working hard, but as xilla says, some of yall work too darn hard..and you are doing it to prove to the world you are worth something...but what about how you feel about YOURSELF...if all you want out of life is to prove your worth to others...then well..I dont know what to say about that

    *sighs*
  • buttington09
    i think a lot of it has to do with culture too...my mother ALWAYS taught me to put my education first before any man because it is not a guarantee that he'll be there to provide at the end of the day but almost nobody can take that away from you. When u come from an impoverished background, a lot of times Black women can't afford to get sidetracked -- as opposed to some middle class white women who have a family who can provide for them if need be
  • The notion that a woman should desire to be a "babymama" is very disturbing. White people are not the standard and it's just as screwed up when they choose to go that route as it when Black ppl do so. Respect for the family structure must be restored. I agree, many men are settling for what's fastest, quickest, and comes easiest.that is a direct reflection of the cultural shift in our society but the question that must be asked is " has this mentality Bern more detrimental or profitable." I believe the answer is clear. The type of man you describe in this blog does not appear to be wise but instead a victim of society. I don't desire any man with this mentality because building a family is something that will impact generations ahead of us thus one must choose well. I just hope there are men left who are of a different mindset than what you've described.
  • No woman should desire to be a BabyMomma. You are talking about a child. Human Being. I don't think people realize how many childless fathers are out here. Fatherless Children, that are acting a damn fool out here. So i need to loosen up, and get some Dick because I would rather set a foundation for my future children and possible husband who I expect to bring the same to the table.

    Even if i didn't marry a man in my same field, and income bracket, I would still love him. I would still respect him, as long as we loved each other. I think that there are a load of Black Men who just are too lazy to meet up to the expectations.
  • I guess what bothers me about it is why is that an Educated Black Woman gets so much flack? Why is that A Educated White Woman has no issue with getting married, and not wanting to have a bunch of children out of wedlock, and possible not have a father around. I work for OSHA (Gov't), There are 6 Woman Lawyers in my office, all of them are engaged of either married. All of them white. I guess I feel like Black Men who feel like they can't compete with a Successful Black Woman will always complain. Its up to a black man, to compete with these women, work as hard as these woman. I will tell you this though, its not easy to be a Black Woman trying to establish a career. While you may think some dick is the answer. These days Dick is too risky. You got men running around fucking other men, fucking other women, running around with STD's, and then coward men getting women preggo and rolling out.

    I sometimes wonder if people think about that fact that maybe a women who invested her time in school, finding a job and career, and already having to probably fight harder then her white counter part just might not want to go backwards. There are two black women in my office. We both work as Admins. One girl has a masters yet they only see the need to pay her 12.00 for her to be an assistant to a Director. I said masters degree! She has a man, she is happy still. She is grateful to have a job, but its fucked up that she isn't making 60, 000 like the white women before here that they fired. Who i might add, probably needed some dick, because she was bitter as hell.

    I also wonder were are the so called successful Black men? All i see is men too damn old to running around saying that he making it rain, or thinking that a 13.00 an hour job is "the life". I think Black Men are just as lazy when it comes time to investing time into a relationships. I understand that people fall in love with those outside their race or whatever, but if you are doing it purely because you have a bad run in with a "successful black " female then please go ahead. That right there shows me that you are a weak person.
  • Blacksand
    Good morning Ms. Mimz, we are out here. I am educated, well travelled and speak three languages. Do not be dismayed Ms. mimz. All you can do is Keep on Pushing like Brother Mayfield said. Your King will find and appreciate you in your entirety. I will do the same when I find my queen. We just have to make sure we are ready when that opportunity presents itself. Easy..
  • My Fellow DMV Xilla Reader! I believe that you educated men are out there. I just choose not to look at this point. I'm in school Pre-Med, I hold a 40 hour job, thats not so demanding but still thats 40 hours a week. I feel like alot of the men that i come in contact with are saying one thing, but have other intents. I refuse to get caught up sexually with a man, when at the end of the day I don't want to end up somebodies baby momma, or risking my life, or worrying about some other Drama. I just want to focus on finishing school.

    Thats not to say if a total gentlemen crossed my path and understand where my priority was and worked with me instead of trying to make me " all about him" I would go ahead and see what he was about.
  • Blacksand
    I understand completely. I commend your academic endeavor. Pre-Med alone
    is no joke and you are doing it with a fulltime job. I tip my hat to you.
    I apologize for the brothers you meet who are being deceptive. All of us
    are not like that. I respect your reasons and applaud the fact that you are
    not willing to settle for less. You should not have too.

    I hear you loud and clear Ms. Mimz. You have your priorities in order.
    That alone is attractive. And last time I checked there wasn't nothing
    wrong with just enjoying someone's company. May your journey be a peaceful
    one Ms. Mimz. It has been a pleasure conversing with you. Easy...
  • I'm in love! You said Conversing and not Conversate...My Professor is a Doctor of Medicine and still says COnversate... *sigh*
  • HeadMistress
    LMAO! Two people after my own heart! My blood curdles every time I see or hear that word
  • Blacksand
    That's right HeadMistress, you are not alone!!!!!!
  • Blacksand
    Good morning Ms. Mimz, you are funny!:o) I can't stand it when someone says conversate either. I just want to jump up and correct the person who sas it every time I hear it.LOL
  • tanyacarter
    I truly believe that some of us black women wont be made a fool of too many times! We will much rather throw ourselves into our career and or education than get wrapped up into a bullshit relatonship!!! And i will add that it is not just black women who behvae in that manner...it is a strong woman (black or white) who is serious about life and dosent have time for games! So men who are carefree and want to wife a woman who is loose and freaky...be our guest...go ahead, catch aids or something if all your frontline qualities you seek in a woman is how she pops her pussy in the bedroom...lol. A serious man who wants a loving relatonship where the woman and man supports eachother he will seek out a woman who is career driven! I am a very career driven woman and guess what...im married,im black and we find enough time to get our freak on,bc we both found what we were looking for! ____the end.
  • You know what at the end of a day a successful man, regardless of race will not settle until he has done everything in life. He is going to make sure he swam through women if that's his goal, he is going to make sure he got a career or job started. Why are we expected to do the opposite? I have seen what happens when a man chooses a freaky little hoodrate over the educated woman. He got stuck with a crazy baby momma, who's freakiness got her in trouble.

    My brother in example. Decided to take the Freaky Dumb girl, or his Freshly Graduated Girlfriend, woke up with the Clap from the Dumb Girl. Man...these men are just lazy, they are looking for the easy way out. Real Men aren't this selfish.
  • riri808
    You know its funny you say that, I see alot of women saying that a freakier or easy girl will be wifed by a coward black man. Well how about a black woman that is successful enough and decides to settle with that black man that is less then her, because the successful black man is too coward to take a challenge and be equal to a successful black woman. You settle because you realize there's bullshit out there. And sure enough I did have a baby by him and long behold it didn't work out, but I'm not poor or feeling ashamed at all. I'm proud of my child and learned from my past. You just have to really see where that man's plans and goals are in life and really see if you can move on with him even in worse situations. And I was in this relationship for four years, before I was able to open my eyes and see that you know what I can't carry the both of us for this long you know.
  • doubbler
    So put down those books and pick up a dick? Is this what this article is trying to get at?
  • Exactly put down the books and pick up a dick! At least for a little while. All too often successful women are too focused on school to go on dates, too busy w/ work to enjoy a show or a nice dinner. It's too much going on and they don't enjoy life. And then when they are ready to settle down they aren't as good at performing sexual acts so they get left b/c they can't work the middle, rock the boat and all those other catchy tunes.
  • doubbler
    So, the fact that she's driven, successful, intelligent, worldly, interesting, has money of her own, goals, property, is passionate, and has good conversation counts for nothing? She just needs to put all that fancy education and professional drive on the backburner focus on how to "work the middle and rock the boat" to impress a man? Forreal?
  • Maybe they are discipline enough to realize when you work hard you play harder. Even if its after she graduates. If it that frustrating that a woman can't suck your dick the way that you want when she is finally ready to settle down? Is that not something she can learn quickly? If she had two degrees I'm sure she has no issue learning something new.

    You can't knock her for putting herself first when you probably don't even think of her as a priority. I really love your blog but for the first time, this sounds like a selish ploy to bring women right back down to 1954. "fuck me first and then do you"

    We all know that men would rather educate the other head, then their real head. By that I mean gain experience with pussy before a book. Is that safe to say? There are plenty of men without a pot to piss in that can lay a good pipe, doesn't mean that we are pressed over them. Doesn't mean that those little fuckers with good dick, won't fuck you over because they too busy running through pussy. Some women have been through enough in life to realize that "me myself and I" mentality will get your further.

    Nobody wants to settle for less point blank period, and what a partner doesn't know can always be taught in the bedroom. You learn new techniques every time you fuck weather you are 19 or 27 with a M.D or Phd. behind your name.
  • HeadMistress
    @ "There are plenty of men without a pot to piss in that can lay a good pipe, doesn't mean that we are pressed over them."

    Sooo true, the fact is people who ain't got shyt else goin for them are always the best fuckers, they gotta be, don't nobody want 'em for anything else...

    I say it all the time shiftless n*ggas lay some of the best pipe, and while I might have partaken in times past (don't judge me) last thing I wanna be is saddled with your dumb, lazy ass forever and men are no different - they say they want all that shyt but when the hoe is spendin his money faster than he can make it, ain't contributing shyt and can't hold an intelligent conversation to save her life, they end up sniffin around the successful educated woman anyway
  • I can't judge because I have partook in some ignorant good dick, and realize that the man was worthless as a man. Wondering how many women did he chop down, to have this leg shaking perfect stroke.
  • Lady Jei
    We need to contact the DNC cause we have a new candidate on the ballot.

    "the fact is people who ain't got shyt else goin for them are always the best fuckers, they gotta be, don't nobody want 'em for anything else"
  • doubbler
    And I think Black men's tendency to marry outside their race has less to do with women's sexual prowess than their own colorism/self hatred issues, value of eurocentric beauty over their own and general fetishization of/fascination with all that is NOT Black.

    Most of yall would rather be with some long-haired Puerto Rican chick who just lies there in bed than with a dark skinned girl who effs like a champ, because Miss Puerto Rico is a "prize." But that is an entirely separate topic.
  • Black men date white women b/c they think they are beautiful. It has nothing to do w/ self hate or hate of their color. Men like what they like. I don't hate myself or my race. I love my race, but every now and then I wanna bag a snowflake or a butter pecan rican
  • tanyacarter
    You sound dumb!...Its that train of thought right there that will land your ass in child support court or in a clinic with some shit that looks like cauliflower hanging from your dick!!! yuck.
  • don't come here and name call babes we don't do that. So i'm dumb because i refuse to limit my women to black women? A lot of black women and men are racist. They want to stay w/ their own race, the same thing that the racist people wanted. lets just stay w/ our own kind and most black women especially successful black women are so blind they don't even realize it. All I am saying is that if i feel like trying to holla at a while woman I will a blue woman I will, a mexican, a african, I german... it doesn't matter and why should it? SMH I say BAG!! Not SMASH!! BAG means pick up! learn to read. You are letting YOUR anger and SELF HATE make you blind!
  • TheDuchess
    AGREE!!! WTF is wrong with these ignorant simple minded fools?
  • buttington09
    Idk Xilla, u might have to speak for urself on that one, i've heard plenty a brother(and sister too) say they wont date or seriously consider a black female cuz they want to have a baby with 'green eyes' or 'long hair' or some other nonsense like that, some of it is that self hatred we love to keep a secret.
  • HeadMistress
    Exactly! Not ALL black men that date outside their race do it for the wrong reasons but a whole lot of 'em do
  • buttington09
    **claps** yes Headmistress, u got exactly what I was saying. Black men AND Black women both bring a lot of issues to the plate, just like u can't generalize about why Black men date outside the race, u can't generalize about why (SOME) educated Black women are bitter and disillusioned about Black men and don't give them a chance to hurt them by sticking to their careers (an emotionally safe distraction)
  • Sure men want babies w/ certain features, but doesn't mean all black men date outside their race for those reasons. Sometimes they eff around and get a bad combination baby come out looking awkward as heck! BUT THIS BLOG ISN"T ABOUT INTERRACIAL DATING. Lets stay on topic people.
  • **Cough Cough** Bullshit *cough cough* I have heard it from a black man mouth myself. " I'm only dating Spanish Bitches because thy don't talk back" Black women to bitter...blah blah. There are some who are just colorblind. Like myself. I don't care what color a man is, as long as he treats me well. But there are a large number who think that we are worthless as a race of black women because we dont put up wih certain things, and have certain standards.

    More power to them though if they think they can get away with ish with a white women, or any other race of woman...they will be sadly mistaken.
  • some men do it, but not all men and it's nothing to do w/ self hate more than it does w/ Preference.
  • Some, is the key word. But don't count them all out and think they are being innocent. Its on TV all the time, in the music. More people think that way then you give them credit for. But I'm one of those people that doesn't really care what race you are. Only thing i care about is how good you treat me. Can never treat the next person a certain way because of the last one. Alot of people have a hard time doing that....


    I'm on Blogxilla overload. I woke up in the middle of the night and was replying to everything. Its time for a break.
  • have you ever seen a pack of these highly educated, highly successful women in a club? they sit in the corner and talk about how "there is no quality black men out there." But shoot down any black dude that come within 5 feet of them.
  • A lot of successful black women are prudes, and set too high a bar. At the same time though it's just a matter of these people crossing paths at the right time. But some men make it hard, they are so lame and they give all of us a bad name just like some women give good women a bad name. You can't judge and you can't put up walls.
  • Just Black WOman are Prudes though? I highly doubt it. I work in DC for the Gov't I see Prude Woman of all different races. White, Black, whatever. I think there are way to many factors to why people who are successful have issues. That has absolutely nothing to do with lack of sex.
  • doubbler
    What is "too high a bar?" Most just want a man on their level, or at least one who's working toward some goals and has drive... Where should the bar be instead?
  • Lady Jei
    Set too high a bar.....wow! FINALLY a man who has admitted he cannot be the man SHE is, lol!

    Let's see:
    have a career not a job
    get a college degree
    don't have children out of wedlock
    Fear God
    AND take out the trash on Mondays and Wednesdays.

    *shrugs* I guess too high a bar!
  • Why must a man have a career right now? Why can't you help him build his career if he treats you right? Maybe he is on his way to building a career . So just because a man has kids out of wedlock, that mean he doesn't deserve love? Maybe he was young and made a mistake... And not everyone needs a college degree. I have a friend who spent 6 years in college, and works at fast food. Degree in hand. And shit most people get degrees because they feel like they have too. and then end up spending the rest of their lives working in something other than their field. I'm just saying. Your wants in a man aren't outlandish, but Jordan wasn't Jordan out of college... the bulls had to develop him.
  • misssia
    I will concur with you comment. See Barack and Michelle Obama. Too bad women cant make the sacrifice to reap the end results.
  • I dont think it mandatory that you have a degree but i think you have to bring something to the table... IF a man doesn't want to start a career then he can't hate on a woman for wanting to start hers and securing a future. Its all good to know that people who have degrees are flippign burgers, but for the most part everybody is fucked during this economy, and I don't think your friend will be flipping burgers for the rest of his life. I'm pretty sure that when he is able he is going to get out there. Right now people are just trying to survive.


    But what was Michelle Doing before before Obama ran? She was a hard working lawyer. She did give up time at her job to help her husband run, but she also would have more then likely went back to her job if he didn't win. Sure of that.
  • She also took the time to fall in love. And in order to fall in love you have to let down your guard. I know they have freaky sex in the white house. Which further proves my point! lol
  • I can did it Xilla, A woman should be able to let that guard down, but instead of knocking that women down for attaining her goals, don't knock her down to a piece of pussy for your pleasure. I know they (Obama's) getting freaky in that joint. I would be too. But the whole point of this entry seems like you are knocking a Black Woman for waiting her piece of the pie because other Black men feel like she setting the bar to high.



    Some men set the bar to high for women period. They running around looking for a Beyonce when the average woman will ride of die harder then the one who posing half naked in the camera calling herself a "model". The Average Woman who isn't relying on her looks to get her places, the one that would prefer a 401K Plan more then leaving some mans house with a wet ass and no cash. A Degree over Club hopping in Freakum Dresses, and seeing who she gonna go home with.
  • HeadMistress
    Funny you should mention Jordan, cause look who stood by his side and built him up, Juanita, and what did she get for her trouble ???

    yeah, yeah, yeah she got "half" but most women are not after "half" and would rather have their husbands remain faithful and keep their family and relationship in tact
  • His career was over by the time he ended his relationship w/ her. The love just failed. Everythings isn't meant to last forever. But it lasted a long as time. and be clear they cheated on each other.
  • HeadMistress
    Doesn't matter where the career was when it was over, she helped build him.

    Love didn't fail, love can't fail - people fail

    Who cheated first? I'll bet you a dollar to a donut it was him - two wrongs don't make a right but it sure makes you feel better ;-)

    and YEAH, Marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.
  • Lady Jei
    You were on a roll today gurl!!!! HeadMistress....my she-ro!!!!
  • yummipanamena
    ok xilla i normally agree with what your saying but on this one, i dont!. Why must a woman help you build your career to me that sounds like a lack of ambition and drive. BE A MAN. make your own way and for alot of black men they dont want to reach a education black womans expectations because they consider it too high to NOT HAVE BABYMOMAS, value family in the true sense, have a education (or be cultured) and to have your own good income and things..if black women can go out here and be educated,smart,have their own, and not feed into this recent black phenomena of baby mama culture, then of course we are gonna expect the same of out our men...black men need to get it together!
  • What must a woman help build your career... SMH It's about building one another that is the key to relationships. You don't think Jada helps will be a better person? You don't think Beyonce has helped Jay? Does he lack Ambition? It's about making the person you're with better. Hence the term you complete me. It's not just careers though its life in general. A relationship is a partnership and who wants to be in a one sided partnership or worst in a relationship w/ a WOMAN who can't do nothing for a man! Same way a WOman shouldn't be w/ a man who can't do nothing for her.

    Michelle Helped Barack grow in his career and in life and if you look at any successful relationship both parties help build one another. Its the single most important thing when it comes to a relationship.
  • Lady Jei
    Now I know your lying, because WE are not in any club, lol!!!
  • LMAO~
  • HeadMistress
    I agree there are some successful women who are too wrapped up in their careers to be in and maintain a successful relationship but a lot of times they throw in the towel because men can't handle their success...

    Often we're faced with one of two extremes...those who cannot handle a successful woman and those who are shiftless and only want to lay back and take advantage of her hard work not having any ambition themselves.

    It's hard finding one who can support her ambition and drive without feeling threatened.

    Men want us to be less emotional but how about ya'll meet us halfway and stop being egomaniacs
  • TKH
    So my only value as a woman is my vagina? My worth is measured only by how far I can get my ankles behind my head? ..... Never mind that I have 2 degrees, that I'm smart, articulate and can hold a conversation without jurking my neck or sucking my teeth.... Just watch me clap my ass.... If all I'll ever be good for is puss then I'd rather stay single thank you! I'm 25 & I realized 4 years ago that's it's a VERY real possibility I could be spending the rest of my life alone.....sad....
  • Absolutely, your only value as a woman is your vagina. So clap your ass and be a proud smart sexually free woman! C'mon son! We both know that's not what I mean. Don't neglect your sexual being, for the sake of being the top chick in the work force. I'm saying that you don't have to be alone, you don't have to deny your body sexual pleasure and not be successful b/c you like sex.

    I have came across women who couldn't handle sex, and women who could handle sex. I will admit that sex distracts people and love can get in the way of building a career. But you shouldn't avoid it... You shouldn't diss the UPS guy b/c you want a business exec who makes 6 figures or more. Maybe this guy is on his way there... At the same time I don't mean date a guy who all they want out of life is to work the late shift packing boxes on a truck. But if your dude wants to be something he's not why can't you help him get there? While you sex his brains out while he's driving the car down the road!! lol that's all i am saying.
  • caramelcrememiss
    What I find both hilarious and insulting how some of these men out here always hollering about what they want in a woman but yet they much of nothing to offer, not even ambition. They say they want a Michelle Obama, a Beyonce, etc, but they are nowhere near a Mr. President or a Jay Z. As far as the ones that want wife whores more power to em because chances are that's all they deserve anyway.
    Xilla I respect your opinion but after reading the majority (not all) of what you post it seems that you feel all a woman should aspire to be is a willing pussy and a pair of hands to cook for a man oh a capable mouth not to converse but to slob your mini me...smh
  • You left too many comments to have not read the entire blog, and not all of the words in this blog are mine. I do feel like women put their career higher than they put love.

    Michelle Obama didn't wake up and marry the president. They struggled together, they grew together and a lot of successful black women or should i say people aren't doing that. Maybe I didn't explain that much in this blog but I wrote it at like 2 in the morning and I never claimed to be the best writer. Yet at the same time if we take a minute to develop our entire being, and not just one point in our life the world would be a better place.
  • caramelcrememiss
    You misunderstood me I meant I've read many of your post meaning besides this one. (I wasn't refering to reading this one in its entirety) and I only left two other comments.. lol. As far as the growing together that's all good if you're fresh out of college but after a certain point in your life say early to mid thirties you should have already accomplished something to where as the "struggle" isn't as pronounced but maybe that's just it maybe people are tired of struggling...
  • you're right I did... i apologize for getting it wrong! Much love!
  • Kasandra
    it's soooo crazy to read this. I am in college and I have big plans and I would only date a guy who has big plans too. But I should give up my plans to be submissive to black man. Be and do everything for him. or should I just drop out of school and be a baby momma now since that's the "only" hope I have of marrying a black man? i don't get why you cant have a career and marriage? All friends have succesful careers and unlike what you say they go out clubbin Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Chruch on Sunday, And work through the week.. lol

    If having a succesful career limits my chances of having a black husband.. i'll be proud to run the risk. and GET ME A WHITE MAN lol black men use thier options and i'd be damned if I don't!
  • TheDuchess
    If having a succesful career limits my chances of having a black husband.. i'll be proud to run the risk. and GET ME A WHITE MAN lol black men use thier options and i'd be damned if I don't!<-- 2 Snaps & a twist!! I FEEL YOU!!!
  • lol hey Kasandra, now you shouldn't be a baby mama, but you shouldn't be so focused that you don't take time off for love, or to try to find love. Your man's goals should match your goals. You should build him up like he should build you up and the two of you should climb to the top together.

    I just think that some women are selfish and they put them selves and their careers before a man b/c they don't need a man to do anything for them. To those women I say drop your guard relax and suck a dick once in a while.
  • TKH
    What's really fustrating is this theme that women have to take time off to fall in love. Such a double standard. Why do women always have to make ourselves "less than" in order to find love....that sounds like men have some work to do. Why am I punished with a lifetime singlehood because I decided to do somthing with my brain and not stay in the ghetto.
  • Baby now you're just being difficult and proving my point. Time off could be one night for a date. 2 hours to have dinner. Time off ain't like drop out of school to fall in love. Just take a damn break, go out... have some sex once in a while. You spend weeks, months trying to set up a date w/ a busy person and next thing you know it's like eh! I give up.
  • mizzeboni
    I get your point Xilla but at the same time, hers is the one that popped in my mind as SOON as I read it. Why are you not advocating about men taking some time off work because, even if we dont want to admit it, there are some successful black men- well, men period. Why are you not offering advice about THEM taking time out of their lives in order to come home and be with their wife and or children. I dont think she is being difficult, like you say, at all. She is really only pointing out a hypocrisy in the whole article.

    Part of me feels that black women are beginning to understand what white women wont- your "husband" can leave so they always have to have a financial net to catch them so if that means working long hours then that is what has to be done.

    I completely understand your logic with the article and agree with it to a certain extent. I get your "just make time for a date....yada yada yada" but my whole question is that as well..why don't you do a blog about men taking time off their job in order to spend more time with their family? If you have, can you please link that to me? And if you havent, do you think the black men on here most likely wont become successful so there is no need to address that?
  • When or where did or do I ever say you should fuck upon sight! I never wrote about that. I have said do it when you feel comfortable. C'mon son yall know I use sex to relate things hence this being a sex blog! C'mon people. I'm saying the same basic thing meatiff is saying... smh!! WOMEN! see y'all tear a black man down instead of building him up!
  • HeadMistress
    Xilla, Baby, Sweetie, [insert full gov't here], come on now, on many occasions you have made reference to it being stupid for a woman to make a man wait (hate that expression, but for lack of a better one we'll use it) if she knows she wants it or was that the other BlogXilla site I read everyday?

    Yeah, we as women pretty much know on sight if a guy can get it but that's just physical, there's other shyt that has to match up before most of us will go there...now I've had a moment or two of "need it, not now but RIGHT now" and I've acted on it but ultimately it takes time to make a decision to be intimate with someone and very often your approach or at least how you come off is "you know you want it, why make him wait, just do it" and you have suggested "if you don't he's gonna move on to the next chick who will"

    But what all this, the whole subject and the problem in relationships is, is the unwillingness to see the other person's side and be willing to do what it take to assuage their fears and insecurities - there's stuff we all do that alienates the other side and it's impossible to say who is to blame for it - was it the men taking advantage of their role as head thinking they can have their cake and eat it too OR the women who put up with it thus creating a new breed of man that feels entitled to behave that way?
  • Lady Jei
    I am sooo glad you had a lil bit of free time today. Damn it!!!!!!!! YOU BETTA WORK!!

    "Xilla trippin on that one' lol!!!

    I am Lady Jei....and I approve this message

    HeadMistress for President 2012!!
  • HeadMistress
    Thanx Lady - you and me both - I picked a damn good day to chill
  • wordspit
    Hum so true, every powerful black woman I met was so anal.
  • coffy
    All I have to say is "vehicular fellatio". Classic
  • coffy
    I also want to know the number of these women who keep "friends with benefits", b/c I know they get it in somewhere too. lol
  • Orange
    bottomline folks is that there is simply not enough quality black men to go round and for some women with good sense a piece isn't nearly enough...and ALL the rest is fall out from the fact.
  • More successful blck women definitely should be dating and getting their backs blown out... I think this whole post was on point. One of the main barriers between black women an black men having successful relationships is black women being so distrustful of men in general but especially black men. We can't seem to just "chill"... just my opinion
  • meetmrblack
    Similar to “mealfits”, I felt the urge to comment on this subject. I am a 38 y/o well educated, well-traveled, tall and attractive (as I been told lol) Black Man. My New Years resolution in 2009 was to exclusively date Black Women. The reasoning behind my decision was. 1) I love and adore the Black Women in my family, I love myself and I love being Black 2) I travel frequently and encounter Women of many different cultures, primarily Latinas, and I thought I wasn’t putting myself in a position where I could meet compatible Black Women. So I revised my schedule this year, so I am not traveling as frequent, and joined groups dedicated to Black Professionals who are looking to network and socialize. Well, to make a long story short, I had the worse dating experiences of my lifetime this year. Educated Black Women often fail to realize that ALPHA males such as myself enjoy taking the lead. That means I enjoy making the decisions on where we like to meet and/or eat etc. I am not asking you to be my doormat, I am just asking you to appreciate my value as a Black Man who went through HELL to make it in this world even when the odds were against him. Black Women, being feminine and letting a real Man take the lead in a relationship is NOT a bad thing. Allow me be the Man that the Creator wanted me to be and everything would fall in place. If you observe the interactions of other races in regard to marriage and family, you will see a consistent pattern where the Male will take the lead in the relationship.
    One Luv
  • Sorry mr. black that has been your experience. As a black woman I have been put in the same position time and time again where I have been asked out leave the plans up to the black man hell every man because I was invited only to be asked when they arrive what I want to do where I want to go. Apparently very few people date in the traditional sense of allowing the man to dictate the agenda and the woman kick back and enjoy. Actually I don't think anyone especially us women (regardless of color) know how to date anymore or give the benefit of the doubt. The line has only been crossed when I someone attempts to order for me without my permission. Don't give up on us... :D
  • mealfits
    @ meetmrblack

    With all due respect: you are 38 year old, and successful. Your true age bracket is 28-38 maybe a little older. Single women at that age who are successful in their respective careers (such as what this post is about) tend not to be the type of women who are going to sit back and let you take the lead. There is a certain type of man that fall in love with these types of women. If you are an "alpha" male you are kidding yourself to think think that this type of woman is what you want. NO going to happen. They are strong and independent. Its who they are. They are not saying there is anything wrong with letting the man take the lead but its Just not them. They want equality. And the older they are the more than likely they are not looking to to a back seat for anyone, in ANYTHING.
  • HeadMistress
    Actually, women don't have as much of a problem with a males 'headship" as it seems

    The only problem with it is that we have been led astray to many times following a man with no real direction, you can't lead me if you don't know where the hell you're goin'

    I was raised with a very religious father who used his headship to justify why no one should have an opinion other than his and why no one could ever possibly be right if they disagreed with him "I'm the head of the house, that's why" was a constant theme

    Well if you have to say it then you're really not an effective head

    I have a constant struggle with "submission" because of that, it will always be a hot spot for me but when a man is a real man and honest and his actions show he is worthy of my submission and not one to take advantage of it and rub it in my face the submission comes so naturally that it surprises even me

    Women deep down in side want to be submissive, it's our nature, we are in a time where fighting it is again simply the result of either being led astray or being abandoned and having to pick up the role and run with it...once you've mastered something and have it running smoothly, it's not so easy to let someone else take over
  • Lady Jei
    My name is Lady Jei...and I approve this message!!

    HeadMistress for President 2012!!!
  • TheDuchess
    As always... I AGREE!!
  • I strongly disagree. Im certainly an alpha woman. However Im willing to surrender my alpha dominance on occassion when there is a plan in place. I have to be a leader all day long. It is nice to turn that over... It is all about approach and asking for partnership to. If she has mentioned she is not a fan of sushi and you take her to a sushi place she is of course going to show her tail. It is often time forgotten that a date is not about one person its an invitation to know that person. If lady didn't like it she should at least in a polite way share her opinon and then invite him to something that she likes to do. Dinner is only a median for conversation.
  • Lady Jei
    "Single women at that age who are successful in their respective careers (such as what this post is about) tend not to be the type of women who are going to sit back and let you take the lead. "

    Where do you live, and what kind of girls are you dealing with. And I emphasize the word GIRLS. Women no matter how much power, education, she has KNOWS her role in the relationship. There are too many WOMEN (not of any color) who have equal if not more everything than their man and allow them to lead.
    Just pick any powerful couple and you see how they play the back and allow their men to lead. Martin and Coretta, Will and Jada, Barack and Michelle, Forrest and Keisha, hell Martin and Gina, lol. There is a reason we always see Beyonce walking behind Jay. Not because she's weak or because she is docile. But Jay being the man has to protect his Queen. If danger comes, he gets it first. If she slips in them damn shoes he can prevent her from falling. But most GIRLS on every blog I see always critisize her for walking behind him. Get A F*^%$ clue.

    I currently have more of the material things you speak of and I want and NEED my man to be a man. And I allow him to be a man. I am just as head strong as he is, but he is the King of the Castle and I treat him as such.

    So my dear brotha you need to meet a WOMAN, not a GIRL!!


    I'm Lady Jei....and I approve this message!
  • PTANI
    I don't necessarily agree with you. You see, a black woman can have a position of authority and relinquish it to her man. But again, it becomes a power struggle when that man, in wanting to dominate, forgets that the woman is supposed to be his helpmate, not his doormat. It's not a problem taking the lead, but in taking it, make sure your path is directed the right way. Additionally, we LOVE strong black men. Appreciate them to the fullest. In that same vein though, do black men truly show their appreciation for strong black women?
  • So I have been reading this topic off and on since you posted Xilla... Here is my problem with the post it limited to successful black women when this topic is not limited to only the black community. There is a huge disconnect amongst human beings period because we are so focused on me me me we don't have a common way to connect outside of appearance. We all think that people should come up to our expectations instantly and when they faulter we cut them out immediately. American society especially corporate America dictates you are only successful as far as how busy you are. I know people that go on "vacation" and still plug into work. We are all guilty of being workaholics. Not just black women.

    You are right we all need to find time to seek out meaningful relationships and be open to new relationship possibilities. Often times people put their previous experiences on the new person. I have certainly been guilty of it and its insulting to that person to be asked to put up with it. No one should be asked to put up or sacrifice anything that they wouldn't do themselves. Im not going to lower the bar for a "man" that has presented himself in an unattractive way. Im not going to ignore the fact I have a four year degree, a career and I ahve a plan. He needs to come with a plan and demonstrating the fact he is taking steps to execute it. I have standards and I refuse to sacrifice those to meet someone elses expecation taht I should be tied down.
    Oh and as far as looking to my white counterparts that have married and got kids I know a few white men and women that are already divorced and dating again. How about instead of focusing on a wedding we all do better to prepare ourselves to be in a relationship that is healthy when we find our partner so that the relationship can truely become a marriage that last a life time. Sorry I got off on a totally different rant but its related so it all stays. :D (Nixx_01)
  • caramelphatty
    Ok I just stumbled upon this article via Necole Bitchie dot com and I just had to say that there are definitely career driven and successful women who are straight up freaks in the bedroom. I am definitely one of those women. I can bust a man's ass in the bed and go to work the next day saving lives. It's just a fact that some black men are insecure and can't handle a woman who can handle her business at work and body slam him in the bedroom. So they move on to mediocre women who will end up making them miserable later on down the line. We women are out there and know how to make a man feel like a king. But we expect reciprocity. I know I do. Some of us have come accross a multitude of dirtbag negroes and we refuse to settle.
  • Welcome! I know that the smart ones are freaky, from your comment and your name i can tell you make your man very happy.
  • caramelphatty
    Oh Xilla!!! If you only knew... I happen to fall in the category as a single successful sista... Just got rid of a dirtbag today...
  • tokens
    It appears educated black women are going to have an even harder time considering that more AA women are graduating 3xmore the rate of an AA man. A man always stating "Why can't a woman build him up". The question should be is why Can't he build his own self up? I am all for dating out of race, education and demographics ,but if you do not have any long term goals yourself how am I suppose to help YOU achieve them. Ironically, men have become more cowardly , if you see something that you like approach the female and introduce yourself. Don't just go on a stare match and the worse she can say is no . I prefer a blue collar man myself.
  • I'm sorry. Me being who I am, I can help my woman out to no end! So should i just let her sit there and do ALL the work themself? I swear some of y'all women are so selfish its no wonder y'all are single.
  • no thank you very much for your comment. It is a problem everyone needs to pay attention to. Its just the article on MSNBC was geared towards black women.
  • Don't get me started on the source for this post. These damn media outlets piss me off because they all look for ways to continue to marginalize us! Its insulting to constantly hear you will never be able to x, y and z. That is why I do my best to focus on the facts because listening to them I shouldn't have made it this far in life without being on welfare, never employed, with no education at all.
  • See how much fun y'all can have by just talking amongst y'all self? OH YEAH if you don't know new BLOG Is up! Cinderella Story.
  • HeadMistress
    Just great! Now I'm in class, gotta sign off :-(
  • cookinggurl
    Good Post! First time commenting on the site, I understand what Xilla is trying to say hes not saying "settle or lower your standards" Hes saying BE MORE FLEXIBLE.. this is why our half of marriages fail nobody wants to work together anymore.. Since these women are so successful at business a relationship should be no different. think about it. When you have a partner in business you don't tell them "You make less money then me so we can't work" NO you build your PARTNER UP!
  • DenisefromPhilly
    I agree with this article. Black women are devalued. No matter WHO you are.
  • blkprincess
    Im 19 and still in college and I like to consider myself a young successful black woman. However I am a lesbian, and dont care about getting good pipe.
    With that being said, this is my opinion on th subject:
    Men think that just because they want sex, a woman should give it to them. No questions asked. They think can come up to a woman with some stupid line and the woman will be willing to do him right there. What men have to realize is that every woman is special, especially a successful black woman and they deserve to be treated that way. A successful woman knows her worth. She knows that she deserves to be treated like the beautiful queen she is. If men would realize this, then they would have a better chanceof getting some. Even if its only for one night, treat her like shes the only girl in the world that matters, and act like you gothave some common sense. She is not going to be impressed with dumbass lines. You need able to have an educated conversation. First impressions are everything.
    I have heard a lot of men say that everytime they approach a successful black woman, she acts like a bitch. Realize that she has to work twice as hard at her career just because shes a black woman. So yea she might come off that way. All a man has to do is try harder. No one said it was going to be easy. Most of the time those bitchy attitudes and I'm focused on my career right now lines are just excuses. Most women are just waiting for a man that can handle and respect them as a strong, successful black woman. Let her know that you're that man and quit giving up so damn easy. Men marry "hoes" because they dont want to put forth the effort to get a successful black woman. Let her know that you can her respect her, treat her like a queen, and make her think you invented sex. Black successful pu**y is a prize. Earn it.
    As far as men wanting someone who is more experienced in sex, thats
    bs. If you want her to be experienced f**k her till she is. Wouldnt you rather have your girl give the best head because you taught her, not because she practiced on every guy from canada to mexico.
  • i haven't read any of the comments but I agree with the opinion that black women care too much what people think. Thats why they put down other women and always ALWAYS try to get validation by comparison. They are fighting to be accepted by the majority..by everyone. I have given up on that..and just decided to love me for me. trying to bring other black women with me, but that can't let go of trying to "fit in" to the mainstream. most of my posts are about women giving up trying to be accepted by their standards and our mens and just loving ourselves One of your best topics yet..I LOVE YA BLOGXILLA *reading comments now*
  • i haven't read any of the comments but I agree with the opinion that black women care too much what people think. Thats why they put down other women and always ALWAYS try to get validation by comparison. They are fighting to be accepted by the majority..by everyone. I have given up on that..and just decided to love me for me. trying to bring other black women with me, but that can't let go of trying to "fit in" to the mainstream. most of my posts are about women giving up trying to be accepted by their standards and our mens and just loving ourselves One of your best topics yet..I LOVE YA BLOGXILLA *reading comments now*
  • You can say the same thing for many brothers... Needing approval from the majority... Yes white people... We need to do US...
  • thicklikecornbread
    And, I TRULY believe Black men get intimidated by successful women b/c it will MAKE them have to step their game up & get their ish 2getha. They can be lazy with a White woman cuz the White woman will allow them to lay up all day, not work, & spend her $. And I won't just say White, i will say any lower classed, low self esteem woman b/c their philosophy is "A piece of man is better than no man." F*ck that. Not I.

    I was dating this guy (same Krispy Kreme man) that told me I was mean (I have a Master's in Nursing) b/c he wanted me to call & txt him throughout the day, give him $, & run up behind him. I REFUSED to do it. I am better than that & I feel if I did do it, he wouldn't have any respect for me. Since I wouldn't do it, he started attacking my self-esteem telling me I was fat, that guys only talk to me to get pu$$y, & that I wasn't all that. Sad thing is, is that I never said I was all that. But, I guess with the energy & vibe I released, thats what he thought. I really think HE thought that he wasn't good enuf for me. I didnt care he workd for K.K. I just wanted him to show me attention & to TRULY care about me.
  • Not at all sista... You just haven't come across the right brother... I for one looking for luv a sista doing big things... yes being successful, etc...
  • BlackKing82
    As a black man who is well educated (working on my MD), with no children, I'm at the age where i am willing to settle down and look for my future wife and start a family. I grew up in a Caribbean household where the male female roles where very traditional. My father was a minister and my mother worked at the dry cleaners. I understand that she did not have much of an education unlike most of the women on this blog, but trust me, it did not define who she was as a women. She had many of the things that these so called successful women wish they had, a happy marriage, nice home, and very happy kids. She was a very submissive wife, she was raised to look after her husband and take care of her children. My father was the leader of our house, he made all of the important decisions and he respected the hard work that my mother did for our family.

    And it makes sense to me that a women with several degrees making x amount of money, would find that kind of role degrading, but also understand that many successful men (like the ones you are after) need more than just a women with degrees...he needs someone who can take of home and understands her place in a relationship. From what I've encountered in my past, many times extremely educated women have a hard time valuing domesticated life, its like stepping back into the 50's. But if you notice...Michelle Obama is stay at home mother, yet she is well educated.

    As for what I am looking for in a women, first off she has to love God, caring, honest, loyal, have strong family values and educated. I am a sucker for sweet girls who want to do nothing but take care of me and worry about my well being, it brings out an emotion in me to where i feel like i need to protect her from whatever is negative in the world, and i just want to make sure she is safe at all times and provide for her, "that's my baby"...lol. Alpha females/ extremely opinionated women are a huge turn off because i feel like we would just bump heads all the time.
  • HeadMistress
    You make some very valid points, but what most people, men & women alike, misunderstand is that most women who are successful outside of the home do not find the domestic role to be demeaning. It is natural for us to want to take care of family and home and be submissive – no amount of advances in civil rights will ever change that.

    However, we are human, and just like men we have brains that thirst for knowledge, we have unlimited learning potential and we have interests outside of our basic familial responsibilities. In the past, pursuit of our interests, the opportunities or education needed to pursue them were limited whereas now we have more opportunities for an education and a career and we are able to handle both – what gets our guard up is that it often seems like men resent us for having minds and ambition. It may not have been common but it has always been natural. It’s comparable to white people who resent black people for now having opportunities in education and careers, just because it’s new to us doesn’t mean we weren’t entitled to it all the long.

    My mother is like yours, a Domestic Goddess if there ever was one. She cooked, cleaned, raise us, was generous and charitable often cooking for other families who were struggling and she had the ultimate respect for my father and his position as head of the household – she cleaned houses so that her schedule was flexible enough to do what she needed to do at home. Not only is/was she an amazing mother and wife – she enjoyed what she did.

    Now that she is older with some health problems, she is unable to cook even one meal every day let alone cook three meals a day. My father who has reaped the benefit of this amazing woman for almost fifty years now resents the fact that she can no longer perform her domestic duties to his liking. She never worked “on the books” so her social security is limited. This man refuses to give her money for groceries, refuses to help her with housework. Friends often cook meals for them (blessings of reciprocity) but otherwise she uses credit cards to food shop. When she has a good health day she cooks big (enough for several days) and cleans the house by herself – and then spends the next three days in bed trying to recover and thru it all he is mean and disrespectful to her.

    My point is, my father does not represent all men but he is certainly not one of a kind. There are a good number of men that disregard the value of a woman regardless of whether they are in the workplace or at home. No woman wants to wake up in five years or fifty years in the situation I described above. Alpha females and extremely opinionated females are the monsters created by men like my father – nobody, male or female wants to get played or disrespected and sometimes it easier to guard yourself against everybody, not right or reasonable, but true.

    You are absolutely right; a degree doesn’t define anyone, who we are as a person has to do with every aspect of our being, not just a job, education or lack thereof. If you really read between the lines you’ll see the majority of women on this post aren’t necessarily after a “degree successful” man as much as they are after a “life successful” man. Success to me is being ambitious and driven, having a passion which doesn’t necessarily need to be your occupation. Somebody has to dig ditches, climb telephone poles, collect the garbage, lay concrete etc. but as long as you are productive, a good provider and interested in bettering yourself in any area of life, you’re good in most of our eyes. If you’re a good provider then it’s just as important to us that you are kind, fair, respectful and faithful - that is what I call "life success". We wanna know that in fifty years if our health or circumstances change and we can no longer perform our domestic duties that we won’t be suddenly faced with your ass to kiss, that you’ll be willing to help us and still love and value us.
  • Lady Jei
    Change we can all believe in.........HM for President 2012!!!!!

    My sister married the damn garbage man. And that bish lives in Saddle River NJ, has a in ground pool, freakin kids sound like Benson, lol! He is now the HNIC of trash, and treats my sister like a goddess. My sister graduated from Dartmouth and has a MBA from Penn. But prefers to bake cookies and host dinner parties, as THEY run their own trash removal company from their damn out house.

    Think I wasn't looking at the garbage man the next morning like "heyyyyyyyyyy".

    And all from taking out the trash that Wednesday morning on Marcy Ave in 1986, lol!!!! I knew I should have taken out that damn trash, lol!
  • I wish we as a people stop the negativity... Yes we all know people in general LUV sex... No need for a study on professional black women...
  • mrggfep
    LoL... but for real... its not really all that specific to black folks. Men of most cultures tend to marry outside when compared to the women of the same culture (with the exception of the cases when men seek out the women of a particular culture, e.g. men traveling to Asia for the purpose of finding a wife) And white people have always had a higher rate of marriage in the US than black people... that's nothing new.

    But the truth is men are not that difficult. We want more satisfaction with less hassle. I don't think most men care what ethnicity a woman is a part of as long as we are happy. If I go out one day and I meet a black woman who has a decent attitude and 70% of what I want in a woman, and I meet a Latin or white or Asian woman with 85% of what I want in a woman and a decent attitude... I am not going to pick the black woman just cause she is black. It's a global society you gotta be on top of your game... period... everyone in the world is in competition for the same jobs, dreams, future, and ideal mate.
  • slim
    first of all.. if the woman is "educated" she knows that having a baby alone is not smart! it takes more than finances to raise a well rounded child. In addition, women need the emotional stability to withstand raising children alone (unmarried), .. 6 figures at the job can buy this! A woman who waits on marriage to bear children is SMART woman.

    seek God FIRST and everything else will fall into place.
  • slim
    irst of all.. if the woman is "educated" she knows that having a baby alone is not smart! it takes more than finances to raise a well rounded child. In addition, women need the emotional stability to withstand raising children alone (unmarried), .. 6 figures at the job CAN'T buy this! A woman who waits on marriage to bear children is SMART woman.

    seek God FIRST and everything else will fall into place.
  • RationalThinker
    Here are the issues I have with the article:

    1. it’s written by a black man who is a baby daddy and has not, and most likely, will not marry. These types of men are always quick to criticize black women when they only add to the epidemic. Then, when they father girls, their daughters will, likely, face the same future because of men with the mindset of their fathers.

    2. The comment about being alone because of being successful: 70% of black households are head by women. By that logic, MOST black women are alone--whether educated or not.

    3. If an educated black woman does not want to be alone and childless, she has numerous options:
    *Date and marry outside of her race
    *Artificial insemination and/or adoption

    4. In my opinion, this article is BS because how many articles do we have to read about the "attitudes" of black women, why they can't keep a man, etc from a non-expert, who is usually a never married, baby daddy himself. The bottom line is, in regards to this article, and life in general: Your life is what YOU make it! Your life and future is determined by your choices.

    ANYONE can get married--anyone. All one has to do is find someone who wants to marry him/her --if marriage is your only criteria. There are plenty of marriages of convenience. So, if an educated black woman thinks that it makes her seem more respectable to be a DIVORCED mother, rather than a SINGLE mother, I think that is doable--if she chooses.

    'Cause, like I said earlier, life is all about CHOICES
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