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Successful Black Woman Don’t Get Enough Sex…
Posted in Rated Grown Up, Relationships on 10. Nov, 2009
Photo of Model: Dreyana
and most of them don’t get married, which is more proof to my blog about men making “hoes” their wife.
Michelle Obama may have become an archetypal African-American female success story — law career, strong marriage, happy children — but the reality is often very different for other highly educated black women.
They face a series of challenges in navigating education, career, marriage and child-bearing, dilemmas that often leave them single and childless even when they’d prefer marriage and family, according to a research study recently presented at the American Sociological Society’s annual meeting in San Francisco.
I found this article which basically states, that more men are making wives of easier, freakier and more sexually free women, or at least I like to think that is the case. We all know a lot of men think with their ’small heads’ more than they do their big heads. Take Lamar Odom for instance, he kicked it w/ Taraji Henderson and asked her to marry him, she said no! He kicked it w/ Khloe and married her in 2 weeks.
I’m sure I could end the blog here but successful black woman aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They have some evil in them. Every black female boss I ever had a mean streak. They tend to be married to their career and can’t give the man the one thing he truly needs to stroke his ego. Time. Let’s not forget that men are the new women and things change. Fact is “marriage chances for highly educated black women have declined over time relative to white women.” Mainly because these successful black women don’t wanna be baby mamas. So not only are they single, they are also childless, and die that way.
I found that they feel like I’ll do these “freaky” things to my man, and they don’t get enough practice at them or they feel like things like vehicular fellatio are beneath them. Of course it is, because she’s a lady. Meanwhile chicks all over the globe are doing more things quicker, faster and better. Most men will take a woman w/ the bedroom skills of a porn star over a novice with clout at her job. An OG broke it down to me like this: If you get offered 2 jobs, one w/ benefits and one without which one are you going to take? On the flip side, if you got to hire one person, and one of them already has the skills and the other one you’ll have to train… I mean guess who is going to get the job. Now I’ll give in to the argument that there is a such thing as being too qualified. I mean even I wouldn’t allow Karrine to suck me off, but I digress.
Maybe Black women are just too smart to get caught up in the game of giving it up and not getting called back. Maybe they are just focused. There are things more important that sex, like money and success. Yet, what I find most interesting is this:
“A greater negative reaction falls on them…” Clarke said.
African heritage is devalued compared with European or Asian heritage. African-American females, even with lots of education, do not fetch as much “value” in the marriage market.
That may be a cold way to look at love, romance, and sex, but studies dating back to the 1980s support it.
Of course if highly educated black women felt free to have children outside of marriage, they could still have a family. When some white women make that choice it is often seen as a kind of liberal empowerment.
But according to Clarke, black women are concerned about looking “ghetto.” Public interpretation of our actions matter for everyone, but especially for black women, Clarke explained. “When it comes to the issue of black women and should or should they not make a choice to have a child alone, these women are very much aware that the decision to do it makes people question their class status. We associate single unwed child bearing with poor African-American women.”
And Just in case you were wondering about successful Black men.
Highly educated black men tend to “outmarry” (marry outside race, religion or ethnicity) at a higher rate than black women, researchers say. Think of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates or Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Both married white women.
SOURCE: MSNBC
Good morning Ms. Mimz, you are funny!:o) I can't stand it when someone says conversate either. I just want to jump up and correct the person who sas it every time I hear it.LOL
That's right HeadMistress, you are not alone!!!!!!
i haven't read any of the comments but I agree with the opinion that black women care too much what people think. Thats why they put down other women and always ALWAYS try to get validation by comparison. They are fighting to be accepted by the majority..by everyone. I have given up on that..and just decided to love me for me. trying to bring other black women with me, but that can't let go of trying to “fit in” to the mainstream. most of my posts are about women giving up trying to be accepted by their standards and our mens and just loving ourselves One of your best topics yet..I LOVE YA BLOGXILLA *reading comments now*
i haven't read any of the comments but I agree with the opinion that black women care too much what people think. Thats why they put down other women and always ALWAYS try to get validation by comparison. They are fighting to be accepted by the majority..by everyone. I have given up on that..and just decided to love me for me. trying to bring other black women with me, but that can't let go of trying to “fit in” to the mainstream. most of my posts are about women giving up trying to be accepted by their standards and our mens and just loving ourselves One of your best topics yet..I LOVE YA BLOGXILLA *reading comments now*
After reading the comments I must say Yall continuously prove my point about love and relationships.
No one ever says anything about what kinda personal qualities they want in a mate..only material things (jobs, degrees, etc are ALL MATERIAL)
Why can't you be with the plumber if he doesnt' cheat on you, loves you for you, doesn't try to change you and does anything for you. Why do he gotta have this peice of paper and that.
Thats because you care more about status and what ppl will think of you than anything.
There is nothing wrong with a plumber when ur toilet is clogged, but he not GOOD ENOUGH to fall in love with
I hate everything about that.. seriously
On to the subject, I don't want to address white women or asian women or latina women because I am not one of them. What I do observe in my community is that buppie women (and men) tend to ask for all these material qualities in a person because they are still tryin to PROVE their worth. They want to SHOW their worth by getting a trophy man to flaunt, show their worth by having 7 degrees, show their worth by this and that. Well…you are already WORTH SOMETHING, dont let no one else tell you different.
Yes a degree is material, because it can be bought, if you get a job or career (which is just a long term job FTW) using a degree..it was BOUGHT..And ANYONE CAN GET A DARN DEGREE..so I can't understand FOR THE LIFE OF ME..why having a DEGREE is a requirement for “love”…SERIOUSLY…its not LOGICAL
Black professional women are still trying to run from what “they” thought of us as said in the article, and that means by being “perfect”…constantly seeking validation is really really troubling…
Nothing wrong with going after yours…and working hard, but as xilla says, some of yall work too darn hard..and you are doing it to prove to the world you are worth something…but what about how you feel about YOURSELF…if all you want out of life is to prove your worth to others…then well..I dont know what to say about that
*sighs*
I believe that Black Men have gotten lazy over the last decade or so. What happened to calling a woman for a date by Wed if you wanted to take her out on Sat? Remember those days?!! If a man would call after Wed the girl & her parents thought him to be disrespectful & the girl would turn him down for the date & the parents wouldn't let her go. He11, I get dudes that call me 30min-1hr before saying “You wana do smtg?” Or, “I got tickets to ….” Im a lady & can't get ready in 30min!!
This guy I was seeing (a Krispy Kreme donut delivery man) told me, “Well, if you leave, it's ok. Its too much out there.” It pissed me off. But, it certain terms its true. Yeah, its more women than men, but how many are quality women that you would take home to your mother or grandmtr?
The chicks today will f*ck & s*ck a dude on the 1st date, blow up his cell ph, give him $. That is NOT the man I want. It makes for a lazy man & a lazy husband. Get it together ladies. We have to do better. Are sons & daughter will have to deal with this mess in the future.
And, I TRULY believe Black men get intimidated by successful women b/c it will MAKE them have to step their game up & get their ish 2getha. They can be lazy with a White woman cuz the White woman will allow them to lay up all day, not work, & spend her $. And I won't just say White, i will say any lower classed, low self esteem woman b/c their philosophy is “A piece of man is better than no man.” F*ck that. Not I.
I was dating this guy (same Krispy Kreme man) that told me I was mean (I have a Master's in Nursing) b/c he wanted me to call & txt him throughout the day, give him $, & run up behind him. I REFUSED to do it. I am better than that & I feel if I did do it, he wouldn't have any respect for me. Since I wouldn't do it, he started attacking my self-esteem telling me I was fat, that guys only talk to me to get pu$$y, & that I wasn't all that. Sad thing is, is that I never said I was all that. But, I guess with the energy & vibe I released, thats what he thought. I really think HE thought that he wasn't good enuf for me. I didnt care he workd for K.K. I just wanted him to show me attention & to TRULY care about me.
As a black man who is well educated (working on my MD), with no children, I'm at the age where i am willing to settle down and look for my future wife and start a family. I grew up in a Caribbean household where the male female roles where very traditional. My father was a minister and my mother worked at the dry cleaners. I understand that she did not have much of an education unlike most of the women on this blog, but trust me, it did not define who she was as a women. She had many of the things that these so called successful women wish they had, a happy marriage, nice home, and very happy kids. She was a very submissive wife, she was raised to look after her husband and take care of her children. My father was the leader of our house, he made all of the important decisions and he respected the hard work that my mother did for our family.
And it makes sense to me that a women with several degrees making x amount of money, would find that kind of role degrading, but also understand that many successful men (like the ones you are after) need more than just a women with degrees…he needs someone who can take of home and understands her place in a relationship. From what I've encountered in my past, many times extremely educated women have a hard time valuing domesticated life, its like stepping back into the 50's. But if you notice…Michelle Obama is stay at home mother, yet she is well educated.
As for what I am looking for in a women, first off she has to love God, caring, honest, loyal, have strong family values and educated. I am a sucker for sweet girls who want to do nothing but take care of me and worry about my well being, it brings out an emotion in me to where i feel like i need to protect her from whatever is negative in the world, and i just want to make sure she is safe at all times and provide for her, “that's my baby”…lol. Alpha females/ extremely opinionated women are a huge turn off because i feel like we would just bump heads all the time.
I wish we as a people stop the negativity… Yes we all know people in general LUV sex… No need for a study on professional black women…
Not at all sista… You just haven't come across the right brother… I for one looking for luv a sista doing big things… yes being successful, etc…
You can say the same thing for many brothers… Needing approval from the majority… Yes white people… We need to do US…
Xilla I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but have never really felt the need to comment. I guess this one struck a particular nerve. I haven’t read all the comments (there’s way too many).
This study is nothing new. It’s been done before and I will agree that marriage eludes a substantial amount of successful Black women. But then again, take a look at the Black community, marriage is not only eluding the ones who are successful, but damn near everyone. People rather shack up, be baby mamas & daddy’s, just kickin it. It’s even hard to find a man/woman who wants to establish a committed relationship.
Success has nothing to do with a woman’s sexual experiences and level of freakiness. If you think every successful black woman is a sexual prude and needs to be taught how to please her man then you’re wrong. Successful black women are people first…think about it she was a teenager at one point, she might’ve been the chick that lived down the block from you, she might’ve gotten around…what I’m saying she wasn’t always on top of the corporate ladder so when she wasn’t she may not have thought vehicular fellatio is beneath her…so she was doing whatever she do. Ever thought, vehicular fellatio is not necessarily beneath her, but unlike those who aren’t successful, this woman has a lot more to risk and lose.
What I find wrong with your article is the way you typecast and place successful women in a box. You say “successful black woman aren’t made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They have some evil in them.” Don’t all women? Black or white? But I think what you’re trying to get at is that Black people in positions of power are usually on a power trip. That power trip has a lot to do with their personality, the corporation they are apart of, living up to and exceeding what is expected of them in their position.
I do think successful women are too smart to get caught up in the hype of being someone’s baby mama etc, but so are women who have good morals and values. Success does not change your inner core and belief system as a person. Because I can name a few black successful people who are baby mamas, running to the clinic to get rid of baby, cheating, caught in awkward positions etc…
Black men (successful or not) are more likely to date outside of their race than Black women. Typically if you do look around society you will see that when Black men reach a certain level of success they often trade in their ride or die gf for a Becky (look at pop culture) I’m not saying they all do but…Black women are less likely to date outside of their race because we get too caught up in our image and what society says. Truth be told, I love Black men, but I have considered and am willing to date outside of my race. At the end of the day it’s about which man loves and respects you, not what race they are. So if it’s a white man that offers you what you’re looking for then go for it.
BTW I’ve heard Justice Thomas speak and I’ll reserve all my negative comments on the contempt I personally feels he has for Blacks and how he enforces the retarded “color blind” principle we see in the law.
As women, successful or not (because at the end of the day when you strip all labels away, we are women) we need to stop settling for these men that don’t reach whatever expectation you have.
You make some very valid points, but what most people, men & women alike, misunderstand is that most women who are successful outside of the home do not find the domestic role to be demeaning. It is natural for us to want to take care of family and home and be submissive – no amount of advances in civil rights will ever change that.
However, we are human, and just like men we have brains that thirst for knowledge, we have unlimited learning potential and we have interests outside of our basic familial responsibilities. In the past, pursuit of our interests, the opportunities or education needed to pursue them were limited whereas now we have more opportunities for an education and a career and we are able to handle both – what gets our guard up is that it often seems like men resent us for having minds and ambition. It may not have been common but it has always been natural. It’s comparable to white people who resent black people for now having opportunities in education and careers, just because it’s new to us doesn’t mean we weren’t entitled to it all the long.
My mother is like yours, a Domestic Goddess if there ever was one. She cooked, cleaned, raise us, was generous and charitable often cooking for other families who were struggling and she had the ultimate respect for my father and his position as head of the household – she cleaned houses so that her schedule was flexible enough to do what she needed to do at home. Not only is/was she an amazing mother and wife – she enjoyed what she did.
Now that she is older with some health problems, she is unable to cook even one meal every day let alone cook three meals a day. My father who has reaped the benefit of this amazing woman for almost fifty years now resents the fact that she can no longer perform her domestic duties to his liking. She never worked “on the books” so her social security is limited. This man refuses to give her money for groceries, refuses to help her with housework. Friends often cook meals for them (blessings of reciprocity) but otherwise she uses credit cards to food shop. When she has a good health day she cooks big (enough for several days) and cleans the house by herself – and then spends the next three days in bed trying to recover and thru it all he is mean and disrespectful to her.
My point is, my father does not represent all men but he is certainly not one of a kind. There are a good number of men that disregard the value of a woman regardless of whether they are in the workplace or at home. No woman wants to wake up in five years or fifty years in the situation I described above. Alpha females and extremely opinionated females are the monsters created by men like my father – nobody, male or female wants to get played or disrespected and sometimes it easier to guard yourself against everybody, not right or reasonable, but true.
You are absolutely right; a degree doesn’t define anyone, who we are as a person has to do with every aspect of our being, not just a job, education or lack thereof. If you really read between the lines you’ll see the majority of women on this post aren’t necessarily after a “degree successful” man as much as they are after a “life successful” man. Success to me is being ambitious and driven, having a passion which doesn’t necessarily need to be your occupation. Somebody has to dig ditches, climb telephone poles, collect the garbage, lay concrete etc. but as long as you are productive, a good provider and interested in bettering yourself in any area of life, you’re good in most of our eyes. If you’re a good provider then it’s just as important to us that you are kind, fair, respectful and faithful – that is what I call “life success”. We wanna know that in fifty years if our health or circumstances change and we can no longer perform our domestic duties that we won’t be suddenly faced with your ass to kiss, that you’ll be willing to help us and still love and value us.
*Clapping slowly & deliberately*
Very well stated!
It's kinda crowded up there but go ahead and take your place at the head of the class with the others
We need to contact the DNC cause we have a new candidate on the ballot.
“the fact is people who ain't got shyt else goin for them are always the best fuckers, they gotta be, don't nobody want 'em for anything else”
Single women at that age who are successful in their respective careers (such as what this post is about) tend not to be the type of women who are going to sit back and let you take the lead.
Where do you live, and what kind of girls are you dealing with. And I emphasize the word GIRLS. Women no matter how much power, education, she has KNOWS her role in the relationship. There are too many WOMEN (not of any color) who have equal if not more everything than their man and allow them to lead.
Just pick any powerful couple and you see how they play the back and allow their men to lead. Martin and Coretta, Will and Jada, Barack and Michelle, Forrest and Keisha, hell Martin and Gina, lol. There is a reason we always see Beyonce walking behind Jay. Not because she's weak or because she is docile. But Jay being the man has to protect his Queen. If danger comes, he gets it first. If she slips in them damn shoes he can prevent her from falling. But most GIRLS on every blog I see always critisize her for walking behind him. Get A F*^%$ clue.
I currently have more of the material things you speak of and I want and NEED my man to be a man. And I allow him to be a man. I am just as head strong as he is, but he is the King of the Castle and I treat him as such.
So my dear brotha you need to meet a WOMAN, not a GIRL!!
I'm Lady Jei….and I approve this message!
Change we can all believe in………HM for President 2012!!!!!
My sister married the damn garbage man. And that bish lives in Saddle River NJ, has a in ground pool, freakin kids sound like Benson, lol! He is now the HNIC of trash, and treats my sister like a goddess. My sister graduated from Dartmouth and has a MBA from Penn. But prefers to bake cookies and host dinner parties, as THEY run their own trash removal from their out house.
Think I wasn't looking at the garbage man the next morning like “heyyyyyyyyyy”.
And all from taking out the trash that Wednesday morning on Marcy Ave in 1986, lol!!!! I knew I should have taken out that damn trash, lol!
LoL… but for real… its not really all that specific to black folks. Men of most cultures tend to marry outside when compared to the women of the same culture (with the exception of the cases when men seek out the women of a particular culture, e.g. men traveling to Asia for the purpose of finding a wife) And white people have always had a higher rate of marriage in the US than black people… that's nothing new.
But the truth is men are not that difficult. We want more satisfaction with less hassle. I don't think most men care what ethnicity a woman is a part of as long as we are happy. If I go out one day and I meet a black woman who has a decent attitude and 70% of what I want in a woman, and I meet a Latin or white or Asian woman with 85% of what I want in a woman and a decent attitude… I am not going to pick the black woman just cause she is black. It's a global society you gotta be on top of your game… period… everyone in the world is in competition for the same jobs, dreams, future, and ideal mate.
first of all.. if the woman is “educated” she knows that having a baby alone is not smart! it takes more than finances to raise a well rounded child. In addition, women need the emotional stability to withstand raising children alone (unmarried), .. 6 figures at the job can buy this! A woman who waits on marriage to bear children is SMART woman.
seek God FIRST and everything else will fall into place.
irst of all.. if the woman is “educated” she knows that having a baby alone is not smart! it takes more than finances to raise a well rounded child. In addition, women need the emotional stability to withstand raising children alone (unmarried), .. 6 figures at the job CAN'T buy this! A woman who waits on marriage to bear children is SMART woman.
seek God FIRST and everything else will fall into place.
Here are the issues I have with the article:
1. it’s written by a black man who is a baby daddy and has not, and most likely, will not marry. These types of men are always quick to criticize black women when they only add to the epidemic. Then, when they father girls, their daughters will, likely, face the same future because of men with the mindset of their fathers.
2. The comment about being alone because of being successful: 70% of black households are head by women. By that logic, MOST black women are alone–whether educated or not.
3. If an educated black woman does not want to be alone and childless, she has numerous options:
*Date and marry outside of her race
*Artificial insemination and/or adoption
4. In my opinion, this article is BS because how many articles do we have to read about the “attitudes” of black women, why they can't keep a man, etc from a non-expert, who is usually a never married, baby daddy himself. The bottom line is, in regards to this article, and life in general: Your life is what YOU make it! Your life and future is determined by your choices.
ANYONE can get married–anyone. All one has to do is find someone who wants to marry him/her –if marriage is your only criteria. There are plenty of marriages of convenience. So, if an educated black woman thinks that it makes her seem more respectable to be a DIVORCED mother, rather than a SINGLE mother, I think that is doable–if she chooses.
'Cause, like I said earlier, life is all about CHOICES
It's not just black men, it's all men! They want an easy relationship & they want slaves who will do as they say & bring them a beer when they want. They realize Education Women see through their games & lies. This means they can't get away with much & they will have to change their behavior. CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR??? They're not interested in a real relationship because they don't have the maturity on most levels to deal with life.
Remember, males are already 10-15 years behind females in emotions and maturity. By the time they figure that out, their children are out of college and getting into the workforce.
Ok here is my take on this and like others have already said Black men need to step their game up & ish together. See too many black men that are lazy and want sh*t handed to them the easy way. Sorry it doesn’t work that way. I do not in any way shape or form tolerate that from any guys let alone black men. GTFOH. If you want to marry a ho go right ahead. That right there sums what you are all about and your values. I personally would not want to associate myself with those kind of black men period. So keep it moving.
Successful black women being alone. I want to laugh at that one. It is usually by choice. The smart ones don’t settle for the BS out there or lower their standards for the ish just to have a black man in their company. Who needs more stress to daily life for the ish. I think not. LOL I am one of those black females in the corporate america that most would consider successful. Letting all you black females know their are other races of men checking for you out there so no worries just be open. I have countless number of men from different races trying to date me and wife me but I am just not ready for that yet.