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5 Things To Think About BEFORE Bumping Uglies With An Ex
Posted in Relationships on 24. Sep, 2009
The other day, I got a message of Facebook asking me what do you do when you’re thinking about an ex lover and your ex is trying to get back with you. It struck close to home, because a member of my family is thinking about getting back with an ex. So after a lot of thought and putting myself in those same shoes I finally had a clear enough head to write about the topic. There are a few things you need to ask yourself before you get back together with an ex.
Why did the two of your break up?
- Over time wounds heal, but before you leap back into a relationship with an old lover think about what went wrong in the past. Before you make the jump you should honestly feel like you can right the wrongs of the past and be sure that they won’t do the same thing they did before.
Have you fully healed from the past pain?
- If you still hold any sort of emotional baggage from that past relationship it’s probably best not to make that jump backwards. It will lead to anger, resentment and arguing. Forgiveness is the most important part of getting back together. It’s okay to forgive but never forget. I have an ex who brings up the reason we broke up everytime we talk to each other. It’s been almost 8 years and she still randomly hits me up to remind me that we are broken up.
Are you still attracted to this person?
- I firmly believe that you never stop loving a person, but the attraction does indeed die. The feeling of love will make your mind think you want to get back with someone but you have to look further than that because if your not attracted to one another it will lead to more fighting and more problems. The last thing you want is to be stuck in an old relationship with someone you’re not attracted to just look at a rerun of the Bundy’s and think this could be my life… Do you want that?
Have they become a better person?
- One of my exes was a walking train wreck when I was with her. No shots though she may even say the same thing about me, but when I see her now I see she is a million times better as a person than she was when I was calling her wifey. With time a person should grow, and learn from past mistakes. If it’s been a few years and your ex is still trying to check your phone, question your every move, or simply still a lame in bed you might not want to go back in that direction.
Is the sexual recipe still the same.
- Another thing I believe people should do before getting back together is to sleep with their ex before Laing that final jump. If you liked it before who is to say you’ll still like it. I use to Dispsy Doodle chips when I was a child but I tasted some the other day and I hated them. It just wasn’t the same and sex is the same way. I think great sex can make up for a lot of things and while we can’t get all of our questions answered with the answer we would like if the sex is still good it might make up for a few wrong answers.
i slept wit my ex the other month and it was so good, he put me to sleep then i wake up in the middle of the night and this arsh hole was going thru my phone i smacked the shit out of his assssssss
Great List Xilla, I have a lot to think about. My ex has been trying to come back into my life for years. The other day he came by looking all sexy and stuff it was hard to fight him off. He's a nice guy and he keep saying he changed.
Thats why I'm scared if my man did that to me, I might cut him.
There is a reason he/she is your ex. The question is are you ready to overlook that or those reasons to experience their goodness one more again! That is the question that needs to be answered. If you can answer that/those questions and are cool with it have at it! If not, keep it moving. Just make sure your vision of what the situation is or could be is clearly understood. Peace & Blessings!
I formerly held the title “Queen of the Throwback D”. I would always wind up w/one of two exes. My babydaddy(one of the two) and I got back together after a year long hiatus. I forgave him only for him to do the same bs again. Exes are exes for a reason. I have learned my lesson and am in the process of cultivating new talent…
There is only one ex that could always get it *sigh* …..
THe others ..ILL GROSS…they offered to pay me for it..but it was just too gross
Such an amazing post. Thank you for your honesty. This will probably help me out in the (near) future.
I'm going through this same thing right now. Luckily, I have waited for a pretty long time to see a true change in my ex and I have. We've grown past our childish, immature stage and are now looking forward to having a better relationship one day soon (maybe). I still haven't made that leap yet and I have a lot to think about, but there is a great possibility that I will go back down that road…
I thought I was ready to try being with my ex but realized that I didnt when I did try having sex with him again. I think I was having so much fun in terms of games of thinking that I wanted it but when it came down to it… I was dry… Extra dry… My body couldnt get over the fact that I felt he cheated on me. He tried to explain to me that he didnt but his story now doesnt match up to his story then… I am done.