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The Secrets To A Man’s Heart Revealed
Posted in Relationships on 10. Sep, 2009
Photo is Property of Isabel Aurora
We all play the game, whether we know it or not. We might not know what the game is, or exactly how to play it, but it gets played… By men, women, boys and girls of all ages. From the school boy hitting on the girl he likes, to the grown woman who won’t call back in the 15 minutes she says she will but rather in a few hours to keep the guy guess. My point is, a lot of women want to know how to keep a guy from cheating and how to lock down a good man. Well its really simple, but it might be hard to actually accomplish.
Men don’t want much. Sure we claim to want the chick with the nicest body, longest hair, prettiest eyes and all that, but at the end of the day none of that is important. It’s not important because great looks fade over time. The real beauty is on the inside. I’ve written blogs on things to do to keep a man from cheating, things to keep the bedroom hot, and many more. Still despite all of that none of those things are important. Here is what is:
Be Supportive:
A lot of women have no idea what it takes to actually support a man. We don’t need your money, but why must a man pay for every thing? Why can’t she offer to help me out with my idea and make it better. Without criticizing a man and making him feel like he’s not smart? A woman should support a man and help make him better, but in today’s world our women will bring a man down faster than Katrina swallowed New Orleans. Support can from in a lot of different forms, you just gotta ask yourself are you truly supporting the one you love?
Be Understanding:
Few things are important to a man. We are simple creatures at heart. We care about sports, news and maybe our favorite television shows. Why can’t we watch the game on the big screen and you watch ANTM on the small tv? Even if it’s just for this one night. Why must a man explain the game to a female who has no real interest in it. A major problem when it comes to relationship is because we don’t bend for our lovers. Men and women. If we take a few moments to try to understand why something is important to our mate. Everything can be better.
Listen to me:
I hear everything that is said to me, but I don’t listen as much as I should. That is unless I actually want to listen. As humans we only remember a small percentage of what we hear, see, smell and touch, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pay attention. Sometimes I just need an ear. An ear that won’t judge me, clown me or even give me any advice.
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This is a really good post =). Looking at my past relationships, I can see why certain things didn't work out because it lacked 2 of the things listed above. Good to see a man's perspective on keys to a successful relationship–or how to keep that loving relationship going. Great post!
Beautiful post xilla, I know i can be hard on you at times, but I really do think your an amazing writer and, have insight when it comes to love, sex and relationships! You've gave me a couple of tricks of the trade and plenty of laughs along the way..Keep up the good work!
Great Post. Since reading Steve Harveys book it all started to make sense. Once had a conversation like this with my boys and truth be told they all said the same thing.
The thing is sometimes we female make things a bit too complicated because we don't understand how simple men can be cause hell we ain't like that lol.
you can be all that shyt and a dude will still cheat..
Im done with this love and relationship crap..good luck yall
I beg to differ, if my woman treats me right I'm not going to step out on her… rather than if my girl fucks me right, i still might step out on her. I firmly believe a positive attitude goes a long way. Like i said if you do all that and a man still steps out then you just picking the wrong one
depends on the dude..YOU may not step out on her..but some other greedy immature men will. They want their cake and eat it too. Want their woman at home but still want to do it to keysha cause her booty a lil bigger
If that is the case then I have to side with Xilla. You just picking the wrong one pretty. All of us are not like that. The ones that are make it extremely difficult for those of us who will do right by you if given a chance. That is just my two cents. Be happy because life is too short not too be.
True…i hear my girlfriends talk about how niggaz ain't shit, and then they're telling a story about how they basically emasculated him. Being supportive is key
yup..pretty much….Im at the point of no return tho. I wouldn't wish my mindset on anyone..
Yeah I try to look at things in a new way. Glad you liked the post.
Its so much more than sex, that we think oh I'm fcking them right they ain't going to leave. BULLISH! we have to treat them right and it's more than giving them things and doing stuff for them. it's a lot more. we need to understand that. and at times we settle for people we are not compatible with as well.
Men are super simple when they say make a sammich and shut the f*** up it's really that simple sometimes! lol Don't need a book.
As my previous blog post… maybe it's you who bring out the b*tch in him! lol
Its a Shame I possess those things, when i'm dealing with a man, but alot of men see it and take advantage over it. I guess i should keep on moving along, but I agree 110%.
Men don't know the meaning of honesty … lying suckas … lol
That statement says more about you than it does him. For you to actually mean that, you must have been with every man in the world which is not the case. There are some men who don't lie. Like me… Right now I'm trying girls out… not to say that I'm not a one girl guy its just there are too many fine ladies out there and the woman i settle with will have to be awesome.
I know it's a lot to ask for because i myself am not all that, I can be better but i get better every day. It's what it is.
Then you have not mastered the qualities you believe you possess. Because if you did…. I promise you even the doggish of dog men will think twice before stepping out on you or come clean. I never want to hurt a good woman. Most men don't, but at the same time we don't need much of a reason to step out. You can't let your man walk all over you thats just dumb! I don't need you to appease me I need you to tell me the truth… stand up to me, but don't put me down in the process of that. I don't want the first chick in Coming to America to do “Whateva ju like” I want someone who is going to challenge me and make me better. Someone who will build me as I will build her. Someone whose word is worth more to her than all the money in the world. She won't ever bend who she is for anyone but a girl who is willing to accept changes to make herself better.
So Xilla, I'm feeling you on all of these things. But what if we do all of those things that you've mentioned in the blog and to the man, it's still not enough? I mean, you want space, but then you want us to be there for you (not you personally). You want a freak (or be more freaky), but then you want her to be ladylike. You want her to be like a homey and watch sports with you, but you don't want her to be too much like a guy where she doesn't have femininity. It's almost as if men want it all, but they are not willing to give as much back and/or they don't know how to handle it when we are everything you have asked for. Then the next thing you know, they are posting “questions of the day” on Facebook complaining that they don't have anyone to be with. I'm not saying that men or women should lower their standards. But make up your mind as to what it is you want.
like that last line its not you it him lol! sure was the person regretted it in the end
“trying girls out”……I agree pretty much. Dating guys these days is like a job interview. Only there isn't a three month period lol.
I really like this post.Always good to know what a man wants,from a man. So many woman think its their looks and AMAZING head game(which helps)will keep a man.In reading this i did find out that a way to a mans heart is the same to a woman's heart but in a less complicated way if that makes sense to you. Once again good post. I learned something from it hopefully other women do.
I hope so too, i mean we all deserve love right? We just need to understand our roll in the break up.
The P**SY/P*NIS Payment Plan or PPP
Xilla you're crazy! But when it comes to dating, either you like them or you toss their resume in the garbage.
I agree with you on everything you said.
But I have another factor thats important to me.
I lead the way, some women are so used to being without a man they don't know how to let a man lead. I understand you're independant and doing things on your on; that's fine when you are on your on. But when you are in a relationship, you have to learn to fall back and trust that what that man says or does is right for the both of you.
And I'm not talking about getting with a controlling man; if you can't tell the difference in a man thats is the head and a control freak. Bless your heart.
thats true. my point is sometimes you have to look at other sources to get your mind on track. I confess I'm just starting to get into the dating game with eyes open.
Thats true about not needing a book. Sometimes you don't really see stuff clearly unless you focus on other sources.
My point is once I got my mind right, acknowledge the type of dudes I attract things become super simple. I got to go after what I want rather then settling with what I don't want. You can't play a good game blind.
I am sorry to hear that. But there is still hope.:o) The one true constant in life is change. Be easy True2me!
I'm loving this post Xilla! I actually think I saw a different side of you through this…great job.
Like rochelle said, reading this shows that it takes pretty much the same things to get to woman's heart as it does a man's. Getting to a man's just takes a little less. Reading this post helped me see how past relationships failed because I lacked a few of these things, but luckily I am growing daily to better myself for me and my future man. I do believe I possess all of these qualities, I just have to actually show them and act on them. Thanks for this post, Xilla. It shed a whole new light on men.
All very true…But I think we, as men, make a lot of excuses for ourselves in regards to this 'cheating' issue. Now fellas' listen before you start trying to lynch a nigga.
At the end of the day, we decide whether we want/choose to cheat or not. More often than not, instead of coming to your main chick/shorty with the issue at hand, we figure the solution is to just have a chick on the side who doesn't do what it is that we don't like.
True, we all 'need love' just like LL spoke about, but we also need to speak up…and that's some real shit. If not, it won't matter if your woman can get to your heart…cause you ain't thinking with it.
If you dealing with a man that has a facebook page…'Ditch that nigga'. Unless he's truly 'networking' that site will be his downfall, regardless of the intentions that he uses it for. At least in my opinion, the time wasted by niggas on that, could be spent making money, reading a book, writing a thesis etc, etc.
Back to the matter at hand, yes, a lot of us men, 'want our cake, and eat it to' or however the saying goes. It's a maturity issue and until we put away those 'player' like wants and needs from our woman, her, nor him will be happy.
All a man, real man, wants is: A woman to be there at the end of the day. You as a woman are the fulcrum to the balance in our lives. When the stress of being a man, a black man at that, out here in this world begins to weigh us down, you step in and reassure us that it'll be alright. That even, 'When the money goes' you'll still be there. A woman who acknowledges when her man is working hard, not to praise him as you would a dog, but to commend him as you would a successful person striving to achieve something. A woman who will be a freak, with us, but wise enough to not show off too much of 'the goods', when our boys come to the house. Yes, sit and watch the game with us…but don't be afraid to jump up and demand attention by stripping away your clothing seductively while standing right in front of the tv (if you do that, fuck the game, score, who's playing…it dont matter no more!)
And yes MzVirgo if we ask this of you, we definitely need to obliged you all by fulfilling your needs in return. Basically what you should take away from everything my man Xilla posts on here, is that communication is key, especially in regards to a relationship. As for the jumpoff/side chick…shut up while i watch the game
i very much agree…I would wonder from time to time, after i find out that man at the time have cheated on me over a stupid conflict we are having, when instead of going to another female, why he couldnt come to me to talk about is and solve it? Basically if a real man cant do that, he is mostly a lil boy trying to play games, even the older men…
Great post Xilla. I think men need to realize the same thing about women though. . . for the most part it really is that simple for us too!
Well I honestly understand what you saying, but the last guy I dated he was a Musician , very supportive or him following his dream, even through he honestly couldnt do anything for me but offer me a friendship. , We never got into arguments, but then all of a sudden he told me to leave, because he was still in love with his baby mother. She dumped him two days laters, and all of a sudden he started repeating that I was all those things that you listed, but he was just blinded by her, and it was a mistake…So to me, that was on him. I would like to say that I was waiting on like that “coming to America” type because I wasn't. I was supportive of him, very understanding…alot of those good things.
Now me personally everything was fine. Then i found out he was Bi-polar, and not medicated, and a functioning alcholic. I mean i felt like I never had a chance in the first place once I found all those things out. So instead of saying alot of men, i will say some. Some men will never be pleased, so don't know what to do with a good women, and some just don't give a damn. I still know there are good men out there, though but like you said before, there are so many ppl out here, and as long as I am able to get to know them. I'm not settling yet. I feel like as long as I'm not sleeping with everyone that “im getting to know” then I can be choosy also as far as who i settle with. Whoever I settle down with has to be worth it.
* Standing Ovation *
I THINK ITS JUST AMAZING HEAD GAME AND LOOKS, ESPECIALLY LOOKS WHAT ELSE DO A NIGGA WANT LOL
I agree that these simple things also work for keeping a woman happy. This post is a good outline for any solid relationship between 2 people. I would “bold” the 2 people part if I knew how (lol), because women shouldn't have to carry the weight alone.
I did all that shit and still feel unappreciated, now who the hell is there for me, nobody
ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, I AGREE THERE'S A LOT OF NIGGAS OUT THERE THAT DON'T APPRECIATE WHEN A WOMAN GOES ABOVE AND BEYOND 2 PLEASE THEM, BUT THERE'S STILL SOME GOOD DUDES OUT THERE (SOMEWHERE ANYWAYS). U JUST HAVE 2 STAND UR GROUND AND KNOW WHAT KIND OF MAN U WANT AND DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS. DON'T GIVE UR ALL 2 SOMEONE WHO DON'T DESERVE IT, GOD BLESS DESSALUVU
Excellent job. This is an honest and mature post.
I AGREE
You touched on a lot of good points. Sending this link to my girl friends.