Dear Lindsay Lohan “What Are Your Thoughts On Threesomes?”

 

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Hey It’s Xilla again. I had a great day today. My blog did record numbers. Did I tell you I ran a sex blog? Well I do and its big! “Thats what she said” (lol I had to do it.) Anyway I’m hearing you got turned down for a role about a teen blogging about her sexual coming-of-age, but the writer Allison Burnett passed on you because you’re too jaded. What does she know, she probably never even had a threesome before. Have you ever had a threesome?

Have you ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where he tries to pull of the roommate switch? There is a part of the show that goes as followed.

GEORGE: All right. Let’s go over it again, one more time.

JERRY: All right. So I tell Sandy that I want to have a ménage à trois with her

and her roommate.

GEORGE: That’s right.

JERRY: And you believe this course of action will have a two-pronged effect.

Firstly, the very mention of the idea will cause Sandy to recoil in

disgust, whereupon she will insist that I remove myself from the

premises.

GEORGE: Keep going.

JERRY: At this point, it is inevitable that she will seek out the roommate to

apprise her of this abhorrent turn of events.

GEORGE: Continue.

JERRY: The roommate will then offer her friend the requisite sympathy even as

part of her cannot help but feel somewhat flattered by her inclusion in

the unusual request.

{George takes over.}

GEORGE: A few days go by and a call is placed at a time when Sandy is known to

be busy at work…

It’s really the perfect plan. Jerry pulls the plan off to a tee, but the girls are actually down for the threesome. No offense, but I peg you as a 3some kind of girl. If you were my girl, I could actually sing ‘my girl gotta girlfriend’ and mean it. Just kidding. Jerry doesn’t want any parts of the three some though, he says “Don’t you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I’d have to dress different. I’d have to act different. I’d have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I’d need a new bedspread and new curtains I’d have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I’d have to get new friends. I’d have to get orgy friends… Naw, I’m not ready for it.”

Does a three some really change a person? I mean I had an almost threesome before, there was no girl on girl action, it was more like, they took turn riding me and stuff like that. My carpet stayed the same, I didn’t grow a mustache. I did have a few other rounds with them on different occasions. Once while we played Sonic The Hedgehog. I found sex is better when she’s holding a joystick. PAUSE!

Anyway Lindsay I want to know what are your thoughts on a threesome? Is this something you only do with your significant other, a jump off or with random people from a bar? Does it change you and your relationship? Or is it just like having sex on the side of a brownstone?

Signed, Your Number 1 Fan of Color

Xilla The Sexual Intellectual.