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Are You In The Friend Zone
Posted in Urbanites on 12. Aug, 2009
Model: Suraqah
Reader Submission: Written by Miss Dimplez For BlogXilla.com
We all have that ‘friend’ who we like; that one friend that you wouldn’t mind committing to, sexing up or simply being more than friends. Like a car stuck in neutral, you’ve got to kick it into drive, reverse or park it; you just can’t stay on neutral for too long. We’ve all been in situations like this, and just like toilet paper attached to the bottom of your shoe, you never notice it until it is too late. Here are five road signs to pay attention to on the way to the friend zone; hopefully you can detour or plan your trip accordingly…
- Conversation. According to Power 98.3 Radio Jockey, Karlie Hustle, “I will make it clear through body language and conversation topics, that I only want that person as a friend.” If your conversation is limited the impersonal gist you can carry on with someone you met two seconds ago on the elevator that is the first sign that there is no deep emotional connection.
- Body Language. When it comes to body language, it all depends on the person’s culture. Self distancing when conversing, hand shakes over hugs, and over relaxed or non-chalant body posture when conversing. Before you rush off thinking that a hug means that the person is ‘feeling’ you, take into account that in today’s society hugs are a very common way to embrace a friend; therefore lack of hugs should be a sign.
- Time and Effort. According to, OneHunnidt, “The amount of time and effort put into communicating, getting their attention, and letting them know you’re thinking of them is key.”. If there is no effort made to contact you, no text message, instant message, email, or phone call… that shows you are not their priority when it comes to communication and they need not put effort into your ‘relationship’.
- Conversation Topics. Things like referencing you to siblings or talking about people who they’re sexually interested are indicators… If they mention fantasies of people like Juelz Santana or Beyonce, because those are celebrities who are idolized and the likelihood of them having that encounter is low, they do not count. Now if they talk about someone from their daily life who they would love to have sex with, be aware, take note.
- The Direct Approach. In case the line between friend and more has been muddled by mixed indicators, a variety of conversation topics, changing body language, and mixed efforts… there will be a direct approach for distinguishing purposes. Dependent on the person this could take days, weeks, or even months to occur. According to AZ Socialite, Britne Starr, “I’d probably say something like, ‘You know you’re my friend right? Nothing more, nothing less’.”
No one said the friend zone is a permanent situation. It is just very hard for someone to travel down that road and make a U-Turn. Save yourself the trip and pay attention to the road signs. Even if you do wind up being stuck in the friend zone, it’s not a bad thing. Just don’t expect above whatever that friendship entails.
This is very relatable for me… always the friend never the girlfriend… LOL…
I'm always trying to make people the “Friends” lol. I haven't really had that happen to me before or maybe I didn't care to notice.
LOVE THIS!
dammmn, preach! hahaha
I just went through this not too long ago with a really good guy friend of mine whom I heart dearly. We used to talk all the time about all kinds of stuff and we were hanging out one night and he kissed me…talk about AKWARD. I hadn't really paid it any attention until then but I had to explain to him that we were just friends and that I didn't like him in that way. He said it was ok and he understood..but you could tell it wasn't gonna be ok. We barely talk now which makes me wonder if the only reason we were so tight is because he thought it would lead somewhere.
some signs are obvious
They never take you anywhere…you only see them at certain times, they never make a pass at you…and of course they say “I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS”
bump all the rest of that
As a man it's not always noticeable, i had a friend at work and we would go to lunch quite often. One day i saw a young lady that i wanted to talk to and she asked me why and proceeded to tell me why i shouldn't talk to her. Later she asked why i never came on to her and i told her the rules of being with me i.e no girlfriends just friends with benefits. She agreed but i could tell she wanted more and i was unwilling to give it to her. We are still cool but lunch is usually with someone else and long evil looks from her when i leave and come back.
lmao @ long evil looks….yea thats why they say dont “shit where you sleep”…messing with people in the workplace is a bad idea because when someones feelings get hurt it just gets akward.
Man In my younger days I have been put in the friend zone so many times its not even funny… I got so many female friends that are “just friends” I would have to hook them up with my homeboys Lol …But it was my fault I had to learn how women think. See when they would first see me I can tell they are attracted to me but the problem comes when I wait to long to approach them. Most guys won't wait a couple of days or a week to really say approach them I would wait longer to kinda build a friendship with them and get to know what type of women she is but by that time its too late. Her attraction has died off and she ends up just like # 4 if girl starts telling you about other guys she likes. But Ive learned now I to say what my intentions are early on to create that attraction with women.
got one friend that I've known for years and had sexual contact with once or twice…it's kinda weird that I actually know he's just a friend ( can't even call it “friend-with-benefits” cuz there's not that much benefit ) but when I hear or see him with another ladyfriend of his, I get kinda jealous (?!)
and during periods that I have a boyfriend he'll be kinda against it
I know it's hella confusing, any tips/comments???
ps: I said once that I would like to marry a guy like him lolss