6 Easy Steps To Bang A Depressed Chick
How do you achieve this?
Step One: Make her feel pretty
- Even if she hasn’t visited her hair salon in 3 weeks (GROSS), tell that hoe she looks good. Did she get her nails done? Let her know that you noticed those things. Don’t come off corny either. Be causal and top it off with a closed mouth smile that is favored to one side.
Step Two: Don’t stress the small stuff
- She’s going to say some stupid shit or perhaps look like she lost her best friend and is tryng to hide it under sunglasses. You need to be on your Billy Dee Williams and take your thumb and wipe a tear or take your manly hands and hold her face. You need to look her in the eye through the pain and talk to her through body language.
Step Three: Get her drunk
- Yeah, I said it. You don’t want her to be drunk and uncomfortable. You can make her comfortable while you guys share a beverage or 4. If you successfully achieved Step Two, she’ll trust you from this point on. She’s too weak to rationalize shit anyway. Get her drink and to feel relaxed. You don’t need to do this in the privacy of your own home if you don’t want. You can be out at dinner, so long as she is having fun, very comoftable and loosening up with you over the time.
Step Four: Make HER want it
- Of course you want to smash, but it doesn’t mean she wants to smash yet. You have to make her want it. I don’t know, if you have a semi, brush across her hip or something. Lick your lips. As the homie LowKey over at BET.com says, “Eye fuck” her. Nothing porn starish or anything, but you need to seduce her in a way where she’s checking out your muscles as you reach for the remote or she’s asking you to give her a glass of water just so she can check out your butt. You feel me? She has to be fucking you mentally at that point and is trying to rationalize if she should or shouldn’t. If she’s bold enough, she’ll pull a Halle Berry.
Step Five: Take down that pussy
- Yeah, your stroke game needs to be bananas. Please don’t do the 5 minute stint and quit. You see, you need to try to match her energy and stamina at that point. Do you see old ass Billy Bob up there trying to keep up with Halle? Son had to catch his second wind! You need to stroke her and make her hit the high note. In turn, the better you do at “filling that void” the more she’s willing to do some freaky shit. If she’s in the proper mental state, she’d be willing to suck your funky ass toe or take that tongue and lick you between the cheeks. Maybe she’ll try anal, I don’t know. But she’ll be there wanting to take it there.
Step Six: Close the deal
- This is where it all matters. After the sex, it’s all about what you do when it’s done. Are you going to chuck her off the bed like a pair of dirty socks? Pretend that bitch is a teddy bear and hold her or some shit. For all you know she’ll probably give you head out the blue, spermicide taste and all. If you kick that chick off the bed or if you bounce, you’ll end up with a Left Eye and have your shit burned to the ground or perhaps a Jazmine Sullivan and have a brick through your car window. You gotta be easy. Black chicks are known for being CIA Agents when you piss them off. They pop up at the weirdest places & all of a sudden know certain phone numbers because they’ve been through your phone. They are like glass-Fragile.
If you want that good snatch for Father’s Day, the ONLY trick to this is you need to stay on your A-game. The purpose of you being there is to “fill her void” figuratively & literally. You need to be there for her like a man who cares about his loved one would. You can achieve this any day of the week, but this day, Father’s Day, is YOUR day. Let her fuck you til your toes curl. If you’re a good Father and you take care of you children and are there for him, don’t you deserve a busted nut or three?
I just have one request: Just wear a condom. Happy Father’s Day! 
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