This Is A Test: Women Love Negativity

Posted in Relationships on Apr 29, 2009

offair

And y’all just proved my point. Last night I wrote a very nice post highlighting love, and not just any love, but Black love. What happened? 5 Comments in like 10 hours. So what popped in my head when I saw this? Repost a blog I was asked to write, but a publisher about light skinned women, written to offend and draw a reaction. That post got 15 comments in about a half hour.

This just goes to show how catty women are, how you can’t be real with them, how if you treat them wrong, foul or negative, they’ll react more than if you show them love. Why couldn’t we have a conversation about Black love? Would you rather talk about how light skinned women are stuck up? How light skinned women want to be spoiled or should be spoiled, blah blah blah… the light skin post was in fun. If you read blogxilla.com you should know that my way of thinking is unlike any other.

All I’m saying is lighten up and reward the positive.


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  • 1AM
    Xilla you know people thrive off of negativity. When something is good, people don't find it exciting. The black love post was great.

    ...and the internet takeover continues *evil laugh* hahah
  • ink
    black love is great.
    i loved the pics u used for the post.
    but being treated differently for the colour of my skin is something i, and many black women fight everyday, it strikes a strong chord...
    if all of us were in love with beautiful black men, of course we would relate more with the barack and michelle post, but the truth is their relationship is highly admired and an amazement, because it is somewhat of a phenomenon/rarity within our community.
    as readers, as human beings, we relate most with our personal struggles, what we face in the mirror everyday, and thats why the post elicited a more passionate response.
    we love u xilla, i just know im tired of being stereotyped, so tired, so yes, thank u once more for the black love post, it was a breath of fresh air, while the light skinned post was my Reality...

    xoxo
  • again i got nothing but love for you. MUAH!! and you can put that anywhere.
  • ink
    i sure would like to
  • Phil
    I think the points that my dude here is trying to make are in the context of how things really are as opposed to how ideal we'd like them to be. So, yeah, there are Black men whose mannerisms may be different with a light-skinned woman than a dark-skinned woman. Yeah, there are Black men who feel that light-skinned women have an overwhelming sense of entitlement due to their skin tone. Are these the only mindsets out there? Of course not. Is it the only way to think. Of course not. Wouldn't it be grand if all us men treated all women with the same level of respect? Of course. But that's only an ideal to be achieved, not the reality.
  • props
  • That's the way it is Xilla. You post something positive, nothing. Stir up controversy, off we go.

    P.S. Love your blog.
  • thanks Divine, I appreciate you. but i wonder why it's like that though? like really i try my best not to respond to negativity.
  • I go thru the same thing and can't figure it out. I'll let you know if I do. Keep blogging :))
  • what?
    Xilla, why are you generalizing? I haven't read ur blog on Black love where is it? Below the one with Caviar? I think maybe her picture was more attention grabbing than the headline for the other post. I don't know if ur having a bad day or what...I hope it gets better. We LOVES U!
  • cuz i can!! lol nah i was just venting... i love you too WHAT?
  • HeadMistress
    This is nothing new Xilla - the positive posts usually do go, I won't say unnoticed, but certainly "uncommented".

    The controversial, dramatic, provocative, and negative posts are always gonna draw more attention...you can't read fast enough to keep up with the comments

    People in general (not just women and no particular race) thrive on negativity and drama - that is why tabloid media is such big business

    I love the positive pieces you do so please don't stop
  • nope!! no more positive post ever!! I'm just going to post all negative post so i can get a million comments until y'all start conversing as normal. I wrote a post the other day... maybe it was wack i don't htink it was... but i got like 2 comments... after all day long! lol nah negative post till we have our discussion i have decided!!!

    lol

    how i'm going ot have 50,000 people come by and get 2 comments? SMCH!!

    Just kidding.
  • HeadMistress
    STFU! LOL!

    Which one? I'll tell you if it was wack ;-D
  • what?
    U know u aint' playin'. LOL...U sound Maaad!LOL
  • PhoenixNicole
    i liked the positive post Xilla.. i just couldnt comment 'cuz i had to force myself to focus on that damn essay lol..
  • Thoney Gangstasweet
    i don't comment as much because this wonky thang won't show my ass..... p.s. i aggree with what u said, i have more fun pissin off headmiss than i do reading the good stuff, yet i asked for more positive thangs? i'ma mess! lol

    p.s. there is totally a different way u gotta approach a redbone.....just like theres a special way to approach a good hurred brown skin chick. u just can't treat erbody the same.... society has put us in a place where we gotta be placed above and beyond our more normal regula chicks!
  • rotflmao...true so very true.
  • toronto
    you got a greater response in a post about attraction to skin tone NOT because women like to focus on the negative (which by the way is a stupid sweeping generalization). expect the more controversial topic that addresses a core issue, like colorism, that almost ALL black women have experienced to garner more responses sooner. shit, ive yet to experience love with a significant other, but i sure as hell have felt insecure about my complexion.

    your readers, men or women, are always going to gravitate towards the more controversial topics, because its those ones that inspire the most interesting discussion; thats what i thought the whole point of a blog was.

    if you intentionally tried to get a rise out of readers by offending them, then of course theyre going to rush to that post. it has little to do with catty and more to do with black women who are more egger to respond to a topic that deals with a problem in our community that touches us all.
  • daniecal
    Maybe its not women in general , perhaps its just the women who frequent the blogs? Nevertheless, u shouldnt be surprised most celebrity blogs cater to, and are visited by mostly women, and they are certainly not a testament to women's fondness of "positivity".
  • Missy
    LMAO....I missed BOTH!!!
  • BUSTED! lol

    But in my defense- I feel so bombarded by images and blog posts and news articles about the Obamas that once I saw the pic I didn't even read it.

    Yes, it is refreshing to see that kind of marriage- black or white- but it's like overkill already. Everywhere I turn I have to read about their personal life? It's sooo none of my business. What I want to know is will this man lead this country right? Everything else is just tabloid fodder.

    It's like when that Single Ladies song came out (or ANY Bey song for that matter LOL)... it's really good until people start playing it to death. And then you want to hang yourself every time it comes on the radio.

    Or is that just me?

    The redbone post struck a nerve 'cause I'm fresh off a break-up for this very reason... what can I say? :D
  • Blacksand
    Negativity is easier to discuss than positivity. There you go. In less than twenty words.
  • Princess0889
    It's kind of funny but you are exactly right. I know plenty of women you love to argue and fight till the cows come home. I am not one of those women I refuse to argue with anyone because nothing gets done by doing it. I believe strongly in "Grown folk are going to do and believe what they want to and no one will change that."

    P.S. I love this place and the positivity that inspires me.
  • Blacksand
    It is sad but true. I am glad you are not that way. Life is too short to be arguing all the time. Whoever wants to be that way can have it. I like what you wrote pertaining to grown folks. That is right on point. I feel you Princess0889. Nice pic also!
  • Princess0889
    Thanks for the compliment
  • Blacksand
    You are welcome. Have a good weekend!
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