Caviar Pictures x How To Talk To Redbones

Posted in Entertainment, Relationships on Apr 29, 2009

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caviar caviar-2 caviar-3 caviar-4 

Disclaimer: This is a collection of advice DIFFERENT PEOPLE have gave me in ref to light skinned women. None of this is personal

Before I start let me just say I love my red bone women, but you have to treat them in a totally different way. You have to approach them differently, talk to them differently and treat them differently as well. I personally don’t even try to approach a light skinned women because I don’t want to deal with the head ache. Yet, it seems like everyone I know has an opinion on how you treat a light skin women. Here are a few techniques that I’ve heard.

One of my light skinned friends told me the way to her heart is to ignore her. I thought that was crazy but she explained to me that so many men are fixed on being with a red bone that she is quickly annoyed by all the attention. So, she found that she ended up chasing the men who ignored her. I tried this with a light skinned girl I know from around the way. Needless to say it worked. We used to talk about ever other day, each conversation ending in my advances getting shot down until I thought to myself… “I’m the lifestyle editor for Global Grind you should be chasing me” I hung up never to call her again. About 2 weeks later she called me at 12:40 am inviting me to come over.

Spoil Them

My homeboy Jay who has the one of the baddest red bones I’ve ever seen as one of his “bust It babies” would tell me “Xilla if you want a red bone like mine you have to spoil them” I know it’s not tricking if you got it, but I still can’t see myself dropping thousands on a girl just because she has fair skin. After a while she wouldn’t be with you for you, rather for your money. I also refuse to think that light skinned women are that shallow. I never tried this, but it seems to work for him, they’ve been together since college.

Drag Them

I was in court having a conversation with someone they called “Chain Gang Killa” when a light skinned court clerk walked into the room. It was like her body was custom made by God! Chain Gang Killa said “Yea she bad, but I can’t stand those light skinned h*es” in a southern drawl, laced with venom that suddenly made me realize why they called him Killa. He started telling me how he would treat them like crap, by never calling them, never buying them a gift and even smacking them if they got out of line. I laughed thinking he was joking, until he mean mugged the court clerk so hard I thought her head was going to explode. I moved my seat once the conversation stalled.

After all these opinions I’m still not sure what the fascination is with red bones. All I know is that they are in every video, all the fashion shows and if there is a dark skinned beauty in the area the light skinned women outnumber them 3 to 1. I can’t help but wonder if we live in a world full of Yung Bergs.


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  • urbanbutterfly
    In my opinion I would say no woman is the same and you have to treat them all different. That's why you take the time to get to know someone. What works for one may not work for another. I don't think the amount of melanin in her skin should be a factor. Maybe her attitude and the way she makes you feel should be the deciding tools........But that's just my opinion
  • ChinyereCouture
    I hear about this issue alot...
    but honestly I'm darkskinned (more a of a rich chocolate brown b/c my mom is lightskinned and my dad is about Akon's skintone) and once I hit the 9th grade you COULD NOT tell I wasn't the baddest thing on legs. I've always been called beautiful, but never believed it due to a complex I had about my SUPER EXTRA THICK eyebrows, NOT my skintone. Once that was taken care of it was on and poppin. I feel like the preference for lighter skintones exists mostly in the realm of music video fantasy land. Other than that, if you're fine, you're fine, completely disregarding your skintone.
  • smiley
    Xilla this is a really great post. I admire the way you tackled the issue and allowed people to see the ridiculousness of thinking that because a woman is lighter, she needs to be treated differently than other women. So many of my friends who have fair skin find it disgusting that the men they date idoloize them because of their skin. And don't even mention hair. My good friend cut of all of her hair out of sheer frustration over an ex that couldn't stop talking about her hair. It made her feel cheap because as much as she loved this man, she realized that she was nothing but an object to him. I think learning about house slaves and field slaves teaches you that you shouldn't perceive yourself to be better because you are lighter than your sister who works in the fields. You have to be aware that rape, murder, and self-hate are all wrapped up in this mentality that lighter is better. You have to start asking your self where your standards of beauty come from. Was it projected on you by the media, which is corporately run by white men, or in another way? Why wouldn't you find a dark skinned women attractive? Are her facial features unattractive or is it all based on her skin tone? These question should be thought about by men and women alike. I can never look at a young girl who has dark skin and tell her that she just isn't beautiful because God made her a few shades too dark. It's horrible to make anyone feel less than because of something that they were born with. I'm sorry I'm ranting a bit but I hope you get something out of it.
  • ink
    i love u xilla,
    i read ur blog Every Freakin Day, and Every Freakin Night.
    But NO.
    im a light skinned girl and im tired of being treated like a goddess at first sight.
    i just want to be approached with respect, and if me and the guy click, THEN i wanna be treated like the goddess i really am...
    to be honest,
    being the ideal of many black men is actually a burden, because many times the guy ignores the obvious signs of our incompatibility, and projects his ideals of a woman's internal criteria on me, because i fulfill the external ones.
    i am expected to be the perfect woman.
    and putting us in 1 box aint it... unlike the division between natural haired and relaxed haired sisters, which reflects lifestyle and ideological choice, being light or dark skinned is a natural trait that does not indicate how we behave or want to be treated.

    societal expectations have made many of us light skinned women swollen headed, a girl may become bitchy when she is treated like a queen bee at first sight, by every guy.

    this is why bad attitudes persist, and the stereotype becomes us.

    as for me, im just looking for a sincere guy... who can look past the skin tone and into my eyes, holding me for me...
  • TheLovelyMsRedz
    My thoughts exactly, ink!

    They ignore obvious signs of incompatibility. Also, I've dated men who I found out ONLY were interested in me because of my complexion. While I'm looking for a soul-mate to love me for ME, he's looking for a little red-bone armpiece.
  • skin tone isn't important. I like all women, some dark and some light. I have one dark skinned kid and one light skinned kid. I love them both equally. I think. You would have to ask them. lol Love you too
  • PhoenixNicole
    EXACTLY!
  • MissBeasley
    Very well said.

    Side note: This is really silly. Though I can understand how a persons' appearance can influence your attraction; I LOVE dark skinned men. They are so beautiful to me..for many reasons. But I would NEVER stereotype their personalities (especially on sight) or put them in some category to be treated differently than other men.

    I would suggest to those who do, to be more open-minded and experience life a little more.
  • IHateIgnorance
    I have to agree w/ Color Blind. REALLY IGNORANT POST!!
  • prtygrlgonebad
    Really though? How to approach a red-bone? Does the lack of melanin in there skin make them some separate being or something??
  • to some it does, this is a bit of truth that some males really believe. I'm sure everyone has some belief or ways that they share and don't tell.
  • TheLovelyMsRedz
    I don't think we're a separate being. But I think we're used to men fawning over us for no damn reason, other than our complexion. If you hear it all the time, it can get old. Men need to have a different approach to set them apart from all they "Hey red-bone... what u mixed with?" bull-ish we get every day.

    Although I DON'T agree ignoring me is the best way to get with me.
  • Why is that? IDK why that happens.
  • Blasian
    Im mixed filipino and black and I dont think any one who has approached me has done anything differently than any other shade of brown.....
  • Color Blind
    Real ignorant post. Lost major cool points for this shit right here.
  • Phil
    Oh, get a sense of humor! You think he's trying to divide the black race and destroy the black family with a post?
  • Color Blind
    You are entitled to your opinion just as I am entitled to mines.
  • yeah miss color blind if you noticed at the end of the blog.. I say I'm still not sure how to talk to red bones. All of this is highlighting the jaded views men have a light skinned women. I don't think it takes a stance. Also can you sit here and honestly tell me that light skinned women don't outnumber dark skinned women?
  • Color Blind
    You talk to light skinned women just as you would talk to any woman...with respect, if she doesnt respond its not because of her skin color, its because shes a dumb girl who doesn't know her worth. Simple.
  • itssmee123
    okay this might sound dumbb but redbone is a darker girl? and a yellow bone is a lighter one? pleasee reply!
  • Phil
    This is hilarious! Personally, light-skinned women have never, ever been attracted to me for some reason (i'm kinda orange/beige-colored), so I never really bothered with them. Always dissed me. The flipside is that I worship dark-skinned women...and the big girls love me for some reason. Fortunately, I was able to find a happy medium in a dark-skinned wife with size 44 hips, lol.
  • hazysin
    PHIL

    YOU'RE ALRIGHT WITH ME
  • Phil
    Oh, and Caviar is fly...but must sound like a damn moose in pain in the sack. Yikes.
  • prtygrlgonebad
    *their

    And that is not a low blow to a light skinned anyone either. I just didn't realize there was different ways to approach women based on their skin complexions.
  • Blasian
    I dont think its the post thats ignorant but the folks that actually think that way. I honestly, as a "redbone", never noticed any difference.
  • babydoll
    I think this post is just in fun...i am brown skin and I get approached like I am a goddess and I love it. Respect me like I am a queen lol. I think it is in how you carry yourself, it's obviously not color. That is why this post don't cause no emotion in me, but I CAN understand how it would make someone upset if someone personally got treated differently by men because of their skin tone. I just know that I haven't experienced it.
  • babydoll
    Oh and Caviar's tuck game is on point!!

    Her body in these pics have been chopped and screwed. She does not have the most appealing shape. Pretty in the face tho. What is the opposite of a butterface? Cus that is her lol
  • Kris Janelle
    I think beauty comes in all shades. My brown skinned girlfriends get approach as much if not more than I do... It's all in preference.
  • you're 100% right, it does, the fact is that most people don't think like that. The hold up superficial things as trophies, and worship false material gods... Point blank you should treat a woman with the utmost respect.
  • bogart4017
    You should approach them like you approach every other woman. period dot.
  • PhoenixNicole
    light-skinned females get a bad rep because we're supposedly stuck up and whatnot. I just feel like a guy should approach me in the same manner as he would want a guy to approach his daughter, respectful and charming. I'm not bitchy unless approached as so.
  • When is this light/dark skin thing gonna end?! I mean sheesh it's 2009 already!! I enjoyed your post, this should be discussed because as a mocha mami myself, I get SO sick of color struck brothas runnin around with this slave mentality. There are bad females of every complexion! Some of the baddest girls I've seen have ranged from light and bright to charcoal, and I'm one of em lol! I don't know why light skinned chicks are always labeled as stuck up either cause I know some snobby chocolate chicks too. None of it matters anyways though, because it's all about evolution. Races are mixing and mingling so eventually darker skinned people and then black people will cease to exist, maybe not in that order, but it will happen, hopefully generations after I'm dead and gone. Then maybe we can move on from this race thing that is still the elephant in the room.
  • HeadMistress
    Truth is no woman has to be "approached" differently

    As men you all just need to behave differently

    You can honestly replace "red bone" in this post with "pretty face, nice shape, fat ass, big tits, good hair - the list goes on" and you end up with the same problem: TOO MANY of the WRONG men approaching a woman the WRONG way because they are attracted solely to the WRONG thing...years of that BS day in and day out will more often than not cause a woman to be annoyed with the attention and cause her to be drawn moreso to the guy who's not tripping all over himself to get her attention
  • smorris
    Sad to say, but the light skinned/ dark skinned thing is something that still plagues our people. While we have made strides in recent years, we still have some ways to go.Growing up as a brown skinned girl, I had to come into my complexion, and accept that I was just as pretty as the light chick. However,I never really thought about the effect it had on the red bones, themselves. Most of the females in my family is light skinned with long hair, and it always boggled my mind when not only guys, but also family members ( grandma, aunties, uncles, etc) treated them like they were special. My hope is that my son can grow up in a world that black woman of all flavors are treated in a special way. We now have the world looking at our chocolate dipped, First Lady, as the best thing since white bread. This, I believe will help change the negative dispostion that comes with being a darker shade of brown. And nothing against the red bones, but I do believe that the day will come when light skinned sisters will be out of style.
  • I'm dark skinned and I am tired of hearing about light skinned vs. dark skinned. Didn't they do that on "School Daze"? I remember years ago I was passed over for my best friend who was light skinned, but that's because men, to me, were shallow at the time. Does that mean light skinned women have better personalities than a dark skinned woman? I just think that this whole light skin/dark skin issue would stop.

    Now I have heard that light skinned women are seditty, but the light skinned men are much worse. I'm not say all light skinned men, but there are some shallow ones out there.
  • daniecal
    *deep friggin sigh* at the tactics of approaching a "red bone" like thier a different species. I swear after reading blogs sometimes I just wanna quit humanity or turn in my black card, due to the rampant fuckery thats constantly being displayed!
    I mean c'mon REALLY?!!
    Homey's "tactics" could just as easily be executed on any ATTRACTIVE woman regardless of skin color, hell its worked on me (unfortunately), and wasnt this "secret" revealed years ago on Bill Bellamy's "How To Be A Player"?
    and what is this " I too am tired of the perks that comes with being lightskinned and being treated like a goddess"
    Come The Fuck ON!! miss me with the bullshyt PLEEZE :(
    This is so gat damn stoopid I cant take it!
  • TheWiz
    I don't think its a certain way you have to approach a light skinned chick opposed to a dark skinned one. Every woman in general is different so how that woman is determines how you mus approach her.
  • ThickiC$C
    It is truly sad how some guys think I have a best friend who is chocolate and I am caramel and whenever we go out she always makes it a point to show me that I get more attention and I always dismiss it. I've had guys I talk to tell me they only date lightskinned girls or when I ask them what makes me attractive start talking about how i'm light. Not cute. Idk if this is only a lighskinned thing but I will say that most girls no matter their complexion can't stand thirsty guys but i'm in cali idk what goes on where you're at lol
  • Blacksand
    All of the answers are interesting. I believe a man should approach a woman respectfully whether she is light or dark does not matter. There is no methodology behind it. All you can do is be yourself, put your best foot forward and let the chips fall where they may. No need to press them out or go out of your way. Just be nice and if she is feeling you she will let you know.

    You can easily flip this. I am a dark skinned brother (like Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate) with dark features who has been called handsome or visually stimulating all of his life. However, that does not go to my head. I have been passed over for light skinned brothers. I was not trippin, It happenned. I was surprised because I had never been told that I was too dark before. Anyways, are the same questions applicable when women see men light or dark that they might be interested in? I always believed like Ms. ChinyereCouture, "if you're fine, you're fine." Something to make you say HHHHHMMMMMMM?
  • Kennedy
    Coming from a mixed family (Black/Hispanic) my mother & sister are both light & I am brown (especially in comparison to them)...I get called redbone & my mom & sis are always called yellow bone(I guess there is a difference?). I love my brown porcelain skin :) & I have been courted by many men & spoiled as well...I dont think it was based on my skin tone(???). I am a pretty woman & confident (not to be conceited) & I am treated like so. I live in Atlanta & I have seen gorgeous women of all shades but everyone has their preferences right? I wont date a man lighter than Taye Diggs lol but its my preference, my attraction... By the way, this is my first time on your site & I admire how you comment back on your post...so hands on ;) I love the blog!
  • Wangalicia
    Dark skin/light skin..blue skin..red skin..grey skin..LOL
    Skin is skin..what matters is the inside.
    I am a black woman..NOT a dark skin woman.
    I refused to be labeled by these terms, that society and my own people seem to be trying to put on me.
    I think men are shallow. PERIOD. Slave mentality is not helping either
    And opposite attracts. I tend to attract mixed guys or "light skin" ones.
    I love me some chocolate guys but GUESS what? chocolate guys are the ones that make me feel like I am less than a "light skin" ones..always salivating on mixed gals or the light ones.
    I love myself too much to go with somebody that will make me feel unwanted ultimately.
    So sometimes, it is not really a personal choice...u just have to go with whoever show u the most love! And nobody can't tell me I am not Beautiful.
    So don't let anybody put u down because of what GOD gave you..ain't worth it!
    Blogxilla..love ur blog..keep up the good work and post!
  • Blacksand
    You make some valid points, however all men are not shallow Ms. Wangalicia. There are still some Chocolate gentlemen out here. The chocolate guys that made you feel like you are less than need to grow up. I am a black man who loves chocolate women and believes beauty comes in all shapes sizes and colors. That is one of the truest aspects of beauty our people posess. Strut your stuff with crazy swagger Ms. Wangalicia. I'm sure some chocolate brothers are watching. Peace & Blessings to you!!
  • Lady Jei
    They bleed once a month just like the rest of us. LOL!! Puh-leese. Women are women, and we come in all shades, sizes, etc. If you like the chocolate honies, go for it, if you like a womah who weighs at least 150, go for it.

    From what I see, based on the last 5 weddings I have been to, yea men like women with a fat ass, DDs, etc., but that is NOT who they are marrying. All that lightskinned shit goes out the window when it matters, the altar. If she isn't the man for him, light or not, her ass is gone.

    And if another man tells me to 'stop acting light skinned', when I refuse his advance I am going to snap.
  • ms_micia
    We do live in a world of Yung Burgs. But we also live in a world where Michelle Obama is first lady. You see what you want, if you see through the Light Skin Dark Skin lense forever you'll NEVER get anywhere but where you're at. Its a practice of self hatred and ignorance. And i keep commenting on it, because it keeps happening. smh. it's 2009 we should be beyond that.
  • alot2say
    I use to hang with quite a few females who had a lighter complexion.It was funny to us how men reacted when they see us in public.It was obvious they were "Trying", not because they found out how nice my girls were but because of how they looked.It was so sad because many of these women know why men are attracted to them and they will either use it to their advantage or reject them up front.I dont like shallow superficial men.Light skinned women are not this superhuman force.They have the same anatomy as all other women and different personalities as well.But to the ones who try so hard for that trophy, you will get exactly what u r looking for in the end.
  • R.O.
    You can treat all women exactly the same. One thing that work on one woman work on them all. These women are not different. Paying is not wassup. Chicks have jobs, chicks have to pay up. The only way you can make a chick pay up is by going extreme. If you can't get to an extreme than you can't make a bad chick pay. You either have to be totally rich so she will do anything to be with you including paying up all her money or you gotta be totally poor where you have nothing she can take from you even if she wanted to.

    Sexing gets corny after you have sexed the best chicks. After that, the new hottness is making these broads come outta pocket. I love when these bad chicks who normally would have some stupid fool paying come out of pocket and get angry because there is nothing they can do. There is no win. They can't make the equation even. So they go right along banging they head against a brick wall like those wind up toys trying to "change" you but winners don't need to change.
  • T.T.
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion and the way they feel. It is a person choice of who they date and marry. But this is my opinion: Guys have really messed girls up. What I mean is guys expectations of women are so high in regards to appearance that it have caused a lot of women to feel inferior. A lot of men classify beauty as being fair skinned, a big butt, long hair, being skinny, and big legs. Dont get me wrong because I have a nice body myself, but these are the images that the media has instilled in the minds of the people in America. Thats why you got a lot of women hating on each other, and that is because of insecurity, and insecurity was taught to them by their peers because of the media. Men need to get a grip, because there is no perfect woman. Excuse my grammar. I typed this pretty late at night. lol.
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