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Let’s Go Out, But You’re Paying For Your Own Stuff
Posted in Relationships on 31. Mar, 2009
Written by Miss Sex E.D.
Going Dutch basically means, for whatever reason, when we go out I am going to pay for everything I have, whether it be food, alcohol or a movie and you will pay for everything you have. Many women feel like if a man asks you out, he is perusing you, which means that he should pay for the entire date. You may leave the tip for the evening, but it is expected that he will pay for everything else. While some men agree with this wholeheartedly and want to show a woman a good time on their dime, others don’t. One guy I know put it like this, “I don’t want to go all out and keep spending money on this girl because what if things don’t work out? I will have wasted all that money.” Now I’ll be honest, the whole idea of going Dutch is new to me. Why? Because I haven’t been on too many dates where the guy has brought this up. Until recently that is….let me break down what happened the easiest way possible:
The Beginning:
I met this guy who I will say is old enough to know better. Okay, I’m jumping the gun already. We met, and he kept asking me to go out with him. I was apprehensive at first and kept telling him, “Let me think about it and get back with you.” After about 2 more weeks I finally gave in and we decided to meet at this bar downtown. He recommended the place because they have a great live band that goes on around 9:00 p.m. That night I was running a little late because I had to gas up the car. I called him and let him know that I was a little behind but I wasn’t far. So he asked me if I wanted a drink. I let him know to order me a beer. When I got closer to the bar, I saw the only parking available was $10. So I called him and asked him where I was supposed to park. He told me to pay to park. I told him not only did I not have cash on me but I was not paying $10 to park, so I opted to park at my job for free, which was only half a block from the bar. Now I’m slightly agitated that he didn’t tell me about this. But I wasn’t going to make a big deal or even say anything.
This just seems to be the way of the new man! I felt like I was reading a personal account!
But I would have paid my portion of the tab (because i'm a lady), would have waited for him to return, told him in the most respectful but stern way that what he did was tacky and classless and that he should NEVER call me again!
Trifling, broke ass nigga! (okay sorry…back to being a lady)
hmmm I probably would have paid for what I ate and drank. So that little beer would have been on him, tipped the girl, and texted him that I have left. Depending upon my mood I may entertain a call from him at which point I would inform him of why I left and he should loose my number untl he gets some class. He is a mess and the problem with dudes of that nature they cannot be changed.
Now aint this some bullshit. Now granted i have never done no fly shit like this but women are putting themselves in this predictimant by trying to be to much like dudes you cant have equal rights half way you gonna run into this type of thing more and more. Your mommas mama never had to worry about this type of thing
I would of paid and left…
It's disrespectful how he asked u for the beer and cocktail…
And if he is so tacky this early it's gonna go down from there…
You mean to tell me he is flippin over $21?
I had this happen to me once and I was gonna go to the bathroom and head for the parking lot but it shows how sorry he is as a man when you gotta just lay the money out and let him know it ain't nothing…but he is def not worth another date.
It has nothing to do with gold digger women it's the principle that he begged her out offered to get her some drinks and didn't split the check the first time…nor did he let gee know it was a Dutch date. What a LOSER!!!!
I would of paid and left…
It's disrespectful how he asked u for the beer and cocktail…
And if he is so tacky this early it's gonna go down from there…
You mean to tell me he is flippin over $21?
I had this happen to me once and I was gonna go to the bathroom and head for the parking lot but it shows how sorry he is as a man when you gotta just lay the money out and let him know it ain't nothing…but he is def not worth another date.
It has nothing to do with gold digger women it's the principle that he begged her out offered to get her some drinks and didn't split the check the first time…nor did he let gee know it was a Dutch date. What a LOSER!!!!
I would have paid and then made my exit..an in turn delete and/or block his number.. i have a very bad temper and would have done some un lady like things if i had stayed to chew his ass out.
Its a matter of manners and class. Don't invite a person out and then expect them to foot the bill. Its tacky. If that was the case he could have even presented the idea of going dutch in the following manner: I get the drinks you take care of the food. If I invite a guy out I pay for it. Why? because he joined me at my invitation. And asking for equal pay and the right to pursue any career path I so choose doesn't mean that I want a man in my life that is tacky. Lets get that straight.
Its a matter of manners and class. Don't invite a person out and then expect them to foot the bill. Its tacky. If that was the case he could have even presented the idea of going dutch in the following manner: I get the drinks you take care of the food. If I invite a guy out I pay for it. Why? because he joined me at my invitation. And asking for equal pay and the right to pursue any career path I so choose doesn't mean that I want a man in my life that is tacky. Lets get that straight.
It doesn't pay to give silly people the satisfaction of a “reaction” with that said do a combo:
1) pay your tab
2) let him know “quietly” that his actions were ungentlemanly – making a scene would put him on the defensive and he'll just get loud in return and he won't be embarrased by his actions…ladylike behavior will force him to face his shame, secretly, which is always worse
3) make your exit OR if you're the type that can enjoy a night out by yourself: stay and enjoy the band and/or even find another guy to dance with
*** sighs with a heavy heart ***
Albeit reluctantly, I have to agree “somewhat” with The Don's line of thinking, 0_0
Times have changed and as women we can sometimes get caught up in wanting all of the benefits of independence and none of the hassles….it's true my mother's mother never had to worry about these things, but I wouldn't trade a lifetime of dutch dates for all the “much worse” shyt that she DID have to worry about…
I wholeheartedly believe that if a man pursues you and asks you out he should pay for the date BUT I'm also gonna be prepared, mentally and financially – I never assume that he will pay so I have my money ready and when the check comes I reach for my wallet too, let him be the one to say “c'mon now, put that away”…if he doesn't I'm already prepared for that scenario and will be able to continue on having an attitude & drama free night, when it's all said and done I can piece together all of his actions for the night and decide if this is the type of guy I wanna deal with further
Girl………….that story made my blood pressure skyrocket! That was EXTREMELY tacky of him to do that. My thing is this—-If u are pursuing ME and ask me out on serveral occasions b4 I actually say yes, YOU'RE PAYING. The tip, fine….no prob. But to be fair, I would make sure I order something VERY reasonable in price and only drink alcohol if insisted or offered since it is more expensive than a regular soft drink.
Being the type of woman I am (don't like to cause scenes and bringing attention), I would opt to take the L and pay for whatever it is I had—but in a very STANK way lol. I would be completely silent, and make slick comments about the tackiness of the situation. Then, I would make my exit and tell him to enjoy the rest of his night and never call/answer my phone for him again. And if he asks why, I will tell him EXACTLY what I felt.
THANK YOU!!!
THANK YOU!!!
I probably would've paid the $21 dollars and waited for him to come back and talk to him about it.
Everyone's sitation is different and hey, u never know what someone's finances look like. Granted u said he had 10 beers and I'm not sure how much a beer costs b/c I don't drink them, but I'm sure it's not as much as a cocktail….
Maybe tht's all he could afford givien the fact that his wallet was stolen. And maybe he felt that he still wanted to do something w/u. But he should've just said it from the jump.
People have a hard time talking about money just the same way they have a hard time talking about being tested for stds. You have to make them come out and say it so everyone is on the same page.
I clear that out b4 I step foot to go anywhere with anyone (especially somone new).
Ness, the beers cost between about $3 each! If he could afford 7 of those bad boys, surely he could've afforded the drink he insisted I have b/c I seemed “uptight.”
Let me do the math.
My total was $21 (wings, beer, amaretto sour)
His
7 beers at $3 each = $21
plus his wings (and fries) = about $10
TOTAL= Approx $54 (plus tax)
Girl, all he could afford was his stuff b/c clearly he didn't even consider paying for my food from jump.
very much agreed.. i feel like if she gave the time of day for a date out or schedule the least he could do is treat. that would be the gentleman thing to do…
marry me girl lmao
I agree HeadMistress… I am ALWAYS prepared to pay for myself when I go out on dates. Sometimes overly prepared to the point where I won't let a man pay for me (probably a bit too independant in that case.)
I don't think there should be an assumption to who's paying. If you go on a date, despite whom asked whom, assume you will be paying for YOUR stuff. Assuming a man will pay for your food because he asked on a date is like a man assuming he's gonna get some by buying a woman a drink at a bar/ club.
I completely agree with you on this one….I NEVER go out with someone without having my own spending money (my grandma taught me that). Plus having alot of brothers taught me a thing or to…i dont want any many thinking i and indebted to him for anything –especially not a drink or a meal.
Exactly, and if he really didn't have it due to his “lost wallet” he should have either gone somewhere within his budget or postponed the date…
the whole situation was simply ass backwards. now he finally got the date and there's a chance she won't go out on another with him now beacause it was bad planning…
Thanx *fake smile* but I'm gonna need more info….
WTF@ “women are putting themselves in this predictimant by trying to be to much like dudes”
Women aren't trying and don't want to be like “dudes”
A lot of men – not all, not even most, just “a lot” – are failing at being MEN so we have no choice but to pick up the slack where we can
Cause and Effect..period
Maybe it wasn't meant to sound chauvinistic but it does and its not the first comment you've made that reads that way….jmo
LOL @ “overly prepared” – that sounds way to familiar
I swear the epidemic of men just not being men and the GD golddiggers of the world have totally upset the balance and rules of dating…smch
How can I say this gently… Fcuk what he thinks!!! Why would you even worry about that. He can THINK I'm indebted to him as much as he wants. He will be sadly disapointed.
Plus, if he's the type of guy that thinks a woman owes him p*ssy cuz he dropped some money on her, then he's a jerk and now I REALLY don't care how he thinks or feels.
Never let a man make you feel guilty or like you owe him something cuz he spent some money on you.
That's the best way to handle it. But honestly, there would be nothing to think about after that. I wouldn't even consider seeing him again as anything more than a friend.
AMEN!!!!
Thank you!!!