FTV: Imma Tear That Up… Oops My Bad

Posted in Rated Grown Up on Mar 20, 2009

talking

It’s really a common mistake we all make. You’re on the phone late at night and your potential sex partners tells comes out their mouth and says “You ain’t ready”. Sure it sounds good but chances are, if you weren’t ready the two of you wouldn’t even be having that conversation. Yet all too often men and women brag on what they don’t have.

Men Say Stuff Like:

  • I’m gonna tear that ass up: I mean really it sounds good, but what if he really tore that ass up? Wouldn’t that hurt? I know for one I wouldn’t want to tear my girl’s ass up, mainly because I’m going to want to have sex again after I get that first nut out the way and tomorrow and the day after that and so on…
  • I’m Gonna Be In It All Night Long: During phone sex, this is great to enhance the sounds and all but c’mon more than likely you’ll be lucky to get a good 30 minutes let alone all night.

Women Say Stuff Like:

  • You Can’t Handle My P*ssy: Yeah right, I have only met one girl who I could not handle, and newsflash… All girls think they have the bomb punany. Most women lay there, can’t ride a decent “manxilla” and simply grip the bed and enjoy the ride. What’s even worst is when a woman get’s on top of a man and jumps up and down like she’s doing something. That shit feels horrible. Get off!!
  • I Got Good P*ssy, You’ll Go Crazy Over This Here: At best most women have regular coochie, with the exception of a few… I mean this one chick had me going crazy after she played snatchee’s with her vagina but for the most part it’s avg… I don’t claim to have the biggest, or the best D in the game so why would a female claim that? SMCH

All jokes aside, be careful of what you brag about because nothing is worst than not living up to expectation. Which is why when I meet a girl who knows about my blog I try to down play my skill. I want the bar to be low, b/c unfortunately I’ve set a pretty high standard for myself, but I always want it low, so i can shock them. If I can because you never know when you’re going to run across that sunshine…. lol

Enjoy your weekend.

Xilla


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  • EVERY guy that told me he was great in bed SUCKED! If you got it, you know it and it will speak for itself. I don't brag about anything cause I know my worth and I know what I'm working with. It does set high expectations that usually won't be met! And they do always...Always come back for more ;-)
  • MizzJ0nez
    ::LAWD:: where'd u find that man w/ those ashy black knees? O MY!

    But I will honestly say it pisses me off when guys say they're GREAT n bed or they're gonna do this n that n when it comes down to it, I find myself mentally somewhere else during the deed cause they're just THAT lame n bed!

    I try not to brag...I just let em find out for themselves! no complaints thus far n they keep comn back!
  • lol...he just looks like a wack lay!
  • Treble85
    Lmfao I was thinking the same thing @ the guy in the pic. I thought he was It from the VH1 reality shoes for a minute....

    I feel the same way. I don't brag either & I don't even have phone sex because I don't want to hear the lies but also because I like to keep the skills on a need 2 know basis. If I'm with a lazy person, I'm gonna perform lazily as well. I have been known to qoute the "get the fuck off me" line. I'm not gonna pull out all the stops for someone who just wants to lay there like a dead fish... Feel me?
  • Bwa ha ha ha! This is too funny Xilla! I knew this guy who told me flat out his joint was small. I thought he was being modest! It turns out he never lies!!!!! Wooo hooo I gotta have him read this so he can see that he's rare..... He tells the TRUTH LMAO
  • thats unfortunate. lol
  • what?
    What the hell are "snatchees" hurry up and respond...only got 15 minutes left at work, lol
  • Xillionaire
    lol im mad you told me to hurry up!! lol Snatchees is a game we played back when i was young. We were poor so whenever someone had food or candy we could snatch it away from them if they didn't say NO Snatchees. lol
  • DomiMami
    Damn. Thats poor.
    I was raised as a kid in South Central, LA and somehow, I dont feel like I was so broke as a kid now. Snatcheess, lol.

    And Im with you on women being lazy with riding. No ups and downs, You gotta wind like you Dancehall queen on that D. Stir that up like coffee.
    Yessir.
  • what?
    Thanks homie, so in other words she had stron Kegels?
  • what?
    ^ strong, and sorry bout rushin u***runnin to my car***
  • SkyHarris
    This is something that needed to be said!!
    Thank YOU! OMG.
    You've just done society a big favor...people please take heed.
    IDK what it is that makes guys think that they are "king pipe layer" when in actuality they are on more of a peasant status when it comes to that!
    and being "open" in my sexual ways, i've learned that women who brag...are the ones that i'm never involved with again.
    Be confident, but not overconfident. Let the act do the talking.
  • i've always lived by "letting my actions speak louder than my words". i don't brag about what i can or can't do. there is no point. i'm just confident in the skills that i do have and i let them speak for themselves.

    "Yea… All girls think they have the bomb punany. Most women lay there, can’t ride a decent “manxilla” and simply grip the bed and enjoy the ride... "

    man this right here is the truth. lol.
  • TRJ
    i take the humble road MOST of the time but i dont mind a female tell me how good her her goodies are, honestly it makes the sex better due to the anticipation. but i hate when women tell me that i cant lay pipe when i aint even do nothing with them yet. however i dont address my frustration i just show and prove. besides the only reason that someone would syce the game is if someone else "played along" with them during sex. instead of faking why cant women just be straight and say "you are not that great" or maybe even help to get the game to where it need to be. im in no need of assistance im speaking on the behalf of others who are not as fortunate as me to know how to use what you got.
  • TRJ
    but then again if you know your good why not stunt if you can back it up?
  • Define "snatchee’s", if you dont mind...
  • NVM, now... We called it "no take backs"!
  • shayna
    now its called "time out".
  • AmoraAtlanta
    I wish there was a radar for bad sex because I would be the happiest woman alive!!!!! Long story short.. I was virgin he was six years to my senior He get 3 pumps and nuts in 2 mins and then gets up says I got to go to Church!!!!! yes you do to pray for that weak dick u gave me!!!!!!!!!! And he looks at me like there something wrong with me!!!!!! I swear he was acting like he was KING of Dick but more like the Royal Court Jester!!!!
  • Jane D
    LMFAO, tell em!
  • empress
    for real. that shit you said about the women coming on top an bouncing around like she doing something, is so strue. im a woman and i can ride a dick, but ladies some of us need to pratice that shit before you go on any dick. lol
  • ihateu
    so here i am exposing the biggest mistake of my sex life until now..so i was talking to this dude..and he bragged about his 10inches d*ick(not true) and how he will fcuk my brains out...so i got curious and i said i have to try him lol...it was horrible..i was soooo bored...and after 7 min(including foreplay) it was allll over and i was so happy..i just grabbed my things and left cuz he wanted to go for a round 2...no way in hell i would have tortured myself that way again!
  • Cp3
    Omg thank you for this post. I've been a lurker but felt like I have to comment. This happened to me the other day. Dude talking like he was going to tear it up. I shoulda known better. He lasted 5min...all I could say was ARE YOU SERIOUS. I couldve been watching CSI. Guys if u know you're not that great then don't lie on your D@@k.
  • mixedbreed
    omg 2 da dude in da pic!!...wtf???dem knees r not only ashy...they look hella rough...dude needs some knee pads or sumthing...moving along....i hate it when a dude brags period...that shit is such a turnoff....surprise me....i like xillas concept.....down play it....and yes every time a dude bragged he was WACK as all hell....it makes me just wanna b blunt and yell...NO MUTHAFUCKA YA BEDROOM IS GARBAGE!!!!...knock it the hell off already.....i think if we start being real with them...they will stop making a fool out of themselves with the bragging for no reason.....
  • MissBeasley
    lmao
  • Squishy
    Well... I'm talkin to this dude as we speak who brags about lasting an hour or more. All I'm thinkin is "nigga puh-lease!" lmao Why is he embarassing himself like this?! If I asked him to live up to that-which i WONT, he'll have 1,000 reasons why he couldn't last. "You too wet" "I aint had none in a while" "You p*ssy too tight" "Wait til next time" and blah-dee-blah-dee-f*ckin dah! lol
  • just_passin_by
    Yup, I just dealt with a guy like that not too long ago.
    He was constantly bragging about his skills and how he would let me have it. He turned out to be a huge dissapointment.
    I didn't have a list of dudes I don't count but now I have one because of him. And I have the feeling he will hold down the number one spot on that list for years to come SMCH
  • DC_REALEST
    LLS...what is up with all these comments talking bout fellas can't hang? I wish the tables could turn...and the females could see how hard it is to keep dat nut back while at the same time you trying to empress em.
  • Blacksand
    I think that would be very challenging to them just like it is challenging to us. However, that is all the more reason to stay humble yet confident in your abilities. I don't talk junk or bragg. I just put in work.
  • Squishy
    DC We really ain't concerned with whether or not you can "hold that nut back at the same time you tryin to impress" ---we are more concerned with why you are hyping yourself up if you either aren't sure you can hold it back or know you have a habit of lettin it go too soon. If I hear one more dude say he can "touch my stomach from the inside" or "make me c*m 30+ times" I'm gonna scream!

    If you raw, let your skills speak for themselves!
  • OooLaLa
    OMG! What is it with men and bragging? I swear every single bragger I've known has proven to be a huge disppointment. It's just crazy. This dude bragged about his size for months; then when I finally got a peek at it, it was less than average. So I looked at him with a surprised look, and he goes: "yeah... you're suprised at big it is huh?" ...LOL...LOL ... I just felt sorry for the dude.
  • Squishy
    lmfao. Me too! This dude was little, stumpy, and crooked. After he painted the picture in my mind like it was long, thick, and..... [sigh....] lol

    Once I gripped it, there was no room for my mouth on it. lmao. Let's just say it didn't go down that night. I got sick... *cough cough* :)
  • Blacksand
    It's the ol Jedi mind trick. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The dude hypes his stuff up and makes you curious. You give in to your curiosity do the deed and are disappointed because the brotha was tellin you stories. You say he was terrible and tell your friends. A brotha will do that to get in your secret place. Once he gets you he is on to his next conquest. All he wanted to do was get you. You've been gotten, he could care less and moves on to the next one. That sounds harsh, but it is true with some men.
  • riri
    This guy I dated told me that I wasn't "ready " for him.
    Ahahhha...he had the smallest dick ever..Even my 10 year old cousin has it longer than that..SMH. He also came in 1,2,3...5..yes..just wack!
    So don't brag unless you have been awarded some trophee in that area..lol
  • sincity1
    "SMALLEST D EVER" lol. I would rather him finish in 1, 2 mins...instead of humping away... like he's really doing something...lol
  • asiahardon
    OMG this happened to me last night, fool wanted a magnum when he needed a rubber glove thumb......
  • asiahardon
    shit, the fool couldnt even keep it hard, says after 4 years of waiting he's tooo amped up WTF..it'll be another 4 years b4 he sees my face
  • damn! So after 4 year he was a limp dude? that sucks! lol tell em why you mad ma! lol
  • Treble85
    Remy Ma said it best "this one dude had me laughin/ if it's just one thing I can't stand it's a baggy magnum"
  • Fancee
    I don't pay a guy any attention bragging aout what he can do until I know what he working with. Guyz say anything to get a chance to come and can't back up nothing.
  • I rather my dude see for himself. no need to brag about it becuase oneday you just might have that weak cookie night & then what ?! lol
  • sincity1
    They brag because some female in their past lied to them. Ladies stop faking orgasms and faking like these jokers are the bomb. It only makes matters worse for the next female...hence the "immo wear dat out" speech. which is clearly a lie...lol
  • Monz
    Xilla, where oh where do you get these pics??
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