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The Complex Mind Of A Heartbroken Man

Posted in Entertainment, Relationships on Mar 19, 2009

I can’t help but feel bad for Chris Brown, because I know he’s hurting because he lost his boo. Unlike a woman a man can not deal with being heartbroken. One gossip sites report

The singer appeared depressed and desolate as he stared blankly in the back seat of a car. Brown has been charged with assault and making criminal threats after an alleged bust-up with RIHANNA last month. His bleak mood comes after yesterday’s reports he and Rihanna are “taking a break” from their relationship, with Brown busy recording music in California and the pop beauty hitting the social scene with pals.

Men go through a bunch of different feelings when we are heartbroken. Which are as followed

Back Together - We want to get back together, so we end up calling a bit more than we should, and the female won’t take our calls or give us logical explanation as to why we can’t get back together. Wasn’t our love stronger than needing a break?

Revenge - There comes a point when we want you to feel the same pain we are feeling because even though you might be hurt to us it looks like you’re having the time of your life. We start to think so what I cheat, I was f*cking I was going to get right back. So we think maybe we should embarrass her, or sleep with her friend.

Many Women - Then eventually we decide we are just going to be the biggest male whore on the planet because since this woman hurt us it’s now women ain’t sh*t but hoes and tricks. Sure the logic is jaded, but my heart is torn into pieces and we can’t think straight.

So at the end of the day you have another man on a mission to ruin some unexpected woman all because his ex girl wouldn’t pick up the phone and talk to him because HE cheated on her. And to a man… somehow this all makes sense.

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Dizz

Ummm I could feel bad for him if she dumped him out of the blue. He didn't LOSE his boo...HE BEAT HER ASS!! CB wasn't the best example to use for a man with a broken heart.

BlogXilla

She hit him first... but i'm not referring to chris brown just men in general.

Dizz

It doesn't matter if she hit him first...he's a man and shouldn't put his hands on a woman. I could have dealt with him holding her down or something but he hit her more than once. I didn't see pics of his face f*cked up. Just sayin' another example may have been better. Abuse is a touchy subject.

ihateu

so that means that women should have a totally hit free pass and the guy should just endure?thats so wrong...everybody should keep their hands for themselves...

aliciabryant

I did not know men have feelings too.....thats' news to me..
Heartbroken? men? for real..Wow

BlogXilla

See it's this reason.... LMAO!!! lol

TRJ

just because we dont express our feelings through crying and throwing your clothes out the window like females do dont mean we dont have feelins we just handle them differently or dont deal with them

babydoll

Explain this to me....My BF is a cold piece of work. We argue and I swear i am the only one going through the emotions and we have broken up over this before. Then in trying to get me back, he expresses himself and i am like WOW, did i really just have to dump ur ass for you to tell me that?!? He is emotionally retarded/stunted and it does concern me a bit....Sooooo, TRJ, have u ever felt like crying out of being hurt from your girl and u just refurse to cry or yell, or do u act like its not happening and watch sports or something? I need to know lol.....

BlogXilla

Men are like rubber bands we will pull back and repress a lot of shit because we don't have the answers to our emotions or our feelings. We need to figure them out and contemplate on them. Because as a man we have a lot of things our women will never know. Men can love 2 women or love someone and still step out on them. But then the one we really love will hurt us and have us fucked up in the game it's crazy. like for real so we need to figure out things and weigh our options...

TRJ

funny my ex said the same thing when we broke up and i finally opened up to her.

lol naw i dont cry or yell about nothing (some of that has to do with my pride) because it only makes you feel worse and makes the situation seem more than what it really is. i just hit a spliff, sit back, and think about the situation from all angles. sometimes i do act like nothing happened (again my pride) b/c if i open up to a female all the time she will either be able to know how to help me get over things or she will know how to brake me down mentally. that is too much of a risk to take sometimes. when i finally did open up to my ex, i made it my priority to make sure she understood where i was coming from, she just knew how i felt based on what i said because she knows me that well.

if you ever want to find out how someone feels about a situation then you have made the first mistake already. you will know how people feelings operate if you talk to them in conversation that began like " what if two people did...why do you think that?" or talking about past experiences and you have to talk to people w/o making it seem like you're attacking them personally and you'll be amazed about how much info about them you will find out (have them look at a situation instead of putting them in the situation)

Quonesha

Thanks for giving us your male opinion its greatly appreciated

TRJ

no prob :-)

babydoll

Good Shit! Are you sure your not my bf? lol

HeadMistress

Maybe ya'll should think about the hassle and pain of experiencing these jaded and illogical feelings BEFORE you stick your d*ck in that other b*tch...

just a suggestion :-D

Dizz

So true...dudes want us to think about and honor thier feelings AFTER they've done some dumb sh*t.

BlogXilla

I aint been in the comment section in a few weeks and y'all been going hard!! Really HM You know sometimes it just be calling us!!! lol and we can't help but stick our... but maybe my girls back seat shouldn't smell like pickles and then i wouldn't have to cheat

HeadMistress

LMAO, yeah, you been missin and we miss you...

Yeah well the "D" be callin us too but we ignore it cause we love you!

If your girl's back seat smells like pickles you need not cheat, you need to just leave

empress

this is for blogxXlla for she hit him first.. i can't beleive you thought those thoughts and then post it. There are no excuses, whether a man hits a woman first or a woman hits a mn first.who cares if he is heart broken, ppl need to stop making excuses and face what actuall occured. it wasn't just a slap or a punch, she got beaten! women speak up about abuse all the time when are the men gonna step up and speak up?

BlogXilla

this post is not about Chris brown... at all and A woman has no right to lay her hands on a man!!! NONE!!!! Just like a man has no right to lay his hands on a female... under no circumstances should the opposite sex hit each other.

Let's be real, that's the problem with domestic violence is that a man gets hits all the time and is expected to just walk away each and everytime which he should do, please don't get me wrong but when the moment he blacks out and beats her ass it should be known that she should have never put her hands on him. It doesn't make it rigght but it's the reason why... and it's not an excuse it's just reality.

Now I think what Chris Brown did was wrong, but at the end of the day the whole story doesn't matter. women have been brutalized to the point that all a woman has to say is a man hit her and the dude goes to jail.

I'll email you my story. but it's not right.

missme

I see your point Xilla, I've been saying the same thing. I know it's a toucy subject and I understand why women feel the way they feel...but abuse is NEVER right and that goes for women and men. Just my two cents;)

BlogXilla

Thank you I spent 45 days in jail because a woman said i hit her and i never laid a finger on her. I was the one with the Busted lip, the scratches on my neck and torn shirt... but since the signs of a fight showed on me I went to jail and that's right?

No not at all...

Naim

I have a hard time wondering why a man would stay with a woman who is abusing him. Help me out please.

HeadMistress

Xilla is 100% right...

I've seen too many friends and family beaten randomly by a piece of shyt man and there is a difference between a random abuser and someone who "hits back" and looses control - it ain't right but its real nonetheless

I don't know one way or the other if this was the case with Chris & Rihanna but IN GENERAL if a woman hits a man she has to be prepared for the consequences, sad and f*cked up but true.

No matter who you are, man or woman and of logical thinking age, you gotta know once you hit someone you've crossed the line and that person is within their right to hit back and while there is such a thing as going to far its a risk you take when you decide to raise your hand

if you don't wanna get fucked up - keep your hands to yourself!

If you're bad enough to hit, you're bad enough to get hit back!

BlogXilla

you're 100% right. My dad used to whip my mother's ass.. he told me he did it because he was a drunk it's not cool and I can't stand a man who hits a woman but after being in a poisoned relationship i hate to say it but I can see how a man can beat a woman... I would never do it, b/c i know what it did to my mother and I know what it does to women. Can you imagine what it's like for me to feel that way to know the pain of dv and have to live with that shit on my record? Me a woman beater? I never touched a woman before but i got the shit on my record i'm not proud of it but i'm proud enough to know i walked away from it with out doing anything and knowing the truth.

HeadMistress

Wow, that is really f*cked up...so she just stuck to her story? Were you not able to press charges against her as well? I've seen cases where both people were arrested in a case of DV...

Anyway it may not change what's on your record but please believe Karma will get her ass...I just hope when it happens she'll be able to make the connection

BlogXilla

check your myspace

HeadMistress

???

TRJ

men act upon fact rather than emotions have you are heard the pharse "it is only about what it is never about what you feel" yes a man created that. we may feel a certain why about a situation but when you get down to it fact is she kicking me to the curb so f#(k it...i tried my best but if its like that then ima do whatever. may not be the right thoughts to have be thats just how it be sometimes

kepop

Men go thru heartbreak too..they just show it different. Men hold emotions inside..women we tend to show them to everyone!!. lol!

Quonesha

Thats bc ya'll from Mars, Venus hell somewhere different from Earth...lol. Xilla check me if Im wrong but dudes seem to jump from relationship to relationship forgetting to take time to heal or whatever from the previous one. Now i don't have that much experience but i have been in a relationship or two and seems like when we decided it was over they were in a relationship within a month or two. Could it be that they don't want to be alone and was use to the comfort of a relationship? I think so but again check me if I'm wrong. Hell I'm only 23 so it could be I had those 2 experiences bc i was dating boys not men. Personally I feel bad for Chris bc he is now the poster boy for a women beater when women beating has been going on since the biblical days. In no way am I saying this makes it okay but the public acts like this is the 1st time this has ever happens. Now i could be speaking out of ignorance bc i have never been in an abusive relationship. He looks like he is truly depressed and I hope he doesn't hurt himself or her bc right now he thinks his personal & professional life is over. Thoughts anyone?

rolexjames

Q you are right. I say this all the time. My brother to me is a prime example. His biggest fear is being alone with no one to love. He'll never admit though. And he will never have that problem since he's 6'7 with light brown eyes and makes $85,000 a year.

Most of the time as men our value system is based on our ego and how things look to other men. We refuse to look bad. So if our heart is broken, we take that as an attack on our manhood and we'll go into another relatioship quickly or we'll sleep with a bunch of women to prove "we still, go it" or I don't need that chick anyway. Or our value system is that we are not a man if we don't have a women and some money. That leads men to make bad decisions.

Truth is, when as men do we have anyone to listen to us? Even when we were kids and we cried we were told to SHUT UP and BE a man. Or remember when you were in school, The guy who listened to women and was sensitive, never got dates. Even in most relationship I've witnessed, when a guy has a problem and opens up to his woman, she tells him he needs to figure that out on his own or call me back when you get your stuff together. Women on the other hand will express themselves, even when we don't want to hear it.

bfount

Xilla, I understand completely what you are saying. And I think the fact that Chris Brown has been completely crucified in the media is totally uncalled for. I have been asked why I feel bad for him, and the answer is this simple: I have little brothers and cousins his age. He is young as hell, and I know that this is a mistake that he will/should learn from. And to be considered a monster is completely unfair. Especially considering how, if he had walked away, and just simply pressed charges against Rhianna for starting this fight, there wouldn't be this firestorm. Nor would her endorsments be taken away, nominations be pulled, and her fan base would still be there.

rolexjames

Great point. How old is he? Is this really any different than what happens on a college campus with a football player and a cheerleader? Although it's not right, it won't be in the press this long.

troublemakersupreme

i'll bet anyone $ that this is the biggest lesson he will learn. he WILL NEVER put his hands on another woman again. lest he want to risk arrest, imprisonment AND heartbreak.

troublemakersupreme

btw... i have 2 exes who are at opposite sides of the spectrum. one who cheated almost every day that we were together (a year and a half) and didn't express nary an emotion until about 3 years later and the other who was a bit too damned emotional and wanted/needed to have a talk about e'ery-muthaeffin-thing that happened.

the first didn't express shit until i was about to graduate and he heard i was leaving town and never coming back. then he calls and tells me that the chick he left me for and him got a little girl and how much he wishes it was me. when i cussed his ass out was when he decided to start on the bullshit about how i hurt his feelings but he was the one who CHEATED and i did nothing to deserve the heartbreak. he was just upset that i was no longer bitter and had moved on. he's STILL not over it. cuz he's stuck with a noose around his neck and i have been living life for almost 10 years.

now that i think about it, he's still moping and it's been for-fricking-ever! dude really has problems. jeez!

shayna

dont feel not a bit sorry for a man.
if she did hit him first she WRONG. && for hitting her back he WRONG.

yes

this is why I stay in the house

AmoraAtlanta

Men aren't allowed to show their feelings open so they go to other devices to show their pain. When they go through the many women phase, sometimes it can become a permanent thing and they never have committed relationships again.

rolexjames

Yep. The male ego will not allow him to ever open himself up for fear he'll be hurt again. Immaturity.

theFOXXX.

we all have breaking points.
dont matter who you are, as humans we have our limits.
and when that limit gets crossed, shit is bound to pop off.
EVERYONE, i guess mainly women expect men as men, to have that
self control aspect to "be a man" a walk away. you know what i mean?
but we are all human. we make mistakes.

i sure as hell am not taking up for anybody who is a violent abuser.
i just think that in this situation with ol boy, lines were crossed & he slipped.
theres a difference between a MONSTER and someone who f--ked up.
however i believe that if you as a man are in a relationship that is as toxic as someone constantly pushing you to that point where you feel like you
might lay a hand on her, just leave.
theres no point and its not worth staying in a relationship like that in which you both are going
on a road to nowhere.

IMO, i believe Chris Brown got tripped up.
he f--cked up. the media is tearing him to shreds.
its a sad situation for the both of them.

don

Damn....................co.sign the post

don

@ Xilla I feel you dawg i was raised never to hit a woman and never have but i came as close as i ever have last year. I dont care what anyone says if anybody man women child infant sucker punches you in the jaw or nose its gonna hurt and you are gonna snap true you can walk away but what happens if it happens agian? The only thing that kept me from mashin on her was jail and my future and i wasnt gonna throw it away on her and she knew that. So my advice to all my brothers no scratch that ANYONE IF SOME BODY HITS YOU ONCE THEY ARE GONNA DO IT AGIAN ITS NO MISTAKE ITS NOT CUZ THEY ARE DRUNK HIGH WHATEVER JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY

sexyma078

To avoid all of this men could JUST ACT RIGHT....just a thought!!

rolexjames

Could you please define what ACT RIGHT is?

To most women that means "let me have my way." and if you do let her have her way and it doesn't work out, "you should have been a man and not let me do it." So how does a grown man stop a grown woman from doing anything?

what?

This my friend, is why women are so much smarter than men! LOL

don

@ sexyma and what. Its only funny till its your brother or son

OrangeStar616

I wish the word BOO would die a horrible fuckin death...alright moving on.....

that mofo didn;t get dumped like someone else said he the beat the shat out of Rhianna WTH..I don't feel sorry feel sorry for this bicth made ddue at all and Rhianna gettin back with him never should have been an option period......still he needs his ass whopped for the redord BTW.........

and thats simplified view of heartache......its complex and layered. but you did point out some key points.....

Jane D

nice post but i'd have to say i'm a little sick of all the exscuses men make to act like complete jackasses, women and men are both sexual beings yet this society has made it okay for men to blame all bad, disrespectful, lewd, and doggish behavior on thier "nature". Yeah........ As for Chris Brown and Rhianna that's just a ripple in the pond, this type of shit happens everyday, for most women it's much much worse, this is America today we are a violent and hyper-sexual society, men shouldn't hit women but then again the average age of the entry level prostitute shouldn't be 13.....

GuyaneseDyme

Oh God! This all sounds tooo damn familiar!

Blacksand

It does sound too familiar and it shouldn't. We are all witnessing the moral decay of society. This post while being an excellent one brought up a lot of painful memories for me.

A man is not to raise his hand to a woman. I don't care what she has done. The dmage it does physcally and psychologically is devastating. When I was between 16 and 19 years of age I had to fight my best friends father a lot to keep him from beating her mom and her. I had never seen fear like that on anybody's face and pray that I never see it again. His excuse was the alcohol and stress from work. I hate to imagine what would've happened if I was not there those years.

Nuff respect to you Xilla, you are stronger from having gone through what you went through. It helped shape you into the man you are today. Your story undoubtedly will help and educate a lot of men out there. It helped me write this. I had not spoken of those events in years to anybody.

As far as C Brown goes, he is reaping what he sowed. He shouldv'e never hit her. It does not matter that she hit him first. I hope they both receive the help they need to move beyond this and help people out of their situations.

I'm out. Peace and Blessings!

Naim

More like mad his career is going down.

Vanessa

it was a bad choice of photo if you didn't mean CHRIS BROWN, and that rape apologistic bull about, "she hit him first" is just pathetic. unsubscribing from this blog now! damn. *shakes head*

Knowledge

I feel sorry for him because I see both sides of the issue. I know that at this point it's going to be a downhill battle and he has the hard task of climbing his way back to the top. Right now, he's feeling sorry for himself and he's upset at Rihanna for involving other people in their personal lives. I can relate, but I've seen both sides of abuse and it is touchy. I'm a woman and a girlfriend did hit me before and even then I sympathized with her reason but I had to leave because anger is destructive. Chris knows what he has to do. He has a good guy looking out for his career. He'll be okay, but he has to get help for his emotions. She needs helps too, but he even more so this doesn't happen again.

Oh and one more thing... why are dudes so afraid to cry? I mean, damn, you don't have to cry alone all the time, your woman might want to comfort you because guess what... deep down we know yall are sensitive too. That macho ish isn't fooling anyone. ;)

rolexjames

I've never seen a women comfort a man who cried about something that wasn't death related.

I was in a relationship once with a girl I was giving the world to. I don't ask for much, just bring to my life what I can't buy. I held nothing back from her. I could tell though after a while that somthing wasn't quite right. It took attention from another female for me to recognize what was missing. My girl never listened to me. I try to live my life so I don't have to lie. So I sat my girl down and explained to her how I felt. I didn't yell, wasn't condescending. I looked her in the eye and poured out my heart. That was extremely difficult and it took tears to do it. I didn't mind. If a man can't cry with his girl who can he cry with right? The outcome: I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life. She still didn't listen and acted like what I was asking was unreasonable and she would do me the favor of doing what I wanted. Funny thing, it wasn't too long after that she complained that I never tell her how I feel like I used too. I don't blame her for it. Our relationship was the most postive one her family of 4 sisters and a mother had ever witnessed.

toronto

most of you are forgetting the fact of nature that men are biologically built to be stronger than women. not matter how angry she is, a woman could never do as much damage you as you do to her. EVEN if she hits you FIRST, as a man you can EASILY get her under control. the same force that you would use to kick her ass, use to hold her down. most men in this thread seem like they are the abused victim in their relationships, therefore making if OK to hit the woman back. have you ever considered calling the police? how are you going to let a woman shred you with scratches and bust up your lip before you control her or call the cops to come get her crazy ass.

men who hit a woman "back" do it because they feel like they have been disrespected. self defense is rarely the incentive. you need to ask your self why your with a woman that disrespects your strength in the 1st place.

next time your 4 year old kid or senile grandmother throws a tantrum and hits you 1st remember to punch the shit out of them

rolexjames

Sure, I'm stronger, but the licks she's throwing out doesn't tickle.

Qrazy

this is so on point!
I do not feel sorry for him losing his boo. If she was that priceless, he would have handled her with care no matter what.

koolington

damn i just got dropped myself, i went thru the back together thing,
now its many women. thats deff the truth

Whatev

Wait, for real? Did we forget he beat her ass? F*ck his heart.

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