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I'm guilty if the first one I must say.

Me too. I am very shy so most of the time I don't mean to look mean or fold my arms its just that sometimes I am uncomfortable around alot of people. I am trying to get over it though.

I am guilty of this too...I think we are all sometimes. We just have to be more aware of it...sometimes if I see a guy eyeing me that I don't want to talk to, I'll put up all my defense mechanisms. Arms folded,, legs crossed and mad face. Or I'll get on the phone.

I'm guilty of it too...and I do the same thing put on a mad face or jump on my phone. Crazy thing is sometimes that dont even stop them from coming over.

i know about the first one. its like females give you that "FUCK NO" look before you even try to pursue.

Well I know about the "hell noooo girl, i know his fake hip hop jewelry, rebook wearing, fake gucci print jogging suit is not walking over here." this is what you're saying between clinched teeth as he's approaching...then you get the "fuck no, does he really think he has a chance look" lol....but alot of times that's because the guy isn't looking presentable from jump and thats what makes us give that shocked and surprised look...lol and some girls are just mean and evil so no matter how fine he may be she will still give him that look!

i feel you, but sometimes i might not even be thinking about pursuing a female i might just happen to look her way and her face frowns up like she just drank buttermilk, or when i walk into a store while a lady is walking out, i hold the door open for her and i say a simple hello just to be polite and she turns her nose up at me. i kind it hard to practice chivalry when women act like that.

i'm sorry you've experienced that.... seriously! the ignant ho's make ir hard for nice females like me to get a remotely decent guy....

i am smiling 99% of the time, and i don't act supa crazy when i'm out, i will dance or engage, but i never get approached. ever. i am not fat and are pretty attractive. i also dress well. in chicago the only women that get approached are light. if a guy gets on a dark girl he wants something/ or is doing it "just to do it".... the situation is disgusting here to put it mildly.... my guy recetly had a nasty dark chick play him bogus and is now tryna holla @ me.... he passed me up for years and years and now is on some,"u done got cute and i like what u talkin bout" just because i'm counseling him thru his divorce from the gerangulum. wtFUGG?!?! it took all i had not to cuss him the fugg out tonite but that just pisses me off! the decent looking sistas with shapes and goals, and THEIR OWN, get passed up for eveil light bitches, or nasty supadark afrocentric for a pt hos... WHAT GIVES!

im from DC and its known fact that most females from here are stuck-up or arrogant or both...its easier to get whatever we [men] want from a ugly or nasty hoe than it is from a woman who presents herself as a lady, which does not make it right. and its easier to accept rejection from a ugly hoe because her judgment dont matter and its not the fact we go after the nasty ones just to do it, its because we know we can do it. again which does not make it right. it comes from low self-esteem and the lack of willingness to try. i cant front i struggle with this from time to time simply i dont know what to say sometimes. to a nasty chuck you can say anything to i mean if shes not respecting herself than she will go for anything but with a decent chick its like i know for sure what not to say but i dont know what exaclly to say all the time. does that help any at all.

that does help and i agree with ur logic whole heartedly. the sad part is, this goombah gets mad when i say"stop directing your hurt towards me. u only want me because i'm here and willing to be nice and help u move.... you'll not have me getting playing for a wild bandecoot lookin bitch once u turn ya swag[or lack thereof] on...."

it hurts so bad... knowing ur an amazing catch and having men of other races worship you, then having your own dog you out or not even appreciate all that you have.... its wild.... and yes that's my real booty, and yes there are breasts to match, there WAS a corporate amerikkka job, there IS community involvment and a strong family, and i can get dutty and hump like a champyun, and yes i can have enough assholeness to not make me overwhelmingly good... and i'm single in chicago w/ absolutely no hpe of ever dating a black guy that even remotely respects me....

I feel like you made a good point when you said you're willing to get rejected from a "ugly hoe" I think most men can be intimidated by a nice looking female...and I'm not talking about those video girl type of chicks b/c they might as well be thrown in the "ugly hoe" category the way they are disrespected.

I'm talking about nice looking everyday women. Men get nervous about what to say and how to say it. So I think we're sitting back like, "He's looking at me. Why doesn't he come over?" He's just scared as hell. No-1 likes rejection.

That's why we have to be aware of how we're coming off, maybe if you smile at him instead of just staring back, he'll come over.

hi5, i love ur adds to the side by the way....hey guuuuuuurl! i am thoney, the "ass" lol

anywho, i think expression is everything i smile all the time, but i have many sistas that wear their disappointment like a fierce new dress. it irks me... despite me REALLY wishing brothas here weren't so whack, i'm happy that i woke up and got cute and had the chance to sip som' wit tha homegirls! that alone is enough of a reason to smile AND SHOUT and not ice grill somebody...

the sadness here is just DEEP... a sista just killed herself on the southside and u know what the note said? "i'm lonely. i'm tired. and things weren't going to get better." she was 29! 2-9! she wasn't good enough to make the news but they brought her up at church and people were talkin about how bad things are and how we need to do something., maybe a citywide roundtable. hell i dunno, but it starts with smiliing! not being all loud and ghetto, and engaging brothas... even if u aren't interested nothing bad happens when u hold a convo.[reverse for sistas] i talk to EVERYBODY, smile, help people that shittin on me move their wives shit. i mean barter up some love! personally pledge to be NICE! dang!

p.s. keep 'em comin!

Honey I thoght we went over this already. You giving Chi a bad name with all this about the dark skinned sistas. I live in Chi, am blask, and my woman is pretty dark. Way darker than you, and even though we had a convo about this situation and I can kinda see your point, I still don't totally agree with it. You should start hanging out on the South side where the brothers are. Them high post North side joints ain't where it's at. Come to some of my parties and you'll get some attention.

Gosh, as much as I hate to antagonize Thoney ;-D LOL

Xilla...permission to post my own edition of "From the Vault"

Captions (of comments) from Ness Presents: A Gift To Xilla - A 3Some

THONEY: again for the 3rd time before i continue Head, its not a color crutch its a poven FACT cosigned by Ant. [someone i'd never met before that i PROMISE i didn't bribe prior to his cosignage] A few posts back, Ant shared your err in judgement and thought i was obsessing over my color. that was until he talked to two of his girls. one was dark and one was light, THEY SHARED with him thru candid convo EXACTLY WHAT I SHARE WITH U on this site! did you miss that discussion on here?! go back a few posts and check the records... his friend said "i can be talking to a guy and he's really feeling me and when ____ comes over its like i don't exist anymore to him. i know exactly what ol' girl is talking about" he told me that they were both attractive and had cool personalities etc. THE COLOR was really the only thing that seperated 'em in his eyes. UH! in yo FACE!

HEADMISTRESS: I do recall Ants comments, he did agree on some points but I didn't get the feeling of a "full on cosign" out of it...further more that's what three people ??? What's the population of Chi about 3 mil ??? Hardly enough data for a statement of fact...

THONEY: go on facebook, or myspace, or ask random people and see if you don't hear what i've told you and what ant CO SIGNED. you're clouding facts with you errant judgment and the two are not the same chile! stop trying to discredit me. Ant said his friend said EXACTLY WHAT I SAID. i went to dinner with him and he shared his suprise with me and then second'd that surpise on this blog....any common idiot would say that he CO SIGNED or AGREED with me, so what's ur major malfunction doll?

ok is common sense not that common or what? maybe you can't read as well as the rest of us chile i dunno. AGAIN while u hittin the vaults delve a lil deepa! thanx lova! .while ANT, ALONE doesn't aggree totally because he's not color stricken/ doesn't care, he's an exception to the rule. more times than not you see MY PT! he even said HIS FRIENDS saw MY SIDE! wtfugg is so hard to grasp about that ?

with every rule there's an exception right?! Ant represents that, but he's not common. for every Ant there are @ least 20 niggas that don't date a dark chick unless she has connects/will spoil him. while u gettin coy lol ASK HIM WHAT HE TOLD ME HIS FRIENDS SAID would u please?! i ain' gotta lie to kick it....if i was willing to hook niggas up with private events, fugg fa free and begg to be treated wrong, i could have 10 in my bed right now... i'm better than that though and slowly more sistas are crankin dat Honey and dating a Honkey! HA!

simply put since most of my statements go over ur head, ANT DOESN'T CARE IF YA HOT PINK OR LIME GREEN, and prior to my shedding light on this issue was completely ignorant to how BAD THINGS WERE. He doesn't like it, but he can't change things/wishes i wouldn't state the obvious.... thinking i was exaggering[i assume] his ass asked his friends and to his utter shock and mafackin amazement he said AND I QUOTE, "my girls said you were right. i couldn't belve it though. like it can't be that bad, but then they told me how when they go out the dark one could be getting attention, then if the lighter one comes around the guy automatically starts ignorin' her like they weren't even talkin....." i am an ass about remembering things and what not. i got paid to never make a mistake so excuse my anal nature but ASK HIM smartass! keep antagonizin, whatever, i enjoy having good discussions/disaggreeing....especially when i'm not matched! HA! :P

Nice edits...took you awhile to get your thoughts together huh? LOL!

You're right about you're "statements" going over my head...contradictory, illogical, random, extreme and delusional rants do that to most of us, so yeah you're "unmatched" alright but I have a feeling that's a crown that only you want, so enjoy!

I gotta say I'm a little disappointed in this semi-rant though, I expected a lot more of your funny name calling and "guess I told you honey-chile" type commentary...

Was it the embarassment over having gone so hard about his *cosignage* and saying "any common idiot would say that he CO SIGNED or AGREED with me" when clearly he didn't fully cosign your pov, not then and not now?

I'm sorry, if I promise not to throw the dumb shyt you say in your face anymore will you go back to the way you were?

Please

Pretty Please

lol bitch please! you don't matter. this doesn't matter. its nothing more than a thought provoking dialogue.... clearly you didn't read what HE SAID! he didn't disaggree with me u idiot! he said he personally doesn't feel that way, but acknowledges the problem. since you didn't hear our convo/reduced this sentiment to only 3 people stay in ur place, ignorance on the situation. since i need to break things down, i'll put it even MO PLAINA fa da kids![snaps 3x]
while Ant personally dates every race and color, his friends emphatically supported my statement which surprised him! talk about what u know. since u weren't in my aunts restaurant downtown listening act like THAT... k? thanks!

Yaaaaaaayyyyyyy! There goes the Thoney that makes me laugh!!!

AND I got 3 snaps...Oooowwwww!

Whew, I thought maybe you were maturing, don't ever scare me like that again

y'all two need to just do each other already. LOL tall always fighting over this.

Nah, I don't like dark girls :-D

i said sometihng mean before so i'ma self edit... u know i think sex with Head would suck. A because she's kinda short sighted and can't think past her own stupidity and B because she seems soooooo closed in and locked on her own thoughts without proper research.... i'd have to explain everything, provide diagrams, explain each move, "see i know you've never heard of this in your tiny world but i make it rain on bitches. i'll stick my tongue here and finger there... this is where you yell and shake and ask me to teach you.... now you should apologize and drip honey on me.... this is the part where u cry bitch." the end lol

T or F u said ur two friends cosigned my statement when we were at exposure, even though you don't have a color preference...... you also said that it didn't matter to you and you were IGNORANT to how bad it really was until you hear THEM say what i SAID....
i don't come to your parties, because they're far from me and i don't have a car. plus the likilihood of me meeting someone worthwhile aren't worth the cab fare... seriously. there's about a 10% chance there's a black guy there that believes in DATING and having mature convos/ a good time like we had...you and ur 1 or 2 friends are so rare i'd rather not compete if i can be frank. u KNOW how it is here whether u agree or not...i WILL NOT stop telling the truth because it isn't convenient for your very exclusive reality Ant. i can't.... if u did something in the city i would be there. 120somthing is no where near where i live and when i'm in that area i'm workin or at church or with family.....

I've definitely been guilty of #1. As a teen I heard "why you so mad" all the time. I would tell the random dude my dog died (didn't have one!) Ugh I was just evil, lol. Now I get the face when I just don't want to be bothered, but thankfully have learned to look/be approachable when I want to. Same with #2; I'll run to the store busted because I'm not trying to holla, I'm just trying to buy some milk!

That first one is definitely the Truth!!!

I agree with the expressions one....most people say i look mean or stuck-up but im really the nicest person you could meet and most guys find that out when they approach me, so now I try to keep a smile because it makes you more approachable but I have a home girl that keeps a mug on her face and she never gets any play but then be mad when a guy tries to talk to me, then she tries to play the hater role and scare them away telling them I'm with her......and you know what kinda way im talking bout...SMH

Yea, don't go out with her if you're trying to meet some new people. LOL

I beleive all three reasons play a role in being approached. However, I will only focus on one. When a woman has a straight face that is a message to men that if you are going to step to me come correct or don't come at all. You don't look mean either. I am sure you have a beautiful smile as well. You are also on point about serious looking women having beautiful personalities and being nice. As far as your girl though, you might want to share some of your insight with her. What she does is kind of funny though. However, if a I were truly interested in you I would respectfully ask you if that was true. If you said yes, I would keep it moving. If you said no our conversation would continue at your liesure. That is just me though.

I love that this pictures was taken on Ust!!!!!

Yeah I thought that was 14th and U by the Reeves Center but um anyway.......
I am a District of Columbia native not, MD, not VA but a washingtonian for real.
I have heard all kinds of BS about DC women LOL
All of us are not stuck up but alot of us are fed up with the BS.......
Between AIDS running rampant, crazy & trife mofos and all these DL dudes, um yeah DC has quite the rep in that arena....... how open do you expect a woman to be on a day to day basis, cause I"m not open to everything that thinks I'm attractive and notices me, wants to holla etc, and I don't apologize for that all!!!!
Too many dudes just ain't about anything, nor do I find most dudes all that attractive, they just average......being noticed has never been a problem for me, its the the qulaity of whats taking me in , in question LMAO!!!!!!
Thats a very poor excuse for you to be scallywaggin dude/bottom feeding TRJ..men have way more to choose from round these parts.. true self confidence and sincerity will get the average dude over in alot of instances!!!

I feel you Ms.616. I understand where you are coming from. I am not a Washingtonian, but I have spent and continue to spend time in D.C. I live in MD and you are well within your right to be guarded. However, don't be so guarded that you totally miss a brotha with quiet confidence and sincerity. And believe you me, the numbers of women are in my favor but I want Quality not quantity as well Ms. 616. Do what you do Xilla. Peace & Blessings

hi5..... chi'town is quickly becoming infected with downlow bros.... i recently went to a gay club with some friends and saw 2 brothas I KNOW have girlfriendsand i wanted to run in the bathroom and cry/cuss 'em out and just go apeshit....seriously.... its bad here, so bad sistas will settle for gay guys like AIDS isn't killing us.... mayun!

I've noticed that also my cousin was complaining about ATL then she moved back to the Chi. . .like we don't have the same problem

Point acknowleged Blacksand and we concur its the quality of the individual prospect, cause and I am very approachable when something interesting has come up on the radar.....and its not just a physical thing either its the vibe energy I get off folk too, thats more telling

That's funny because I have no problem wearing a nike suit to the club I work in the corporate world so six days out of the week it’s suits and investor meetings. So would I get those words under your breath about what I’m wearing? So when you see me in the club in tennis shoes doesn’t assume I’m not about anything and broke because I’m far from it. Then on top of that I tend to lie when females ask me what I do for a living because I don’t want the conversation to center around my job and my pay stub, so I say I’m middle management somewhere and you’d be surprised how soon those conversations end but every time a friend walks up and tells someone what I do those conversations go on forever…go figure

I think wearing a Nike suit is acceptable depending on where you're going. A sports bar fine, but not to a nice lounge. See when you go to a club it's up for grabs people have on any and everything (which is why I don't frequent those spots).

It can be unfortunate but looks and first impressions are everything. She doesn't know you rock suits all week long, all she knows is that you're walking up rocking a sweat suit making that "swish swish" noise.

But the main thing is, women know what they want and either you have it or you don't. If she wants you she'll look past some of your exterior and say, "well let me see what he's about" and try to have a convo with you, as long as you approach her correct.

i feel you! when i WAS working in finance i was in PB and IB and couldn't even get a casual friday. i LOVE being comfy, but there's always a place and a time for "the right" outfit....ms sex made a GREAT lil statement below.... women don't know WHAT you do so its always a good idea to put ur best foot forward physically... i can relate to the digga's getting fixated on a title and see where you're coming from, but you may deter a thorough chick with your appearance which sucks....

p.s. there's nothing worse than somebody finding nothing else to talk about but ur job after you left ur job! and i didn't even have a FANCY SCHNANCY position but these whack niggas would have the e'balls to ask me how much i make and if i'm an independent woman/pay for dates blah blah....i DECLARE! moving fwd i tell everybody that i'ma bum and i footwork and bootyclap fa food! yaDIIIIIIIIG!

I think that the excessive cat calls in the street might also be the reason why women are always looking mad and don't anticipate men approaching them in the street.

This may be a little off topic but since the space is open to it I might as well, I think men need to respect when a woman says she has a boyfriend and keep it moving. Saying "we can be friends" is super played out and fake. As if they met their best male friends randomly approaching them in the street.

I think I'll use that from now on, "I'm sorry I've never met any of my male friends off the street."

Nevermind, all he's going to say is, "Well maybe you can start now."

So predictable...

I can relate to that. I hate when guys try to talk to me and I tell them I have a man. Sometimes I do not have a man, thats my way of letting them down easy b/c they are not my type. Then they'll say are you allowed to have friends. That's when I hit them with...I'm cool my man is my friend, he was that before he became my lover. That fucks them up all the time. They don't be expecting that. Then I'll say if I was your woman would you be okay with me recruiting random guys to be my friend. Then they have this dumb look on their face!

yes! this guy recently ran that line on me. i was so buy playin mean i didn't see ur comment... honey,"i'm sorry sweetheart i'm dating someone, but i'm really flattered fa real...." "so yo guy don't let u have buddie? u don't need to be witta man that control u..." honey," its not that, its that i don't believe in extrage penis's up in my situration...i have enough buddies and friends, and sponsors that spend...there's no room for you in my crazy party of a life." "shawty u funny tho. i like yo smile and u thick as hell. u need to get off that!"[at this point me and my unofficial escort have walked a whole city block and a half!] honey," u know what...i'm laughing AT you and tired....can you ride me on yo back? if not i'ma need u to leave me alone joe. i gotta gets back to the ghetto"

random story from a random blogger. the end.... :D

You make valid points, I hate when girls wear scarfs all the time. It looks tacky and trif. Like you said have some style with it or put on a hat, it looks better than a scarf. Never hang with females you would give the side eye. Who you hang with reflects on you and vice versa for the men.

I HATE THOSE TRIFLING SCARVES! i wear really pretty ones to bed that my gayguygirls hooked me up with. and they even match my pj's/are not worn in front of a man i'm dating. please sistas let's burn the ratty nasty stained up scarves....i rock a natural so i rarely str8n my hair/need to wrap it, but when i do i makes sure the egyptians blow the hell out of it so i don't have to turn men off with a raggily scarf! lol

lol you're lighter than me or the same color if anything and u are an exception to the rule. so i've been frequenting some south side places. this guy went through hoops to get my attention...sent his guy over to talk to me[a MAJOR turnoff], jumped in two pics i took with friends....i thought it was kinda fun so i decided to give him a chance.... we spoke for a week, and when it came time to kick it he was hemmin and hawin about whether he was single. when i told him he wasn't worth my time.[if i elect to be the side piece i better be getting paid to do so, shit . i shot my nice side in the ass recently] he said,"i think u cool tho, why u trippin? come on now, i just stay with her, and we gotta baby. ....don't let that stop us..." and @ every lounge out south the brown girls are only as good as the lack of light women that have been there. i thought the soufside would be different, but it wasn't. as soon as even an ugly or fat, STANK, or whateva light sista came in the room she got all the attention.... its not like this anywhere else. my cousin came from NY and his friend was on dark sistas and said, "fugg is up wit these bitchmade chicago cats? its too EASY...." i'm like i TOLD u u can have any sista u want my shade or darker and they will PAY U just to be around them..... its sad and embarassing....

i'll stick to the norfside cuz @ least a whiteboy or whatever will entertain me, buy me a drank and treat me like a womanly human being. unlike these whackass niggas....

As I've gotten older I've learned to care less about why a guy hasn't/doesn't/won't holla. . .And seeing as I choose (and pickings are slim anyway) I could care less.Only a man who stands out get my attention so it make me no difference.

AMEN! despite how it may seem, i've given up on black men here. it WON'T happen so i've decided to open my circle a bit and haven't been happier. i done did all kindsa crazy stuff. camping, skiing[used to love it in hs then the nujubu turned me back on] i had an other even plan a volunteering date! blew my mind and my drawz off that night! lol

when you start to love urself, the men will come, even it it isn't exactly the type u imagined urself with, not caring is the first step in caring.[about urself]

I'm right behind you, as much as I would love to love a black man its just don't seem latent right now. I just started opening up my circle and I have to say I like it. Thoughtful, romantic, mind blowing dates. What more can you ask for.

You usually find love in the last place it seemed possible. If more women would realize that it starts that way (loving oneself ) then the better off we'd all be

U should put up a new picture because it completely juxtaposes what you are saying in your article, those girls look awful.

ok my two cents, as a young 20 yr old black female who lives in new orleans, and who is going to med school.
I hate it when black guys talk to me and try to get my attention because they just don't know when to quit. I even get attention from ones who are old enough to be my father. and young ones who come for campus tours in high school. as someone who isn't really comfortable with starting a relationship with someone I meet on the sidewalk, it is really annoying. There are appropriate situations like clubs, parties, etc, but not on the sidewalk, at wal-mart while i'm buying tampons, or when I AM WITH A GUY FRIEND, or when I am talking to one of my professors. It does not make me feel special, it makes me feel like a walking vagina. It doesn't make me feel special because the feelings are grounded in anything stable or real. They are based on impulse. Now a guy friend I meet in class that starts to like me after we've been friends for awhile-it shows me he likes me for more than just superficial, stupid reasons-stuff that doesn't last forever. stuff that can dissapear in a car wreck or something.