[BlogXilla] Dot Com

Some people find abortion as their number one option because who wants to pop pills on a daily or put a condom on when things are going oh so good.? Basically people don't want to be responsible. Mistakes happen. The majority of pregnancies are an "oops" but what I think is really pathetic is people that use abortion as birth control.

People that had/have abortions got caught u or the timing just isn't right. Maybe they don't feel like they can be a good parent. Some people think they're too young and some just don't want to be a baby's momma/daddy so the decesion is made. But after the abortion is performed they have to live with that decision. That decision will haunt those with a conscious for the rest of their life. So the bottom line is if you are just hooking up with someone just to be hooking up, if you are getting your hustle on and you're not ready for kids, you have three options; Don't have sex, make sure you're both using protection, or do yourself their are plenty of great toys out there (so I hear, lol).

If you were raped that's a totally different story. I really feel for those that have to even think about having an abortion though that can't be easy. The good thing is that in life we all have choices. Our choices will either put us in this predicament from the jump or have some watching strollers or kids playing wondering what if you decided not to have that abortion.

iola, did you hear Bristol Palin's interview? Not having sex isn't really realistic in this day and age. I fully understand your view on people being responsible but at the same time a person can't really help the decesion making in the heat of the moment. No one is perfect you know.

The don't have sex seems like an innocent but not realistic suggestion, but getting caught up in that heat of the moment can lead to not only a baby, but all the STD's that our community seems to be infamous for.

When did I say everyone should be perfect? Ain't no such thing it's just that if you gon lay down be prepared for the repercussions if any.

OMG THIS MADE ME TEAR UP A LITTLE BIT.

Here is a tissue

Me too :(

No criticisms on this one. You hit all good points. Sadly, some ppl in our community shame others and that's why a lot of children make it into this world. Shewwww, probably me included. I've only jumped w/o a raincoat w/ 1person and could have easily had to make a decision that would have affected my life and his. Thank sweet baby Jesus nothing happened, but it does make you think and evaluate your choices in your mate/sexpartner and yourself. Such is life :)

such is life... I'm glad things worked out for both you and I lol

Xilla, sometimes the man won't even hand over $250. One of my good friends got pregnant with a guy who she thought she was in love with, she was going to have twins, and they talked about aborting and everything. Lo and behold, it all came out of her own check. I felt so bad.
One big reason you forgot, and this was their "reason" too, is being too young. Things like money, selfishness, and bad parenthood dont even cross their minds at 17, 18, 19 years old.
No matter what, and i don't mean to offend, i could never abort. Not only do i not want my uterus to serve as a grave, but I COULD HAVE BEEN AN ABORTION.
when i think about it like that, i could never do it.

oh i know the too young thing, i just ain't add it because most of my readers are adults and it was a bit lengthy lol. But you're 100% right. Age is a big factor my niece just had a baby and she's young. But eh!! I hate abortion but I fully stand by a woman who has one. It's her choice and my opinion doesn't really matter when it comes to her life.

wow very deep, my wife just had an abortion and not sure if i can recoup from that becuase to me it is just like kiling one of our children that are walking around saying mommy this or daddy that, life is truly blessing, and i was devastated.

I know two females that are under 21 with three children each. They had them back to back to back. Their parents knew of each pregnancy and while they were not happy, they were in favor of both young ladies having the children because "they didn't believe in abortion". These parents lived check to check to support their children, pay rent, misc. bills. They also had a juvenile son who was 16 and not attending school regularly, a 8 year old who was disruptive in class, and a 20 year old who they did not support at all but was the only one really trying to make a change for the better. The mother drinks hard daily working a part-time job as a cafeteria worker for a retirement home, the father a maintenance man at their apt. complex making just enough to keep afloat. Their respective families were used to being generationally destitute financially, and clearly weren't the ethical or moral types; as I witnessed shameful behavior everday from fist-fights with neighbors, to public drunkenness to clear neglect for their children. With all of these situations going on in the household because they felt so strongly about abortion they would allow their daughter to use more resources they didn't have because they opposed abortion. I know I'm a man but to me that makes no sense financially or logically. Now emotionally some may differ but I personally feel you shouldn 't bring any children into this world if you cannot efficiently provide emotionally, physically, and spiritually the foundation that your children need that are ALREADY HERE. Just my two cents.

you're 100% right people bring children into this work under some f'd up circumstances and they do it selfishly rather than logically... they don't believe in abortion because of religious reasons but their having sex... makes no damn sense to me.

I won't and can't judge any woman who chooses to have an abortion. Having a child tends to effect the woman much more and earlier than it affects the man. Even if teh woman is in a committed relationship with teh child's father she still has to consider whether she is able to care for the child alone should the father decide he does not want to be around any longer.

I never thought i'd end up a single mother after being with a man for 7 years but here I am. It is the greatest thing in the world but it is also the hardest thing in the world, finding energy to play when you just want to sleep, mustering a smile when you just want to cry. You look at your child and want nothing but the best for them but you are already at a disadvantage.

I love my son to death and wouldn't change that for anything but i most definitely can't blame another woman for choosing not to live the life that I am living.

I know the feeling... Trust me I do. It's hard but it can be done. my mother did it.

Yeah it is hard as hell and it's worth it. I's quite able to do it but i have friends that aren't and I can see why they've made thier decision.

an i'm no lesbian but i think i'm mesmorized by that girls body.

LMAO took me almost an hour to find that picture... i had to get the right one! lol

I agree, how'd her dang waist get that small...and hips that wide...she's blessed to say the least.

Anywhoo, Kingsmomma, I was in a committed relationship with the father of my child and when she came I ended up being a single mother because he was not ready for that kind of responsibility. I have to give him credit though, because that was 4 years ago and he has been consistent in my daughters life since then...he turned out to be a good daddy after all, and that has been a blessing.

FEAR

i am 25 and i had an abortion 4 months ago, long story short, i do not want children, i never have, call me a feminist if you want but i have always felt that society buts the burden too much on women and i feel that many women have children that they did not want due to a spiritual or emotional reason, which is from the heart, but sometimes we have to think with our minds..forget the heart. I cant imagine just for that one mistake i made to have to live the next eighteen years of my life being resentful for having a child because it was societys right thing to do... what about the man? the guy i was seeing was married, i had no idea, his wife was in and out the state, he begged for me to keep the child, i found out he was married the same day i told him i was pregnant, his wife called me! and you know what? after i told her i was pregnant by her husband, he never spoke to me again. i dont regret my abortion, it was painless, and i felt so relieved afterwards i cried, not for what could have been but for the fact that i wasnt going to bring a child in this world like i was, without a father. a child deserves a loving household period. so do i regret what transpired? yes, but having an abortion ..no

This is why their needs to be more advertisment on the Plan B pills. They don't cause an abortion, they just prevent the egg from being fertilized. It only costs $30...but could be free based on income. $30 is a lot less than $250, and a whole helluva lot less than the $300,000 it's going to cost to raise a little one. It works up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, and you can buy more than one, and just keep them around just in case you need them. I even suggest that men go out and get a pack or two, just in case. You can get them from any planned parenthood, or in some cases Pharmacies nationwide. A good website to go to is www.not-2late.com or http://ec.princeton.edu/ These websites will give you info on this method, and tell you where you can get the pills.
We as a society need to prevent these unwanted pregnancies from happening, and I believe this is one way.
Xilla, I hope is was alright to post these websites.

No it's not, I mean I don't mind these informative links... but I hate it when people come and put their website address in the comment section. It's the rudest thing ever to me. Like, they aint pay me for ad space. it's like stealing! There is a spot for links and people should use the spot in the comment section for links not paste the link in the comment section... thats just so rude... lol my bad for venting. Yeah these links are okay I hope they can be useful to some women out here.

Thanks Xilla, I can understand.....I just hope men and women realize that they can prevent these pregnancies from happening from the jump. No abortion neccessary, and no babies neccessary.
How could you make these links permanent on your website? If you'd even want to. I think just knowing that even if they don't save these links, that they could come to your website and find them would really help prevent alot of this from happening.

Well I, for one, am glad you posted these links, Buzzy. Those pills can save a woman a LOT of stress. I've taken them on a couple occasions when the condom broke. There really weren't any side-effects that I can remember, except I think I might have had an extra period that month, but I dont remember.

They used to be perscription only, so the first time i took them, I had to go to planned parenthood to get them, which was a pain in the butt. But now, they're available without a perscription. Just go to the Pharmacy and ask for them!

Buzzy, thanks for that. I was thinking the same thing. Plan B is a wonderful thing, and I'm so glad it's available without prescription. Women (and men!) need to be informed of their options. This is where sex education (not abstinence-only education, which we know doesn't work) comes into play.

I had an abortion at 18yo, and I'm glad I did. It was an extremely difficult decision, but deep down I knew it was the right one. I was only dating this guy for 3 months when I got pregnant. And when I told him, his response was, "so, you're gonna get rid of it, right? Okay, well I gotta go. I promised my boy I'd ride with him to the store. Later." That right there showed me that if I was to go through with this, I'd be all alone. Granted, out of being young and stupid (a la A-Rod, lol) I continued a relationship with him for a while, but still to this day I look back at his behavior and realize I made the right decision. I'd be poor, raising the child alone because he's too busy with his new family (he's abandoned another baby he conceived since for that reason), most likely on some gov't assistance because I wouldn't have had the money/energy/time to follow my career as I did now, being childless... and I'd resent the child for ruining my life. And is that fair to the child???

I'm older now, my life is in order, I've matured CONSIDERABLY in the 14yrs since that incident, and honestly if I got pregnant today I wouldn't consider abortion. I'm in a place that I COULD raise a child alone if I had to, but I'm also not messing with guys who are that irresponsible that would desert me and our child, guys who are in the same mindset as I.

I'm glad yet a bit hurt you had to put yourself through all of that. I wrote a blog before about how it's the hardest thing a woman would ever have to do... I know most women at least real women beat themselves up over the choice they make... and to have these pro life people beat up on women who been through that is something i'm glad i don't have to go through. my heart goes out to you i'm glad you're in a better place now.

I don't knw where u live but there are plan b commercials everywhere...but the thing is they are only avail to ppl 18 yrs old and older. so all the young girls out there can't even go and buy it if they need it. And it cost $49.99...!!!!

And an abortion is not $250...it's more in the $350 range.

Society & the gov't will never fully prevent unwanted pregnancies....it's the biggest money maker ever!

This whole thing a reference to a joe budden line! "There would never be a pregnant girl in my room. I'd gave up the 250 quick!"

Well he has his pricing mixed up or maybe it's what he gives for his portion to the 'cause'....

Either way, he still has a son so he didn't give up the abortion money quick enough I guess.

Yeah, i've seen the commercials, but I still think it could be more.

In the area that I live in it only costs $30. And if parents were a tad more realistic about thier teens and their sex lives, they'd let them know about Plan B, and just keep a pack in the medicine cabinet. Not to condone teenage sex........but........

And I totaly agree about the gov't never wanting to prevent unwanted pregnancies....first it keeps the poor, poor, and it keeps a whole lotta other folks employed.

I agree their should be more...but u have to remember this is a "business"... like u said...a lot of ppl are getting rich off of abortions and the poor w/ continue to stay poor and be a statistic. It's sad, but it's reality.

And I agree that parents need to talk to their kids about sex more & make sure they are protected against pregnancy and std's. My mom talked to me about sex and birthcontrol when I 1st started having sex. She went w/ me to get me on the pill...then I switched to the Depo & then she had me switch back to the pill...she was very supportive in my sex education.

Totally agree. Parents need to step up. My mom was also very supportive....although i didn't have sex until i was 20, she still made sure i knew everything i needed to know to be safe when i decided I was ready.

This is serious, and unwanted pregnancies, and std's ruin people's lives.

Yup....knowledge is power!

Without, we'll all be statistics in this crzy world

All I knw is that I don't plan on having kids anytime soon and I took necessary actions to make sure of that

I have 3 children and I would have 5 if not for Planned Parenthood. My children all have the same father, but I realized too late (after the third one) that I did not want to bring anymore of his children into the world. We used condoms, but they broke and I knew that I could not give any other children I brought into this world the life they deserve to have. So for me, I hold no guilt over having 2 abortions because I feel in the end it was the best decision I could have made

Definitly not one to judge, I had one a few years ago and every woman has the right to choose, but for me the mental torture kills me to this day, I think about it all the time specifically September 14th which would have been the child's birthday. I am 8 months pregnant now and didn't even think twice, I knew I was going to be a mother. Abortion is not birth control, and it's not as easy as most people think, if you have a conscious.

I've come to the conclusion that for me personally $250 ain't worth thier soul.

Great post Xilla!

Xilla, whats up, Mayne. Good topic I don't really understand why people don't get abortions that aren't ready for children financially or maturely. I mean....what type of wagering goes into the decision process that would make a person abandon rational thought and reasonable judgement and have a baby when they know they can't at all provide the elements that a child shall need to grow into a upstanding adult? I'm a 28y.o. father to my 6m.o. son and I can see the challenges I would've had if I had him in my teenage years. I make a high enough salary to support him and his mother who is younger than me and currently attending college full-time. I knew the challenge I would have supporting all of us but since we get along so well with each other I knew us creating a family was a good enough cause to sacrifice a little of my financial freedom. And me paying all the bills and providing clothes, formula, food, shelter, transportation, and baby needs is a bit of a task sometimes. But we still get to go and splurge at the mall, she makes it to the salon regularly, and we go out on vacations so my point is you just have to make sure you are prepared. Man or woman you have to turn you hustle and determination up to 200% if you choose to have a child.

The decision of whether to get an abortion is not as easy for women as it often is for men.

They say women become mothers when they get pregnant, men become fathers once the baby's born. I've never had an abortion (thank God!), but based on conversations with my girls who have, it's not usually an easy decision for the woman. It's not always about rational thought and reasonable judgement. The heart and one's religion also plays a MAJOR role in a lot of women's decisions.

Damn! That's a phat azz in that pic.

You pretty much laid out all the reasons, but the one I've heard the most was . . . .financial reason which led me to think that you should be having sex if you can't afford the consciences, but hey to each its own.

After volunteering at Planned I decided that was something I would never put myself through

And ironically I'm going through it now because I strolled down orgasm alley unprotected with my M3. He for selfish reasons does not want the child (his career, travel, obsession with designer clothes etc.) but I have the same goals. . I'm working hard toward my career, I have a closet full of designers I'm not ready to kiss goodbye, and I travel just as much as he does. But once he realized that I was keeping the baby and could care less about him staying around and contributing he became all so attentive (a pest really. . .lol).

I don't judge anyone who has had one (because I have cousins u have abortion #'s in the double digits, and for some reason wear it as a badge of honor. . smh) its just in my opinion no amount of money or selfishness is worth my soul. My mother was a strong woman and she raised one so I face the backlash of whatever I do.

What's stopping you from achieving your goals? Do you know what I've been through? Up in the upper right hand corner there is a google search, put in the opposite of moderate and you'll get just a little bit of my story... If you're interested.

Nothing is stopping me, (it was just having the luxary of being selfish and knowing that it'll be gone soon but it's sooooo worth it) My childs father just made it seem as if he was the only one with so much on the line and incorparating a child would be impossible. But once the baby is born I'll be back at it full force (I'll have more then just me to fight for).

Checking it out now :-)

Hey wheres Ness ????

I'm here lol

yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy Ness is here. . .lol
Can also count on you for witty, intellectual insight

:) awwww :)

:-)

She's hiding from me... she scurred!! lol

Like my friend she had an abortion because her boyfriend said he was going to leave her ass if she had it cause he didn't want to be bothered wit another child.

I hope she left his ass first!!

So she got the abortion. I can't believe he said that, or that she listened.

So did they stay together?

Yea they did

Another reason why some females have abortions is b/c to them it's a form of birth control.
They don't want to take pills, use the patch or get in IUD...they'll rather go to planned parenthood and get an abortion whether it's twice a month or 8 times a year. They refuse to use protection & refuse to use a birth control method other than abortion.

I don't knock anyone for having an abortion b/c ppl have their reasons..but in THIS day in age, we have sooooooooooo many options to preventing pregnancy even if we decide to sex raw dawg all day every day.

And some women don't think of it as 'killing a baby'...b/c they put a emotional block up that won't allow them to feel anything towards whts growing inside of them.

That's the scary part of it to me. I know a chick who's had a lot... i mean like she should have like ten kids and she's heartless. IN life and all things really. For women to be so emotional they can cut their emotions off and make a decision without giving a damn at what the other person may think or feel.

We have to be that way.
Why should we care what the other person thinks or feel....he didn't CARE how we thought or felt when he was bustin' off all up in even tho we told his ass that we're not on any birhtcontrol...and u don't want to get prego.

I mean seriously...some dudes don't give a f*ck so why should we care how they feel about it.

I have about four cousins like that. . .They think nothing of it. One is 28 and has had 13 abortions my 20 year old cousin has had 6. . .I mean wtf how could u subject your body to that over and over again. And the first thing out of their mouths is "It was only a blood clot anyway" .. .SMH. . .I don't judge but at some point use some type of protection or just sew your hole closed

It's only a BLOOD CLOT??? WTF?! Either they're grossly misinformed, or they're just telling themselves that so they don't have to feel bad about what they've done.

I use to think it was a way to prevent feeling but sadly I learned they actually believed if u did it before the 10-12 week point u were only ridding yourself of a blood clot. . .don't ask cause I didn't . . .SMH

They say ignorance begets ignorance and sadly it raised it

DAMN!!!!! tht's crzy....but at the end of the day it is wht it is....

It's too many options nowadays to be having 13 abortions

Tell me about it, but the sad part is when she finally met someone she wanted to start a family with her body could no longer carry a child

Waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too many

Whew touchy one Xilla! In this day and age there are a million reasons not to go ahead with the choice of having children. Having a terminated pregnancy myself(yes I admit it...yall dont KNO me! lol) I can say its one of the hardest decisions i've ever had to make and it also wasnt bc it was a one night stand. It was bc i knew i couldnt afford the child and the father didnt want anything to do with it. i was young in love and hurt like hell. so i did it. But its not something to be taken lightly. USE CONDOMS! EVERYTIME. Unless ur married and trying to have kids having unprotected sex WILL get u pregnant, so if that's not what u want then strap up. Save a potential created life that won't have to be created just to be destroyed bc u were too hot, cheap or careless to buy a pack of condoms.
Out

That's something i learned at an early age, not to be cheap I figured 3 bucks for a box of condoms is a way better investment than abortion money!! And you're right we don't know you!! lol

Plus the fact that medicade pays for it in full is another reason why females have an abortion.

If they were coming outta pocket everytime then I doubt they would allow it to get to that point.

But u knw wht...I know females who have told 2-3 guys tht she was sleeping w/ that she was pregnant & needed money for an abortion. An abortion cost about $350 x's that by 3 & u have a nice chunck of change to go shoppin w/. The guy aren't gonna think twice about giving the $$ over b/c they don't want a kid...
But the sad part is that she's sleeping w/ mulitple men raw & STD's and HIV is on the rise...(not a good look)

Chicks are grimy and you trying to get me to fall in love with a chick!! Puh LEASE!!!

Dudes are just as grimy...I'm sure there are a few females that will contest to the fact that they know a guy who tried to get them prego on purpose in hopes of making sure that female is always in their life....

smch...

Nah they not... dude might do more dirt, but the dirt females do is 100 times worst!

Oh yeah...I'm about to shut u down...

I'ma tell u how dudes r grimmy...remember that dude running around sleeping w/ women unprotected knowing he had HIV!!! Yeah tht's grimmy!!!!!!

Hit it on the head. . . . .There are grimy ppl on both sides of the board. Especially men. Mine did it (and succeeded) he just didn't count on me pushing him out of my life.

They never do, they think tht females "need" them.. lol

I would really like to know why. . .lol
I know there are those weak ones who depend on a man, but that does not give them the right to think we all need them, cause when I get in my ways I'll use u and lose u . . .lol

is that big booty a camera trick??

Alot of men will slide up in the coochie without using any protection and force the woman to get an abortion. I don't think that is fair. Some women do use abortions as a option for birth control, which is horrible. Some women just don't have that maternal instinct in them and they are the ones who should really think long and hard before they decide to bring another life into the world. What makes the difference is if that if the woman makes up in her mind that she is gonna do what she has to do for that child and that is her focus, then I don't see anything wrong with that. Just because someone doesn't make a good mate, doesn't mean that they won't make a good parent.

Good topic.
As for me personally I would not get an abortion because I know that it would weigh on my conscience. But I do not knock women who get one. What does irritate me is women who just get an abortion because they are too lazy to protect themselves and see it as an easy way out. And since I'm in DC I see those Pro-Life protestors every once in awhile. I just give them the side-eye and keep it moving. They just piss me off because they want to bash women who have a right to do whatever they want with their body.

Right. One of my girlfriends got chased down the street and called all types of names by a protestor standing outside a clinic when she went to get hers. It was quite a scene, till eventually a cop or security guard or something stepped in and stopped the confrontation. She went thru with the abortion anyway, but I know that whole scene just traumatized her even more.

Sometimes, I'll be waiting for them to say something to me. LOL! So I can lay their asses out right then and there and see how they like it.

Sorry Xilla, but when a man walks out on a child without a thought, it is the grimmiest thing any human can do....so.....men win!

Bare with me because this is going to be long!

There are so many reasons why women have abortion but I believe Xilla has covered most of them. I have gone through my own personal experiences and I hope you guys don't judge me, but even if you do, that's ok because I've come to terms with what I've done, but most importantly, I've forgiven myself.

I grew up in a house where my parents were uber strict and I started wildin' at a young age. At the age of 15, I moved out of my parents house and in with the guy (who was 5 years older than me)I had been seeing for the past 8 months. I found out he was abusive (unfortunately the hard way) but he cried, apologized, the whole 9 and I stayed with him. Well one day he picked me up from my after school job and took me straight to my parents house. He had taken all my stuff over there and never told me about it. I was devasted (in my 15 year old head) and cried for like 2 weeks straight. I ran into him shortly after and we hooked up (had sex) and I got pregnant. I was 16 at the time and when I told my parents they were suprisingly supportive. I mentioned having an abortion but they AUTOMATICALLY turned that option down. If I had an abortion, I would be disowned (in the words of my mother) Well @ 3 months, my mother got angry and beat me (Did I mention she was very abusive too?) Well, I got angry, left her house, and called up BD (Babby Daddy) He picked me up and we moved in with his sister. After about a month, he got angry at me for not putting up our air mattress and beat my ass. I went to my grandmothers house and she let me stay with her. Why did I let him come stay with me there? I have no idea, but I did. I was young, naive, and "in love." That lasted for about 4 weeks before he broke my nose and I kicked him out. I had my baby girl 2 months after I turned 17 years old and I decided to give the relationship one last try. It didn't work and I left him alone (For good this time)

I met another guy and "fell in love" quickly. Long story short, at the age of 19, I had my second child. A baby boy. At the age of 20, I got pregnant again by my son's father. This dude wasn't abusive physically but emotionally, he was. He cheated on me constantly and made no effort or attempt to keep it a secret. So, at the age of 20, not long after we had ended the relationship, I was pregnant again. I decided to have an abortion. January 18th, 2005 I had my first abortion. I remember it like it was yesterday. There were protestors outside the clinic and I was bombarded with images and words of aborted children and I specifically remember one woman saying, "The baby doesn't have to die." I quickly walked inside and I was asked all sorts of questions. I was prodded and poked. It was such a horrible experience. I wanted to be put under because I didn't want to remember ANY of it. I go into the operating room after waiting in a room with about 8 other girls who were all in those gowns they make you wear. The look on all of their faces was one of defeat. I was cold and my body was shivering. I was almost 12 weeks into my pregnancy. I kept repeating to myself, over and over again, the reasons why I was going through with this. At 20, I could not be single with 3 children. I had a good paying job but not THAT good. I was starting to strongly dislike (Don't like using the word hate) the person I was with. I was not strong enough emotionally or mentally to rear another child. So as I repeat these and other reasons in my head, I walk into the OR. Everything was so cold and I felt desensitized. I remember hearing "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed RIGHT before I went under. The part that says, "Welcome to this place, I'll show you everything, with arms wide open." I have to admit, although I've come to terms with this, that still haunts me in a way. TO THIS DAY! I woke up in another room, I was given a percocet, some O.J. and sent on my way. The rest of the day is a blur. I don't remember what I did after that. I don't even remember leaving the clinic.

There was a man (who will be my husband in 2 months :-D) who I had been talking to via email @ work for a few months. In April of 2005, we started dating. He was (and still is) perfect. Sent from heaven. Things did move rather quickly and you would think that because of everything that I had already been through, I would learn, but I didn't. I did NOT use protection and in October of 2005, I was pregnant ONCE AGAIN! I'm not sure why but I felt like it was the right option to end the pregnancy. My boyfriend and I hadn't been dating very long and already being a mother of 2, I wasn't ready. Emotionally or in any other way. I scheduled my abortion sometime in the beginning to the middle of October, but I went in and was told that I wasn't far enough into the pregnancy to have an abortion. They had to be able to see the baby on the screen when they did the ultrasound. (I was maybe 7 weeks?) Well I rescheduled for October 21st. I remember leaving the clinic that day (The same one I had been to before) and going to have breakfast. I remember my mood being somber and strangely enough, I remember my outfit, but nothing else.

October 20th, I'm at work. I start having pains in my stomach. Since I worked (at the time) with my boyfriend, I told him and we both left work. I was bleeding and the bleeding was not stopping. It got heavier and heavier and the pains got so bad. It was THE worst! We get to the hospital and they ask me to give them urine. I gave them a cup full of blood and blood clots. (That might be TMI but... w/e) After waiting for about 6 hours to be seen, I was taken to the back. My boyfriend is pacing back and forth and finally gets the Doctors to give me some pain medication. I was a little better after that (as far as physical pain goes) and about an hour or two later, I was told I had a spontaneous abortion. The day after I lost my baby was the day I would have killed it. I thought and felt it was God sending me a message saying, "I'm in control of this. You aren't. I am the giver and taker of life. Not YOU."

For some reason that was more difficult for me. Not only was I dealing with the miscarriage but I was also dealing with the abortion in some strange twisted way. So that was that, but the story doesn't end yet... Lol (Sorry... I told you guys this would be long)

In January of 2007, I got pregnant again. (The pull out method could only work so long right?) I was actually happy about this one. At this time, I'm 22 (Not that much older) but I was in a better place in my relationship. We had some stability and I was ready. After the message I felt God had sent me, there was no way in hell I was taking that life. So March 4th, 2007 I was throwing my little sis a bridal shower (I was her maid of honor) and I had been running around all day) At the end of the shower, I walk down the steps of my moms house and the pain hit me. I was bleeding again. I took my kids to their fathers and went to the hospital. Unfortunately, God didn't think I was ready in March either. I lost another child and this one hurt SOOO bad! It was finally sinking in that I had NO CONTROL whatsoever here! I think after that happened, I mourned all 3 of my babies who never got a chance to see this world. I really acknowledged what I had done. I asked for forgiveness and I felt it was granted.

Well I got pregnant shortly after losing that baby in March and my daughter was born March 3rd, 2008. One day before what would be the year anniversary of my last miscarriage. I named her Anaiya which means "completely free" and is also my name backwards :) I thank God for her EVERY SINGLE day because to me she is a miracle baby. She is so special to me (not that my other kids aren't) but I am now 24, will be 25 soon and I am able to raise her (from birth) differently than I did my other children. Thank God I am now better with all of them. I've realized that they are treasures and because of everything I went through, I treat them as such. Although it was A LOT for me to go through at a young age, I am TRULY grateful for it all because if I hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't be as appreciative of the blessing that children are and I would definitely not be the mother I am today.

I know that's a lot and it's not ALL about abortion but it's MY story and I felt compelled to share :)

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us! It nearly brought me to tears in a couple parts. You've really been through a lot, girl! My heart really goes out to you.

Ya know, your story reminds me of this song by one of my favorite artists, Jean Grae, called "My Story." It's really a touching song... almost as touching as your story.

I'm so glad you finally got the children you wanted and are out of all those unhealthy relationships.

Thank you for reading all of that! I know it was a lot to read... Lol

I have heard that song. I love it!

I am in a much better place now thank God and my fiance. He has really helped me in so many ways. I have forgiven the men who didn't know how to be men, I've forgiven my mother for being abusive towards me as a child, and of course, I've forgiven myself for making the mistakes I have. Most importantly, I have learned to love myself and love even those things that I have experienced that have been negative because I realize that those things have shaped and molded my character and who I am today.

Life is life and I have 3 beautiful children, a man who loves me despite my flaws, and that's more than enough for me!

Off topic but how can I add an avatar to my profile?

JEEESUS, JOSEPH, K-CI, JO-JO AND DALVIN!

Now THAT'S and ass!!!

Now that I got that comment out the way, this was a great entry. I'm fortunate that I've only had that scare where my girl's period was late ONE time in my life. I hate to say "The grace of God" and "rubbers" in the same sentence, but honestly, they are the only two things I can credit for my good fortune! LOL

I know I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I couldn't imagine having to do it. I'd rather take birth control pills everyday (which I do pretty faithfully at 10 AM) than live with that choice.

I had an abortion 5 days after my 17th birthday. My boyfriend and I had been together a year, and when I found out I was pregnant, he was completely supportive. It was the summer after my junior year, he had already graduated and had a good job. We knew our parents wouldn't make me get an abortion if we waited until my first trimester was over, so we planned on waiting. I was about 10 weeks pregnant when my boyfriend freaked out and told his mother, who then drove straight to my house to tell my mother. My mother told me she'd support whatever decision I made, and that she would tell my father when she thought the timing was right. A week later she bursts into my room and says she's scheduled an abortion and that she wasn't going to support me and my child. I'd have to find a new place to live if I wanted to have the baby. Unfortunately, my boyfriend's mom said the same thing, so we'd be homeless if we had the baby. We felt that we had no choice. We both cried. I remember July 29, 1998 like it was yesterday. I won't go into detail, but I remember everything from the protestors to looking at the screen and seeing my baby to the car ride home. Our relationship didn't work out, but we're still friends and I'm thankful that I do still have him to talk to when I get upset about the abortion.

I haven't tried to get pregnant since then, but I was diagnosed with endometriosis less than a year after the abortion. Endometriosis has no known cause or cure, but there's speculation that abortions can cause it, which really hurts. I've had 4 surgeries and deal with a hell of a lot of pain because of the endo, and pray every day that it doesn't prevent me from having kids when I'm ready.

Wow, Xilla.
It's extremely ironic that you would post a blog about Abortions. I'm very curious as to what made you do it. It's funny and quite sad that you posted this right when I find myself stuff in this situation. I'm in a steady relationship. (about 8months). But I'm still in school. Have about 3 and a half more semesters of school left. And now I'm 8 weeks preggo...I made up my mind 21 June 2008 that the next time I get in this situation, I'm having my baby and I dont care what anyone thinks. So I tell the child's father and at first he's happy, excited, jumping out of his shoes. I go to my first prenatal visit 11 Feb. 2009 and I get to see the heart beat, the big head and small body. He misses the appointment and it blows me over the edge. I'm so livid. This week all he talks about now is getting rid of it. Not being able to afford it (with him being a convicted felon) and all these other reasons. I thought he was happy, I thought he wanted it, I thought we'd be a family, at least until he decided to leave me. Now I'm stuck in between and I dont really know what to do. I dont want to kill my baby... Cause it's always a thought of "What if God doesn't bless me with another one?" This is my third pregnany and I want my baby so bad, but I'm not sure if I should keep him or not. I love my bf, but I love my baby and myself more.
I know the fact that he can't get a good paying job is a major set back, but damn having an abortion isn't the only way out. I cry every night knowing that I wont get to see my baby smile or laugh or even cry and I wish he could understand the pain that comes along with having an abortion. I try to explain to him, but he doesn't see it as I do. He doesn't want to or just don't care. He says I won't go through it by myself, but Guys will never understand any pain that women go through. Like I said before, I love him, but I love my baby more. So I hope God shows me way before it's too late. Cause I can't go through this pain a third time.

Sorry, it's so long, Xilla...

I hope that you make the right decision. I know what you're going through right now and either way, you have to understand the reasons for making whatever decision you're making. There really is nothing I can say to make it easier but I wish you the best with EVERYTHING! Get on your knees and pray girl!

To me abortion is a touchy subject. As a male I really do not have any deciding factor, it is really up to the female. If she wants the abortion she is going to get it no matter what I say, and if she wants to keep the kid and I don't, there is no guarentee that an abortion will occur. If the first part happens she goes on life, and I wonder "what ifs" about my kid, If the later happens, I am still stuck paying for child support. For the individuals that use abortion as birth control, shame on you. 1. it costs more than other forms of BC 2. You should learn the first time that "accidents" do happen.

What gets me though is the people who stand outside the clinics protesting. These people do not know the "mother" they do not know the circumstances of the pregnancy. These are the same individuals that show up at the funerals in Buffalo for the plane crash victims with signs "Gods hates Fags" etc. They are a disgrace. We are all our own individuals and make our own choices, some are not the best but still no stranger has any right to invade on someones life & choice. Yes I understand free speech and all but to intrude on something that you have no business being in infuriates me to no extent. I believe these "protestors" should have to adopt 4 children to help the cause if they wish to stand outside a clinic.

No matter what YOUR opinion is on the issue it is important to realize it is YOUR opinion. It is not EVERYONES opinion.

Alotta people out here shoulda been aborted...Too much stupidity

IT WAS A COLD NIGHT, AND THE WALK TO THE CHICKEN SHACK WAS TOO FAR.

something i learned is that mistakes only happen when you are not paying attention to what you are doing. honest and truly sex before marriage causes the most mistakes with the greatest risk, i.e. AIDS and kids. even though it is a person's choice to have an abortion, that does make it right. if you dont want a child then after birth give the child up for adoption, same thing as abortion but you are not killing the child.

First : I love this blog.... I read it all the time

Even thought abortions and "morning after pills are always available they can really damage a womans body especially if their over used. I just think ppl have to be more responsible. I hear ppl all the time tlk about how they dont use condoms or they just pull out, and their doing this with ppl their not even in a relationship with. There are so many crazy std's out there why would you even want to put yaself through that.

I cant tlk for the older crowd on here but im 19 and there are to many lil girls out here (i refuse to call them young women) having babies. Having a child is a unselfish act...it takes time and love to raise one right. Even though I could never see myself having an abortion (i make sure i keep myself out of anything that could lead to that) I feel like if thats what you need to do then do it but just dont make it a habit.

Also we dont put enough responsibilty on the men when it comes to pregnancy . I feel like if your a guy and you know a baby is not something you want right now then you should always rap it up regardless of any circumstances.

its about $400...

250 would be about half and isn't it less when you catch it really early? Is that you in this picture? Damn you're beautiful!

no it's the same regardless of the time which doesn't really make sense and yes that would be me thanks lol

Oh no thank you! wow! lol

but you're right it is crazy, for it to be the same price, but a lot of stuff doesn't make sense in the world. I'm not even going to ask you how you know!! lol

you're too kind lol

i wish i didn't know either lol

well if you even need a ear or a shoulder to lean on... hit the contact button. how do you pronounce your name?

lol that's not my name just my initials and umm i don't really know how to use this blog thingy just to how to comment lol

oh alright, a lot of people get confused.