[BlogXilla] Dot Com

Okay I can agree with you on most of what u wrote, but I have some points to make explaining some of the actions of females when it comes to dating. Most attractive women are approached waaaaaay more than average looking women on a daily basis. The truth is that most men approach women mostly based off of their looks and what they find physically attractive. So imagine that ur an attractive woman walking down the street on her way to work, and she gets a comment/stare/advance about ten times before she reaches her destination.

Let's say that 6 out ten of the men were disrespectful (inappropriate comment about her ass, a "dayum!", ignant "ay yo ma! lemme holla at u")

2 of them might not have been disrespectful but were obviously out of her leauge (not only extremely unattractive, but posted up on the corner not doin anything while she's on her way to her 9-5, unkempt/sloppy lookin)

The other 2 may be decent dudes, just being polite and hoping to start a convo or get to know her. But think about how the female feels/thinks after all the other dudes she had to deal with that morning----and all of the others that will do the same at lunch and on her way back home. It's somewhat discouraging!

Men are visually stimulated and Women are stimulated by a certain lifestyle/presense. It is easy for a man to find women he is interested in because there are women all around them everyday and all they need is to be attracted to them for whatever reason. A woman can see attractive men but that doesn't mean she will be interested. We need a little more info and observe a lilttle more to become interested. That is why I reccomend that men don't approach women in the street or while she's in the middle of something. The best places to approach a woman is somewhere where she can get a good picture of who u are, ur lifestyle, and what u are about. That way, she'll have more to go on when deciding whether or not she wants to entertain yor conversation or not.

*high-five's Deeny*

I don't need to fully comment because you said it, so I'll be brief...

when it's obvious WHY you're being approached and by WHOM, and you know it's not what you want, why bother responding?

It's all in the approach, fellas...

hi5! if i know u just wanna hump cuz i gotta decent shape, i'm not goin perioud. i'm not rude but i'll definitely give u the domino's number from my college. STEP CORRECT!

YOU GO GIRL!!!! That is all that needs to be said. Period, point blank!!!

Nice Guys finish last nowadays. Why? because most females now are confused and dont really even know what they are looking for in a man anymore. Either their golddiggers (which doesnt help them in the long run cuz some guys will be smart enough to notice this, hit & shit on her after) or they are stupid( they ones who stick with the dude who treats them like shit). Then of course there is the small 5% of women who actually know what they want, have good intentions and dont carry a bus load of baggage from past relationships. This will let to her missing her potential husband because hes actually trying to be polite. Dont get me wrong, I love all the ladies out there but sometimes some of you be on that bullshit......its a harsh reality!

I see ur point, but guys be on some bullshit too......ya'll are not that dumb. Good men know Good women when they see them. A lot of guys go after chicks they know GODD AND WELL are not the type they want to marry in the long run, but they get hypnotized by that ass or the way she walks in her stilettos or whatever. They know that chick is not about anything but continue to pursue her anyway and then get mad when shit don't work out. GOOD WOMEN are out there waiting for ya'll too, but they need ya'll to put ur childhood fantasies of the perfect woman to the side or least water them down a bit.

You are 100% right. lol

I can complete agree with this!!!! Men want to wait until it's time for them to get married (and many times that's NEVER) before they think to give a GOOD woman a chance, and even then their ideals of what's good has more to do with sexual tricks of the trade than what REALLY matters.

Well no, when good men want a good woman they get one. When they want someone to pass the time, we get a girl for that. men Take what's avaiable until they find the right chick. or even the right chick for them. Now regular dudes... on the other hand. They aint thinking about settling down when all you have to do is say the right things and you can bang a whole slue of women. That's the difference. Would you classify yourself as a hood booger? Because a hood booger wants a certain type of man... I think people need to wake up and realize the kind of person they are. It took me a minute to understand the type of dude i was... i learned the hard way but now that i know i think i'm good lol

True! People need to get out of their "types" and start looking for "right for me".

u say that but i'm a good woman and can't get a good black man. i cook and fuck like a champ and men aren't going to that in the 09! they want some videoho ideal that will play them bogus! they wanna complain bout their babymammas and such. its insane! there are rats out there goin for the rims, but there's an entire population of ride or die ol' school women like myself, tht can't even get a chance.!

And thats the double truth...ruth!!!!

Amen to that girl!

I feel you, but it's like we think we got the right chick and then they are confused and dont know what they want. and us being in our crazy mixed up mind think we can change their mind... lol most times we fail! lol

Xilla you went in on them today!!! Dayuuummmm! It's true though and sistahs need to check themselves before that say that dumb ish out their mouths...soon as they she what he's driving and possess (financially), it's a wrap, they're all in for the upcoming abuse and cheating. But an average Joe can't buy a "Hello, how are you?" and get a respectful reply. Nice post today bruh!

Marcus X

Hmmmmmm. Hard to say Xilla. I think that maybe the guy is dealing with the wrong lady..You stated that most men are worthless and I as a woman find that disrespectful to say about men.

Yes, all of the shiny jewels, hot car, loud clothes are to attract females, jus as a peacock will fan out his tail, or a ram will fight with another to have the harem of
Ewes follow and mate with him. It makes sense, however I feel the misunderstanding comes in when (a) one is not being truthful and (b) one is generalizing all because of the errors of one particular person's ways.

Materialism(n)a great or excessive concern with material as opposed to spiritual or intellectual things.

That's all around me in this southern city that I call home. As for me, I'm humble and I don't get caught up in that. I don't mind if ole boy is on MARTA, long as he's back and forth on MARTA making progress. HIS progress, not what I consider progress.

The beautiful thing about life is that we have choices. We can make a choice as to whom we will and will not deal with. If you don't like what she/he is talkin bout then keep it movin. We cannot change people. And when someone shows you who they are.......believe them!!!!

Xilla...forreal what Deeny is talking about is way too much work. You mean to tell me you have to damn near orchestrate a comfortable backdrop and a theme to tell a lady how you feel. How about a big fat NO, females know immediately if they are going to entertain your ass within the first 5 seconds of meeting you. I mean if you aint accepting compliments right now say that, but if Men are attracted to you by their natural instincts how can you get frustrated..its already understood. That's why I tell my niggas stay on yo grind...imagine trying to please a female like Deeny and another 4 females...time wasted. If i'm lying then I'm flying but if you need a visual then go see this: http://hollaatyoboy.com/2009/01/simple-mathemat...

U wanna FIGHT KD??? lol

Look, nobody is saying to orchestrate a backdrop! The point I was making is that the street or any other non-social setting is not a good place to meet someone and start a convo. A man can have a fly whip, diamonds shining, looking real good and STILL get shut down if a female (or at least a decent one) is not in the right setting or state of mind to entertain someone based on a "hi". The first 5 seconds thing is mostly during a social meeting of a man (being introduced, talking to on the phone, out on a date), not any person with man parts in any given time (that would be magic). If men put more effort in picking who they want to be GENUINELY interested in, then it wouldn't be such a dissapointment when they get shut-down. Randomness=Sub-Quality

Deeny I must say you have been holding it down today! I completely cosign. I personally don't acknowledge disrespectful men on the street. I keep it moving. You can tell when someone is being genuine and if they are just looking to holla to holla I keep it moving. Plus If Im on the street I have somewhere to be.

Just like any female of course Deeny had something to say, I wouldn't call it holding it down or nothing though. She had a valid argument up until she put all of the prerequisites in. Look if I see something I like I'mma say something...generally a compliment, if you storm off like I said "Let me taste you" or something then you have a serious problem with yourself. I mean who doesn't like a compliment? And Nixx as long as you go outside you have to interact with people dudes especially, have you ever heard of fishing you can't expect every toss of the rod to be genuine. This goes back to what I said about you ladies putting waaayyy too much on the situation.

I didn't know that the concept of "a time and place for things" was a prerequesite. I'm all for being polite! A gentleman walks pass and says "hello ms. I think u r very attractive" I say "Thank you" and keep it moving. But was that his intention? Handing out compliments to random women in the street and expecting to get a "good girlfriend" out of it? Give me a break.....Someplace like the gym, at the laundry mat, at a networking event, at the grocery store would be a better choice. Places where u might see the same people often and get a lil more info than the size of her tittys. She is only washing HER clothes----does she live alone? no kids? She's works out 3 days a week like me----wow, she cares about her body! She's picking up veggies and spices----she must know how to cook!

Obviously KD you don't see what Deeny or I am saying. Im not oblivious to others but I must add I'm not obligated to acknowledge a stranger. Thats right you are a stranger and will remain one to me if you approach me on the street. My safety comes first. I will be polite say thanks and keep it moving. You can be a kid in the candy store and grab for everything you like but I don't deal with boys I deal with men. KD you expect Waaaaaayyy too much from a simple passing on the street.

KD, let me ask how old are you. And I am in by no way being disrespectful. Because a 26 year old young man, is not a 36 year old man.
You are right, women do know within the first 5 seconds if you have a shot at the title. I will accept the compliment, if he asks for digits/pin # I kindly tell him I am currently not accepting at this moment. Very nicely and politely.

Lady i'm 25....I think that is old enough to realize I probably won't win an argument in a blog full of independent women. Nixx you know you made me chuckle a lil at the "My safety comes first" yall use EVERY excuse in the book. But ladies look, I get it...trust me I do its elementary different strokes for different folks, you have some women who do and some women who don't.
I rest my case though I think its safe to say we agree to disagree. O and Deeny you will not challenge me to a fight I will kick yo ass girl you must of thought I let that ride huh ? j/k

I believe in stranger danger to this day!! I go with my gut and if it is saying RUN Nixx RUN... by damn it Im doing it! LOL!! If that makes me crazy so be it. Yeah we going to have to disagree on this one.. : )

Yo, both sexes are dogs! why only stick it to just one...men do dumb stuff to get women and sex, and women do dub stuff to get men and money. now, granted, women like to call men out about it more, but I say, call a spade a spade. it isn't just the nice guys who finish last anymore, its the nice girls too. its easier to do the wrong thing, then it is to do whats right.

men do that shit too!

lol but not on the level of women!! You don't log on to myspace and see a dude is all i want is a woman who would treat me right.

i feel you but ya'll slick with ya'll shit. ya'll trap a woman and she don't even know it till years later when she married with 7 kids... then it hits her like damn this mutha fucka! ask me how i know!

The grass is greener on the other side.

it better be!

I don't think ALL men are dogs! However if men are 'considered' to be dogs wouldn't that make them man's/woman's best friend?

Think about it...u have a dog and when ur hurt, they'll bark to get someone's attention. When ur being attacked by a person or animal, they come along and scare them off or bite the hell out of them. Dogs are reliable, loving and always there when u get home. Even if u leave the gate/door open and let him roam the streets, he'll always come back home!

I never had the "all men are dogs" bullshyt embedded in my head, my mother never went there w/ me and neither did my dad. They told me what type of guys to watch out for and that was that!

I'm the type of female that say "hello" back if a gentelman decides to speak. Not those guys hollering "ma' wht's up, or "shorty can I holla" bs! I'm talking about a gentlman...who knows how to approach a female.

And I'm FAR from being materialistic! If I like cars then I'll work hard to get MYSELF a nice car. If I like jewelry then I'll BUY myself diamonds etc...I don't look to man to buy me materialistic thing b/c it will only result in a meterialistic relationship.

I'm Ness and I approve this Message! lol

PREACH!

THAT'S IT!

Real women, real talk.

Xilla, what kind of girls (notice I didn't say women) are you surrounding yourself with that they have this mentality. Awwwww poor baby, wanna come hang out with me and my crew, lol!!

Exactly....

it's a lot of "girls" and "females" running around but the good women are out there...it's just that men don't feel like taking the time to "reach" for them... they'll rather have the rotten apples that fell on the ground b/c they're easier for them to get to.

Just the same as it's good men out there...it's just that some females and some girls want the "bad boy type" but a REAL MAN doesn't have time to be young at mind b/c he's too busy gettin his $$ and keeping it and even investing it so when the RIGHT WOMAN comes, he'll have the foundation set so they can be set

I am Ness & I approve this message! :)

i am honey and i approve ness's marriage and extend my hand with a diamond in it for her.[i'ma stop tryina marry u one day. but not today]

soooooo u just said everthing right here. many men don't want to put the effort into courting[yea i brushed off that dustass term] a good woman...its easier to get a hoodratty GIRL! here it sucks because the men u speak of, get themselves together and exclusively seek out white and light chiks to complete their ideal picture. i hate that! ARG![yea i'm still on it] they make the money, invest it then wait on palina to pop out the 1/2ie babies... WHY!?!?

lol...hahaaha ur funny....whn we going on our honeymoon! we got work to do lol

Why ask why!...lol

indeed. no more y's i'ma just marry u! and i'm all about this vaca. its -29 degrees in chi. i'm hiding indoors until the summer. i reckon i'll get good and thick and ripe for the humpin! AAAAAAAAAAAH! back to our previously scheduled xillcast....

i think men should just honor the good girls cuz jigga put it best, once a good girls gone bad. she's gone foreva and that's such a waste, ditto the opposite for men. uh yea.

Very good post. Interesting was reading a post earlier that definitely goes hand in hand with those post. Xilla check out http://lmortlock.blogspot.com/2009/01/let-him-y...

Very well said and not over the top. I salute you!

ok..so what happens when ur not materialistic and u dont ignore the greeting and u still always manage to find a man that is just a dog???

Real talk, a man is going to show you who he is out of the gate. And if the man is NOT what you want in a man.... to the left, to the left. If you want a man with a job, then get a man with a job; if you want a man with no children, get a man with no children.
Its all about knowing what you want in a man and not sacrificing yourself for the sake of a man.
And accept him for who he is. And all of this is normally revealed as the two of you are dating (and not sleeping together).
Dating a man is very important. You can learn alot from him within the first 30 days. He will show you just who he is.

For once, I believe I agree with you totally on this one. Totally

oh hell naw. check it--the reason why women think all men are dogs is because we have been trained to think that by generations of well-wishing moms, aunts, and grannies in the interest of self-preservation.

think about it, if all the women in the land gave a passing greeting to every nigga watching her sway down the sidewalk, where would that leave her? where would that leave society?

oh i know! complaining about child support and shit like in the blog before! lmao, its all relative.

plus, men have dicks. dicks are trouble. they don't discriminate on age, gender, marital status, species, familial status or religious affiliation. As a woman who has firsthand experienced the tragic confrontation of Dicks Gone Wild as a small girl I feel as though MEN can be in control of themselves and be great men...just like so many people's husbands and uncles and fathers and pastors and employers and teachers...but the dick has a mind of its own. It can't stop and it won't stop. And some men are very weak when it comes to resisting that phallic force.

Soooo...with that being said, men need to figure out how to correctly approach a woman in an "I'm a great dude!" kind of way, or don't get mad when I middle-finger your punk ass on that "hey excuse me miss lady can i talk to you for a second?!" shit. Most smart women are not too inclined to give a second thought to some guy who's only calling after them because he likes what he sees. That's the dick picking out your partners!

Not with that shit, lieutenant!
--X.

Thank you, I have reached Nirvana with ur post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

word up. [high-five]

I admit that I have said that all men all dogs. But now that Im more mature I realize that I was very wrong. My father is a wonderful man and he treats me and his wife like princess and queen. And my boyfriend treats me like a princess and he is a great guy and reminds me of my father. So Im glad that I have one of the few good guys. But I believe that "bad guys" are capable of being good, its just they need the right women to show them how they're supposed to be. Just like that song by Musiq TeachMe. It could be that they didnt have that father figure in they're life, thats why they are dogs or any other situation. A woman just has to be a little more patient with those types. Now if he's not trying to improve, thats another story.

This sounds like a woman scorned! Real women dont have the time to tell others the so-called problems in there day-to-day life. Real women tell other women how to get a man, keep a man, and marry his a--, but guys gone be guys whether its holla n at you on the street, grocery store, or whateva.....if he see what he likes then its a man instinct to go for what he know!

Speaking up 4 da Bruahs

I ignore most men who approach me on the street. Like Deeny said, most of them are either disrespectful or not what I would be looking for. I have two degrees and a career....what can some guy hanging out on a street corner do for me?! I especially hate when I politely tell a guy that I have a man, and he *still* tries to talk to me! I don't think all men are dogs though. I have a lot of guy friends who have never cheated on a girlfriend and would never disrespect a woman. My man is an amazing man who treats me like a queen. However, there *are* men out there who are dogs....and when you come in contact with enough of them, a woman may start feeling like that's all that's out there.

Good blog, L.....for those of you that don't know him....he's one of the good men out there.

Melissa

Deeny hit the nail on the head from a woman's POV with her comments...

But I also get where KD is coming from...

There are two issues here: the "Simple Hello" and the "Compliment"

There's no reason why anyone should not respond to a simple, respectful greeting...the only "females" who ignore and diss men when they say "hello" are those who simply think way too much of themselves.

As for the compliment, this is where it gets tricky and I've never known how to express this sentiment without sounding conceited or unappreciative...so I'm just going to say it with the disclaimer that these words are 100% conceit free...

For example:
Pretty girls know that they are pretty, not in a conceited "I Know!" kinda way but just in a common knowledge "people have been telling me since I was 2 yrs old so it's sunken in by now kinda way" and not to sound unappreciative of compliments but it gets to be a bit much to hear it constantly...

We all have something that stands out about us - something that other people are in awe of, so to make it make sense think about that one thing that you are constantly praised for/complimented on (looks, talent, intelligence...whatever)

Who can honestly say that after hearing the same compliment over and over and over again, day in and day out several times a day for years on end that sometimes they don't get just a little bit tired of saying "oh, thank you" like it's the first time you ever heard it, your "thank you" loses some of it's sincerity after awhile, not purposely but it almost becomes very "flight attendentishy"

"Thank you for flying Delta, enjoy your stay in..."
"Thank you for flying Delta, enjoy your stay in..."
"Thank you for flying Delta, enjoy your stay in..." X's 200 passengers....AARRGGHH!

I don't believe men should have to jump thru hoops to get a woman's attention and while the street is not the best place to approach a woman, you seeing her there may be random and maybe it's not a chance you can pass up for hopes of catching her in the laundromat or supermarket so at least be a little more creative with your greeting if you plan to say more than just hello...

*** comment on something other than her physical appearance ***...

assume that she has somewhere to be and make your convo brief...

offer her "your" number instead of asking for hers...spontaneity is key so just be sure to write it down in front of her and not to have it all ready like "BAMMMM" a la Clovelle and Howard Tibbs III - Funky Finger Productions style...

First, I think Deeny and I may have been separated at birth LOL.

A good man/woman is hard to spot, especially in a big city. There’s so many random jackasses getting in the way of the view and the nice ones get lost in the mix, myself included.

I say hello back and thank you when complimented on the street. As a younger woman I would brace myself for the disrespect that might follow because the guy thought my polite response was a green light for a booty-call. It may be my age (35) or my ways (no-nonsense), but now the jackasses see me and fall back on their own.

But nothing makes my day like a nice hello with no strings (or a tip of the hat from an older man-love that!). And I look for those nice hellos everyday! It might come to nothing, but if he/I decide to make a move, that initial “can I get your #” will be a lot easier for him than the random dude jumping out at me on the street.

I always wanted a sister! lol

i don't think all men are dogs and i agree that a lotta women str8 destroy the nice guys that approach them....its a crazy situation, but its one we're stuck in. i'm a nice girl and the jerks approach me, i know nice men that are attracted to the bitchy light diva cuz they think that conquering that challeng means they did the damn thing. WAKE UP people! lol

good men are not all around!
plz rephrase --- it def takes awhile to find a good man.
nd only foolish ass females are blinded by the flashiness of those foolish ass negroes!
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