[BlogXilla] Dot Com

test comment please

what's a test comment? ok so i really want someone that's legally employed,nice,taller than me, and black. If he dressed well that'd b a nice bonus! ;P I'd also prefer my mate not have children. I REALLY want to share that 1st experience with someone. it really sucks how most brothas already have at least one but most likely 2+kids before they're 25!

i am worth wifing because i will feed ya and fuck ya like no other lol i also will do the small things like send ur clothes to the cleaners or have my cleaning lady hook ur apt up[that way u don't have to worry about me snoopin even tho i'm not a snooper] i want a whole love wehere a man understand me completely and i him. sometimes i need my back broke, others i just need a body in the bed while i sort my life out. its so hard to find a genuine man.
my inability to let meself get completely involved with a man makes me unworthy of a serious relationship. i have to be completely honest. i think i haven't been able to find that special one because i just dealw with guys and play the role until he inevitablly messes up.... we should go into relationships thinkin the best not expecting the worst....

Xilla, I'm starting to think we brothers from other mothers. Sometimes the shit you blog hits me right in the head. I gotta get to the slave for a few, but I will speak to this later. Keep it classy bro'

I know I am a good woman and I deserve a good man. One issue that I admit that I have is that I have jealousy issues. Because of past relationships I have been left not trusting people which has lead to loosing good people. I know I need to work through my issues before I get into a serious relationship

Hmm..
I know for me, I look for EXACTLY what I can offer.
Im childless. Im loyal. Honest to almost a fault. I have nothing from past situations that links to me to anyone, and that's big for me. I think I deserve that in return. I deserve someone who can give the attention that I can give. I want a man, who actually WANTS me to be the first and ONLY mother of his children.
Yea its easy for a man to rub your back and talk to you and do all those great things, which I totally understand, respect and appreciate, but there are somethings that are just bigger than all of that.
But for me, there is definitely a difference with a man who I can maintain a temporary relationship with and then a man who I can actually see myself BUILDING A LIFE WITH.

Xilla, I really like this blog...I gotta think some more about this one though...

Sorry Xilla had to meditate on this one... I need to work on giving someone the benefit... Like most people I have trust issues. Someone should pick me because I'm a fun, sensible, and versatile. When I'm in a relationship my man is taken care of. I'm not into looking for a man that can get me something I can take care of myself. I look for a man that has confidence, way he treats his friends, and if has a plan to achieve what he wants. Oh and especially if he takes responsibility for his actions. The reason to be in a relationship is because you have found someone that is your partner... their your best friend, therapist, lover, teacher all of it in one package. Nothing not even Chinese food that is still warm by the time its delivered can come close to that connection.

Some of the things I look for in a man is someone who's respectful, understanding, supportive and has a great sense of humor. Anyone who knows me know tht I'm a BIG kid at heart!

I like to go out and have fun and I like to be around groups of ppl, so he must be an extravert.

And I would have to say I agree w/ ESS. When did we stop using condoms? Everyone has a kid nowadays. And it may sound selfish, but I would like to be w/ someone who doesn't have kids. I want me and this man to share an experience tht he hasn't already experienced 2-4 different times (mulitple children) with several females (a.k.a baby mama's).

Why does my comment sound like a personal add lol..

I been trying to find a man that dont have kids, but it is very hard. I would want the experience to be special for the both of us and learn together. I just feel a man with kids wont find the birth of another child as special as a man that is having a baby for the first time.

@ B.I.B,

Exactly! He probably won't be happy tht ur having his baby b/c in the back of his mind he feels that if u and him don't stay together then that's more child support he has to pay.

Or he'll compare is previous 'baby' experiences with yours which isn't gonna be fun at all. Then u'll have to deal w/ his baby mama's and their drama on learning of u being prego and they wanna act a fool b/c they know wht is it.

I can go on and on lol

Yep, cause the potential of 17% pre-tax deductions multipled by two or three different BM's is enough to make any n*gga feel unexcited about an impending birth...LOL

You know what Ive had ALOT of men tell me Im selfish for my point of view. Girl please you are NOT selfish. Thats that man trying to play with your head.

When it comes to men, love, your heart and feelings.. you know whats right for YOU! And expecting what YOU CAN OFFER from another person in return is FAR from selfish. You just know what you are worth and wont accept less.

@ Ess,

I feel u. Ppl say I'm selfish in GENERAL lol. But hey, u have to be like that sometimes b/c at the end of the day it's MY life ;)

It's just tht growing up, having a baby at a young age wasn't cool. But now everyone has a baby. I don't know if I could really be a part of a ready made family.

It is selfish, I believe... Because if I'm willing to give you my all it shouldn't matter what if a man has kids or not if the two of you love each other... again its women putting a condition on love. which should never be done. point blank period

Women don't put 'conditions' on love. Men come with 'conditions'.
It's not fair to say tht women are selfish if they wish to be w/ a man who doesn't have any other obligations.

Women who deal w/ a man that has kids, has to put her NEEDS on the back burner for the man that she loves. B/c his kid(s) will always come first. So she has to deal w/ his kid(s), his baby mama(s), his financial woes, and his living situations involving his kid(s) or his baby mama(s).

Kid(s) don't have 2 like who daddy is dating and they'll show it. If the BM pisses ur BF off, then it's the female (us) who have to catch the backlash.

When dealing w/ someone who has no kids, u have time to get to be exclusive to one another w/o having other things like kid(s) and BM's come into play.

Well stated Ness!

and the truth is you can have preferences all day long and if the right man comes along they could all go out the window, but in the meantime each woman/person knows what they like and want and you have the right to insist on that until such time that something "really worth it" changes your mind...or not

I agree, if a man is taking care of things the way he should (meaning he is honest with you and his baby momma that he has moved on) then all of this baby momma drama is not an issue. I am in a relationship with a man who is also a father and we have never had issues, I have been with men in the past and had baby mommas acting a fool but when that happens you have to question what is he telling her to make her act that way?

Also to say that having a child with a man that is already a father is ridiculous! So women who already have a kid don't get excited when they get pregnant with baby number 2 or 3?

Bottom line you have to look at case by case- if the man is being upfront with you and being a good daddy to his child it should not be held against him just because things didn't work out with the mother. I have been uncomfortable with the idea of being a step mom before I give birth to my own, but if he makes me happy I don't see a problem.

I agree w/ ur P.O.V, h/e my desire to want to be w/ someone who doesn't have a kid is on the same level of ppl who wait until marriage to have sex.

It's a personal preference.

its not selfish at all! if i've managed to use bc and hit the chop shop when it failed, why can't i expect the same from a mate? i love kids and they love me....its the bowl movements, i mean baby mamas that ruin ish. you admitted that u hit ur bm to avoid drama. many men do that. AIDS is too real for me to knowingly share my d-i with someone that doesn't consistently use condoms. simply put, i'm fuckin her and u and not even enjoying it... 'P

i'm not trying to jug u, but see the otherside. a friend of mines is in love with me, and thinks i'm selfish because i won't give him a chance.[that's a going theme with bd's] he comes bundled with a no good shit of a bm and a 7yrold son...no matter what u SAY, you've experienced birth b4, you are attached to another woman for at least 40yrs! i[and those like me] are not being selfish for not wanting to deal with ur bm or raise ur kid! i want my baby to be special and feel like he was a conscious choice between two loving parents. if he's one of many the experience is undoubtedly cheapened.....

sorry for the rant, but u really igged me...

Its not selfish, how is it selfish for someone to want exactly what they can give?
Tell me how can a man with a previous child give his new lady his ALL with a child or children from a past situation? He cant. Cuz he is giving some to his child and her mother of that child. Or Id hope that he is.

Actually a female who would accept that when she doesnt have the same situation would be accepting less and that love that she would be getting from that man would be conditional.
It would be under the conditions of, yes I love you and you are important to me. But the needs for my child comes first. Which is totally understandable and respectable.

Now as a female who doesnt have children, it would be MY choice to be involved with something like that and if I choose not to. Im far from selfish. I just know how important a man can be in my life and want the same in return.. w/o those conditions of being put to the side for a man's child.

WELL SAID! i couldn't agree more. i would hope that a man's child come's first, and i want to be first in his life, same with MY kid! UH!

Cause i know what the ladies like! they need a man that's polite, listens and takes advice. I can do all three plus i can lay the pipe!
nah i feel you, i think a man or woman can't be perfect, but they sure can't come with a package deal! i asked for you not lil boo, and the ex man thats in jail but on probation soon.

i ain't the riches man in the world, but i do have a bank account, and i do what i do. i have my own place and pay bills! you know some guys now a days, like if it ain't bad enough to NOT have a job or a bank account, but dudes don't even have a state ID. And its kind of a turn off for me when a girl says, i have to be in a relationship because i've never been lonely. like what does that mean? i've never been lonely either but i'm not out at Sofa Lounge trying to find the woman of the future. I believe in taking time to know the person, remember no one is perfect for anyone, just that one person that can tolerate your shit! and i say that alot because i feel like its true. and when i do find the one i want to settle down or atleast be a part in my life, i take it serious, i put my time, i put effort, and trust. i feel like trust is a big part in a relationship, cause its hard to gain but its easy to lose!

@ Art2Dope,

I luv u for that phrase!!! "emember no one is perfect for anyone, just that one person that can tolerate your shit!" lol..I LOVE it b/c it's so true!

I love black men in general. I think the male species is an amazing thing especially if u take the time to actually look deep into the makings of a 'real' man! Yeah ya'll have ya'll issues, but deep down ya'll are full of so much love, and honor and pride and when you find the one u care about it shows like no other.

It's good when we can find a man to compliment us. And build us up, not take away from us. A real man will help a real woman grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

Wow! I'm in a relationship right now with a wonderful man, unfortunately I let him chase me for a little over a year while I dealt with "aint sh*t n*ggas". Luckily this man possess many qualities that I lack- the main one being patience! Once I got my priorities straight and realized that it's not always about what a man can buy me or who my family and friends think I should be with- I was able to see the good man that had been under my nose for the past year. As for what do I bring to the relationship?

Money in the Bank:
I do consider myself an independent woman, but I am vulnerable with him and respect him as a man. I also pay for our dates every now and then to show my appreciation. He's and artist and I work a 9 to 5 I don't focus on what he does for me financially I focus on who he is as a man.

A love that will make you cry:
I keep an open mind and I am very supportive of what he does. I listen without judging and speak freely without letting my ego or insecurities guide my words. I have my own goals and dreams but I make every effort to help his dreams become a reality too.

A love you can feel inside:
I bring it in the bedroom! With him I will try anything once and go out of my way to make him feel good. Surprise him with sexy new lingerie and wear clothes I know he likes to turn him on when we go out.

I think most importantly I come to the relationship with a clean slate, by that I mean I have worked through past trust/abandonment issues, let go of past insecurities. Often times our relationships fail because we have shit that we haven't fully dealt with yet and honestly it is not anyone's job to fix us. As cliché as it sounds you really do have to love yourself first. I'm comfortable in my own skin I know this is supposed to be about what I bring to the relationship but I think my best quality is what I DON'T bring -emotional baggage

this is good!!!

i think i need to be more patient as a wife... what i've experienced is that all of these things are easier said and done in the beginning when things are still fresh but not so easy when ur knee deep in the shit... i believe in unconditional love, but that's hard when ur husband tells u ur unattractive... just like i believe that you should be the best lover for each other but that's hard if you've married an inexperienced some body.

all in all, i think that patience, maturity, and the willingness to work at a thing is what people (both men and women) need to come to relationships with...

I am 28 with 3 kids all under 5. Yes!!! My hands are a liitle busy. But I have a college degree and I have 2 jobs. Money is always in the bank, Sex is always off the hook and I consider myself a cool chick. I think I have a winner....flaws and all.Just waiting for whatever the Lord has in the future for us. Love is Real but no one could love better than myself and the almighty.

I want, not looking, cause when you "look" you "overlook", a man who first and foremost has the desire and ability to be a TRUE friend as well as the desire & ability to love unconditionally...my contribution is the same, although I do have trust issues as well, my intuition and ability to determine a persons real motives is frighteningly on point...I only let "in" those that deserve to be "in"

I believe when you have unconditional love and true friendship you can work through anything, even "trash sex" LOL! Not that its easy to do but the foundation to build on is there...think about the people you TRULY love (friends/fam) and what you wouldn't do for them, the person you choose to share your life with and make a new family with should receive nothing less, but it'll never happen if you don't have unconditional love

@ Ness & Ess (awww that rhymes) you're definitley not selfish on the "kids" topic, we kinda touched on this on PCL a few weeks ago, but speaking as a person with a kid its easier for me to deal with someone who has a child(ren), because if the babysitter cancels at the last minute, they understand - they've been there too, depending on the level of the relationship you may switch up and do something family-style for that date and it's no problem OR if you gotta "wait" til the kids are asleep ;-D actually that's more like :-( (LOL) they understand that too...

As women who don't have kids yet you have an absolute right to that "preference" and to not have to deal with those issues and there's nothing unreasonable about that at all

Thnx HeadMistress :)

As u said, it's easier for someone w/ a child(ren) to date someone with a child(ren) b/c there's a little more understanding there. And we can all use an understanding person :)

And tht's the point I was trying to make w/ppl who don't have kids. :) I just ran off at the 'keyboard' lol.

I don't want to ppl to thnk that my msg is tht ppl w/ kids aren"t good 2 b with b/c I don't feel like that. I've dated guys w/ kids & it was 'okay' but I've also dated guys w/o and it was NICE!

Sometimes, guys w/ kids don't realize all the rambling tht they do about their children or their BM's or their finances etc. It's almost like second nature to them. And tht kinda takes away from wht we could be doing lol

Girl, you ain't lyin about that ramblin shyt!

I make it a point not to talk about my BD, just for the simple fact that's it's mostly negative, not to say you can't open up about your problems with that special someone sometimes but you just gotta be mindful...

that's along the same line as talkin about the relationship problems you had with your ex...don' nobody wanna hear that shyt...LOL

Lol...well at least ur mindful about it.

Sometimes, ppl think that b/c ur there that u want to hear about it all the damn time. I don't mine being your 'rock' here and there but dayum!! Can u shut the hell up about ur BM b/c u can call her all the bytches and hoes u want but tht doesn't change the fact tht u slept w/ her and had a baby by her! lol.

hi5 head and ness. i think i'd be more understanding if i didn't have to deal with the ramble! i'm an evil ass and after one guy went on and on and on and on and BLEEPIN ON, i cursed him out at the table and left the restaurant. i was set up on a blind date all he could talk about was how greedy his bm was and i look like i'm a gold digger, and if i'm looking for $ he ain' got it.....i'm like "whoa there capn crazy we just met! u f'd her and made two not one but TWO mafackin KIDS! shut up talkin bad about her! i don't wanna hear that bullish! DAYUM!" i threw a $20 on the table and bounced!
the same can be said for people that are newly divorced people...all they talk about is the divorce...its not that i'm not caring, but those subjects should be saved for after ur at least humpin!

WOW!!! Tht's crzy!!! No wonder he was set up on a blind date.

But I would've done the same thing b/c who gives a sh*t on the first date. And then he tried to call YOU a gold digger just b/c he has 2 kids?! WTF!

Some ppl need to get their mind right and their sh*t together...lol

ROFLMAOOL, yo you kill me with that capn crazy shyt!

u know that comes complete with a hand pushed out[like talk to the hand] and salute and erthang! i am the silliest most animated blogee u'll meet! ;D

I for one don't care if a man has kids, I never did. What I do care about it is how he treats them & their mother. Not every guy with kids is just some no good baby daddy. Sometimes a relationship just doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean the guy isn't a great father. I'm concerned about who he is . . for real. How does he treat his mother & the rest of his family? Is he educated, employed (and if not is there a good reason why). How many jobs has he had in the past year (i can't stand a man that jumps from job to job).

Myself, as far as what I bring to the table. I bring myself. . .an independent strong woman. Someone who is not looking for a man to take care of her, I can do that by myself. I'm not looking for someone to play daddy to my son, he already has one. I bring my heart, my desire, my drive & my ambition. I bring my willingness to support my man in everything he does, my desire to be his all. I also bring the ability to see the best in someone without ignoring the worst..

I doubt I'll find someone, at least not now. I have to learn to let go of my past first. I will never truly trust a man until I can do that. So for the time being, it'll be me all by my lonely!

It's funny you bring this up because I have been reflecting on this since I've been single. It's also funny because I recently met a young lady that I have found myself to be very interested in. First of all we met briefly at a party in January and I thought she was physically appealing, but that's because I only met briefly so that's all I had to go on. Then, through a completely different set of friends, I met her again last week and we basically spent the rest of the week together at various times of the day.

Anyway, I'm really felling her and it 's got me wondering what I really want and can bring to a relationship. Deeper still, do I want to bring it now because i am really digging my life as it is right now. I'm single, no kids, educated (SOHK), I travel for work (including internationally), I'm tall, dark, AND handsome and I think I'm a pretty good lay. I'm a gentleman, yet i'm still real rough around the edges. I could be a nice little package for the right lady.

I know what I want from my life and I know what I want from the woman in my life. I want her to be strong, intelligent, interesting and interested. I want her to have dreams, set goals, know how to be a partner, is sexy and beautiful, in my eyes. Hopefully she will have no kids and not want any. Is respectful, kind and got a little bit of evil bitch in her. (I can be a handful sometimes, a weak bitch would get crushed). This is a long list and does not have to, of course, be all inclusive, Yall get what I mean. Nobody is perfect!!!

I always say that i'm not looking for a woman, but if one happens to find me, imma let it do what it do. I'm not afraid to be in a relationship. Actually I enjoy it because it gives me an opportunity to think outside of myself. I dig the closeness and all of that. Most cats do whether they say so or not. Like I said in the beginning of this rant, I'm feeling this chick so far. I got a good nose for people and I can feel the real ones almost immediately and in all the places that matter. Head, heart, loins, some of yall know what I mean. Plus with the crazy second chance meeting after almost a year, I feel compelled to see what other mysteries are there to discover. I'm out of town right now so I won't see her again until Saturday. We're going to see Anita Baker and then to our mutual friends (She knows my friends wife) bday party. I'm glad for the break so that I can have a chance to let this soak in and so can she. For the record, we have not been physical with each other and I told her that I wasn't in any rush to get there. I want to look for a while and see what's really going on. Is there really a connection, am I really sure I want to go there? Is she?

Damn, look at me going on and on.

Peace yall

see what happens Ant. i didn't pursue someone i should have and i really wish i would have. he's engaged to someone dangerously similiar to me and now i'm left wondering what if....

sex complicates things. u being the firecracker that u are, might need to let things simmer. don't be in a rush. its no coincidence that you randomly ran into her....i'm weird in that i believe God or the universe makes things happen at exactly the right time. i feel that being on the road will lead to learning and longing and really developing a DEEPER connection u know?

@ Ant - thoney is soooo right

some of the strongest, long lasting, realest (yes I said "realest", b/c sometimes you just gotta make up a word...LOL) relationships come when you least expect it, when you're not looking...and being content and happy with yourself and your life now is perfect timing b/c then you have what it takes to "not make" but "share" in the contentment and happiness that hopefully she is experiencing in her life at this same moment...

it's exciting but don't overthink it, let whatever is gonna happen, happen...naturally

Thank you sistas for your comments. Trust me I will pay heed. I already decided though that I was not going tobe moving fast. There's no reason to. I would rather take a long deep look at her and at myself before I make any commitments. I appreciate yall looking out.

its the least i could do lol u done changt[yes i made up that word, since head gets to make up words hehehe ;D] my whole view on the chi, men here, etc.... lol i owed u 1!

don't over think it though. sometimes we can just want soooo much that we over do it....i don't think u would tho since ur going to be kinda far, but still....

I've been told everything from "there's absolutely nothing wrong with you..", "you're the perfect wifey" etc etc. But I'm in college. and that means I'm not necessarily dealing with the WISEst of the bunch. so they say whatever they want. but I have that confidence to know that already :) I'm a willing individual. i feel that covers alot of things from trust to lovemaking etc. I feel it's important that we are willing to GROW together. bc like you, that's what I'm about. Ultimately its working towards Gods design for each others lives as a TEAM. I don't have an issue with kids. I used to, but I don't. many young men are younger than 25 with kids, i had a 3 hr conversation with one the other night. his personal feelings are that its unfair he won't recieve a second look once they find out. he's very smart,attractive, charasmatic and sweet with alot to offer someone. so i won't hold kids against anyone.
how many people can count how many lovers they have had who has made it their personal mission to be held accountable for their partners happiness? its rough maintaining YOUR OWN. I have devotion. I'm a very caring person by nature,to a fault as cliche as that sounds. I want to grow into a relationship where there's understanding and appreciation that we both have the security and confidence in ourselves to form a union,taking eachother AS IS. I know its important to recognize each others strength and weaknesses. so we fill in where each other comes short. just make each other better.
on a side note, I look at Will and Jada as a nice model. they seem like such a TEAM, lol each wanting no less than the world. so they take it on together.

::wipes one tear away::
I love this posttt!!
i agree with you 1000%.ppl sometimes jumps into a relationship just because, just to be happy for now, or because the person lives somewhere else and they get to visit that spot (damn shame but it happens) or just so they can telll their friends and show off to others. Now they have someone that is all that in their life-bull shyt!!
funny thing is they're so easy to say "i love you, and i'm in love with you" within weeks-bull shytt too!!
but within months or a year later they can't take it anymore, can't be a woman and be serious, can't be strong enough (lames) meanwhile they made the person thinks it's all about them when it's not and just fucks with their heart....I am single and planing on staying that way...I am happy now and improving my life, my self, my being, well being, progressing, trying to achieve my goal, I put myself first now..and if i ever get into a relationship again I know I have learned and I would make sure the person's worth my precious time, and have to proved their love for me!!