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From The Vault: Don’t Check It, You Won’t Like What You See
Posted in Relationships on 05. Dec, 2008
You may have an open relationship, you might even answer his/her phone from time to time. This might give you a feeling of enticement to check their phone when you want, but I say don’t!! Because when you look for stuff, you find stuff. And most of the time it’s stuff you might not like. You might find a text message saying “I loved licking your (__{}__) last night” (thats a text butt for the slow people) or you mind find pictures of another man’s ManXilla and thats not good. Not only have you found out your girl is cheating on you… But with a dude who is either smaller or bigger than you, either way you feel like crap!!
Cheating is wrong, no one should be cheated on, but finding out sucks and most of the time you never simply walk away from the relationship you ask for answers, wonder why, and you cry your eyes out… Is it all worth a text message?
lol hell yea whoop dat ass!!!!
This happend to me tooooooo many times in the past.. now i got a lock on my phone and REFUSE to give it to ANYONE!! I mean even if i had the cure for cancer on my phone and i was on my death bed: F*ck you, have a nice day!
even tho I have nothing to hide (now).. Nothing urks me more than a nosey @$$ female. so if she wants to see my phone, she has to ask me and for the most part i will say yeah. However she does have to let me know what she needs to see it for. ..and praise the lord for iphones, cause i have the ability to lock certain programs and leave some open. So if she tries to sneak peek at my texts or my recent calls: DENIED. silly you.
EXACTLY!!! what is the real reason behind you going thru my phone? INSECURITY.. thats how i see it and there is no other excuse.
Me and my girls are definitely snoops. We've done it all, gone through phones, emails, checked voicemails, gone through garbages. I even checked license plates to check for suspicious tickets. And everytime we did it we found something. But each and everyone of us stayed in the relationship. I don't do it now. Lawd knows I have the urges. I only stopped because of the simple fact that I stayed in the relationship and it turned me into a paranoid woman. I always wondered who he was with, where he was, who was he really talking to on the phone? What is the sense of putting yourself through all that when you are going to stay anyway. Men are known to be stupid when it comes to cheating so you will find out one way or the other. My thing is all things come to light.
“checked license plates to check for suspicious tickets”?????????????????????
Jesus christ!!!
….personally i wouldnt be able to handle that relationship.
Its never a trust thing because if I can't trust you I don't need you (lol. . .as you said). . the only reason I might flip open his phone is because for some reason he felt the need to go through mine. . . otherwise. . .whats done in the dark will come out, so I dont go searching . ..I agree with Ness do you
in response to DC_REALEST:
no, i'm not an insecure person at all. and to answer you example questions, I wouldn't say or do anything. if he ignore's it, that's on him. he ignore's his phone all the time, even while we're together , so it wouldn't be anything new.
and i can't speak for most women, but i truely don't mind you looking. becuase if you're “looking” for something in particular, i hope you find what you're looking for and if not, then maybe you shouldn't be “looking” yeah, women do premediitate things ( yeah i do it too), but that definately isn't of them…
lol my ex busted into my BP account and got to sendin all kinds of random stuff. i knew he was nutty so i went in with my boy on all kinds of crazy letters. dude was fumin inside but couldn't say anything because he wasn't supposed to have seen what he saw. everntually i told him i knew he checks my ish refularly and i don't appreciate it especially when he's fucking his boss.[he got fired but kept money and isn't smart enough to hustle] we talked it out and moved on and pretty much didn't go there again.
i've never looked in a phone and won't. usually when i've dated a guy that was trickin off the other woman has called or it becomes so blatant i can't help but move on. do NOT look for trouble because you'd find it. [whether its really there or ur lack of trust conjurs up a rue of foolishness] mmm mm! don't do it!]
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You – this cannot be said enough!!!!
Barbie! i hate it too! why are women soooo quick to get mad at the other woman?! I dated a married man once, and his crazass wife dropped his son off at my apt while she shopped! i'm like bitch are u nutty. mind u he worked a job where we couldn't contact him until late that evening. i had no idea he was married or had a kid! i've also had this random trollop tht dated my cousin slash my tires thinking we were messings around. [i let him use my truck for dates and she errantly assumed i was his boo] needless to say i had to beat my tire money out her ass like i was in jr. high!
there are some women that knowingly condone cheating, some don't. don't assume all women are this inconsiderate. as soon as i catch wind of a man having a sigother, i bounce. period. women make themselves look amazingly stupid when they fbi the other woman. she has no ties to u[even if she does know] so CHECK YA MAN and keep ya own house clean! period! ARG! i need a shut yo mouf potion just thinkin bout that!
u betta SAY DAT Ness! hi5boo! until u get me rocked up i'm enjoyin this once around on the planet. i'm having fun and not stressin! if u feel they're hiding something, ask them about it and/or dead it. snooping is WHACK!
i second xilla. i been known to scrape the best ones! i been trained in the hood like rockysha or something! ****ehugs*** * don't trip K5, it'll be aight cuz it has to be…. ur just readying urself for that mjb real love, yaDIIIIIG!
well said! i loved the part about holding on to something that's yours…. i agree that its soo necessary to have you own something. whether its ur phonem golfin with the fellas, getting ur nails did on sat, SOMETHING needs to be just for you without ur mates input/tampering. GO HEAD Suga!
THIS used to be my shyt! I was the QUEEN of snooping….and not just snooping and finding out THAT he was cheating but who with and all her info too, so when your ass is with her tryin to dodge me, I just may end up sittin in your car waitin for you while you're parked outside of her house
…
ohhh it was sooooo emotionally destructive at first but after awhile I got so GD good at it that it became like a sport, when I found shyt I wouldn't even get mad, I would just reveal my discovery, then gloat and laugh while my bf would be lookin like how in the hell did she do that?
Oh you can't imagine some of the ways I found shyt out….cracking cell phone and vcml codes is fun but have you ever known the satisfaction of findin that other b*tch in the phone book with just her first name and a street name OR just with the telephone number??? Now that's a rush!!!!
Ahhh good times those were, but I gave all that up, there's no point, especially if you ain't ending the relationship because of it…you go thru all the “Ahhh Ha! Gotcha!!!” just to turn around and stay so he can do it some more…
It's a hard habit to break though, espcially if you're “investigative” by nature like I am, most of the time it is fueled by distrust and insecurity and some people are just naturally “curious” or simply want the satisfaction of letting that other person know they ain't stupid and you can't get over on me…but again, if you ain't leavin it's all for nothing….
thanks for reposting this Xilla, I was “Blogxilloblivious” until a few months ago so I really enjoy the “from the vault” posts
Nah tht wasn't directed twds u Xilla lol.
I was saying in general about any man tht I decide to date lol.
Exactly lol!
Half the ppl who go snooping don't do ish when they find dirt…so whts the point in busting out a guys windows if ur gonna stay w/ him. Ur gonna look like to fool rolling around in a car w/o any windows lol
i feeling this entry… and i'ma need to cop that book lol
yo thats my phone last time i check i go into my tmobile.com account and pay that joint, don't be checking! and if you go and find pictures of my meat, point blank i'ma freak… and you should know cause thats how i got you GRRRrrRRR but you get my drift.
I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!
WORD! the couple across the street are so serious about their fights. i mean have shot out windows and tire[shocked the hell outta me, guess people don't use clubs like in the old days] and they call the police on each other back and forth. she's bout 5-7 mo preg by dude from what i hear[i'm just TELLIN THEY BIDNIS lol] what's the friggin pt!?
99% of the snoopy mc nosins never do ish, or they throw a royal fit only to be romparoomin in the bed an hr lata., CRAZY! i ain' never and will never be that chick. i'd rather besomewhere high plotton on the next d-i….WOOOORD! lol
If you do it, be prepared for what you might find. Be prepared to have a fight about what you saw, and why you were checking in the first place. I say leave it alone. If they are cheating there should be other signs anyway. And if I did check someones phone, I wouldn't even try to hide it – I'd do it right in front of them to see how they react. If they start trying to grab the phone back before I can look, I know we have a problem.
You Know What Imma Tell You Rite Now I Just Went Thru Sum Ish Like This Like Two Dyas Ago.
My Dude We Only Been Together For Like 4 Months Decides He Wanted To Go Thru My Phone While I Was In The Restroom.
I Come Back And He All Up In My Phone On My Aim Goin Thru My Txt's Msg's And Picture Mail.
I Felt Very Disrepected And I Told Him.
He Was All Mad Ova Sum Old Dick Flicks.
I've Neva Wanted To Go Thru My Man's Phone. I Feel I'm Grown I'll Ask If I Wanna Know And If You Lie To Me It'll Reveal Itself.
i am stunned! i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy! i'm glad u gave it up….
what kills me[kinda shocked that we haven't touchedo n this] is how some men feed on the women that do this….i'm more masculine i guess in that i've become emotionless and don't trip as much as many of u/my girls do… that being said… why the FUGG are men so quick to stay with the crazy girls. its like they feel honored that she cares enoug hto do all that. all the while someone like me get, “i mean have a reaction. u jis seem like u don't care. a nigga might wanna argue sometimes” i honestly refuse to do relationship drama as there's a whiteboy that won't put me thru the flux waiting in the wings.
when the wives contacted me or the super sleuths like y'all, i cut off all communication. never waited for a reason etc as there's not a logical one to explain the lies etc…. men SWEAR they want drama free, super sexin, cookin women, but when they have that, they make trouble where there isn't any…i don't get it!?!!!
dumpster diving?! fa real!?!? ;O why!? i was amazed when an exes wife found out where i lived and left his kid with me, but i mean this is seriously a sport eh? like y'all get high offa ruinin lives and bein nosy?! maybe i be to high or horny to care…this is WAY MAJA i see… nothing good comes from invading privacy. NOTHING….u have to allow ur mate to have some space….
love u enough to be secure in the relationship/leave. all of this behavior SCREAMS Isquared. Immaturity and Insecurity. both are solvable issues, get neked look at ur vagina with a mirror, realize its a grownup now, and pray for the strength to control it and the things it makes ya do! dang….
ROFLMAO @ i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy!…. You are too effin funny!!!!
I hear you, but let me clarify, I have never approached another chick, I've always believed that was a the dumbest shyt any woman can do…sitting outside of her house was for the purpose of confrontin him, not her (fully understanding that that is only SLIGHTLY “less crazy”) LOL
at the time I was doin this I was very young (late teens/early twenties) and the first couple of times it was out of sheer desperation and then when I figured out the “talent” that I had for snooping/skip tracing thats when it became fun like a sport, a talent which I've been able to turn into a nice little career btw
I'm a people watcher, I love to observe behavior and I've found that people in general thrive on drama, that is why men stay with the crazy girls that “bust the windows out their car” and the crazy girls stay with the men that KEEP cheatin on them…I think once you step into early adulthood and are figuring out friendships and relationships drama is almost a given but instead of separating the good from the bad, people get used to the bad, accept it and think it's normal
It almost seems like people don't feel like they are worth anything unless something dramatic and crazy is happening in their lives…they can have that shyt, I'll take peace, calm and pure fun any day…
and being emotionless is not masculine, thats just survival, I am very emotional but only the people who deserve my emotion get it … when I tell you I have learned to detach and retreat at a moments notice… shyyyyyt – so fast a n*gga will almost forget he ever even knew me
lol glad u didn't take offense. i don't mean no harm and am quite silly[thus the cap'n'crazy comment ;D]
you inevitably confront her if ur sitting outside of HER home. i think snooping thru ur mans stuff is the dumbest shit a woman can do. then rationalizing stalkerish behavior is the icing on the cake! i feel what u said re:drama. i jst hate that i'm always getting the short end of that stick.
being emotionless is a survival tactic, but i don't think its healthier. a balance of ocd of the nosyness and being withdrawn in fear of getting ur heart broken is healthier…
you sure that wasnt directed to xilla? i think with what you right and what he rights yall should have sex and see who cums out on top
I'm pretty sure tht wasn'nt directed twds him….lol..
Tht's exactly wht I tell a guy. Guys have a tendency 2 think tht a female isn't going to do her (if he's doing him).
i used to be nosy too; go over emails and phones, and I've always found some ish. Now the thing is if you got to the point that you want to crack his email or cell, that alone means that he is already doing wrong, our intuition rarely lies. The dude who loves you and have nothing to hide will hand you over his phone and let you use it for example if your battery is dead and you need to call someone, or he can even let you answer his phone if he is not around, and he will ASK you to check his email if he has no access to it and he really needs some info. So once dude start being all overdefensive on privacy and stuff, that rings bells. All this digging shit is really stressful and disrespectful, and i realized it only when it was done to me. My man was going through my stuff on the regular and i didn't know about it. So when he found some shit in my emails and made a scene, it was such a big turn off too me that i decided to end 3 year long relationship right there, now when i know how the other side feels about it, i would never put anyone in same situation. I mean, if you feel like he or she is doing crap, chances are pretty high that you are right and probably it's better to confront the wrong side or just bounce out.
You're right. If you look for something just know you're gonna find something. So, don't look1
no, not at all, that shit was funny as hell, not to mention 100% true of me at the time I was doin it…I can admit it and laugh at it now cause I learned to control my crazy and not let it control me
I still believe there are situations where it is appropriate or necessary is actually a better word: some religions (I hate religion) won't allow a divorce/annulment unless there is PROOF of adultery so if it is your intention to find it and end it then it's a must but just being nosey and insecure knowing you're gonna stay despite what you may find is stupid, you really only damage yourself emotionally
dont look at it as getting the short end of the stick, anytime you come out on the BETTER side of the situation, despite how f*cked up that situation may have been…You Win
its never necessary. from a religious standpt God keeps you at all times or something. if ur marriage is a whole union before him[or her] he will show u the deal. i had feelings my guy wasn't right, and when i went to his house a random groupie drove his car up the st. i didn't have to snoop or anything. i turned around, went to my fav lounge and read a book and sipped wine. i stopped speaking with him, and he knew what was up! to this day he tries to explain etc, but there's no need to listen. u KNOW when ur boo ain' true., period. we are blerssed with intuition and choose to be sherlock ho's. its just not necessary ever to me.
being how i am has made me a bit of a maneater. i'm a magnet for married men as they know that i'm confident enough to not get too attached, but eventually i want to find a soulmate and raise a family.[not to be confused with merging my finances etc with a marriage license]
You're right God will show you and sometimes that showing is via an unattended cell phn or email account
his assistance is not always miraculous “a la walking on water” in nature, sometimes it comes in real down to earth human forms of behavior that we can easily but mistakenly give ourselves the credit for
Do I understand correctly: driving by on a hunch?? If so, that's snooping, in one of its mildest forms, not as invasive or disrespectful as checkin phones and emails of course but still an effort to find something based on that feeling that something ain't right nonetheless
At any rate I applaud the women who don't do it and don't have too but also understand and respect those who do it for the purpose of finding proof and getting closure to get away from that relationship, as with most things there's no real “right or wrong” its all based on your circumstances
Sherlock ho's…LOL!
Xilla, I have a topic to debate. You probably already covered this, but I must have missed it. Anyway, I had a party the other night and one of my favorite non sexual lady friends was there. Her man came later. Me and a couple of my friends were in the kitchen eating when he came in. He walked to us, gave pounds all around, then joined the conversation. I asked him if he had seen the fight and he says “I didn't see it, (Blank) thought I was there, but I was somewhere else. I had to call one of the homies to get the info so that when she asked me later, I would know what happened.”
Now granted, he didn't say that he was out fucking around, but he certainly alluded to it. My question now to you is, what would you do in a situation like this. Keep in mind that she is the one that's my friend and I know him through her. I already know what I am going to do, I just want to know what you and the rest of the community have to say about this. I'm really tempted to tell her because they are about to buy a house together and they have kids, but you know how it could go. What I am going to do though is call him and let him know that he is going to fuck up his relationship, among other things. And that he should be careful who he says these type of things in front of, especially since one of the cats who heard it was trying to holla at (Blank) before he got there.
Anyway, the party was great. a couple of people got in trouble because they was out too late and/or up in some chicks face they wasn't supposed to be in. Good times. Wish you all could have been there.
It's crazy because I've only done it once EVER & that was this weekend LOL I just wanted to have evidence of my suspicion thank sweet baby Jesus I was wrong. On the flip, I've been called cold or uncaring(if thats a word) because I didnt go thru his stuff. As many people have previously, stated if u go looking u will find something & really that shit is not cool especially if you aint payin the bill on dat ho!!
Gotcha, sounds like you got it under control…
Someone is bound the benefit from your experience…gotta love this blog…Sharing is Caring
you don't understand correctly. he was a football player and i'm into getting my fitness on. he asked me to bring this underarmour wear that had been left at my house after we worked out. being a man and stupid he didn't time his ish right, and there ya go! i left the clothes on the porch and wrote a note “we are no longer TnT, as something a tad more explosive just drove past me. please return my fishing pole and donate whatever clothes i left here to charity” i know it sounds madd dramatic, but i'm just a bit more icy than most women. he's in the nfl to this day and will still try to occassionally fall back, explain. leaving things so abruptly f'd him up. had i done the typical crazy woman than he would have been able to let go of me more easily.
i have no respect for the women that reduce themselves to sherlock ho's, as that behavior its tacky and classless, but eh i'm an ass.[thus the pic lol]
lol sharing is caring and i don't wanna not mention that i relate to where u all are, i've been tempted but i practice restraint. my mother, sister, and most of my friends are like u….i see the hurt and energy wasted and its just ming boggling to me…
i think thas my prob mistress. i have TOO MUCH control. u gotta learn to let go and let love…i dunnooooo!
As a woman, I think this kind of news coming from a platonic male friend may be a lot easier to accept than coming from a female friend…
Another idea, provided it's your plan to tell her, is to give him the opportunity to tell her himself and that if he doesn't you certainly will, this however could also backfire in too many ways to name…
tough situation…
I don't want to tell her. She and I have some history. Long, long time ago history, but history none the less. Now I am just really tight with her and her whole family. I'm even cool with him and made it a point to make him feel comfortable when we're all together.
I think he said that in front of me to get a reaction. Maybe he's trying to self destruct. What I have decided to do is talk to him. I left him a voicemail to call me, but he hasn't yet. I'm going to explain to him that I am not going to say anything to her about what you alluded to, but at the same time, you are on notice that I don't ever want to hear anything like that come from you to me and that you need to consider what you are doing and be a man about your shit.
No matter what though you're right. Tough situation.
Yeah, the “history” changes everything…good call!
OK, so I've read enough comments to know i'm not the only thats fallen victim to checking your sig's fone. It wasn't something I did often, but I was bound to find something.
“….but it also shows me how men can sometimes have a disregard/ lack of respect for the woman they “love”. ” that was very true [to me]. I hate when dudes lie. I'd like to think I'm a big enough girl that you just keep it a 100 with me and *I* decide whether I'll stay or not. I DETEST lies. really.
he was one of those 'honest, yea im real' cats and i thought bc he was a friend first and hell, a 'good' person, i wouldnt have to worry about shit like that. but fbook,myspace, the way communication is it makes it so easy to have shit out in the open. so i always saw some bullshit that bothered me. he tried to play that role with me where “he tells all the girls about each other because thats being honest.. : / …soooo I don't worry about his fone no more even tho i get tempted when he leaves his shit around [he used to but since we had become a lil serious he started NOT to, i caught that shit lol]. my main thing is now that i learned my lesson??
YOU ARE OF ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO ME BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU.
it's WRONG PERIOD to play with someones feelings,but it's not the guys fault if you stick around for his dumb shit AFTER you know he's not sincerely invested in what you and him can have together.
but it's better to find out either way cause what if you'd never checked that phone? you'd still look lkike a fool thinking you're in a relationship…and you're right chating is not cool, but either way that shytt will come back to the person sooner or later…