[BlogXilla] Dot Com

I suffered from this syndrome (i've overcame it- pats on the back) and have reoccuring urges to do this. not only do i find out some disgusting bullshit everytime i look at that phone, but it also shows me how men can sometimes have a disregard/ lack of respect for the woman they "love".

i'm not one of those females who wants the perfect guy, i mean let's face it nobodys perfect. i expect you to do stupid shit like flirt/text/look other youngings...your a man for christs sake!! and most of all human. but the simple fact that your stupid enough to leave it on there when you claim to "know how females" are...just shows 1. your stupidity and 2. your lack of respect and care for your mate or your own damn privacy.

i've since stopped even looking in the direction of the phone and have since found a extrodinary piece of mind. if it is visable i'd cover it with a paper or a napkin or something. don't let me get started on the myspace/blackplanet/facebook notes and comments fiasco...the internet is not for children i.e. little ass "grown" boys + girls....let me stop before i be here allday...i love this post by the way, glad u brought it back.

lol I feel you, the internet makes cheating so easy... it also makes getting caught cheating very easy... Yahoo is the worst though it's super easy to crack a yahoo password if you really want to do that... Black Planet... i got horror stories!! For real! lol

lol my ex busted into my BP account and got to sendin all kinds of random stuff. i knew he was nutty so i went in with my boy on all kinds of crazy letters. dude was fumin inside but couldn't say anything because he wasn't supposed to have seen what he saw. everntually i told him i knew he checks my ish refularly and i don't appreciate it especially when he's fucking his boss.[he got fired but kept money and isn't smart enough to hustle] we talked it out and moved on and pretty much didn't go there again.

i've never looked in a phone and won't. usually when i've dated a guy that was trickin off the other woman has called or it becomes so blatant i can't help but move on. do NOT look for trouble because you'd find it. [whether its really there or ur lack of trust conjurs up a rue of foolishness] mmm mm! don't do it!]

Xilla, I have a topic to debate. You probably already covered this, but I must have missed it. Anyway, I had a party the other night and one of my favorite non sexual lady friends was there. Her man came later. Me and a couple of my friends were in the kitchen eating when he came in. He walked to us, gave pounds all around, then joined the conversation. I asked him if he had seen the fight and he says "I didn't see it, (Blank) thought I was there, but I was somewhere else. I had to call one of the homies to get the info so that when she asked me later, I would know what happened."

Now granted, he didn't say that he was out fucking around, but he certainly alluded to it. My question now to you is, what would you do in a situation like this. Keep in mind that she is the one that's my friend and I know him through her. I already know what I am going to do, I just want to know what you and the rest of the community have to say about this. I'm really tempted to tell her because they are about to buy a house together and they have kids, but you know how it could go. What I am going to do though is call him and let him know that he is going to fuck up his relationship, among other things. And that he should be careful who he says these type of things in front of, especially since one of the cats who heard it was trying to holla at (Blank) before he got there.

Anyway, the party was great. a couple of people got in trouble because they was out too late and/or up in some chicks face they wasn't supposed to be in. Good times. Wish you all could have been there.

As a woman, I think this kind of news coming from a platonic male friend may be a lot easier to accept than coming from a female friend...

Another idea, provided it's your plan to tell her, is to give him the opportunity to tell her himself and that if he doesn't you certainly will, this however could also backfire in too many ways to name...

tough situation...

I don't want to tell her. She and I have some history. Long, long time ago history, but history none the less. Now I am just really tight with her and her whole family. I'm even cool with him and made it a point to make him feel comfortable when we're all together.

I think he said that in front of me to get a reaction. Maybe he's trying to self destruct. What I have decided to do is talk to him. I left him a voicemail to call me, but he hasn't yet. I'm going to explain to him that I am not going to say anything to her about what you alluded to, but at the same time, you are on notice that I don't ever want to hear anything like that come from you to me and that you need to consider what you are doing and be a man about your shit.


No matter what though you're right. Tough situation.

Yeah, the "history" changes everything...good call!

I cant even lie. I will read that text message and anyother ones thats in the inbox and outbox. Im nosey as hell. But if he's foolin with another women, and these days a MAN text msg, a way of finding things out. Forreal

Wow you're efficient, lol do you check the trash as well?

Back in the day I must admit I checked the cell phone when he was out of the room, I even looked through his shit when he left the house. I found stuff out that I never imagined and I was mad at myself. I wanted to look and here I was crying my eyes out. Him cheating was wrong, but I found what I was looking for and I wish I hadn't. I no longer search shit because if your doing wrong that shit will one day come out into the light.

WOW that's scary I don't want anyone going through my stuff... I hate that crap... I just realized i'm a bit weird... What if you go through the wrong stuff and go through the dirty clothes? Then what you done molested my dirty draws... ewww.

Like going through some shit and finding track marks on your draws. lol Nasty as hell

I have never been this type of person because when you go looking for something you are bound to find something you don't want to see. I mean if you have a doubt in your mind why are you still with them you have no trust.

If my man goes a look through my phone and he finds something then he better be prepared to find something he doesn't like because that is what he wants anyway.

If you are going to be nosy ask me because you are speaking to the nosiest person in the world I would understand if you wanna look. But don't look in mine if I can't look in yours.

If you leave it for me to look through, I WILL look through it. I'm Nosey by Nature... not necessarily looking for anything, just nosey. I'll look through ANYBODY'S stuff- a dude, my sister, my moms- I'm just like that!

However, it IS how I busted my ex, so it comes in handy. If they're too dumb to leave a trail then OH WELL, not my fault! lol

Now, my stuff? Well, I'm not hiding anything. But to keep my moms or babies in the dark about grown folks business (in case they're nosey, too) I know all about deleting cookies, password protecting my ish, and deleting texts/photos from my phone ASAP.

This ain't my first time at the rodeo... lol

Ugh... I hate typos! I meant to say:

If they're too dumb AND leave a trail then OH WELL, not my fault! lol

I think this is a bad habit and I blame chicks for making men think that this shit is cool.

Dont pick my BB or my cell phone and go through it, unless I ask you to. And I will never do the same to someone else.
Im an adult and I expect to be treated as such.

If Im in a relationship and you feel you need to go through my phone, then you dont trust me. If you dont trust me, then there is no reason for us to be together. For real.

While Im at it.. Chicks if your man is texting another chick and you want to know whats going on. STOP calling the other chick and embarassing yourselves. You look like a crazy mofo. Confront your MAN. That's who you are involved with. Not the chick.

Great blog, Xilla. :)

I feel you. If your man cheats...check your man. You weren't in a relationship with the other woman. Just check your man.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You - this cannot be said enough!!!!

It is a bad habit! !A Terrible one I checked my baby momma phone one day and I aint like shit i saw!! It wasn't even that bad... If you leave your phone around me I'm calling you to come get your shit!

I don't even want you to leave it in my area...

but i feel you on that trust thing its a very important part of all relationships because that what a relationship is trusting someone with what will hurt you... and them not hurting you.

You know something that shit happened to me last night. A friend of mine texted me to see how I was doing, then the next thing I know I got a text back saying "Who is this"? She was like how u know my man? I couldn't help but laugh. I hate that shit. I was like me and ol boy are friends if u have any other questions check your man bitch. She was like I just wanna know whats going on? I was like why you still contacting me?
I hate bitches like that.

Barbie! i hate it too! why are women soooo quick to get mad at the other woman?! I dated a married man once, and his crazass wife dropped his son off at my apt while she shopped! i'm like bitch are u nutty. mind u he worked a job where we couldn't contact him until late that evening. i had no idea he was married or had a kid! i've also had this random trollop tht dated my cousin slash my tires thinking we were messings around. [i let him use my truck for dates and she errantly assumed i was his boo] needless to say i had to beat my tire money out her ass like i was in jr. high!

there are some women that knowingly condone cheating, some don't. don't assume all women are this inconsiderate. as soon as i catch wind of a man having a sigother, i bounce. period. women make themselves look amazingly stupid when they fbi the other woman. she has no ties to u[even if she does know] so CHECK YA MAN and keep ya own house clean! period! ARG! i need a shut yo mouf potion just thinkin bout that!

I am a FIRM believer of what's done in the dark will one day come to the light. Yes, I have been the one checking text messages, ordering phone bills, snooping thru the wallet, etc, etc. But I was younger-a LOT younger. I am now secure enough in who I am that I refuse to lower myself to this level. When the time is appropriate I may see some of my hubby's text messages. However, I WILL NOT look thru them to get in his business. This is smothering to me. I have to trust that he is doing right. If he isn't...I'll find out. SIMPLE AS THIS. I don't think being in a relationship gives the other partner a RIGHT to invade privacy. After all, this relationship is between 2 individuals w/individual sh**. This hits home w/me b/c of my current situation. Fix yourself. Worry about you and everything will be perfect even if it doesn't seem like it will. When it all boils down the only person you have full 100% CONTROL over is......YOU! Take care of that person. I agree Xilla, no one should cheat and no one deserves to be cheated. Also, no one deserves to have their partner go Inspector Gadget and F>B>I all their shit. Every relationship needs trust to survive. If you are a jealous insecure person all the snooping in the world won't satisfy you or make you content. Step back and work on yourself. Like you said...you find what you go looking for. STOP LOOKING!

the whole point of looking IS to find something (no?) wht do u think ur gonna find in a mans cell phone...love notes to you (his girl)...nah lol. Ur gonna find txts to his boys, etc if he's not doing his thing on the side.

If I'm going to look then it's for a reason.
1) either I feel ur up to no good or I feel tht ur trying to hide something

I've looked b4 in the past but it was for the above reason. Would I look now, probably not. Wht's the point, who gives a sh*t...lol. Do wht u do daddy b/c u only live once! And we're not married ;)

Ness, you're hilarious!! lol You know that right... lol

"Do what u do daddy b/c u only live once! And we're not married"

Say it Ness, Preach*swaying side to side in the church pew*

The Book Of Ness might get you in trouble... you better be careful!!!! nah Ness is a good guiide for a person who knows what she's doing.

Really lol
Thanks for you recommendation.

LOL Trouble?

I haven't got into any trouble from following my "book of Ness" lol.

i feeling this entry... and i'ma need to cop that book lol
yo thats my phone last time i check i go into my tmobile.com account and pay that joint, don't be checking! and if you go and find pictures of my meat, point blank i'ma freak... and you should know cause thats how i got you GRRRrrRRR but you get my drift.

I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!

Hahahaha! lol...

Wht's the point in getting mad & upset...have ur fun b/c whtever u do, I can do better! lol

was this directed to me? Is that a challenge? HAHAHA We can get a battle like Sandman and Bill Cosby you don't want it! lol

Nah tht wasn't directed twds u Xilla lol.

I was saying in general about any man tht I decide to date lol.

you sure that wasnt directed to xilla? i think with what you right and what he rights yall should have sex and see who cums out on top

u betta SAY DAT Ness! hi5boo! until u get me rocked up i'm enjoyin this once around on the planet. i'm having fun and not stressin! if u feel they're hiding something, ask them about it and/or dead it. snooping is WHACK!

Exactly lol!

Half the ppl who go snooping don't do ish when they find dirt...so whts the point in busting out a guys windows if ur gonna stay w/ him. Ur gonna look like to fool rolling around in a car w/o any windows lol

WORD! the couple across the street are so serious about their fights. i mean have shot out windows and tire[shocked the hell outta me, guess people don't use clubs like in the old days] and they call the police on each other back and forth. she's bout 5-7 mo preg by dude from what i hear[i'm just TELLIN THEY BIDNIS lol] what's the friggin pt!?

99% of the snoopy mc nosins never do ish, or they throw a royal fit only to be romparoomin in the bed an hr lata., CRAZY! i ain' never and will never be that chick. i'd rather besomewhere high plotton on the next d-i....WOOOORD! lol

I've never been one to wait for my man to leave and check his phone. If i decide to go through it I do it in his face, which is always better because if he has something to hide he'd fight to keep you out. . . . .

But then when you look or trouble you find it. . .so when trouble is not bothering me I don't go looking for it.

Well he could be fighting just to maintain the trust level of your relationship, could he not? I mean he's probably hiding something but like Sher said if you can't trust a person you don't need to be with that person.

Its never a trust thing because if I can't trust you I don't need you (lol. . .as you said). . the only reason I might flip open his phone is because for some reason he felt the need to go through mine. . . otherwise. . .whats done in the dark will come out, so I dont go searching . ..I agree with Ness do you

Man I been there but I usually find that it's not worth because men are more likely to be sloppy with their ish and I'll eventually find out (like I did this week) damn damn damn! lol Great post!

wow that you find out this week? Does the BlogXilla crew need to come through and hurt someone?

lol hell yea whoop dat ass!!!!

i second xilla. i been known to scrape the best ones! i been trained in the hood like rockysha or something! ****ehugs*** * don't trip K5, it'll be aight cuz it has to be.... ur just readying urself for that mjb real love, yaDIIIIIG!

I've been there before, when I was in an awful relationship, caught my man doing wrong before and was just ITCHING to find some evidence to prove he never stopped with his tricks. It's not a happy place to be in. Since that nightmare ended, I've calmed down significantly. I'm still a little nosy, but not like that, but because I want to get to know my dude better, cuz guys know they don't share details and us girls love details... I don't bother with the snooping because I've realized there are so many other signs that he's doing wrong, and if you're at the point where you feel the need to check, you pretty much already know your answer and know what you're gonna find. Looking in his phone or trying to hack into his email account won't make him NOT cheat, so why even put yourself through it. I don't care who you're texting, who's calling, etc. as long as I know you're doing right by me. I know if anyone got in my phone they might not be too happy with what they see, so I can't judge!
Plus, there's something to be said for having a little bit of privacy, or at least feeling that sense of privacy. Even in a long-term committed relationship you need to hold onto something that feels like it's yours, and not "ours", even though in reality you're on each other's phones like its nothing... let him feel like he you that permission.

Well said.

well said! i loved the part about holding on to something that's yours.... i agree that its soo necessary to have you own something. whether its ur phonem golfin with the fellas, getting ur nails did on sat, SOMETHING needs to be just for you without ur mates input/tampering. GO HEAD Suga!

all i can say is FELLAS... delete the deleted messages.

insecurity can ruin a good union.

"insecurity can ruin a good union." Some of the truest words ever!

you feel me anujs? i get a high off being honest. sometimes it gets me in trouble but most respect it....

Man Xilla what are you talking about my ex and I were trying to work it out about 8mths ago and I would notice that every time he left the room even if he was butt naked he would make sure he had his phone with him... but I wasn't trying to get to his phone or anything I'm very secure in myself and plus I was there to just work out my needs not get into another crazy relationship with his ass. So check this out after a night of pleasure I get up in the morning to go down stairs to fix breakfast(left my phone in my purse upstairs with nosy) So I come back up the stairs to ask him if he wanted toast or something and guess who I find digging in my purse looking in my phone...All I could do was laugh and ask him did he find what he was looking for. He responded "yeah just what I thought you would be doing"....now I don't have picture messages or texts plan on my phone so I'm guessing he went through my contacts but what can contacts tell you...NOTHING! Anyway he got mad at me like he caught me going through his stuff and told me he thought I should leave, WOW. I'm so glad I'm over his crazy ass the wood ain't that good to have to deal with the B.S.

That's because most people doing dirt will tell on their self that's why you don't really need to go through anyones phone... you know we've known each other for a few years now and never met, or bumped into each other... im outta here for a hot minute though. Hold Atlanta down for me Crush!!

I have no problem with looking in my man's phone...do it all the time! and i'm not one of those people to do it while he's out of the room or away either. I do it right there in front of his face. my thing is, if you have NOTHING to hide, then you shouldn't have a problem with me looking. and its not as though i'm looking in anything in particular, just skimming thru. (my bf has an iPhone and i like to play with it sometimes)

and one day while skimming, i saw a text message chain that was severly questionable. so i asked about it. once again, if you have nothing to hide , this wouldn't be an issue. his response was "why are you going thru my phone?" DEFENSE MODE!! of course he says its nothing and its not what i think it is...blah, blah, blah. I had already made it clear that i don't do cheating or cheaters. that's the one thing that i WILL NOT forgive, and is a guaranteed way to get a pink slip. and it works both ways...i have nothing to hide, so my phone is open all day, everyday.

But if you're afraid of what you might see, definately don't go looking.

iight CF i hear you. do you belive that your urge to look is a form of insecurity?

so say you and you man sitting home tonight and his phone ring/text and he ignors it? what are you going say/do?

you know what...women do mind us looking b/c ya'll 'premeditate" your deeds. not saying that you do...

EXACTLY!!! what is the real reason behind you going thru my phone? INSECURITY.. thats how i see it and there is no other excuse.

in response to DC_REALEST:

no, i'm not an insecure person at all. and to answer you example questions, I wouldn't say or do anything. if he ignore's it, that's on him. he ignore's his phone all the time, even while we're together , so it wouldn't be anything new.

and i can't speak for most women, but i truely don't mind you looking. becuase if you're "looking" for something in particular, i hope you find what you're looking for and if not, then maybe you shouldn't be "looking" yeah, women do premediitate things ( yeah i do it too), but that definately isn't of them...

Oh...

Going thru a guys phone doesn't always lead to bad things. I found a txt mst once tht said he was gonna get a limo for me for my bday.

A limo wow, I never been in a limo before where did he take you?

He was actually working w/my girlfriends to set up a wonderful evening. The limo took us diner and then to a club.

did you tell him you looked? did you act surprised?

She probably ain't say anything she just acted SHOCKEd when she saw it probably! lol

Hush up...DC asked me NOT u lol....lmao.
But I wish I wud've told him b/c I cud've got something else too.

He found out I went thru is phone, and asked if I 'saw' anything and I said no...lol.

So when I went outside, and I had 2 b surprised! :) lol.

Back in the day my girls used to call me the "code cracker" !! LOL! there wasnt a cell phone in the Lou that i couldnt figure out the passcode to (typically because men are simple with codes: b-days, addresses, things like that) but its true that what you look for you shall find!! voicemails from broads saying "i love you, boo", " i miss you" "when will i see you again" IMAGINE THE STEAM COMING OUT OF MY EARS!!! Men Ive dated dont typically text (if they did they were smart enough to delete asap) so that was never really a problem. Now that Im older, I CANT do it; not that I dont want to, but because I got too much dirt in my own phone!!! LOL! Nope! Golden Rule #38: Leave mine alone and I will do the same.

Leave mine alone and I will do the same. Say it girl!!!!! Say it!!!!!

AHHH YES THE DREADFUL PHONE! personally i think phones are off limits, and there are rules to usage. If i'm with my shorties i won't answers text... and in general yo thats my phone last time i check i go into my tmobile.com account and pay that joint, don't be checking! and if you go and find pictures of my meat, point blank i'ma freak... and you should know cause thats how i got you GRRRrrRRR but you get my drift.

I DON'T CHECK ANY GIRLS PHONE CAUSE I DON'T PAY HER BILL, I DON'T WANNA PAY HER BILL, AND THAT'S ALL HER BUSINESS. LET HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. BUT ITS DIFFERENT IF I'M WITH YOU AND YOU TEXTING, THEN WE HAVING BEEF.
Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!

"Don't look at the other teams play book, cause at the end of the day this is a contact sport, they always have something up their sleeve. ART MADDEN Reporting from Blogxilla! BOOM!"

LOL!! @ the sportscaster swag ! LOL!!

Can I get some of that mobile to mobile action? I wanna see some meat!!!!

lol

I liked this post the first time and I like it again this time around too.

I don't do it. I don't believe in it. I don't want them checkin my shit cuz don't wanna check their's.

This is all me ova here.

That's all them ova there.

I'm a grown ass woman dog!!

hee hee

I'm not down with checking phones..I find it to be an invasion of privacy. If the significant other is messing around it will come out one way or another I don't have the patience or sanity to be inspector gadget

This happend to me tooooooo many times in the past.. now i got a lock on my phone and REFUSE to give it to ANYONE!! I mean even if i had the cure for cancer on my phone and i was on my death bed: F*ck you, have a nice day!

even tho I have nothing to hide (now).. Nothing urks me more than a nosey @$$ female. so if she wants to see my phone, she has to ask me and for the most part i will say yeah. However she does have to let me know what she needs to see it for. ..and praise the lord for iphones, cause i have the ability to lock certain programs and leave some open. So if she tries to sneak peek at my texts or my recent calls: DENIED. silly you.

Me and my girls are definitely snoops. We've done it all, gone through phones, emails, checked voicemails, gone through garbages. I even checked license plates to check for suspicious tickets. And everytime we did it we found something. But each and everyone of us stayed in the relationship. I don't do it now. Lawd knows I have the urges. I only stopped because of the simple fact that I stayed in the relationship and it turned me into a paranoid woman. I always wondered who he was with, where he was, who was he really talking to on the phone? What is the sense of putting yourself through all that when you are going to stay anyway. Men are known to be stupid when it comes to cheating so you will find out one way or the other. My thing is all things come to light.

"checked license plates to check for suspicious tickets"?????????????????????

Jesus christ!!!

....personally i wouldnt be able to handle that relationship.

dumpster diving?! fa real!?!? ;O why!? i was amazed when an exes wife found out where i lived and left his kid with me, but i mean this is seriously a sport eh? like y'all get high offa ruinin lives and bein nosy?! maybe i be to high or horny to care...this is WAY MAJA i see... nothing good comes from invading privacy. NOTHING....u have to allow ur mate to have some space....

love u enough to be secure in the relationship/leave. all of this behavior SCREAMS Isquared. Immaturity and Insecurity. both are solvable issues, get neked look at ur vagina with a mirror, realize its a grownup now, and pray for the strength to control it and the things it makes ya do! dang....

THIS used to be my shyt! I was the QUEEN of snooping....and not just snooping and finding out THAT he was cheating but who with and all her info too, so when your ass is with her tryin to dodge me, I just may end up sittin in your car waitin for you while you're parked outside of her house :-)...

ohhh it was sooooo emotionally destructive at first but after awhile I got so GD good at it that it became like a sport, when I found shyt I wouldn't even get mad, I would just reveal my discovery, then gloat and laugh while my bf would be lookin like how in the hell did she do that?

Oh you can't imagine some of the ways I found shyt out....cracking cell phone and vcml codes is fun but have you ever known the satisfaction of findin that other b*tch in the phone book with just her first name and a street name OR just with the telephone number??? Now that's a rush!!!!

Ahhh good times those were, but I gave all that up, there's no point, especially if you ain't ending the relationship because of it...you go thru all the "Ahhh Ha! Gotcha!!!" just to turn around and stay so he can do it some more...

It's a hard habit to break though, espcially if you're "investigative" by nature like I am, most of the time it is fueled by distrust and insecurity and some people are just naturally "curious" or simply want the satisfaction of letting that other person know they ain't stupid and you can't get over on me...but again, if you ain't leavin it's all for nothing....

thanks for reposting this Xilla, I was "Blogxilloblivious" until a few months ago so I really enjoy the "from the vault" posts

i am stunned! i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy! i'm glad u gave it up....

what kills me[kinda shocked that we haven't touchedo n this] is how some men feed on the women that do this....i'm more masculine i guess in that i've become emotionless and don't trip as much as many of u/my girls do... that being said... why the FUGG are men so quick to stay with the crazy girls. its like they feel honored that she cares enoug hto do all that. all the while someone like me get, "i mean have a reaction. u jis seem like u don't care. a nigga might wanna argue sometimes" i honestly refuse to do relationship drama as there's a whiteboy that won't put me thru the flux waiting in the wings.
when the wives contacted me or the super sleuths like y'all, i cut off all communication. never waited for a reason etc as there's not a logical one to explain the lies etc.... men SWEAR they want drama free, super sexin, cookin women, but when they have that, they make trouble where there isn't any...i don't get it!?!!!

ROFLMAO @ i mean whoa there cap'n' crazy!.... You are too effin funny!!!!

I hear you, but let me clarify, I have never approached another chick, I've always believed that was a the dumbest shyt any woman can do...sitting outside of her house was for the purpose of confrontin him, not her (fully understanding that that is only SLIGHTLY "less crazy") LOL

at the time I was doin this I was very young (late teens/early twenties) and the first couple of times it was out of sheer desperation and then when I figured out the "talent" that I had for snooping/skip tracing thats when it became fun like a sport, a talent which I've been able to turn into a nice little career btw :-)

I'm a people watcher, I love to observe behavior and I've found that people in general thrive on drama, that is why men stay with the crazy girls that "bust the windows out their car" and the crazy girls stay with the men that KEEP cheatin on them...I think once you step into early adulthood and are figuring out friendships and relationships drama is almost a given but instead of separating the good from the bad, people get used to the bad, accept it and think it's normal

It almost seems like people don't feel like they are worth anything unless something dramatic and crazy is happening in their lives...they can have that shyt, I'll take peace, calm and pure fun any day...

and being emotionless is not masculine, thats just survival, I am very emotional but only the people who deserve my emotion get it ... when I tell you I have learned to detach and retreat at a moments notice... shyyyyyt - so fast a n*gga will almost forget he ever even knew me

If you do it, be prepared for what you might find. Be prepared to have a fight about what you saw, and why you were checking in the first place. I say leave it alone. If they are cheating there should be other signs anyway. And if I did check someones phone, I wouldn't even try to hide it - I'd do it right in front of them to see how they react. If they start trying to grab the phone back before I can look, I know we have a problem.

You Know What Imma Tell You Rite Now I Just Went Thru Sum Ish Like This Like Two Dyas Ago.
My Dude We Only Been Together For Like 4 Months Decides He Wanted To Go Thru My Phone While I Was In The Restroom.
I Come Back And He All Up In My Phone On My Aim Goin Thru My Txt's Msg's And Picture Mail.
I Felt Very Disrepected And I Told Him.
He Was All Mad Ova Sum Old Dick Flicks.
I've Neva Wanted To Go Thru My Man's Phone. I Feel I'm Grown I'll Ask If I Wanna Know And If You Lie To Me It'll Reveal Itself.

lol glad u didn't take offense. i don't mean no harm and am quite silly[thus the cap'n'crazy comment ;D]

you inevitably confront her if ur sitting outside of HER home. i think snooping thru ur mans stuff is the dumbest shit a woman can do. then rationalizing stalkerish behavior is the icing on the cake! i feel what u said re:drama. i jst hate that i'm always getting the short end of that stick.
being emotionless is a survival tactic, but i don't think its healthier. a balance of ocd of the nosyness and being withdrawn in fear of getting ur heart broken is healthier...

no, not at all, that shit was funny as hell, not to mention 100% true of me at the time I was doin it...I can admit it and laugh at it now cause I learned to control my crazy and not let it control me :-)

I still believe there are situations where it is appropriate or necessary is actually a better word: some religions (I hate religion) won't allow a divorce/annulment unless there is PROOF of adultery so if it is your intention to find it and end it then it's a must but just being nosey and insecure knowing you're gonna stay despite what you may find is stupid, you really only damage yourself emotionally

dont look at it as getting the short end of the stick, anytime you come out on the BETTER side of the situation, despite how f*cked up that situation may have been...You Win

its never necessary. from a religious standpt God keeps you at all times or something. if ur marriage is a whole union before him[or her] he will show u the deal. i had feelings my guy wasn't right, and when i went to his house a random groupie drove his car up the st. i didn't have to snoop or anything. i turned around, went to my fav lounge and read a book and sipped wine. i stopped speaking with him, and he knew what was up! to this day he tries to explain etc, but there's no need to listen. u KNOW when ur boo ain' true., period. we are blerssed with intuition and choose to be sherlock ho's. its just not necessary ever to me.

being how i am has made me a bit of a maneater. i'm a magnet for married men as they know that i'm confident enough to not get too attached, but eventually i want to find a soulmate and raise a family.[not to be confused with merging my finances etc with a marriage license]

You're right God will show you and sometimes that showing is via an unattended cell phn or email account :-) his assistance is not always miraculous "a la walking on water" in nature, sometimes it comes in real down to earth human forms of behavior that we can easily but mistakenly give ourselves the credit for

Do I understand correctly: driving by on a hunch?? If so, that's snooping, in one of its mildest forms, not as invasive or disrespectful as checkin phones and emails of course but still an effort to find something based on that feeling that something ain't right nonetheless

At any rate I applaud the women who don't do it and don't have too but also understand and respect those who do it for the purpose of finding proof and getting closure to get away from that relationship, as with most things there's no real "right or wrong" its all based on your circumstances

Sherlock ho's...LOL!

you don't understand correctly. he was a football player and i'm into getting my fitness on. he asked me to bring this underarmour wear that had been left at my house after we worked out. being a man and stupid he didn't time his ish right, and there ya go! i left the clothes on the porch and wrote a note "we are no longer TnT, as something a tad more explosive just drove past me. please return my fishing pole and donate whatever clothes i left here to charity" i know it sounds madd dramatic, but i'm just a bit more icy than most women. he's in the nfl to this day and will still try to occassionally fall back, explain. leaving things so abruptly f'd him up. had i done the typical crazy woman than he would have been able to let go of me more easily.

i have no respect for the women that reduce themselves to sherlock ho's, as that behavior its tacky and classless, but eh i'm an ass.[thus the pic lol]

Gotcha, sounds like you got it under control...

Someone is bound the benefit from your experience...gotta love this blog...Sharing is Caring :-D

lol sharing is caring and i don't wanna not mention that i relate to where u all are, i've been tempted but i practice restraint. my mother, sister, and most of my friends are like u....i see the hurt and energy wasted and its just ming boggling to me...
i think thas my prob mistress. i have TOO MUCH control. u gotta learn to let go and let love...i dunnooooo!

I'm pretty sure tht wasn'nt directed twds him....lol..

Tht's exactly wht I tell a guy. Guys have a tendency 2 think tht a female isn't going to do her (if he's doing him).

i used to be nosy too; go over emails and phones, and I've always found some ish. Now the thing is if you got to the point that you want to crack his email or cell, that alone means that he is already doing wrong, our intuition rarely lies. The dude who loves you and have nothing to hide will hand you over his phone and let you use it for example if your battery is dead and you need to call someone, or he can even let you answer his phone if he is not around, and he will ASK you to check his email if he has no access to it and he really needs some info. So once dude start being all overdefensive on privacy and stuff, that rings bells. All this digging shit is really stressful and disrespectful, and i realized it only when it was done to me. My man was going through my stuff on the regular and i didn't know about it. So when he found some shit in my emails and made a scene, it was such a big turn off too me that i decided to end 3 year long relationship right there, now when i know how the other side feels about it, i would never put anyone in same situation. I mean, if you feel like he or she is doing crap, chances are pretty high that you are right and probably it's better to confront the wrong side or just bounce out.

You're right. If you look for something just know you're gonna find something. So, don't look1

It's crazy because I've only done it once EVER & that was this weekend LOL I just wanted to have evidence of my suspicion thank sweet baby Jesus I was wrong. On the flip, I've been called cold or uncaring(if thats a word) because I didnt go thru his stuff. As many people have previously, stated if u go looking u will find something & really that shit is not cool especially if you aint payin the bill on dat ho!!

OK, so I've read enough comments to know i'm not the only thats fallen victim to checking your sig's fone. It wasn't something I did often, but I was bound to find something.
"....but it also shows me how men can sometimes have a disregard/ lack of respect for the woman they "love". " that was very true [to me]. I hate when dudes lie. I'd like to think I'm a big enough girl that you just keep it a 100 with me and *I* decide whether I'll stay or not. I DETEST lies. really.

he was one of those 'honest, yea im real' cats and i thought bc he was a friend first and hell, a 'good' person, i wouldnt have to worry about shit like that. but fbook,myspace, the way communication is it makes it so easy to have shit out in the open. so i always saw some bullshit that bothered me. he tried to play that role with me where "he tells all the girls about each other because thats being honest.. : / ...soooo I don't worry about his fone no more even tho i get tempted when he leaves his shit around [he used to but since we had become a lil serious he started NOT to, i caught that shit lol]. my main thing is now that i learned my lesson??

YOU ARE OF ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO ME BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU.

it's WRONG PERIOD to play with someones feelings,but it's not the guys fault if you stick around for his dumb shit AFTER you know he's not sincerely invested in what you and him can have together.

but it's better to find out either way cause what if you'd never checked that phone? you'd still look lkike a fool thinking you're in a relationship...and you're right chating is not cool, but either way that shytt will come back to the person sooner or later...