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Put A Ring On Her
Posted in Relationships on 02. Dec, 2008
One of my readers asked me my thoughts on grown women saving themselves for marriage. In her email she told me that her reasoning to wait was a personal choice that she decided to make a few years back, but is now having a hard to finding a man that is appreciative of her decision. So, I decided to help her out with my thoughts on this topic.
Waiting is a very hard thing to do, since all of us are now use to living in what I like to call the microwave generation. Who wants to wait? We don’t wait for food, fast food helps us there, we don’t wait to albums, we download them one week before they are released, and we don’t wait to cash our checks, direct deposit does it for us. We are in the right now age of time. So why is sex any different.
Back to the topic, I really respect this female’s decision to wait for the right one. She told me that she plans on being her husbands personal freak, but I can’t think of any man who want to settle with a novice in the field of being a freak. Being a sexual intellectual requires, a lot of experimenting with a long term partner or numerous partners. It takes learning your body, and trying things to see if you like it, and once you realize you like something you have to keep doing it in order to get it right. Most females will tell you that their first time sucks, and when it comes to marriage is for the rest of your life, starting it off with sex that sucks might not be sure a good idea. Especially when Tasha from down the block can do all the things you’re learning a million times better than you. Besides what if he puts the ring on your finger expecting to get a freak in the future and instead gets a dud? Worst yet, what if he can’t satisfy her sexual desire, then what?
Chances are if she does land a guy who is willing to wait he won’t be into much sexual intellectualism. I get emails from women who tell me their man doesn’t like all the sexual stuff written on here, when she loves doing porn star moves in the bedroom. Let’s face it, most men can’t compete with the sex drive of a woman, and mostly leaves the woman wanting more.
This lady whom I only know as Sunshine08 is taking a major risk, which will have a wonderful reward at the end if she’s successful, but the reality of the situation is that if waiting was the business we would all still be waiting. I believe the world has changed and sexual behavior was passed down from generation to generation and we should learn from the mistakes of our ancestors. Many people are stuck in bad, unhealthy relationships and marriages because of their family values. I say why be miserable? Don’t get me wrong I look forward to being married one day, but I would never “buy a car without test driving it first.” Sure I’ll wait until the time is right, until my boo and I have genuine feelings for one another because that’s what I want, but locking in on a long term contract based off a sales pitch or a dream? It’s not for me.
Mimi Yeah do have a email or a blog I Agree with you totally 100% and i'm virgin I respect that I actually come on here Blogxilla and get some sex tips.
Mimi Yeah do have a email or a blog I Agree with you totally 100% and i'm virgin I respect that I actually come on here Blogxilla and get some sex tips.
Personally, I feel its her choice. I myself who is 24 yrs old is still waiting although me and my boyfriend have explored other things to keep our relationship some what sexual but, I am very curious as to what will happen after I do have sex with him. Due to the fact that I've not had any sexual experience I'm feel like I'll suck at it so that's why I hold back from it. its kinda hard to explain but, hopefully I'm making some kinda sense… He has been a great partner and meaning he doesn't pressure me but, I feel like I'm gonna have to have sex with him before he put a ring on it. that's just the truth like Xilla said who buys a car without test driving it? i do feel like I'm ready for a more sexually relationship, cuz oral sex can only go so far. lol
Personally, I feel its her choice. I myself who is 24 yrs old is still waiting although me and my boyfriend have explored other things to keep our relationship some what sexual but, I am very curious as to what will happen after I do have sex with him. Due to the fact that I've not had any sexual experience I'm feel like I'll suck at it so that's why I hold back from it. its kinda hard to explain but, hopefully I'm making some kinda sense… He has been a great partner and meaning he doesn't pressure me but, I feel like I'm gonna have to have sex with him before he put a ring on it. that's just the truth like Xilla said who buys a car without test driving it? i do feel like I'm ready for a more sexually relationship, cuz oral sex can only go so far. lol
Wow, 100+ comments later and this is still just as interesting as the 1st one up….
Times are a changing – and nothing wrong with it I'm just curious as to the thought process behind saving your virginity but engaging in oral or anal sex
My mind set has always been the exact reverse, if you were going to “give” some and “save” some, oral and/or anal would go into the save category…..idk ???
Not that just anybody can get the p*ssy, but in order of importance or “specialness” if you will:
men (cause there have been a few) that make it to the “do-able” list get the “P”
someone a lot more special will get f*cked & sucked
as for anal that ain't even on the menu, I've yet to meet the man who would make me change my mind about that
for those guys that would appreciate a woman who saved her virginity, does it matter that she would admit “yes I saved IT for you but I have sucked a few and taken it in the ass” ???
no judgments, just curious…
Wow, 100+ comments later and this is still just as interesting as the 1st one up….
Times are a changing – and nothing wrong with it I'm just curious as to the thought process behind saving your virginity but engaging in oral or anal sex
My mind set has always been the exact reverse, if you were going to “give” some and “save” some, oral and/or anal would go into the save category…..idk ???
Not that just anybody can get the p*ssy, but in order of importance or “specialness” if you will:
men (cause there have been a few) that make it to the “do-able” list get the “P”
someone a lot more special will get f*cked & sucked
as for anal that ain't even on the menu, I've yet to meet the man who would make me change my mind about that
for those guys that would appreciate a woman who saved her virginity, does it matter that she would admit “yes I saved IT for you but I have sucked a few and taken it in the ass” ???
no judgments, just curious…
I'm over it and have moved on. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. This is a blog that has visitors with various views.
Enjoy!
I'm over it and have moved on. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. This is a blog that has visitors with various views.
Enjoy!
I ain't starting nuttin wit you sista, and what is it that I can get? By the way, your comments were very on point.
I ain't starting nuttin wit you sista, and what is it that I can get? By the way, your comments were very on point.
I've been reading the comments and I haven't seen the male perspective in the same situation. I admit I too am planning to wait till marriage to have sex. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still human and I have been tempted several times. But I can gladly say for 26 I have been celibate for the last 3 years. Now I think that sex isn't important cause its a physical effect, its not something you necessary need and if its good, its based on feelings. You can receive most of the the sensations from sex from various activities and to my knowledge (and to my previous partner's knowledge) its way more amazing. Sexuality does not have to be based on the act of sex, its about knowing your partner well enough to find out what makes them tick. Unfortunately, for the male, it seems like he has no choice for being celibate or even a virgin for that matter. We have lost touch of the other two ways to connect with each other; through mind and spirit. I don't put anyone at fault and hope no one takes it to offense. I don't think there really is a difference in which is better nor worse. I think that at the end of the day if there is mutual love between the two (or how ever many you please) its fine.
I've been reading the comments and I haven't seen the male perspective in the same situation. I admit I too am planning to wait till marriage to have sex. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still human and I have been tempted several times. But I can gladly say for 26 I have been celibate for the last 3 years. Now I think that sex isn't important cause its a physical effect, its not something you necessary need and if its good, its based on feelings. You can receive most of the the sensations from sex from various activities and to my knowledge (and to my previous partner's knowledge) its way more amazing. Sexuality does not have to be based on the act of sex, its about knowing your partner well enough to find out what makes them tick. Unfortunately, for the male, it seems like he has no choice for being celibate or even a virgin for that matter. We have lost touch of the other two ways to connect with each other; through mind and spirit. I don't put anyone at fault and hope no one takes it to offense. I don't think there really is a difference in which is better nor worse. I think that at the end of the day if there is mutual love between the two (or how ever many you please) its fine.
Aww c'mon, you know,”It”… j/k
, you're no stranger to the “on point” comment yourself
Aww c'mon, you know,”It”… j/k
, you're no stranger to the “on point” comment yourself
Yeah I know what “It” is. I just wanted to hear you say it. lol I like dirty talk. If you're in the Chicago area, I'm having a party tonight. It's gone be live.
Yeah I know what “It” is. I just wanted to hear you say it. lol I like dirty talk. If you're in the Chicago area, I'm having a party tonight. It's gone be live.
See! there you go again, startin wit me, you know you can get it….
gon' f*ck aroun' in this bad economy and make me sell somethin tryna get a last minute airline ticket to Chi…LOL!!!!
Have fun, just save me some
See! there you go again, startin wit me, you know you can get it….
gon' f*ck aroun' in this bad economy and make me sell somethin tryna get a last minute airline ticket to Chi…LOL!!!!
Have fun, just save me some
i most definitely agree
it's good to have a male perspective on waiting til marriage..thanks for you post
i most definitely agree
it's good to have a male perspective on waiting til marriage..thanks for you post
I know Im extra late and whatnot but I had to share my view as well.
The problem with todays generation is that we are extrememly impatient. Its always right here right now or else. Whatever happened to standards? Whatever happened to raising the bar? Why cant we as people have more respect for ourselves and our bodies? Because we're greedy. We only think about the “now” rather than the future. And thats sad. Im still pure at age 22 and proud of it. After almost losing it in the 6th grade I promised myself and God that I would wait and Im glad to say that Im still going strong. My reasons for waiting are due to my beliefs and the promise I made 6 years ago. Also because my mother raised me to love and respect my body. I was raised to have high standards. Because of this, the man that i will eventually wed and bed will have respect for me and high standards as well.
I also wanted to say that Im not “looking” for a virgin hubby because I know theres not that many still around. But I will say that whomever he is will be equally yoked with me. As far as times changing, its true. But just because the times are different it doesnt mean that we should respect ourselves any less. Laying down with random ppl is not whats up.
Stop making excuses and find solutions ppl!!!!!
I know Im extra late and whatnot but I had to share my view as well.
The problem with todays generation is that we are extrememly impatient. Its always right here right now or else. Whatever happened to standards? Whatever happened to raising the bar? Why cant we as people have more respect for ourselves and our bodies? Because we're greedy. We only think about the “now” rather than the future. And thats sad. Im still pure at age 22 and proud of it. After almost losing it in the 6th grade I promised myself and God that I would wait and Im glad to say that Im still going strong. My reasons for waiting are due to my beliefs and the promise I made 6 years ago. Also because my mother raised me to love and respect my body. I was raised to have high standards. Because of this, the man that i will eventually wed and bed will have respect for me and high standards as well.
I also wanted to say that Im not “looking” for a virgin hubby because I know theres not that many still around. But I will say that whomever he is will be equally yoked with me. As far as times changing, its true. But just because the times are different it doesnt mean that we should respect ourselves any less. Laying down with random ppl is not whats up.
Stop making excuses and find solutions ppl!!!!!
I wouldnt say ppl are using God as a cop-out. Our beliefs are OURS. If we want to follow our beliefs then its our decision to make. Just like its your decision to sleep with womever you choose. Ppl tend to forget that God gives us free will. Free will to make whatever choice we want to make. No one is dogging you out for your choice so please dont disrespect us for having our own opinions.
Last time I checked, Sex didnt make the world go round. It just happens to pay some of the bills. Sadly.
I wouldnt say ppl are using God as a cop-out. Our beliefs are OURS. If we want to follow our beliefs then its our decision to make. Just like its your decision to sleep with womever you choose. Ppl tend to forget that God gives us free will. Free will to make whatever choice we want to make. No one is dogging you out for your choice so please dont disrespect us for having our own opinions.
Last time I checked, Sex didnt make the world go round. It just happens to pay some of the bills. Sadly.
Sorry I missed it! I'm in NY
Sorry I missed it! I'm in NY
YEEEEESSSSS!!!! That shyt is HAWT!!!!!
YEEEEESSSSS!!!! That shyt is HAWT!!!!!
The party was great. Where are you at? Are you also in the Atl? I saved some just for you ;}
The party was great. Where are you at? Are you also in the Atl? I saved some just for you ;}
so you like the ny BlogXilla in NY header?
so you like the ny BlogXilla in NY header?
I can see where Mimi is coming from but as with many, I have a problem with religion. It is man made. The real issue should be spirituality and your relationship with God. That has nothing to do with religion. If through your actions, you think God will approve – then do you. But if you're honest with yourself and you can sense that having sex just to quench your physical needs is wrong, then maybe its a choice you need to reevaluate. Our bodies are sacred, our souls are sacred. We need to treat them as such. Kudos to this young lady who is abstaining. And to the men who can't understand, they are probably losing out on great person.
I can see where Mimi is coming from but as with many, I have a problem with religion. It is man made. The real issue should be spirituality and your relationship with God. That has nothing to do with religion. If through your actions, you think God will approve – then do you. But if you're honest with yourself and you can sense that having sex just to quench your physical needs is wrong, then maybe its a choice you need to reevaluate. Our bodies are sacred, our souls are sacred. We need to treat them as such. Kudos to this young lady who is abstaining. And to the men who can't understand, they are probably losing out on great person.
I liked how you worded that story, it was very clear and concise.B/c some blogger are all over the place and go in circles and never get to the point.
I liked how you worded that story, it was very clear and concise.B/c some blogger are all over the place and go in circles and never get to the point.