![[BlogXilla] Dot Com](http://blogxilla.com/blog3/wp-content/themes/manxilla/images/logo.png){kind=logo}
You Are Not My Mother
Posted in Relationships on 20. Oct, 2008
This post was written by Slim Jackson For BlogXilla.com
I’ve heard women say they can learn a lot about a dude by how he treats his mother. This somehow sheds some light on how he would treat a lady friend in the context of a relationship. Ya boy disagrees. There are so many variables that go into how one treats his mother that it’s almost impossible to get a real idea of how he’s going to treat a woman based on his actions toward the one that birthed him. But for the sake of discussion, let’s use my interaction with momma dukes as an example.
I treat mom as best as I can. When she calls, I answer no matter where I am even though I live in a different city. When I make trips home, I do whatever I can in the 2 days that I’m there because I know she doesn’t have a whip (pronounced car). I make her laugh, and I try my best to make her life easier. After more than 25 years of providing for me and ensuring I always had what I needed, she deserves the reciprocity. Women who see how I treat moms shouldn’t get it twisted. There is a pretty good chance they won’t even get close to the same treatment unless they’ve passed all tests and earned the “put a ring on it” award. At that point, the lucky lady has proven herself worthy of receiving the treatment similar to, but not greater than, that which I show my mother.
To put it another way, because a man treats his mom well doesn’t mean he will treat you well. He’s developed a relationship with his mom over the years and she’s done a lot for him. He loves his momma for all of this. He doesn’t necessarily love you. If you want that treatment from a dude, it needs to be earned over time. On the flip side, just because a dude doesn’t treat his moms well doesn’t mean he’ll treat you like toilet rubbish. Who knows why the dynamics with his moms are somewhat unpleasant. Maybe he came home early from school as a child and saw mom with the mailman while pops was at the construction site earning that check. He was out there layin brick while someone was layin pipe. That could make a young fella bitter for life.
But regardless ladies, since I’m primarily talking to you, don’t put too much into figuring out how a dude treats his mother. This is assuming you even get the chance to meet his mom. Do what you need to do and you’ll get the treatment you deserve. And yes, it really is that simple.
whad up folk no lovfe for you boy mane?
hahahah fuck the mailman for delivering pipe while pops was laying brick
I never viewed how a man treats his mother to the way he will treat me. It all is based on how the woman presents herself. If you show respect for yourself, the man will show respect for you. I know men that have horrible relationships with their moms and they are into treating a woman the way she showed be treated.
I like the new layout Xilla!!!!
Great post Slim”I don't really love you” Jackson.
Specifically no, generally yes, meaning that if someone is a dickhead he/she will be a dickhead with everybody. But if you are pleasant to most chances are you might not treat the lady like she's a two dolla crackwhore off of Simpson & Ashby.
Gonna agree-mostly! Although, in my mind, I just feel if a man can't love his mother for birthing, raising and supporting him, than it will make it hard for him to ever respect any woman. I'm sure there are exceptions. Even if he treated me wonderful (and his mother like shit-whether she deserved it or not) it would definitely make me re-consider ever being with him.
Thanks for the feedback so far. Keep the comments coming. I'll have a more detailed response to folks later in the day after work.lol
I agree, kinda. Human/social behavior is often repeated. And though the relationship with mom and the relationship with a woman is not necessarily up for comparison, I think its still worth paying attention to. Is he a mama's boy? Does he allow her to take advantage of her position, thereby interrupting the time you spend with him? Is she an enabler to his foolish behavior, always bailing him out of shit? Does he expect the same treatment from his woman? Has his relationship with his mother caused him to have a misogynist attitude with all females? These are things that should concern a female who is seriously considering having a man in her life, unless he's just hitting it; then it really doesnt matter.
BTW: HOW DID WE GO FROM WOMEN BEING IN CONTROL OF WHO SHE COURTS TO MEN SELECTING WHO HE THINKS IS THE LUCKY ONE??
“There is a pretty good chance they won’t even get close to the same treatment unless they’ve passed all tests and earned the “put a ring on it” award. At that point, the lucky lady has proven herself worthy of receiving the treatment similar to, but not greater than, that which I show my mother.”
WTF?? Thats a real problem for me; we've lost touch with tradition. Men are now thinking that have the presiding choice instead of women. I blame the Discovery Channel for this shit. You ARE NOT the only lion in the damn jungle. I digress- I've open up an entirely different topic of discussion. Good writing though!!
I used to believe that, but now I am starting not to believe that a man treats a woman based on how he treats his mother. I knew a guy who loves his mother dearly, but yet he told me that he pistol whipped his baby mother. I knew another guy who resented his mother and called his mother a hoe just because he has half brothers and sisters.
I think that part of it does have to do with upbringing. If he doesn't get love from his mother (or grandmother or aunt, etc), then it would be hard for him to know how to treat a woman. It also has to do with what he observes as well. If he sees his father beating his mother up, it will not only scar him for life, but he might think that it's acceptable.
I halfway agree with this. No man is going to treat a jump off the way he treats his mother but you can look at how he interacts with his mother to see his views on women and their role within a relationship. Things like that are passed down. There is a lot that can be learned about a man by watching the way he interacts with his mother. (If he has that Oedipus Complex they should only see your dust as you are letting the door hit you where the good lord split you)
You treat your mother well andthat treatment will not be given to any ol round teh way girl but your serious girlfriend or wife should be able to expect the similar treatment.
If a man disrespects his mother you should just RUN!!! There is no reason a man should disrespect his mother and if he can do that then you have no chance of being respected as a woman in his life.
A woman would be stupid not to look at how a man interacts with his mother.
Well shit, I already know how my boy and his mother are…….so I don't look at that as a reflection of how me and him will be.
actually, it isn't about how he TREATS his mother…but how he views her. My ex hinted that he saw a physical altercation between his mom and dad and that his mom stayed. That same ex also threatened me and said something real foul about my son's communication disorder.
He treats his parents well, but obviously doesn't respect women.
He saw his mom take whatever from his dad….and expects the same from whatever woman he dates.
He treats his parents well because he was taught to….
You're right. I'm not the only lion in the jungle. But as men get older, the selection of women increases…especially for dudes who got their ish together. Yes, it's a double standard. Unfortunately, there's not much anybody can do about it.
And since when have Alpha males (not a Greek reference) not had a choice in who they court and wife up?
While I can see the connection between the way a man treats his momma, and how he could potentially treat a woman he loves romantically, the two don't go hand in hand. There is difference between the way a man thinks and cares about his momma…and chances are you won't be on that level, nor should you expect to be. True, he learned the basic manners, etc. of how to related to women from her, but you don't want to be on the same level as his momma in the sense that he thinks of you the same way he thinks about her…the dynamic of your relationship is not the same.
Now if their relationship interferes with yours (it shouldn't if he's not a momma's boy), then you may have a problem…
Not so much that you NEVER had a choice, but more so that women were typically the 'selector' in the dating process. Now it seems as though men are who makes the decision. Considering the female to male ratio, I agree that the tables have certainly turned. But some, not all, but some men have taken complete advantage of the odds being in their favor; an abuse of power, so to speak. Your choice of words “proving herself worthy” or “passed all the tests” just to get some love from, which would in turn be inferior to the love you give your mother?? Nah. Im not jumping through hoops to prove my worth to you as a woman. And I wouldnt want you jumping through hoops for me. Be yourself; if we dig each other, cool. If not, move on. – And not to throw religion in the mix, after all, im not the pillar of good christianity. But the Good Book, often a reference point when discussing morals and ethics, makes room for the argument that one should 'leave the nest' and 'cleave to thy husband/wife'. Which means I will now be your top priority, not moms.
…assuming we'd get to the point of marriage.
Interesting Post….
I have question (or 2) for you though….
Are you trying to find the one worthy of having your last name or are you just having fun right now? Even though you love your mom on a different level, does that mean that you wont treat your girl with respect? Im asking because I've had a guy friend treat me like i was a queen. He always said the right things like “anyone worth having is worth working for”, but in the end, he didnt understand that I wasnt feeling him that way so he dropped off the face of the earth…..what does that mean to you?
When you come down off of that 'holy' cloud that you have invented to guard your obviously fragile ego…maybe then, you'll stop the bulls**t & see both yourself and women for the King & Queens that we really are.
It's the grandiose, egotistical, narcissacistic, self-indulgent …{do I need to go on?…because I can!}… attitude such as yours that is getting in the way of progress. Dig your insecure mug out of your a** , EXPERIENCE a couple more years of life {your posts are indicative of the short-lived time that you have been on this earth. Real Brothers who have 'EXPERIENCED' life are not shallow enough to wear their cynicism on their sleeve}, take your high heels off, get some 'REAL' equipment, and for God's sake!, quit f**king whining!…
…maybe then, you won't be such a misogynist { S.A.T. word – look it up} !!!!
@ {S.T.U.F.F.}
You must have really have had it out for me a few months ago. I just came here randomly and saw your comment the noticed you followed me across the internet to all my blogs and left nasty comments. Sounds like you're the one that leads a sad existence. Hope you've addressed your own issues. Trick.