Dear God, Make Me A Bird…
“Dear God Make me a bird, so I can fly far far away from here.”
Many of you may know that as one of the most famous lines in the movie Forest Gump. I never understood that line until this summer. (key flash back music)
On a summer’s afternoon after taking my daughter to the mall, to play on the little indoor park, and buy her some new clothes for our summer long journey. I get out of the mall to my waiting 1 million degree car w/ no air condition. Luckily I don’t live far from the mall so we didn’t have that far to drive, plus she had burger king so she was still sipping her juice. We are driving slow enjoying the exquisite landscape of Georgia, when a bird decides that he wants to have target practice and I’m the target. From a quarter mile in the air he shot a piece of wet bird dookie pass some trees around the electrical wire, thru my car window right on my left shoulder.
It was disgusting, but thankfully I was pulling into my apt complex when the bird got the urge. so I didn’t have to sit w/ a wet shirt for no more than 2 minutes before I got out of it and threw away my brand new Bruce Lee graphic tee.
Now today, while retrieving something from my car I saw a bird fly over my head, out of habit I looked up at him, mainly b/c most people can’t go, number 2, when someone is looking at them. I realized that I now have a fear of getting s*itted on. As, I stood there relieved that I didn’t get a eyeball full of bird poop, I thought of how great it would be to be able to go number 2 on the move. Yea I know it’s disgusting, but think of all the time you would save. I think we got the short end of the stick in the travel department. I mean think about it, Cheetahs run faster than anything in the world, yea we have cars but w/ gas prices higher than Whitney & Bobby after make up sex eh!!
Why must we pay for our need for speed? But out of all the animals in the world, Birds have it best, for one they can fly, for 2 they can fly fast, and for 3 they can fly and take a crap at the same time. Imagine if we had that ability, we could add an hour to our day, just coming back from lunch, McDonald’s isn’t agreeing w/ you, well no need to be late you can just crap right on your way to back to work. Charmin could make Wipe and Go’s the new phenomenon in toiletries. I mean what made birds to special? Dogs have to stop to crap, tiger’s, monkey’s not only stop but they fling theirs,
hell Fish even swim funnier when they have that long string of poop hanging from their tail fins, but Birds have a monopoly on the Moving Manure Maneuver. So Now I think I understand part of my favorite movie in the world, she didn’t get Mark Foleyed she just had to go Poo!!!
