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Love No Longer Exist
Posted in Life, Relationships, Sexual Intellectuals on 09. Oct, 2008
“Love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.” I believe that the warm feeling you get from love is nothing more than a side effect of pain, I guess you can call love the four hour erection of the heart. If you’re in love call your doctor.
It’s not that I don’t want to be in love, or that I don’t believe in love, but more times than not love ends in heartache and pain. Whether from death, or dishonest action pain will be felt. Females used to have a monopoly of love, they come out the womb and begin to marry Barbie to Ken, but now they want love like they want a hole in the head. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think love was murdered by women, love has since been sabotaged. A theory of WEB Dubois could explain why love in the black community is so messed up.
This is no sudden development, nor the fruit of Emancipation. It is the plain heritage from slavery. In those days Sam, with his master’s consent, “took up” with Mary. No ceremony was necessary, and in the busy life of the great planta-tions of the Black Belt it was usually dispensed with. If now the master needed Sam’s work in another plantation or in another part of the same plantation, or if he took a notion to sell the slave, Sam’s married life with Mary was usually unceremoniously broken, and then it was clearly to the master’s interest to have both of them take new mates. This widespread custom of two centuries has not been eradicated in thirty years. To-day Sam’s grandson “takes up” with a woman without license or ceremony; they live together decently and honestly, and are, to all intents and purposes, man and wife. Sometimes these unions are never broken until death; but in too many cases family quarrels, a roving spirit, a rival suitor, or perhaps more frequently the hopeless battle to support a family, lead to separation, and a broken house-hold is the result.
In this atmosphere which is still relevant today, is real love obtainable? In my dealings with love it wouldn’t be hard for me to give up on love. A simple attitude over who wants to see who, or who is “good enough” for who and in the materialistic world of entertainment everyone’s brain is warped and polluted with misconceptions about love. Either they are in love with another man, want a bust it baby or someone who can buy them whatever they like. News flash! We are in an economic recession, good luck.
I refuse to give up on love, I believe I can easily fall in love with the woman I see when I close my eyes. She’s almost perfect to me, although I’m still learning her. I am traveling down a road of questions without answers trying to figure out what exactly is going on. The best advice I ever got about love was when you finally meet the right one you’ll know, and then you’ll begin to get your life together. My life is falling in line as I type.
*le sigh* Love can be a pain in the ass. I have only been in love once and while the experience was one of the happiest, saddest and educational times in my life it is something that I try really hard to stay away from because like you said most aren't that genuine. Nice post I loved the WEB Dubois quote. I often thing about things like that when I wonder why certain men put so much value on their peen.
I like this blog. We will know when the right one comes long. No one is perfect so if they are right we will be able to love these imperfections. They make it better. Long day at work come home and just seeing them takes it away. Willing to work at it and communicate.
I'm 24 and I am just now to the point that I wanna see what the hoopla is about love. I've never been in love and never really had the desire to be in love. As you said love usually ends in pain. I have enough of everyday life causing me pain so to add “love” in the mix, seems to be just plain stupid.
I'm not into the man that feel like he HAS to have all the bling and the rims on the car and what not. if you got it, that's great. if you don't that's great too! I think because most women are looking for some1 to show em “all the glittery stuff” that men tend to bring that to the table and nothing else.
Ok so you got ur Magnum with 22s but can u walk in the park with me?! So you go ur iced out Jesus piece but if I take u to a bead shop can u make me a bracelet? and the answer is Hell No! Love sucks cause it's been overworked and pumped up to be something it's not.
oh well, I'm gonna try it anyway and see what it's worth.
Wow, pretty strong feelings. That four letter word I dare say is one of the most powerful words in the world. It can start and destroy marriages. It can reunite or distance sweethearts. It can make you strong and it can make you weak….I can atest that I have been a victim of cupids arrow, and I may even go as far to say as it struck me in the eye cause I sure didnt see my demise coming lol. I had to hit rock bottom before I realized that I was not in a healthy “love” relationship- but an addictive one. But when do we lose reason and logic where we cant make that jugment before its too late? Is it possible to stop the (inevitable) heartbreak? Why do we continue to give so much of ourselves to get nothing or less than half in return? Is it that we are natural givers and nurturers and feel compelled to provide for our mate? Or is it that we are so needy that we settle and are just greatful we have a significant other, like we are scared to be single….or lonely? Or is the heart we wear on our sleeve is covering our eyes as well? I haven't given up on love but I don't “give” of my self too easily now. I have stifled 72 weeks in self made captivity, calcualting all the ways to save me emotionally. Now in the fondness of new abscence I see all I didnt be. Selfish and so damn afraid, now both safe and sorry
LOVE is an emotion and PAIN is a feeling. We've all been hurt, you get over it and u move on that's why I”m PBFE. I take the good w/ the bad & with the bad I turn it into good
No one can treat me better than I treat myself and no one can love me the way that I love myself. They say that when someone loves you, that they love u more than they love themselves. I can only see that happening if I have children.
But for right now Ness is living, loving, laughing and loving all of it and wouldn't trade it for a tank of gas lol.
See and thats why its so hard for love to exist! Love don't live here anymore.
Nah baby I'm all for love. I love to love.
I love u
lol (see….)
You don't love me you just love my bloggy Style!
I said I love u! I love black men especially when they're doing their thang. Ur bloggy style will leave someone in pain.
To know you is to love you
Sounds like love doesn't exist for you. Tht's whts wrong w/ black men. A black woman says she loves you and you tell her no she doesn't and she's only in love with his style not is essence.
Xilla…
I can give reasons why love is right here to stay and then why it does not live here anymore…..
Love can be directed as money, sex, work, saving lives or simply doing your homework. I can't love you if you rather be a “Cover Girl” instead of a wife. You are NOT Rihanna. I am not trying to sell makeup and take pictures of you all day.
Love also means being true to the heart and voiding out your “Cassie” for your “Kim” Cassie is a very attractive girl but is she the mother of your kids?!? NO! Kim is and will always be.
Love was displayed in the Tyler Perry movie “Why Did I Get Married?”. I know you guys have seen it. The 80/20 rule is VERY true. Jill Scott is a 80 by all means and nothing less. Trina is a 20 even though she has that bomb ass sex and is a trophy. BUT she does NOT cook, clean, fold clothes and takes anything a man dishes out. In bed, yes! In the streets, HELL NO!
Love is in forms of abuse, rape, verbal as well as physical. It is the well being of who is to show it.
SEX is mistaken for love. NO! Sex is SEX! Just because you tell me I was the best you ever had or I left you 20.00 on the nightstand ( FOR A CAB! ) does NOT mean I am in love.
Love sometimes equal war. I watched enough as my parents fought day after day for something that was never there in the first place.
Love is a shape that has no end.
Love is also a living, breathing creature with feelings.
So when you find it, love it back
Angel ( Of a NU Amerykah on BlogXilla )
wow..deep..real deep xilla.
Love is a powerful yet wonderful thing, and its sad that nowadays people dont take it seriously as they should.
But finding that right person takes time and can be along ass process. But its def. worth it.
The post is very deep, and I am the first to admit I am scared of LOVE. When your in love you feel more pain. I've gotten to the point where I shut down, and can't realize what is love. People say when you find the one you will know it; HOW DO YOU KNOW IT? Does your heart drop in your stomach every time you get near the person? When you kiss do you feel a tingle of electricity? I don't know!!!! I will one day love to find the man I would spend my life and start a family with, but I think I am running away from what I want. This post has made me think deeper than I have in months. Xilla, thank you.
Nice post Xilla,
I have been feeling this exact way for a while now. But I'm going to contradict myself by saying love does exist. But right now I'm just not interested. Because I was hurt so many times that my heart is shut down for repairs. Untill then, the only people I can love are my 2 beautiful kids and myself. There is no room for anyone else. Not even for my man really, since he contributed to my jaded outlook on love these days.
When I love somebody, I give my all. And right now my heart is running on empty. It needs to be replenished first for me te be able to have the energy to love like that again. I need reciprocity. I think that that's very important if people want a relationship to work. Just being there for one another, communicating, trying to understand eachother and most importantly respect eachother. If these essential things are missing, love will be dead in a matter of time.
I also like the WEB DuBois quote. Because I do believe this to be true. It happens to be a topic I'm discussing with some friends right now. I need to get my hands on some of mister DuBois' books, but they are a bit hard to come by around these parts and I don't have a paypall account yet.
True love doesn’t exist…. because True Love has no opposite. If one day you can say you love someone, and the next attack, blame, put down, and rage against the other person, then what really exist is dependency, control, and neediness. True love has no conditions. It exists whether you are in a relationship with that person or not. It exists if you both decide that you are not meant to be together. It exists if that other person decides to leave you to be with someone that they gel with better. Love is not reserved for some person whom your intimate with, love is given to the bus driver, to the cab driver, to the person at the check out to the person next door. True love is what you feel for the Universe, not just someone you have sex with. True love loves the son that comes home and says he’s gay…. the daughter that comes home and says she no longer is a Christian. True love loves, no matter what. True love is inspirational. It makes you want to be everything that you have the power to be. True love wants happiness for you no matter what.
LOVE CAN BE BEAUTIFUL
Love is an interesting thing.. and sometimes you don't even know you have it until you have already lost it.
Does anyone believe in soulmates?
I'm not an A.B.W., nor am I a scorned soul, but I don't believe in true love…not in my life. I always give props and support my friends and fam when they found their true love, but I already know I won't find mine. You can't say I'm young and jumping to conclusions. Biggie knew he wasn't going to make it at 30 yrs old, thats why he was ready to die. I know I won't find it. I have accepted the fact that marriage and children aren't in the plans of my life. But like I said, I always support and love the people around me who found that. It's a beautiful site to see two people who are in love. It really is.
Awesome blog post, sir.
I do. I believe in soul mates. But I also believe that there's an opposite sex twin out there for every person. I found my guy twin. And I found my soul mate & they're two diff people.
I believe in the power of words. I feel when you believe something is going to happen it probably will. I am not sure what your situation is, or why you “know” that you will never find love but I believe if you continuosly say it it's gonna happen. Now I have not had luck in my life involving love, and there was a time where I felt I would never know what true love is and having a family. I had to shake that out of my mind, because I was already defining what would happen to me, when I know that wasn't what I wanted. I haven't found “the one” yet but I honestly feel he is out there. I have choosen not to look for him because love should just find you not you looking for it, because when you look for it you get everything you never wanted. That is just my take on it.
xilla i love this blog. I guess i am a hopeless romantic because i refuse to give up on LOVE. I can say that i have truly been in love once and although it was the best thing that happend to me, it was also the worst. Never felt a pain like it before. A physically pain (have to have been there to understand that). But yes i do believe that LOVE exist. It's something that i feel is so natural, something you don't have to work at, it's just………LOVE.
I believe in love. No matter how many times I've been hurt or how many men have caused me heartache, I still believe that there is someone out there for me. I have to stay in the mindframe that “There's always something better”. I've learned not to expect the worst but to hope for the best and enjoy the ride. I ran across a quote that says in order to win, you have to risk loss. Take chances. As hard as it is and easier said than done, let go of past hard feelings. Holding on to pain and unforgiving thoughts only hinders incoming blessings. You may miss out on a good thing by giving off that air of distrust. I want to be in love someday. I want the husband and the kids. I want the marriage and the house, the whole she-bang! Just patiently waiting
I absolutely believe Love still exists. I've had it and i'm too young to think It will never come again. I will find the yang to my ying but i believe it is just very hard work. Our grandparents had love, the real ups and downs but i'd rather have hard times with you kind of love. Love is when you both are laying in bed on a saturday morning and your partner lets out the fart that rivals the perm activator and you don't get up and run, but throw on back and laugh about it. Love is understanfing your spouse is having a hard time taking a shit because her pregnancy makes her constipated and you sit in the bathroom and coach her on. We tend to get so overworked with the romanticizes images of love, what they writers and directors think love should be and if we continue to live our lives by that standard we will never find our true love.
Love hurts, you feel it in your heart, in your head, the palms of your hand and teh flutters in your belly. When you are having those daydreams about the times you spent together, when you leave them and you can't stop smiling. I think people need to stop looking at it in terms of what have you done for me lately and then you'll allow yourself to fall. Maybe you will get your heartbroken but do you know true happiness and joy if you have never felt pain?
Excellent piece Xilla!
i believe in soulmates. I believe with some people there is just a connection. something so strong, so natural, almost like an energy that connects the two. You don't have that with everybody you come across.
At one point I had given up on love, but then I took the time to re-evaluate my idea/criteria of what LOVE is.. to me
Once I did that I realized i had some work to do on myself..
I thinks it's just a matter of finding someone who wants the same things we do.. whether that is a bust it baby, friend with benefits or a monogomous relationship. The hard part is not bending or compromising what you really want and settling for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.
It also helps to stop LOOKING for love…it will find you, usually when you least expect it. The hardest part is recognizing it.
thats a good way to look at it and i totally agree.
I have indeed been in love before, and it was a beautiful thing. It was also very painful. People say that love isn't supposed to hurt, but I beg to differ. Love is beautiful because when you're in love,all that's wrong in the world doesn't matter when you're with that person. Love is beatiful because you don't see their flaws, you see what makes them perfect, in your eyes. When in love, the most mundane activities become so much more fun with that person. But, love hurts too. It hurts when you find out your better half has been unfaithful. It hurts when you find out that your lover hasn't been honest with you. it hurts when you realize that that person doesn't love you the same.
In life, nothing is going to be good all the time. If it were, we would have nothing to look forward to to. I believe whole heartedly in love, and I KNOW that one day it will find me. Who knows…it may have already found me and I just don't know it.
I can never understand when people who say their in love and then when their over they can't stand the person. If that is the case then in my opinion you were never in love. I have been in love 2x in my life, and even though they may have been bad break-ups I still love them, but not in love with them. I can never hate or despise them. We tried something that never worked, cool. I am glad that they made way for the right man to come into my life, even though it hurt when both relationships ended I wouldn't change a thing. I learned alot.
I think that is denial. You never stop loving them. You go on living like you're incomplete. People who say they can't stand the person really mean thet can't stand that they aren't in thier lives anymore. Love just doesn't go away like that.
Or that person just hurt you so badly
I believe that love does exist but people have a tendency to define love through material value. People nowadays are afraid to love because of the misconceptions that have be given in society. I think there is someone out there for evryone if you “look” hard enough. But a person has to be cautious because there are people out here that will take advantage. When you let that wall down and let love in it can be the most inspiring thing in the world. You just have to make sure you are not wasting it on the wrong person. Even if you have been hurt by someone that doesn't give you a reason to lock away your heart and your feelings for the rest of your life. If you do that can you honestly imagine meeting new people for the next couple decades and not having one bit of foundation or feelings for any of them? Thats sad.
I just think that in the african american community it is harder to find someone of quality because of the images that are put out there from today's mainstream and hip hop media. This genre is so caught up in nice clothes, nice cars and fat asses so now most men and women do not take the time to get to know each other like our previous generations. Hopefully we can get back on track. True love is out there but you have to weed out the foolishness to get to it.
Preach on girl!!!
Honestly, I would love to be in love. It does exist, and one day when someone is willing to give me, everything that I want to give them, it will work out. There is nothing I don't want more, than to have a man to take care of, and have him care for me in return. It'll be hard to find but there are still good and genuine loving people in the world.
As I hear your longing, I feel your pain. Loveis kind of like that. The more you want it, the further away it seems to be. But I can tell you from personal experience that when I finally found real love, it was when I stopped looking for it. Keep your eyes closed, keep learning her. Don't expect her to be perfect, just perfect for you. Once you do that and open your eyes, she'll be standing right in front of you.
Actually Meat Eater I agree with you somewhat. If you truly loved that person, when you break up and go your seperate ways, it should just be that. Sometimes people forget though that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. People think that the only way to get over someone is to be mean to that person or say they can't stand them. They mistakenly believe that this will give them the “thing” they need to move on. If you just remember that you love that person even though you're no longer in love, then you can move on. Hating them just shows that you are still emotionally tied to them. If you wanna prove you're over them, leave it alone.
Love do still exist in the black community! As a race of people we just don't know how to communicate with one another with our feelings. Love is a very strong word that is used so freely that we don't think about the pain it could cause to another person in the long run. Love is patients and unfortunate we don't learn that until we get older or many lost lovers later. Some of our parents wasn't taught that and some of the were. Some that were just lost it allow the way when they were hurt by the ones that wasn't taught the meaning of love. My first love was my bestfriend and it hurts to know that I will never love like that again because he is gone but the love, pain, and fond memories are still within.
I believe in “love”, but not being “in love with someone.” Love does exist but not the type of love that people want in relationships. I love alot of things and alot of people: My mother, my son, myself, my car, my music, etc. To me, that's true love. As far as relationships go, I think that people fall in love with what a person does for them rather who the person is.