The Opposite Of Moderate

Posted in Entertainment, Life, Xilla Post, Xilla on on Oct 01, 2008

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When I first met TI there was something about his presence that told me I was on the right path in my life. Ironically my birthday feel on the same day TI had his Birthday Party at the Biltmore. This was a prestigious event, attended by the biggest names in Urban entertainment Kevin Lyles, T-Boz, and Andrew Young to name a few. There were ice sculptures, Patron and Models clad in Victorian garb, this was also the night that my life officially changed.

At midnight I gave myself one year to get my life on track. If you’ve been reading my site for a while then you already know of the journey I’ve been through. Things are starting to make sense to me now, like the book I purchased written by Ayn Rand which taught me “that man has no right to exist for his own sake, that service to others is the only justification of his existence, and that self-sacrifice is his highest moral duty, virtue and value.” Truth be told I was a fish out of water that night at The Biltmore, but the wonderful Nicole Garner went out of her way to accomodate me. My story was just as important as any other story, and for that I am grateful.

Throughout my life I learned that I don’t need to have hamburger now when I can have steak later. I’m on a mission to be one of the best in the world. Tip was a thug all his life, quick to pick up the gun, but now his goal is to “Make Them Put The K’s Away” He experienced a life changing moment and he is blessed to be where he is today. I don’t feel like it’s anything other than the hand of God which placed me in his presence that hot summer day and then again on my birthday. This is destiny.

I discovered that it’s not a matter of me being good enough. I’ll never be the best father, the best writer, the best lover to everyone I cross paths with, but I am the best to two children who love me. One day I’ll be the best to one of the readers who come visit my website, and to a woman whose hand I’ll take in marriage. Eventhough right now I can’t get all the fabulous things for the person of my heart’s desire, only small tokens of affection. Material things do not matter right now. TI told me “Stop Looking At What You Aint Got And Start Being Thankful For What You Do Got” for that too I am grateful.

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  • slexusm
    Your insight is well appreciated and rare for someone of our generation. Your growth and perception is beautiful and I only can ecnourage you and hope that other young men read this realize the truth/path you are now on.
  • Thank you very much, I hope I can touch one person because I looked at my life and I see what I want to be... i see it I'm just trying to figure out how to get there! lol
  • Ttime
    You've already said that you DON'T ever want to be married...so which is it?
  • No I never said I don't want to be married I said I don't THINK I would get marrried. Got a find a woman who could handle me.
  • soul searching is a habit of mine around birthday time. I am prepping for mine tomorrow.
    won't be elaborate with ice sculptures, maybe just some ice cubes
  • lol I mean I was so out of place there!! I can't do that It wasn't right not if i want to be someone in life. i mean I had a great time but it was really an eye opener to get on my game and my grind you know! What are you doing for your birthday?
  • MiazFinest
    Ttime, u had to find the negative in this huh? I guess if the sun shines too bright, then u wish for clouds, huh?

    Xilla, I agree with everything u said. I may not be the best at everything to everyone, but eventually there will someone out there who thinks I am. They'll look at me with those big ol' eyes and smile .... For that reason, I will start living (no longer just existing) ... I wont dwell on what I dont have in my bank account and whats not in my house ..... Blessings will come when God sees fit for me to have them.
  • aww I think Ttime's loves me!!! She keeps me in check I need that in my life! lol I'm just thankful she comes back to check me out! lol

    But I think we are on the same page i mean right now all that other stuff doesn't matter because Im going to get it and I'll get it when it comes and when the time is right you know? We going to make it. You know why a lot of dreams fail? because people stop pursuing them.
  • ANuJS
    "You know why a lot of dreams fail? because people stop pursuing them." This is my problem right now. Had the door (I thought I should go through) slammed and I am sitting (pissed of), but just sitting none the less. Sometimes when your dreams fail, it gets hard to keep dreaming. Especially, when they don't seem possible. You get complacent and accept status quo. And guess what, I don't even have xilla sized dreams (mine are a lot smaller). SIgh.
  • It's an amazing feeling when you end up in the right place w/ the right people at the right time. It's a true act of God that people sometimes over look and take for granted. The fact that you saw the path that you want to take in life is an wonderful thing. People go through life not knowing what they want to do with themselves despite all opportunites that came knocking.

    The above quote that T.I told you "stop looking at what you ain't got and start being thankful for what you do got" is something that I finally understood about 6months ago. And my life changed.

    Another quote that hit home for me was from T.I's "No Matter What" when he said "let go and let God deal wit it".

    Life is what you make it! :)
  • I do think i was in the right place but it wasn't the right time. The right time has not come yet.... It's coming though I can feel it.
  • Well just as long as you know it's 'coming' and to be ready for the best feeling ever!! :)
  • Good Stuff Xilla.
  • VIChick
    GOD brings people and things in your life for a reason. It is up to you to realize what you are to do what the knowledge. I hope that the path that was chosen for you brings fulfillment and peace to your life. Your blessed with the gift of words, and I know that wonderful things will will happen for you. Continue to follow your path.
  • Ttime
    There was a post called, "Ask Me Any Question"...I asked "do you ever want to be married" to which, if I recall correctly--I could be wrong----Xilla responded, "No, don't want to be married, but to find someone to spend my life with" (something to that affect). I could be wrong about the exact response, so Xilla just clarified it ---which was the PURPOSE of the question asked to XILLA, not you.

    I, personally, don't see how asking a question about, what I percieved to be double talk, negative. The question was asked and answered. Also, it was based on a previous interaction with Xilla, which proves that I am a fan. If you are SO ABOVE my negativity, why not be TOTALLY ABOVE it and ignore my question---that was not directed at you in the first place. Your "sun should be shining so brightly" that it blinds your eyes from reading my question, that was---and I reiterate--- directed at Xilla and not you! Ever been told to mind your business?
  • VIChick
    I don't think it's that serious. If you talking to Xilla, then you talking to Xilla. This is a peaceful post, reflecting on life and placement.
  • trw
    I have been reading your blog for a little over five months.. I love your play on words and how you intermingle the everyday emotions and happenings in life with the what ifs and what can be..
    I can understand exactly what you are saying and the transitional phase that you have entered with the light popping on like "okay.. I am going to go ahead and live life now" so to say.. no you can't be everything to everybody and I have figured that out over the past few years and have taken control of my life by telling others "NO" I sure can't do that.. people will try and use you as a crutch to the point where you allow them to and are investing nothing in the future plight of you or your seed. Xilla the best thing you can do is you.. can't anyone do it better.. so just do you boo.. and as far as that someone in your life.. all this talk about marriage, love and the future.. I wish you the best but know that someone will cross your path to make you realign yourself with the stars and chase the fullness of the moon.. so cheers to when it happens!
    here is a poem I wrote sometime ago when I swore I was in love.. so here is everyone finding someone who makes them feel like this..

    Why
    I love you for bringing out the best in me
    Making my smiles explode with rays of sunshine
    Showering my days with sheer deliciousness
    Oh how I sing 'dose songs of bliss
    in the hours only bed bugs bite
    My cup overflows with satisfaction
    as you leave me drowsy in a dazed-state-of-mind
    I hear my heart slow down as my nappy head
    saturates the cotton twill pillowcase
    Exhaustion rides my spine
    causing momentary paralyzation
    I breathe deep to regain my composure,
    but one gaze of those soothing brown eyes
    My high soars like the wind of a brisk Autumn breeze
    Stimulation of the mind of a man
    Consolation in the arms of strength
    Persuasion of the presence of a friend
    You are all 360 degrees of a man
    TRW
  • ANuJS
    Beautiful poem! Reflection........
  • MiazFinest
    Ttime, u must be a new reader who discovered Xilla a few months ago. Take it from someone who has been a reader of his for years, I should let u know that startin shit is not the way Xilla does things. If u're lookin for an e-beef, go on concrete loop or Sandra Rose. But starting shit with me will leave u in tears. So I suggest that u find another playmate because I am not the one....... Great post, Xilla! Never stop goin after ur dreams
  • Ttime
    I'm already in tears.................from a comment posted on a blog, by a person that I've never met!
  • hey ladies... Neither one of you want to beef and internet argue with each other so let end this! Ttime I love you, for checking me. Miaz you know how we do!! So let's not bring this back to 06 out this piece. I got something special coming for all of y'all i'm writing it now!
  • jo
    Xilla, I've enjoyed you so much over the years. Your thoughts and opinions on different topics have challenged my ways of thinking. You have caused some many GREAT conversations to happen amongst my friends. Thank you. You've shared so much of yourself with us which is something I don't see myself doing. I wish you the best in all that you do and I hope you know that we are always here to hold you up. (I know Im not alone in saying that!)
  • yo kinda off topic but i read atlas shrugged in HS and there are a lot of similiarities between whats goin on now and what happened in the book. that book and the fountainhead had a huge impact on my grind. good luck man
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