Tonight On The Bleach Johnson Show
A while ago I got an email from one of my readers, and tonight I’ll answer it live on my weekly podcast The Bleach Johnson Show. 10 PM EST Tonight Wednesday 9/24. Here is the email we’ll discuss
Dear blogxilla
I have a situation wanted your opinion from a guy’s point of view.
I meet my kids father when I was sixteen we got into a relationship when I was eighteen he was 24. I’ve been with him every since than I’ve NEVER been with another men I’m 28 now. Through out our relationship it’s just been hell he’s cheated on me four times that I known of. I know your saying dummy but I was very young when I got into this relationship. I was fresh out of high school I only had two boyfriends in high school that was not serious. My problem is that I have so much resentment built inside of me towards him. I feel like he stole all my young years away from me. He’s been unfaithful and abusive physically and mentally. We have two kids together and where going to get married but I called off the wedding because I was not happy and did not want to marry him.
He tells me I am supposed to forgive him and don’t bring up all the stuff he’s done to me saying that it’s old stuff. I feel stupid even writing this we broke up for six months last year and I told him that I will give it one more shot. I don’t want my kids to grow up without there father in there lives. We argue almost everyday he doesn’t want me to have any friends saying that he’s not going to share me. I rarely go to family outings because he wants to know every little step I take. My friend turned thirty this year and had a party and he had a fit at 1 telling me I need to get home that I’ve been gone long enough. I left the house at 11.30. My friends feel that I don’t have anytime for them and I never can get out the house, it’s embarrassing when I want to go some where I have to tell him weeks in advance like people don’t plan shit at the last minute. I am black lol
He tells me that it’s my fault for us arguing all the time because I keep living in the past. Just three months ago I found out he had another cell phone hiding it and once I got the bill I found out that he was still talking to the girl that we broke up over. He spill lies about he was only talking to her and was not sleeping with her. Than says he not talking about it any longer when I bring it up. When I tell him that I want to break up he tells me that I won’t find another man because I have two kids. Than he says if I do find somebody if they touched his daughter that he would kill me. He drills into my head the fact that you don’t know if you getting with a child molester. He claims that we should stay together because he would never hurt his kids. Or he’ll say nigga’s ain’t about shit most of them have women so you’ll be the one getting played not me. But his manipulating ways are growing old with me.
He’s says that I don’t know how to let things go and move on and that’s why where not working out. I do have a lot of resentment in me, I don’t trust him and I’m not in love with him anymore. I’m even at the point where I can be alone for the rest of my life and be happy. But every time I try to leave he makes me feel like I’m giving up on my family. He says if a man and a woman wants to be together than they’ll be together. I feel like you need to be compatible and have some kind of connection and I also feel sometimes people grow apart but he says that’s stupid and not true. I feel like he got me at a young age and tried to mold me to be the women he wanted to be but it back fired on him when I grew up. I’m ready to go but don’t want to break up my family. I didn’t want my kids to grow up with out both there parents like I did. I feel terrible but I’m tired of what we have. I’ve honestly given all of me I’ve been faithful and understanding I cook and clean and work as well. He does not want to have sex but once a week twice on a good week. He says I’m a nag that he has to work over time to get us out the hole (that he put us in with his gambling habit loosing one to two thousand a dollar at a time every week for the whole year.) he wants me to rub his feet and massage his back and please his needs but does not do it in return saying he’s tired. And when I complain he says I’m acting childish and a relationship is not about monkey see monkey do. He says I act young minded and that’s why we argue all the time. That I should be happy to have a working man that help pay bills. He’s the only men I know I have had no other boyfriend but him since I was eighteen even when we broke up for six months he stalked me and threaten to kill his self if I didn’t take him back. He even took a bottle of pills because I refused to give him another chance.
I am having a problem with feeling guilty for not trying to fix our relationship. He says he’s doing his part and I’m not doing mine because I won’t listen to him. He says I won’t let go of the past yet three months ago I found out he was still chit chatting talking to his bitch. When I bring it up he says its old stuff and refuses to speak about it saying it’s not going to make our relationship grow. How much can one person forgive? It’s hard to listen to anything he has to say because he is a lair. I also have a fear of going out there at 28 and start dating. You start dating in your early twenties now I’m tapping on 30 and I have to start dating its scary to me. I’ve never been on a date in my life I’ve always been with him for the last ten years. It’s just scary it so many knuckle heads in this world including him. I want to leave but don’t want to break up my family. But I feel suffocated and unhappy I feel like I sat in the house and let my whole life just pass me by. I never clubbed hoped are even smoked a cigarette. I can count on one hand how many men I slept with. When we have talks he’s like I had me some black cooh, white cooh Asian all kinds of cooh and I get so angry cuz Ive only been with him. He gets his mom to co-sign how terrible men are and I should stop try’na break up my family but I’m just not happy.
Should I feel guilty?
Is it my fault where not working out because I can get past the resentment I have towards him.?
Help me out….
