My Revolution Is In Need Of More Duck Sauce

Posted in Life, Nightlife on Sep 23, 2008

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We are now at a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. As I sit in someone else’s living room listening to my favorite Lil Wayne song I can’t help, but think of my birthday this Sunday. Things are moving so fast sometimes I struggle to get a hold of everything that’s going on and frankly it scares me.

I think back to just 6 years ago I was the manager of a major insurance company, a new father of 2 young girls and I had no clue what the next day of my life would be. I look back and ask myself what do I have to show for all of this living? Life itself. Have I come up short of my dreams? Am I the father I thought I would be? Speaking of father’s I lost my dad and I feel like I killed him.

Back to my life, I’m my own man, I work for myself, I get to meet celebrities, and I get to meet some of the most beautiful women on the face of the earth. I can start working when I want, for how long I want and pretty much the scariest part of it all… I’m in complete control of my own destiny. That’s the part that scares me is that any day this can all be over. I can be out on the streets like that! or at the next hour I could be swimming in money with enough to do anything I wanted to do in the world.

It’s not the part of being broke… I’ve been broke. It’s the having money part. I’m struggling to find out God’s plan for me. Is this what my life supposed to be? As of right now my revolution is a few duck sauces short of being complete but I feel it… I can’t quit my quest for my dream no matter how many people think I should be doing something else with my time. They can say what they want, but they will never change my views because they will never know me the way that I know me… I have to share the rest of my life with me so if I have to be alone… so be it. I don’t need them.

As the melody of the music fades out I love it baby.


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  • Man I feel you on this, I know what it's like to go after a dream that no one else understands. Keep striving for greatness within yourself, don't let them hold you back.
  • Lissa
    I have to agree with J McFly. . .I'm still chasing my dreams and Im not stoppiong til' I catch them. Hey you only have one life to live . .
  • I feel like im on the brink of great things and the scariest thing is am i ready? I have always dreamt of being a sucsessfull black woman with a husband and kids by 25, dont need to be rich, comfortable was what i was aiming for... Now im a 27 year old unmarried, childless woman with her future looking mighty bright (gotta need dem shades) and i just pray everyday that i dont miss those oppertunites i have prayed to the Lord about and yes, i try and take every stumbling block, push back and knock down as a lesson in humility so that i dont forget who i am, but try and remain the positive, bubbly G i have always been...
  • 404
    My opinion is to only stop if you feel that you are not where you want to be. Life is a journey, and with or without your duck sauce (which I looooooooove on my veggie egg rolls BTW) it's still your journey. YOU must walk your own path, it's yours. And yes, Xilla, it is about what God's plan is for you, because GOD is IN YOU!!!!!! You don't have to look for any answers outside of yourself. Everything you need is inside of you. Enjoy where you are, the power is in the NOW.

    Happy Pre Birthday Xilla!!!! I wish you peace of mind, love, joy, wealth, happiness and stability in you many years ahead. Peace!!
  • LawdHaveMercy
    Morning Xilla, All I have to say is live your life for you and for noone else,nobody can steal your joy.I'd rather you be broke and happy than rich and miserable as hell.How old are you going to be this sunday if you don't mind me asking? If you're aboyt to enter your 30's,I say you are having your "Lightbulb moment"..I had mine last year when I turned 30,it was like something in me just clicked and said you know what,I could give 2 damns what the world thinks of me,I'm gonna do what makes me happy.As long as my children are fd,healthy,clothed and happy and my husband too,that is all that matters to me.Do you sweetie because in the end you have to look you in the mirror.
  • VIChick
    I totally understand what you are saying. I know someone that I care about very much and they are going through some difficulties and I know I can be more supportive, but I know that I say things that may make that person feel down about themselves. I honestly don't mean any harm but I know that some people have to travel a different road and GOD takes them on a path that they must follow.

    I am not satisfied where I am in my life. I know that I am meant for greater things, but I am not sure exactly what they are right now. I imagined myself in a different place in my life. Family, own home, married, but nothing has been attained yet. I wanted to be the CEO of my own company. Right now working for someone else, which I am not complaining because a year ago I was almost out on my ass with nowhere to go. God has blessed me, and I know I will continue receiving his blessings.

    All I have to say is keep your head up, and we will all be here for you. And I know you will enjoy your birthday.
  • what?
    Isn't duck sauce just basically mustard???
  • 404
    Naw..........ducksauce is that pinkish/orangish jelly/honey like stuff.............mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............ducksauce.................lol
  • kyas_mami
    That's why it's called YOUR dream Xilla...cus it's YOURS and no one elses
    If they can't see the vision or get with the movement, leave them in a cloud of smoke as you DO IT MOVING
    My mom used to tell me the hardest thing to do in life is to follow you dreams, especially when others dont see, realize, appreciate or understand it
    If you can look yourself in the eye everynight and be satisifed with the person looking back at you, then you headed in the right direction
    Live your life for you and your children, no one else!
    And once you achieve that dream, remember to thank the haters for fueling the drive and determination it took to get you there! OH!! and dont forget to wave at them a la Ms. America and say...HI HATER!!! LOL
    Love what u do here Xilla, keep doin it!
  • It's funny cause as I've begun to follow you here and on twitter and various places (and strange on air convos), I had really begun to wonder what was at the edge of the sex-laden persona. And with this post, I think we're all able to see a rounder picture of Xilla. And it's an honest and beautiful one.
  • Killa
    You are EXACTLY where God wants you to be. If I knew your address, I'd send you my favorite book in the world, The Power of Now, by Echkert Tolle, Go buy it for yourself it will put all the questions you have in perspective I read at least a sentence out of that book everyday. Go get it.
  • baby_t
    I totally understand what you are saying. I know someone that I care about very much and they are going through some difficulties and I know I can be more supportive, but I know that I say things that may make that person feel down about themselves. I honestly don't mean any harm but I know that some people have to travel a different road and GOD takes them on a path that they must follow.

    I am not satisfied where I am in my life. I know that I am meant for greater things, but I am not sure exactly what they are right now. All I have to say is keep your head up, and we will all be here for you. And I know you will enjoy your birthday.
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