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How To Talk To Red Bones
Posted in Sexual Intellectuals on 09. Sep, 2008
Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week has officially started and people couldn’t be more excited. I decided to look at some of the pictures from the event on global grind. I noticed that the pictures were missing something. That something was dark skinned women. After getting my fix of the Mercedes Benz models I turned on my television, still no dark skinned women. I wondered are dark skinned women going extinct.
Don’t get me wrong I love red bone women, but you have to treat them in a totally different way. You have to approach them differently, talk to them differently and treat them differently as well. I personally don’t even try to approach a light skinned women because I don’t want to deal with the head ache. Yet, it seems like everyone I know has an opinion on how you treat a light skin women. Here are a few techniques that I’ve heard.
For years there has always been a fasination with men and light skin women. I am so sick of it because they feel they need to pass over a darker woman. I am a dark skin woman and a man would break his neck to holla at a light skin girl but they feel a dark skin girl gotta holla at them. Light skin women are their trophies that they feel they need to sport to be excepted. That shit is played out.
And speaking about tv and black women. Everytime I see a dark skin woman on tv mainly commercials they always put that kinky curly hairstyle in her hair. What the hell is up with that. Light skin women they put long hair going down their back. Light skin women seem to be more expected by the man also. Dark skin women never have a chance.
Well we see in history how our lighter folks were always treated differently the us brownies. To the point where some of them think that highly of themselves and feel that they are “better” Not saying they all do but that was just a part of the plan to break us down and separate us from each other. When my great grandmother(brighter than Colin Powell) came out to California with her mother( brown as a Hershey's Kiss) brothers and sisters, the train conductor said she couldn't sit with her family. They didn't even believe she was black. Okay yes her father was Irish but she was 10 years old sitting in the front car with a bunch of white folks she didn't know.
I might have gone waaay off topic but treat someone like they're special for too long and after while they'll be lookin at you like you got mustard on the side of your face. “I'm too good for you”
are people really still talking about this? i thought we moved past this whole 'light skin v. dark skin' thing. its just another way for us to criticize and talk about one another. its very disheartening that this is still a topic of discussion..
IS it possible for you all to actually comment on Global Grind? Where the full blog is located? That would be a great look for me rather than commenting on my actual website where only half of the blog is…
Thanks if you can, if you cant I under stand
why is having kinky curly hair on a dark skinned woman a problem? that is the way it grows out of our hair. i'm proud when i see a women (dark or light) sporting a natural style on tv. i get so tired of seeing everyone looking like a white girl (long, flowy hair) and extremely light skin!!!
I don't know what it is but I love red bones. My wife, bust it baby, baby momma, and side chick will all be red bones.
We need to let this ish go, I'll keep it real; I love red bones but I dont pass over the dark skinned sistas too. Everyone gets a fair shake! Light is not always right!
@ blogxilla
You have to log in @ global grind and Ill speak for myself. Im too lazy to set up yet another account I may never use.
Okay I am light skinned but i am dismayed that i don't see enough dark skinned and brown skinned women in videos….. I think they are beautiful…. there is one girl i am obsessed with she was in snoop's sexual seduction and Lil Wayne s lollipop and other videos she is beautiful and dark skinned… they need more variety in these videos…. I never felt I had to be treated differently when approached by a guy I am not stuck up or conceited but I am thought to be ( a friend once said before i knew you i thought you were stuck up because you were one of the only light skinned girls in our neighborhood wth??) because I am light skinned??? I should be treated as a person rebecca not by my color or have judgments based on my color as well… there shouldn't be a guidebook to me because of other people's predetermined notions due to my completion.. and no i dont want to be ignored that is a turnoff and shows me personally that you aren't interested in me…. interesting blog xilla….
Baby T, I couldn't be happier that they are showing black women with BEAUTIFUL natural hair. I've been natural for a year and I would have it no other way. I love it. And I know that my scalp and hair will be in tact when I age. I don't know about other sisters who've been relaxing their hair all their lives. To each his own. But, I hate to point out the obvious: we were born with kinky hair. Changing it is an OPTION, not the standard.
PEOPLE IT'S 2008 WHY IS THERE STILL A LIGHT SKIN DARK SKIN ISSUE…I AM SOOOO OVER IT, IT'S JUST NOT THAT SERIOUS, FOR REAL!! I AM TIRED OF THE SIDE EYES FROM FEMALES BASED ON MY COMPLEXION IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WAS BORN LIGHT…. GET OVER THIS ISH FOR REAL!!! IT MAY BE THE INDUSTRY THAT TRIES TO SET LIGHT AS THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY BUT IT'S US WHO BUY INTO IT. ELVEVATE YOUR MINDS!
XILLA YOU KILLED ME WITH THIS ONE TODAY… WHOMP WHOMP
Sup Killa missed you gurl!! Anyway, I don't think a person here can look me in the eye and tell me they see an equal amount of dark skinned women on television. Finding a dark skinned woman is like looking for waldo!!! Now I wrote the blog just to point out that dark skinned women need equal love too. I love my light skinned women… love them They taste better than slim women to me… but y'all are a different breed.
I feel you thanks for the feedback I'll let them know.
There is nothing like a light skinned girl with nappy hair!! it just does something to me…but a fine dark cutie whose skin is all one color!! whoa!! that does it for me too…. and lets not forget our brown skinned women who aren't lite or dark!! geez i think i just like women too much
Smooches.
I understand the meida doesn't balance the scale, but all I'm saying is why do we let the media define us? WE buy into the dark skin light skin bull, it's up to us to stop digesting whats on the plate just because it's put in front of us…you see my point?
How are we a different breed?? We're all women dark or light.
I see your point but it's not just the TV it's in real life too. These southern men love white women and light skinned girls I see it all the time. They drool over light skinned whether she is cute or not just as long as she's light skinned. You got a bunch of dark skinned girls who are beautiful trying to lighten their skinn and putting on blonde hair it's crazy it exist in tv and real life.
Maybe you're not different but with all the attention light skin women get they tend to act a bit different. Maybe not you, but the majority of light skinned women. Just like people in NJ act a different way than people in atlanta, and people in cali think this way ans people in alaska think another way. When people treat you a certain way, you tend to come out differently. Its just life according to me. I'm glad you're not different though. thats probably why i like you.
Most definitly, I moved to Atlanta from Cali where being light isnt a big deal, shoot everyone is damn near light skin, and to be honest I think it's simple and quite pathetic the way some brothers drool over a woman just because she's light, I think it's ridiculous.
In man world what is the fascination, what is the big deal with shade, shouldn't it be about her character? Are thier dark skin mamas not beautiful to them? I'm just sayin?
and that is why this conversation is needed. It's a problem and people don't want to talk about it. This debate isn't that light skinned women are better the debate is that darker women need equal love.
I can get wit u on this one Xilla…
Evn tho I AM a true red bone (light skin, freckles, red hair) I too get frustrated about the lack of equal representation in the media of ALL Black women, Light, Dark and in between…
but another thing that frustrates me, and I think alot of othe light skinned women may feel the same, is that WE (light skinned women) at least in the Black Community, seem to get all the blame for this… Like we all sat together, had a round table discussion and decided that this was how it should be, that we were better or more beautiful than our darker counterparts. The same way dark skinned women dont get love in the media, light skinned women dont get love from our darker sistas… I can't even begin to count the dirty looks, the snide comments, etc etc i get on a daily basis just cus I had the “Audacity” to be born with light skin, freckles, and long red hair!! And lets not even talk about high school! Sometimes I just feel like screaming I had nothing to do with my genetics!!!!!! And I dont carry, nor do I think of myself as “Superior” to darker women.
UGH!!! This whole subject is so very frustrating because, it's almost like we as african american women perpetuate the sterotype by hating on each other!! I dont think light skin is more beautiful than dark skin, I think it's a shame there's not equal representation but shit, it's the world we live in… u can either eat up the bullshit and let it form the way you think or you can be happy just being you. We as women have it hard enough without factoring in color…
U did it again Xilla… i'll mos def be checkin back in all day to read these comments… cus u kno it's bout to get POPPIN in here LOL!
I digress I cannot even indulge in such a topic that should be non-existent.
I digress I cannot even indulge in such a topic that should be non-existent.
XILLA,
YOU AND THIS FOOLERY ON THIS BLOG IS KILLING ME DAY IN AND DAY OUT! i AM A DARK SKINNED WOMEN AND MY 2 FRIENDS ARE LIGHT AND I AM THE ONE WHO GETS THE GUY EVERYTIME. I TRULY BELIEVE THIS IS MORE FOOLISHNESS…
SO NOW LET ME WARN ALL OF YOU DARK SKINNED, THICK SINGLE MOMMAS…PLEASE DONT JUMP, BACK AWAY FROM THE LEDGE AND PLEASE DONT PAY THIS FOOLISHNESS NO ATTENTION. THERE IS LOVE OUT THERE FOR YOU,YOU JUST HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
Xilla I read your blog everyday…i know you mean well sweetie but this was plain ignorant! I know there is this light skin girl “sterotype” the fair skin girls are stuck up…but all of your points you can use that amongst any type of female red bone(I hate that term by the way), drk skin, white, asian, latina…so why dont you put tips on how to approach a dark skin woman…are u saying they arent as complicated? Are you nutz?
I am a light skin woman, and I hate the fact that me being this color is always a sterotype…We are stuck up, we thing we are better, we think we are more privelege, BS!!! That can go for any female and its the female who has the attitude not because of her color…and maybe you got your feelings hurt way too many times Xilla but you need not to typecast light skin woman because society already typecast out race so please dont divide it anymore…I am going on and on but I just want to let you know that your blog today was truely offensive as a loyal reader of your and you should think before your type something like this. It was wrong and a women's color has nothing to do with how you approach her…all that is important is that you RESPECT HER!
ARE YALL GOING OVER TO THE OTHER BLOG AND READING THE WHOLE THING?
1 THESE ARE THINGS I actually heard people say, it's outlandish!! and if you read all the way to the bottom you see i say
I moved my seat once the conversation stalled.
After all these opinions I'm still not sure what the fascination is with red bones. All I know is that they are in every video, all the fashion shows and if there is a dark skinned beauty in the area the light skinned women outnumber them 3 to 1. I can't help but wonder if we live in a world full of Yung Bergs.
The fact that you have to look hard for a dark skinned girl who is not the usual 3 is ridiculous that's what this blog is about… lol I guess you all are proving my point.
I'm a red bone and I'm the most easy going light skinned girl EVER. When guys try to spark up a convo, I don't shun them. I talk to them and sometimes it gets confused w/ flirting. But I'm still polite
However, I wouldn't say light skinned women need to be treated differently when approaching them. An attitude is an attitude whether, black, white or asian etc.
Being a red bone, I think brown skin women are BEAUTIFUL. Their skin is so smooth and their just gorgeous! (no homo…lol) But I think they're under rated and I'm not sure why.
People are taking this blog way too seriously. It was meant to be funny.
LMAO…we taste better X? lol..Gotta luv it.
I can understand where dark skin women are coming from. I'm mahogany brown, and when I was younger, like jr high years, the boys all chased the light skin and hispanic girls, mostly the hispanic girls. I was self concsious cause I didn't think my skin was pretty. Even though all my life I've heard, “you're so pretty to be dark skinned” (I truly despise that phrase. I'm still like WTF everytime I hear it), I didn't really think so, but as I grew older especially my last years of HS, I grew into my own. I began to appreciate my mahogany complexion and my body (try being the only 8th grader with ass & dds). I think it might've helped if the videos we saw had chicks that looked like me. Even in dance class that they always put the lighter chicks in the front row. I think black women in general are a hot commodity. I mean yeah we bicker amongst each other, but who do most other women try to immulate??? I think that once we get over our own fears and prejudice toward on another, then we can work on others. Besides as far as I'm concerened everyone is intitled to have a preference. Like me, I thought that I was genrally open to most men, but when I evaluated I noticed I like big tall men, kind of like a line backer, and I like them dark and handsome. To each, its own.
I agree. Light skinned women couldn't have possibly sat around and decided they were the shit. I think it just stems from slavery and we refuse to let go of this mentality. I personally think that SOME blacks have a lot of slave mentality. (As a teacher, you just wouldn't believe the way some folks can act….SMH) However, I have always been mystified by the men who are so shallow to JUST see light vs. dark. I have seen some U-G-L-Y girls being chased b/c of how “fine” they were and the only thing fine about them was their hair type and skin color. It's true that beauty will attract, but it takes more than this to keep them. I think that it all just boils down to thinking “YOU” are the shit and everyone else can only think the same way about you. I struggled for years and it took my best friend (who wouldn't be considered a beauty in most peoples mind) to show me that it comes from within. I personally can't hate a women for being pretty or light skinned. It is amazing to me that society can only accept one idea of beauty. Perfect example is Kelly Rowland not as pretty as Beyonce? In order for me to be pretty do I have to be thin, light skinned, and have hair to my waist? This depresses me b/c there are a lot of fat, dark skinned little girls with short nappy hair that will forever struggle with whether or not they are pretty. This is what upsets me.
Agreed, but about that “taste better” shit from above..SMH
Well, I have now heard it all…Xilla these comments you quoting are pure ignorance. I aint offended, cuz I guess thats how it is. Im glad you can appreciate all women!
Wow just wow! Objectifying women on any level sucks! But since we are going there, I have decided to no longer date chocolate brothers. That's right, I am going cold turkey. It is taking some effort but I have decided that chocholate brothers have been in too long and it is affecting there attitude. I am officially only dating light skinned brothers! My theory is that they no they are not in so they will treat you better. I am giving this test 3 months and will report back on the outcome.
this is absurd
@kyas_mami ..as a light skinned female with light eyes i completely understand…and it frustrates me that when colorism is discussed..that particular side of the story is never told..Sure there are red bones that think they are the shit for just being bright..but not all of us are like that. Just like there are stuck up dark skinned girls..I hate that i meet alot of dark skinned females who seem to blame me or any other light skinned gurl for the light over dark mentality when we neither came up with this nor do most of us agree or perpetuate this foolishness. Its just another way to conquer and divide the african-american people and sadly its a pretty successful tactic
Moral of the story there are pretty red bones and dark skinned girls as well as ugly light and dark skinned girls..and oh yea BLOGXILLA i love ur blog but i feel like this only perpetuated the stereotype of stuck up light skinned girls when in reality a lot of females fall into those categories regardless of skin tone
No disrespect Blogxilla, but if you wanted us to comment on the “source site” then why post it on yours? Second, I don't think darkskinned women are treated differently than lightskinned, its just in how they look at themselves. I've heard it a million times before…the lightskinned girls will fight tooth and nail to land a role in a video or film while the chocolates don't think its always worth the fight. How far you get ahead is all in the woman herself! They generally allow the media and dumbass men (light and dark) to intimidate them with this light and dark shit! This is why black people, light, medium or dark (for those who have forgotten how many shades we come in) will never advance beyond our white counterparts. The truth of the matter is…black men (and women alike), have our people separated down to a color code. Take a look at the media and real life…the white boys aren't separating the browns from the blues, or the blondes from the brunettes. Things they could look for in a woman, but they remember one thing…THEY'RE ALL WHITE!!! You do the math!!
I agree with everything you said Kiwi, but I don't think he meant it that way. He was merely stating that this is an issue within the media and everyday life, because it is. However, the issue is not within other races, its within “us” ourselves. And by “us” I mean the Black Community. But I ask Xilla and other fans of this topic…Is it that the media is not recognizing dark skinned women as equal…or is it that “WE” are not recognizing them that way? And again…by “we” I mean the Black Community. Ever hear the phrases “I am my worst critic” or “If I laugh at myself first, it won't seem so bad”? Why criticize our women so harshly when everyone else sees them the same? Why are we trying to beat them to the punch? “WE” look so f***ing stupid because “EVERYONE ELSE” always gets the last laugh. This shit is so old and nonrelevant (yet so relevant) that sometimes I wonder…..
…this is pure sh!t. Just learn to treat all women with respect. You can't act like their sh!t don't stink too. Regardless of her color, just make sure you get a girl that's not brain dead.