13 Great Reasons To Avoid Dating Single Mothers

Posted in Entertainment, Relationships, Sexual Intellectuals on Sep 08, 2008

mothers

From the BlogXilla.com Vault comes one of the most controversial post ever written. It was originally posted when I was THE most popular black blogger on myspace and I cracked it back out when I was writing for Necole Bitchie – It was crafted by my brother after a conversation at work. So here you go 13 reasons to avoid dating single mothers.

1) Baby Damage – Birth has a traumatic effect on the female form. Pregnancy leaves stretch marks, saggy breasts, and c-section scars. I’ve also heard that the nookie is even stretch out and it isn’t the same anymore. Then there’s the weight gain. Most women NEVER LOSE IT or they never get their former hot shape back.
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2) “I Can’t Find A Baby Sitter” – Women will use this as an excuse to get out of date with you or they may legitmately can’t find a baby sitter. Either case it isn’t your problem and you shouldn’t have to deal with it.
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3) Babies Interrupt Sex – I’ve had this happen to me. I was banging a woman and her kid interrupted my sex. Needless to say I was pissed. If some kid is going to interrupt the meanest head you’ve ever gotten, that kid should have your last name.
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4) Baby’s Daddy – When your dealing with a woman and your getting know her, you shouldn’t have to deal with kid’s father. Some guys can’t get over the fact that their ex has moved on. Before he was an un-attentive jerk and didn’t give a jolly goddamn about her. Now that you’ve entered into the picture, the dude wants to be the ideal boyfriend and a “father of the year,” nominee.” The guy stars stalking her and wants to fight you. Even if the woman and guy are on good terms, the guy feels as if he can always smash. He knows her. He knows what she wants to hear and what makes her happy. The next know you your having this conversation- “I’ve decided to try and make it work with Jimmy’s dad”. Best way to avoid the situation is to avoid single moms.
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5)Rent-A-Daddy – Realizing her mistake, realizing that kids (especially boys need fathers,) The woman gets desperate, any and every guy has the potential to be “daddy.” You’re out trying to get some, not inheirit a family.
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6)The Kids Are Still Up – This is only a problem if your trying to pursue something other than a booty call. Wanting to spend time with you, but not wanting to bring strange men around her kids, you find yourself only seeing this female after 10 or 11PM. You want to move forward, but she has to make sure your the “one.” This could take months. I suggest dealing with women that are readily available to hang out.
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7) Double Heart Break – You are with the woman, then everything falls apart. You not only do you have to deal with losing the woman, but you’ve formed a bond with lil’ Jimmy. You and Jimmy play HALO together, watch the Wizards’ hoop it up, go to the zoo, and things dads do with sons or daughters. On top of maybe missing the woman, you miss the kid.
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8) Your Not My Dad. – You hook up with the woman, eventually the issue of discipline is going to come up. Some kids being resentful or just being a bratty prick is going to eventuallly pull the “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! YOUR NOT MY DAD!!!” card. Personally if I did date single mothers and some dumba$$ kid pulled that stunt on me, I would say, “Your right. I’m not your father. Since I have no authority over you and you refuse to listen to me, you need to pack your sh*t and go live with your dad.” This would be a deal breaker for me. In addition some mothers or the dad would have problem with you disciplining their kid. I’m sorry, if some kid broke my laptop, I’m whooping his a$$.
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9)You Know What She Going To Do – She already has one kid, if you knock her up, it’s safe to assume she’s going to have another one.
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10) Bad Judge of Character – This female got knocked up by somebody that she was “supposely in love with.” Not only is she a bad judge of character, she’s GROSSLY irresponsible. The same guy that’s an a$$hole now, is the same guy she thought the world of and had unprotected sex with.
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11)Unneccessary Expeditures – Eventually you’ll get to meet the kid(s.) Soon those dates turn into family outings. Instead of paying for two people, your paying for three or more. The same goes if you move in with her.
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12) You’ll Never Be 1 – When your trying to build a relationship with somebody, you should be the focus of the woman’s life. It should be about you and her. If she has a kid, you’ll NEVER BE 1!!! That’s not a bad thing either, but it’s something I don’t want to deal with. Neither should you.
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13)Tag, Your It! – This should be the BIGGEST deterrent to EVER dealing with a single mother. In some jurisdictions, I think California is one of them, if you start dealing with a female with kids, move in with her and things go south. THE FEMALE CAN SUE YOU FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!! She can claim that the her and child have “become a customed to you supporting the child.” YOU COULD END UP POSSIBILY PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR A KID THAT ISN’T EVEN YOURS! Imagine being extorted money because you were doing what you thought was the “right thing.” The state doesn’t give a rat’s a$$ about the relationship being over or you being a “good guy.” They just don’t want the chick on welfare. So as far as your concerned, it’s “TAG, YOUR IT!”


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  • SugarTits
    It makes sense. I want the men to understand that it a choice. You can fuck with her or not. No sense in dancing around the issue, and if a man does NOT want to deal with a woman with a child(ren) then he should stick to that. I know a few females that don't have children. I don't know if their womb is tainted or if it's by choice, but they are childless. And I also know females who dont give a damn about who is around the seeds, what they hear, see, eat.......it goes both ways. I feel that if a man decides to be involved with a single mother, it would behoove him to understand what all comes along with that. Not everyone is looking for a step daddy, or a pay master or made an error in judgement. Some woman don't receive child support, work a job or two AND goto school which leaves very little time to entertain and stroke the egos of inadequate men.

    A woman knows her position and will stay in pocket for the male suitor who's energy can sustain a woman who places a needed value on her family.

    I appreciate your post, many of the points are valid, however Xilla, as in the case of your Cinderella's glass slipper, one size does not fit all............
  • Much of this is SOOOOO correct. But it also goes for the males with multiple baby mommas. People have to understand the percentage of child abandonment , and how that balances out in how many childless women that are viable dating material.

    To blame the woman because a man abandons her is unfair. That I am sure NO woman would get with a man KNOWING he will abandon the seed. Some can make better choices. Especially the ones with the multiple children by multiple fathers.

    But again the same goes for men having many children by different women ... you have a list involved with that as well.
  • ANuJS
    Too true. If we're talking about being honest, tell these foul dudes to be honest about whether or not they'll stick around and raise their children. Women wouldn't be single if men didn't leave them. Most of the men that step to you and don't want to date a woman with children have a lady with their kids at the house.
  • All GREAT reasons. Plus the women need to disclose they have a crumb snatcher before I purchase the drink. Otherwise it is definitely a foul. Plus I am too selfish to not be number 1. I don't care if lil Leroy needs shoes...what about my beer?

    But why do single women often look so gosh darn good? Another foul. Dress your part.
  • what?
    ASS-HOLE
  • So they should dress like a mother? lol that's crazy! Single mothers look good because 1 they have a kid, 2 that's probably why they have a kid, and 2 niggas want them.
  • Good Girl Staying Good
    I agree with you about the selfish part. I can not and will not share anything, and this includes MY man. I do not take in orphans and I refuse to date a male that comes with accessories (aka child(ren)). It is all about me and only me, not me, him, baby, baby mother, baby mother's friends and baby mother's family. I just can't do it and I salute the people who do. Broken families are problems and I dont need that problem mixed in with MY life.
  • sugartits, I enjoyed your response. It was very valid and on point.
  • SugarTits
    Thank you.
  • ANuJS
    Xilla don't you have a child? I get what you're saying, but....are you saying that women with kids aren't worth dating? Women will intentionally try and take you for child support. I know single mothers and for the most part they go above and beyond to make sure that they just have that one child. I, when I was a single mom, made sure that any booty calls were private. Nobody seen my son that I was just friends (with benefits) with. Most men assumed that since I had a baby, I was giving it up regardless....NOT TRUE. I was also VERY concerned that I had messed up ONCE and I didn't want another sorry *ucker to be my "baby daddy". I was selective. All women aren't like this post. Between this and the slim vs. think...come on. Note to men: sometimes women are just out for a nut 2. We don't want to date you, don't need your phone #, don't even need ur real name, we couldn't care less how many babies you have (b/c we don't want to be their "mommy" either). We just need the goods. I would venture to say that not all women are out to find their baby a new daddy. Be honest and you'd squash all the b.s.
  • Slim Goodie
    Just Steph, That was a real as it could be. Point Blank!
  • hmm
    he has more then one JustSteph...im jus sayin.......................
  • That's right I have 2 kids but note to all -- "It was crafted by my brother after a conversation at work. So here you go 13 reasons to avoid dating single mothers."


    and if i just sat here and posted stuff we all agreed upon there would be no need to debate.
  • Slim Goodie
    Sugar Tits,
    I COMLETELY and Totally Agree. I'm a single mother of a 6 year old boy.

    1. If you follow directions and don't have sex for the 6 weeks after giving birth, your womb will be just like new. (Anatomy)

    2. It's true, either we can't or don't want to find a baby sitter.

    3. I have to say this is just bad! I would not be having sex until my child is put to bed, and I am sure he is asleep. It has never happened but I would be embarressed, I'd feel bad because my son has seen me having sex.

    4.No Baby Daddy Drama, LADIES GET THAT S*** IN CHECK! WE ARE GROWN FOLKS, You had your chance, MOVE THE F*** on! The only thing you should have contact with me for is OUR son, THAT'S IT!

    5. Believe it or not there are some guys who don't mind doing for your kids. I guess it's to get closer to you but, whatever.
    No Rent A Daddies! Until I believe you are the "ONE" for me. My son's father is in his life. Thanks Anyway (My Son will take PSP and Playstaion 2 Games and monetary donations).

    6. I guess I would have to Agree with this, Move On. I can't f*** you until 10:00 when my son will be sleep!

    7.Guess this is true, if the family is loveable....You will miss them. Can't Argue that!

    8. I teach my son to respect all adults. If my son were to say that to his potential step father, I would check it. Not to take sides, but he will respect adults! Especially his step father!

    9. No YOU don't know what I'm going to do. People shouldn't make the same mistake twice, If you knock me up, it's because you and I went to the doctor got tested for diseases and we mutually agreed we would have unprotected sex. So YOU knew that there was a possiblity this could happen!

    10.I WAS grossly irresponsible and I wouldn't even call it that! I am happy I had my son, even by the guy I had him with. Even though we are no longer together, I don't regret him being the father of my son. And as I mentioned earlier, some people do...But shouldn't make the same mistake twice.

    11. Uneccessary Expenditures, ANYTHING YOU SPEND ON ME OR MY CHILD(REN) IS AND NECESSARY not to mention WORTH IT!

    12 True, MY SON come's first. YOU WILL NEVER BE # 1

    13. I won't even get into child support. That varies from case to case. Unless you are dealing with a Diddy I don't even think it's worth it. I can't take off work to go through all the court dates and filing motions ect...and only get enough money to pay the BGE bill. If your not my child's father, I'm not taking you to child support. I got this!
  • SugarTits
    Hey Slim.........me likey.....good way to address all the issues..........nice touch....my baby is 6yo, too. She is the love of my life.
  • *stands & applauds for Slim Goodie*
  • I second that emotion
  • kyas_mami
    PREACH!!!!
  • LawdHaveMercy
    SO CAN WE GET A POST CALLED 13 REASONS NOT TO DATE BABY DADDIES OR SINGLE FATHERS? TELL YOUR BROTHER TO COME UP WITH THAT LIST.
  • I'm a step ahead of you you wish is my command
  • That's a link**
  • LawdHaveMercy
    LOL..That's not 13 reasons,that's only 5,now see why is there more reasons not to date a single mother?
  • hmm
    I thought Necole Bitchie did a list for the baby daddies soon after Xilla originally did this post... hers was really good. there seems to be a lot of recycled post floating around here lately. o well
  • Ooooohhh Xilla...

    Even though you didn't write this, I remember this one all too well. And I have no kids.

    But if the roles were reversed and I said I didn't want a man with kids, then they would be just as offended. True story, I said that to a guy, not knowing he had kids and he got all in my face like, "what's wrong with a man with kids?? I have kids, I take care of them, blah blah". They kill me with that statement with the "I take care of my kids", as if it were to make the situation any better. You're supposed to take care of your kids!!

    But I just feel like people have preferences and there are some people out there who don't mind dating a man or a woman who has kids. I have tried it, but the truth was, his kids were a priority. Always has been and always will be.
  • tay
    Ok, first I'd like to say "well dam", and secondly.. I am a single mother and truthfully, honestly none of those 13 reasons apply to me. I am grateful and fortunate enough to be real as they have ever came, have lots of family (always willing to spend time w/my lil one), have more than enough of my own money, and my "baby daddy" is happily married which Im thanking god for.
  • NaijaWifey
    SLIM GOODIE,

    YOU HIT THE DAMN, NAIL ON THE HEAD....

    XILLA YOU AND YOUR IGNORANT POST HAVE BEEN WORKING MY NERVES FOR THE PAST WEEK.....

    I TRULY FEEL FOR THE THICK, SINGLE MOMMAS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING, YOU ARE ABOUT TO PUSH THEM OFF THE BRIDGE!
  • Slim Goodie
    LOL, Naija You are funny. That was good Tho....
  • VIChick
    Some of your points are valid xilla but what about guys with kids. I think some men have alot of crazy ass issues. I am so sick and tired of men telling me oh i am single but have kids with different women I might add, and they swear up and down they dont have baby momma drama but the bitch calls your phone wanting to know how do you know "her man". Women are like men also, once you lay down with them and you two have kids that dick is still theirs regardless. And ni**@s will still hit it because they still have access to it. I am so sick of men with crazy ass baby momma issues, but in this day and age it is so hard to meet someone that doesn't have kids.
  • JMK
    I am a dude talking to a single mom right now. I agree with some points and feel the babysitter one for sure. Sometimes I feel like she just doesn't want to hang out, not that she can't but doesn't try. Anatomy is still good, and luckily in this picture the father has been out of the picture for awhile. With the kid since we aren't together I have no say and respect that but will talk to her about that before we are serious, so I do not get the "your not my dad" etc.

    Real problem I have found though is that 1. she uses the kid against you. and 2. She seems to talk to an endless number of guys (since I have morals I feel bad for her kid cause she has all these guys in her life). So I guess in a way it isnt the single mother aspect that the problem but instead the fact that she still act like a whore (something that is universal, mom or no children)
  • what?
    Why are you still talking to her if she has this endless amount of dudes in her life?

    And how the hell is she finding time to do all of that? It all has to do with the woman's priorities. Honestly by the time I'm done with work and doing everything for my child that I have to do when I get home I don't feel like kicking it, or going through the trouble of getting a babysitter. But thats neither here nor there, JMK I don't think this single mother is feeling you...
  • JMK
    Well right now she has no job cause she is preparing for school. In all honesty I understand the priorities but the real problem is that she doesn't do much. And the babysitter thing is usually after she says she wants to hang out etc, then when the time comes she can't find a sitter. Thats why I say that. I can deal with not having all her free time etc, but its when you know she is hangin out with another dude over you when she has that free time ocassionally. I understand friends are friends, but when time is limited (and yes I work nights so she has the ability to hang out with friends when I am working), and she chooses not to hang out thats when I have the problem.
  • Slim Goodie
    And my thing is that you are still attracted to her. (New Blog) Guys that love deadbeat women!
    She doesn't work, she's preparing for school, (school started in August you know).
    How will she support her kids while in school with no job? If she's on welfare that's fine and none of my business, but these women kill me with no job, kids, don't even WANT to do anything with themselves and guys are all over them.
    Why do you like her, and it seems as if you are hurt that she puts you on the back burner. Please be honest, if your whipped then that's what it is. I'm just curious.... You seem pretty decent!
  • 2Sassy
    Im sorry, I'm a women with no kids...and in general, if I were a man I'd never date a woman with kids. So sorry {in my best Korean voice when the don't have your color hair (yours, not mine. I rock it too natural)}! And the ladies on here with the strongest views are the same ones who seem to be doing a spectacular job. Don't be so mad and try not to take it personal. It's bigger than you and I know, I know...yall gonna hit me with some anger but the fact remains the same...people with children have a bunch of extra responsibilities that a single person with no kid can wait to take on. (And this goes for both sexes, too.) Don't judge me..hahaa
  • now y u go and start this mess again??? damn can of worms is what it is....
  • kyas_mami
    As a single mom I have to admit, you have some very valid points here Xilla. These are some of the things I was most concerned with, when I decided I was ready to start dating again. My boyfriend has children so I think it was a little easier for him to understand the different things that could come up that might prevent me from giving him my undivided attention and things like that. When we started dating I made sure that he understood that I was in no way looking for a "replacement" father for my daughter, I think that it's very important to get that out of the way as early as possible so it doesnt come back to bite you in the ass later. Dating for single parents can be very scary, but it's alot easier when the other party involved is mature, secure within themselves, and if they have kids themselves

    I also want to say that the "tag you're it" point is SOME BULL!!! My daughters BIOLOGICAL father has never been a part of her life, we broke up when I was 3 mos pregnant... I didnt want to file for child support on him because I KNEW that once he found out he would quit whatever job he had, and I didnt WANT shit from his ass, but because I was getting assistance I HAD to. Not every woman wants to hit a nigga for child support just because she can... besides I didnt even kno you could do some ish like that and i LiVE in Cali
  • As a female with no kids, I totally understand and I can respect it.
    Ive tried dating men with kids.. and its interesting to say the least.

    What I find HIGHLY entertaining...is MEN with kids..Who dont like dating WOMEN with kids...
    Makes no sense to me.

    Ive just found for me, its about having someone who can offer me exactly what I can offer them. After me, thats basically it, so If I meet a man and it gets serious.. He can be a priority in my world.. When dating my ex.. It was him, his son, ofcourse the baby mama..and then me.

    I promised myself I would NEVER do that to myself again. I deserve more than that. Interesting blog indeed.
  • ANuJS
    What about the men that have about 5 different baby mommas....where picking up the kids from their motherS house can take all damn day.
  • This is the most ignorant piece of sh*t I have ever read. I don't even have kids and I'm offended. I mean does the same go for single fathers? Do we look at them like their contaminated?! No, for the most part we applaud a man who takes care of his own seed but when a woman does it she's undateable. BS!
  • dub
    Well #1 you can rule out because she already had the baby... so if u like what u see post delivery, chances are she's all good!
  • Kim
    Jittauni I totally agree.
    And you wonder why is it that the black family structure is so fucked up today. If a woman tell a guy that she has kids, the man will react as if she has Ebola. Whats funny is that alot of single fathers will bust out with the baby pictures thinking thats supposed to score him some points with the ladies.
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