How Not To Holla
*uck you then, you weren’t all that anyway… Yet he tried to holla. Men do some dumb things in while trying to get the digits. The following is a brief compilation of things the men do that ensure that they won’t get the P*ssy!!! BX is me of course and GR is my homegirl Get Right.
The Setup:
1.Women do not like to be touched by strange men. If we don’t know you, don’t touch us.
bx: I hear tons of stories from my homegirls about Mr. Octopus. Don’t be this guy, it kills any hopes of getting the girl to stop and talk with you.
GR: Don’t grab my arm, hand, beltloop or my waist when I’m walking past you. Yes, this will get my attention but in a “who the fuck are you and why are you touching me?” type of way.
bx: Not the beltloop?! That means you’re hooked. There’s no escaping the beltloop.
GR: No matter how innocent your intentions are, it’s not cool if a woman doesn’t know you. 36 inches of personal space is a good rule to remember.
2. Do not “aye”, “hey”, whistle or make any other sounds that you would use to call an animal to get our attention. This pisses us off.
a. This also includes but isn’t limited to, “hey girl”, shawty, shorty(depending on your coast preference), mami, ma, dread, slim, thickness, etc.
bx: Yeeeerrrrlppp, skkkkerrruuupp or any other tribal mating calls are also included in this.
GR: “Hey girl, in the red shirt” doesn’t work either.
3. Don’t try and compliment us on various parts of our anatomy. We already know we have a big ass, hips, legs, tits, etc. This just makes you look like a perv.
bx: Even if we use clever slang words for it. Like what if I walked up to you and said ” I’m looking for Mrs. Bubblegum ’cause I’m Mr. ChicoStick and I wanna dadada yeeeerrrrppp ’cause you so thick?”
GR: I’d probably hit you with a jab and a uppercut.
If you manage to get the girl’s attention and not piss her off, kudos(this being myspace and all). Now….
The Meeting
1. Don’t kill chilvery. Women still like men who open and hold doors, put us on the inside of the sidewalk, make sure our hair doesn’t get wet and compliment us on our shoes. Have some home training
bx: I have nothing slick too say. I was raised right.
GR: Guys, women make mental notes of these things and they’re big factors in us deciding if we’re gonna give you some. Even if we don’t ever plan to take you home to meet our families it’s nice to know we could if we wanted to.
If you manage to avoid these common pitfalls you’re almost in the cut(literally).
It’s Going Down(hopefully)
1. Don’t be obvious about wanting to get in her guts. Women sense things like this and will toy with you. Good way to catch a bad case of blue balls.
bx: Women are like ovens. To get the desired results; warm them up. A kiss always works and a good way to tell if she is planning on giving you the pussy is how she kisses you back. If it’s a passionate kiss, all systems go. If there’s a little tongue and she stops, follow her lead or you’ll end up like Kobe and the Duke lacrosse team.
bx&GR: No means no!
GR: A woman will always let you know if she’s feeling you Like That. If she kisses you back, good, but don’t try to go from kissing to f’ing, this usually makes things a little weird.
bx: Once that’s done, now can I go to the titties?
GR: Ummmmm….
bx: ok, ok, the neck?
GR: Better.
This would be a good point to do a PSA. You can catch something that you can’t give back f’ing raw dog; like AIDS or Kids. Seatbelts save lifes.
