I Came In This World Scarred
On the 28th day of the month of September, in the last year of a decade not too different then our own… This is the story as told to me by my mother and father whom I don’t remember ever seeing in the same room together in my life.
Remember that total eclipse of the sun about a week ago? I was walking in the wholesale flower district that day. And I passed by this place where this old Chinese man…. A Little Shop Of Horror humor for all those who love that movie, let me get serious. It must have been about 7 something when the doctor realized that I didn’t want to come out of my mother, b/c my birth certificate reads 7:42pm. Something was wrong, it just shouldn’t take this long, now I’m not saying that I should have shot out like the bullets that took the life of the Notorious BIG but it wasn’t a slip and slide labor like when my daughter was born. Anyway, I was chilling inside my mothers belly and frankly I like it in there b/c I did not want to come out. My mother tells me she was in labor for 24 hours I guess the doctor did enough messing w/ me to come out of my mothers womb so i started my journey down the birth canal. My dad the professional drunk he was, was on the sideline coaching the labor or just being a witness one or the other had to be removed from the room b/c he keep cursing out the Doctor and Nurses. “Why ain’t the baby here, I want to see my son damn it” Followed by a bunch of mother fuckers, assholes and bitches I’m sure. Maybe the smell of Jack Daniels oozing from his breath was keeping me inside, nothing like Moonshine to make a brother kick it inside some pussy.
So I’m on my way down the birth canal and I hear an encore of cursing, screams and an array of other sounds, such as beeps, heavy breathing and metal spoons clicking together. It’s getting tight down here, I see a light at the end of the tunnel but I’m a G I’m going to come into this work and take the last 3 months of the 70’s over!!! (I am The BlogXilla’s Inner Stewie Griffin) Funny I use this metaphor b/c it was not planned, while coming out I got stuck, that right My larger then normal head was stuck in my mother’s cooch. The Doctor didn’t know what to do, My father burst back into the room as nurses ran out to get more tools, they had to hold him back as a bottle of Jack feel out of his army jacket, a Vietnam vet w/ a fetish for thinking he was super fly, the original Mr. Valentine rolled up his sleeves revealing his tattoo of a housefly and was about to knock out the very guy who was trying to save me from suffocating to death inside my mother’s womb.
A black eye and life long scar for me & nearly 100 stitches for momma later
My mother immediately called child birth quits and got her tubes tied. So I would never get to be the big brother I secretly yearned to become.
