Jay-Z just closed a 66.4 million dollar deal on a prime piece of NY Real Estate to start developing a chain of luxury hotels called J Hotels. Great just what the world needed another place to bring the lucky lady you call wifey. The first time I went to the “TELLY” as we call it, I brpught a fine young thing with me. I felt like a champion, as I walked into the room with red carpet, mirrors on the ceiling and a heart shaped jacuzzi. That was the night I learned how to eat the cooch.

It was the first time we were going to do anything sexual so it was a great moment in one of the best relationships I ever had. She was a bit shy so she wore a 2 piece bikini as we sat in the jacuzzi. We sipped on vodka & cranberry as we exchange conversation and watched cheap porn. It was so romantic!!! I laugh as I think about it now, but she wouldn’t fuck me that night.

But she did allow me to eat her pussy for the whole four hours of the short stay. But over the years and having to go to numerous motels and hotels I’ve learned that a hotel survival guide is needed in this world.

Survival Tips For Motel Love

Never lay on the comforter - They don’t wash those things regularly hotel maids in order to get a pay bonus for cleaning more rooms bypass the comforter and go str8 to the sheets. If you were to bring a black light with you, you’ll know exactly why your own or leaving it off the bed is a must. Also you might want to bring your own sheets you don’t know which nasty whore of the world has been on those sheets.

Parking - Parking is prime, you don’t really wanna be seen coming out of the Motel, b/c only a few kind of people frequent motels, jump offs, groupies, male whores & homeless people. Ladies walk in with your dude, if the clerk at the desk knows your dude, you might want to rethink things before you enter the room of lust. Another thing is if the hotel is off the highway it might just be your luck for yo mama, college professor or someone to know to see your car parked outside of Hoe Central. Because if you go to the wrong spot you’ll see the hookers popping out of doors like groundhogs day looking for their shadow trick. So if that’s what you want… Park near the road.

BYOI - Bring your own Ice, nothing kills the mood more than having to stop fucking to go get ice from the ice machine in the middle of the hallway. You’ll have to walk pass doors and sounds of moaning, some fake some real, to refill your plastic white bucket of ice.

Disposable Draws - along with your regular soap, and body products. This is particular important if you have a special lame fucking partner at home. Let’s be real, most of us have our own places so the main reason we go to the telly is to avoid getting caught, so a throwaway set of panties, boy shorts or boxers are needed. Now being the hype of that song