Shopping After Dark
YOUR STOMACH IS GROWLING RIBS ARE TOUCHING. YOU WALK INTO YOUR KITCHEN AND THERE IS NOTHING INSIDE EXCEPT A PACK OF CHICKEN WING AND SOME 2 WEEK PAST THE SELL BY DATE MILK. YOU LOOK AT YOUR WATCH TO SEE THAT IT’S 11:30PM AND YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE SPENDING AN HOUR TO MAKE SOME CHICKEN WINGS, WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU GO TO THE GROCERY STORE.
That was my life last night grocery shopping at Kroger. You tend to think that it’s less people in there but there is only one cashier who takes her sweet time and the lines look like it’s the first of the month. First of all they lock the store down after 11, so you have to go in the exit and walk all the way around the 20 aisle of registers which are blocked off by grocery carts. I mean really what do you think I’m going to do run off w/ a box of snickers and a copy of Soaps weekly?
So I’m hungry and I’m in an amusement park full of tasty goodies and I start shopping with my stomach instead of my brain. Shopping while hungry or S-DUB-H is the worst thing you can do because you end up buying all types of junk. There is something about hunger that makes chocolate doughnuts and cheese whiz sound tasty.
Let’s not forget the manager specials that decorate the aisles while shopping at night. Once fresh poultry and beef will look great in your fridge, and beside that lone pack of wings will need company. I often wonder what happens in the ice box once that light goes off. I remember when I was younger and spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how the hell the light switches off and on. Luckily for me my mother walked in just as I figured it out. She beat my ass for wasting the cold in the fridge and wasting electricity I used to think she was crazy when she would curse me out and make me come all the way downstairs to turn off the kitchen light, until I got my first Georgia Power Bill.
Old ladies need a life, first of all why are you in the Kroger shopping at 12:15 am don’t you have a rerun of Law and Order to watch… (side note why is Law and Order always on television) so I’m pushing my cart down the aisle and these old ladies are just standing right in the middle of the frozen food section, cart dead smack in the middle of the aisle freeze door open like it ain’t see through looking at whether to get the whole broccoli or the broccoli cuts. “Excuse me ma’am…” **clears throat** “Pardon me” still nothing, So I’m thinking please Lord don’t make this lady force me to do the UNTHINKABLE… “Pardon me, excuse me miss” still nothing, so I eased on up and I MOVED HER BUGGY! And you know what happened next, she said “oh I’m sorry young man” I just smiled and kept on going.
So I’m at the checkout line and it’s moving fairly quickly until the same old ladies are in front of my trying to pay w/ a debit card. Long story short the old bag is fiddling w/ the contraption as she calls it for about a good 10 minutes, after it finally goes through she puts her 100 banquet tv dinners into her cart and walks off finally it’s my turn. I must say my cashier was pretty good as scanning items, but bagging was another question. He put my bottles with my bread, frozen food with my doughnuts, and my Once Fresh Fish w/ my cheese wiz who doesn’t know that the Chocolate doughnuts go w/ the Cheese Wiz; I almost had a nervous breakdown.
Once outside I wonder… Why does the grocery store always have the dumbest of all the dummies outside collecting carts? I mean the air was on penguin and they have some fool outside w/ a Kroger fleece on collecting the buggies at midnight. He walks up to me nose running, ice droplets of snot hanging from his nose and says… wad da sha t? I’m looking at this fool like he done lost his damn mind, So I just simple say I’m sorry I don’t know you and my mother told me not to talk to strangers One! It didn’t dawn on me until later that WAD DA SHA T was really “What’s up Shawty?” Next time I owe him a “what’s up”
