I Need A Strong Black Woman… Does Anyone Know Where I Can Find One?
Posted in Relationships on 01. Sep, 2010
Photo By Don Morris via The Many Love Of Xilla Vol 1. Mixtape
I need a strong Black woman. Let me say that again, I need a STRONG Black WOMAN! I know what you’re thinking, right now. I’m a strong Black Woman, I got a job, I got it on my own, and I don’t need no man for anything. Well by saying that, you are letting me know you are not a strong black woman. Because a strong Black woman needs a man. Find a woman who can tell me Michelle Obama doesn’t need Barack Obama, and I’ll sell you an underwater island. I can tell by the way Michelle looks at Barack that she needs him with all of her heart, because that’s what you do when you’re in love. Real love. Not this artificial stuff they feed you online. I need a strong Black woman.
When I say I need a strong woman it’s because only a strong woman would be able to put up with my lifestyle and not constantly give me a headache. My woman needs to be secure enough to deal with the few women who send me naked and half naked pictures. I don’t need to have arguments over something I can’t control. Don’t get me wrong I like looking at sexy bodies, but I’m just looking. It’s no different than when Chris Brown or Trey Songz make a sexy video. She’s not sleeping with Trey Songz she’s only looking. Why would I be mad? Imagine if an artist started saying hey I have a strong black woman on my arm stop fantasizing about me. We don’t have to look hard to see an example of the consequences of that!
I also need a strong woman who can make decisions and handle life events when I am not around. I work all hours of the day. I wake up at 7am and don’t get into the house until 2am. Some days I get in later. Some nights I come home reeking of high priced liquor being poured for free thanks to the promotional efforts of some company who wants coverage for their product, rapper or movie. A weak woman would think I’m just out having a good time, but a strong woman would know it’s just work. She should know this by the fact that she sees me wake up at the crack of dawn every day, pulling pictures and writing blogs.
Most importantly I need a strong woman who can match my intensity at the same goal. Our future. I’m relentless working on a goal to become wealthy so my kids and my family don’t have to struggle any more. I don’t need senseless arguments, about blogs, women I barely know, or women I know and I’m just cool with because she models, sings or is simply finer than the baby hairs on the back of Cassie’s neck. So I need a strong woman, a woman strong enough to deal with a lot, a woman strong enough to admit that she needs me. I need a woman strong enough not to give me drama at every little event on my life. I also need a strong woman who can hold down the fort when I’m not available one who doesn’t require me to stop the things I’m doing to handle minor issues. Because if a woman can’t handle a minor issue how can I trust her with the fortune I’m on the road to making? Weak woman can become strong, average woman can be strong as well, and strong woman can become weak. It takes a man to make sure he can build and support a strong woman and it all comes via communication.
Wow…well said.
You need a strong fool.
You need a strong fool. I wonder what your definition of a strong black man is?
See theresa to me i believe you're a weak woman. You don't even know me and you've left 2 mild insults on the blog. You're not even strong enough to respect a person's opinion and give a respectable opposition to the stance taken.
No you call named of fool. Why should i fall back from what i do, when it's working and i'm changing my life daily? I need a strong woman for ME.
hi one day at the time you will find that special lady you is looking for i like that you is leting the world know what you want in a woman. and that you is being you keep on being you will find that special lady you is looking for if a woman do not understand you she is not for you; you just being you and going for what you want in a woman and i do not down you for that the way i see it long as you have love in your heart for that special one.and your body; and mind is only for her who cares what anyone say you know what you is looking for.and it take a strong black woman to up with your lifestyle.ok long as you take care of home and you is about her and you is showing her that then it will work out; and have time for her when you is at home.back to that black strong woman long as she is happy with her self ;will understhand; if you show her she can trust you in evrey way and give hetr a understhand that woman will be in your life.and if she have a life of her own shr own she will not sit around worry about what you is doing when you is not at home; long she no you is out make home a better home for you and her.a good reationhip is buit on trust and understand that you have for each other and being with each other. you keep on being you who you and true to yourself you will that woman you is looking for that is strong enough for you and who will believe in you
Xilla I absolutely love this. I love that you took the time to say what you wanted and wasnt afraid to say that communication is what make things work.
This makes me think the woman you need/want is going to have to be at peace with being alone. I can't see a relationship lasting if your lives are being relayed to each other rather than experienced together. There's a give and take in relationships that I just don't see here. What are you prepared to do for her? What kind of adaptations are you willing to make to her life? Good luck.
You gotta love a man who isn't afraid to state he wants a strong black woman with a clear definition of what he thinks that is. Kudos
"Weak woman can become strong, average woman can be strong as well, and strong woman can become weak. It takes a man to make sure he can build and support a strong woman and it all comes via communication."
I commend you on knowing what you want and what kind of woman would work for YOU. I hope you find her… just know that it isn't going to be easy and not only will you need communication but patience as well… building the strong woman you need will take a lot of it…
Caryl: No doubt I'm fully aware of that everything is a work in progress. You know
I appreciate you letting your wants and feelings be known. Not everyone will agree, and not every woman that reads this will be the one for you but no one should be offended. You're looking for a woman with certain qualities catered specifically for you. Nothing wrong with that. That's what this is all about. Not saying women who don't possess these qualities ain't shit. But you're saying "this is what I need for ME." Very well written.
So what if the strong black woman you are looking for doesnt live close to you, would you still want to try that out as well?
Hey Xilla. I'm so loving this blog! Very well said, I'm glad to know there are still men who appreiciate women such as myself. I hope u are equally understanding when it comes to ur woman. Insecurity in a man is a big turn off!
PLEASE ALL THE COMMENTS ABOVE ARE LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD TELLING YOU WHAT U WANT TO HEAR…..
FIRST YOU HAVE TO RESPECT A STRONG BLACK WOMAN'S MIND BEFORE LOOKING FOR ONE…..
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DEMANDING ALL THESE QUALITIES IN YOUR WOMAN THEREFORE YOU NEED TO CREATE…TRAIN…OR TEACH .
THEN THE OBAMA COMPARISON WAS SOOO OFF…DID YOU KNOW MICHELLE HELD DOWN BARACK AN FAMILY FINANCIALLY BEFORE HE BECAME PRESIDENT??? SHE KNEW THE POTENTIAL IN BARACK AN SHE OBVIOUSLY TRUSTED HIM ENOUGH TO DO THOSE THINGS AND BE THE STRONG BLK WOMAN…
2ND YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT "I NEED A STRONG BLACK WOMAN WHO IS LOOKING TO MARRY"..BECAUSE THESE DAYS WOMEN HAVE TOO MANY ISSUES OF THERE OWN TO TAKE ON A MANS ISSUES WHEN NOTHING IS SET IN STONE…AND YOUR BLOGGING PAST IS DEFINITELY GONNA KEEP A WOMAN ON YOUR ASS STRONG OR NOT. IM SURE YOU HAVE THE PICK OF THE LITER, BUT ULTIMATELY NO LADY WANTS A MAN WHO'S BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK AN BEEN A SELF ABSORBED JERK.
SO BE PREPARED FOR LAUGHS AND GIGGLES IN THE BEGINING BUT JUST LIKE A MAN A WOMAN KNOWS RIGHT AWAY IF A MAN IS HUSBAND MATERIAL….SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO START YOUR SEARCH WHEN U RETIRE…..
A STRONG BLK WOMAN NEEDS A MAN BUT NOT ONE THATS GOING TO TRY 2 BULLSHIT HER EITHER.
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO BRING TO THE TABLE???? THE FIRST COMMENT WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY "YOU WANT A STRONG FOOL"
OR A SUBMISSIVE ONE.
DONT GET ME WRONG A WOMAN CAN BE AN DO ALL THESE QUALITIES THAT YOU HAVE LISTED BUT WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO PUT FORTH IN ORDER TO DO SO??????
I understand wholly why this was written and I'm glad you're showing love to the black woman. But I can't help wondering about having a woman that needs you. I don't think I want a gentleman to need me or be so dependent on me for anything.
I also don't believe a man can build a strong woman, the woman herself and other important women in her life cultivate her and infuse a sense of pride, strength and grace.
Great post though!
I see with all that attitude quitflexin has in her post, the only thing should won't be able to quitflexin is her two fingers, Becuae I know her pu$$y must be parched becuase she has too much mouth. No strong black man, judgin from your comments would be with u very long unless this is just an outburst.
Quitflexin & theresa S. need to "Keep it Cute and Put It On Mute"
And yes Michelle held down the fort because she saw his potential and she needed him as a man. The good man that he was to her. But could you do that? We already know Michlle exmeplifies what is a good woman, but could you demonstrate that.(that question is rhetorical.)
I can digg it Xilla. <3!
The woman he described didn't sound submissive or like a fool, she sounds secure with who she is and is understanding. At least that's what I got from this post. He's blogging about what kind of woman he needs, what he's bringing to the table was not the goal. How can u be mad at that? @Xilla I see u still getting panties in a bunch.
I think this is a great article because people don't realize that dealing with someone that thinks the worse of everything is ssooooo unattractive.. Many people do it and it drives you away from the person you love. Communication and how you talk to one another matters believe it or not. Great article..
This ws actually an interesting read.
I love the article! It's well written. I can't fault a man that can verbalize his desires and preferences. I do believe you will run across that special lady one day. When you do, don't forget to value her for the woman she is, pipe her down, give her what she needs emotionally and spend a little quality, non sexual time together. You have a lot going on that she would need to be able to handle, make sure you handle her needs too. Peace and blessings.
Xilla, that's real talk right there. Alot of women claim to be strong. . .when in reality they are using this so called strength to mask all their weaknesses/insecurities. There is a strong woman out there for you. . .or a woman ready for the right man to help her be strong. Keep doing what you do, keep your eye on the prize & you'll find her. . .or better yet, she'll find you
I'm so happy at all the love i got from this article. I can't help but feel inspired that one day i will find that special lady. thanks for all the love.
This was very well said in my opinion, good job. Everybody has their own preference, and this is what you described as a strong woman in your eyes, I can dig it! At least you know what you want, some men are so confused, and probably couldn't handle it or wouldn't know one when they see one.
Xilla i know I been gone, so much happening in my world, and I came back to this? I guess I was just in time, as where you. this is on point my brotha! A strong woman does need a man! I am neva one that runs around saying I can take care of myself, I got this, this and this. Those things are just materials! I need a man to take care of ME. Thee WOMAN. I always tell my sillie lady friends, God made us as PAIRS. If we didn’t need oneanother why just make us one sex. I spend alot of my time networking and most of the networking occurs at “the hangout spots”. Would I want my man goin in on me coming home smelling of booze and having a late nite? No because I am working. ALot of defences are down in social settings and I can swoop in and make the sale. Also, I shine in socail settings and when people get to know me in that environment it’s hard to say “no” to me. I get that in your blog entry. It’s your “job” and a woman is not a “fool” for excepting that part of you. She would be a “fool” whever if she tries to squash your asperations with her insecurities. Bravo Xilla and keep looking for that diamond in the rough! Happy digging! SN: You have to get through alot of dirt to get there so keep slinging that ish our way LOL
Well said!!!
LOVES this post!!! Those woman claiming "strength" and saying they don't need a man need to be claiming "independence". Together Each Achieves More (TEAM) When you have a strong mate building a foundation is the common goal. We all need some sort of encouragement and comforting at times and a weak mate will always see a problem as where a strong mate will see a solution. The relationship between a man and a woman should never be taken for granted and those claiming otherwise have never had a real one before.
As always a Dope post!
@THE HALLWAY…NOT SURE IF YOUR A MALE OR FEMALE EITHER WAY IT SOUNDS LIKE HATERADE IS YOUR DRINK OF CHOICE.
AND MY COMMENTS SIMPLY STATE THE REAL COMING FROM A STRONG WOMAN CANT YOU TELL???
AND IF YOU KNEW OR SAW ME IN PERSON YOU WOULD NO THAT HAVING AND KEEPING A MAN IS NOT A PROBLEM FOR ME..HA! TOO FUNNY..AND THE ONLY TIME I USE MY FINGERS IS WHEN I'M SHOOTING THE MIDDLE AND THEN THE INDEX…
AND FROM MY EXPERIENCE NOTHING WILL KEEP A MANS ATTENTION MORE THAN A BLACK WOMAN WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS AND WERE SHE'S GOING WITH A STRONG OPINION TO MATCH.
I DEMONSTRATE STRENGTH ON A DAILY BASIS…NOT ONLY DOES IT ATTRACT THE STRONG… IT ATTRACTS THE WEAK WITH NOTHING TO SAY WORTH SUBSTANCE *OBVIOUSLY*
GETONMYLEVELORSITDOWN.COM
Hi Xilla. I will be ur strong black woman. If u let me. XO
@Sexy Gal 86 Thanks babes. In the words of LL Cool J. If you want to give your self to me girl make yourself seen i'll be waiting… i love you! lol
@QuitFlexin I read both of your comments and originally decided not to comment . So what if she took care of him that's what a strong woman does hold her man down. Like i said you build strong people. She didn't do that because she was bored no because she loved him. When you love someone you need them. NOw she's not dependent on him. No strong woman is dependent on any man. But that doesn't mean she does not need him. And I firmly believe strong women don't type in all caps.
A. MIl what's goodie mama! people who always see problems in things are problems in themselves. Its one thing to be aware but its also how you say things. Like if we make a plan and you're like this i a terrible plan… instead of saying this plan can be better if we… a different outlook can be the biggest difference.
Ms Wilkins. Welcome back. missed you boo. I feel you. see you understand where i'm coming from. Some of the best advice i ever got was to get a person drunk and do business… lol if they can handle their liquor and if you can stand them drunk than you can do business with them and make millions. Amazing shit i tell you.
@Xilla…..Thanks for the response. That further let me know you were interested in what I had to say, and that the only thing you could respond to was the the Obama comment.
So, obviously I had some valid points. Second we all know what it relays to when you type in all caps. So take it for what it is, Strength has nothing to do with it,getting my point across does. STRONG WOMEN WITH STRONG VIEWS TYPE IN ALL CAPS! ; )
Basically,what I’m saying is when it comes to wants and needs works both ways in a relationship. Maybe you should take her arguing, bitching,and complaining into consideration. Think to yourself what if the shoe was on the other foot???
#IMJUSTSAYINTHO
Lol. I love you too. Oh u better believe my pic will be up soon:)
Xilla there are so many problematic things I find in this article, but I respect your needs as a man. I will do us both a favor and write an article in response in the future.
More importantly, I believe that the strength of the female experience should not be trivialized into heteronormative relations.
I also do not think that strength can only be expressed in relationships with men. There are many women who exhibit strength in various ways. Let’s not be too myopic about the multifarious nature of the experience of being a woman.
-imraha
..
…oh great article , My boyfriend and i both think so..yeah
He is almost 11year older than me .i met him via ~~AgeGapLove.【0M ~(a nice place)
as my name says
@a nice place for younger women and oldermen, or older women and younger men,
to interact with each other,oh i love that nice place …
maybe u wanna check it out or tell ur friends
This is some mess. You don't need a strong woman, you need an ego check and then you need to ask yourself if you can give a strong woman what she deserves. And no I'm not talking about the fortune you plan on making. Stuff like this is why some young girls are so twisted now, trying to be want a wanna-be man wants instead being true to herself.
A strong black woman? There are no strong black women. If the black woman was strong she wouldn't have the white woman's hair on her head. the black woman is the white woman's bottom. That's why in 2010 the black woman is still begging the white woman and her white son for jobs, justice and equal rights.
The strong black woman is nothing more than a myth in her weave wearing head.
The white woman is strong, that's why she owns and rule the entire world.
now get back to work and get Ms. Becky's coffee, silly black bitches.
Being strong doesn't mean that you dont need a man. God made man and woman to rule over the earth. A strong woman is a woman who can go through the fire as a piece of cole, and come out a diamond!!!!!
Go get 'em xilla!!I know shes out there somewhere!!
I can see where you’re going with this but the main vibe I get from this is that you want a woman who will do all the bending to make the relationship work while your life continues as is…if doing all the work to make a relationship work is how you define a ‘strong black woman’ then we have very different definitions of the term. Reciprocity is key.
I’ve observed that in the world nowadays, video games would be the latest fad with children of all ages. Often times it may be impossible to drag young kids away from the video games. If you want the best of both worlds, there are many educational video games for kids. Good post inmobiliaria marbella.
good blog, very interesting. I like it a lot. I come acoss your site by baidu search engine. I may read your site weekly and share it to my pals. Please keep it fresh. Keep on the good work. – A blog lover